The Secret Life of a Girl

Chapter XI: Girl and Boy vs. Life



Packing was not the bonding experience it was meant to be. In theory, the three sisters were to spend the day enjoying each other's company while going over old times and dreaming about the future as they put away Marlene's belongings in the half-dozen or so trunks that had been brought to the villa. In practice, things did not go so sweetly.

When Millerna wasn't fighting off bouts of tears by biting her trembling lower lip, she was asking Marlene if she really had to go so soon. It was finally dawning on Millerna that her beloved oldest sister wasn't going to be around after tomorrow. Every item she helped pack away was just a reminder of things they would no longer be able to do together anymore. A tea service going into its crate signaled the end of afternoon teas unless Millerna wanted to spend that time with the handmaidens or an assembly of her dolls. She wasn't old enough for the former and was getting too old for the latter. Each pound Marlene's replacement guard made on the top of the case to seal it was punctuated by a small sob from the youngest princess.

Eries felt for her. She might have felt more if Millerna hadn't been acting like she was losing the only sister she ever had. She could take Millerna the market or teach her all the little secrets ladies used to present themselves if she really wanted to. She'd have to actually learn those secrets for herself first, but the market part could be easily done.

Marlene was hardly in the mood to be giving lessons. She growled at the guard for making too much noise and told him to start loading the trunks they had already filled to get him out of the villa. She locked the door behind him when he left. Eries doubted he'd be in any hurry to come back. Marlene had been venting on the hapless man all day for everything from not putting the trunks in the right place to breathing too heavily after he had lugged a monstrous bureau out from her dressing room.

Eries was in the process of sorting through the jewelry contained in the bureau. Marlene, not wanting or needing to keep the majority of it, planned on giving most of the pieces to Millerna and distributing the lesser expensive baubles to a group of handmaidens that had served her since she was a child. Eries had already passed on her share, considering the jewelry too ostentatious for her tastes. That hadn't spared her from the job of separating the high-quality Millerna goods from the lower grade handmaiden stuff.

Her appraisal skills were questionable. She went by weight, by shininess and other random factors such as if it was a color she liked. The handmaidens were going to be rolling in topaz. She would have tossed the rubies too, but they were always a favorite of Marlene, so it was a safe bet they would be become a favorite of Millerna's.

A silver and sapphire ring caught her attention. She wasn't going to keep it; it just brought her thoughts back to the previous night. She had been illusive when Marlene asked how things had gone, not lying exactly but omitting enough (pretty much all) major details so that, if someone wanted to get technical, her story could be considered untruthful. The gist of it was that Allen was all right and that was all that was important anyway.

Her rationalization skills had gotten an equal workout shortly after Allen had passed out. For a while, Eries had been happy to let him lie there. He had been out for good. No matter how much she had poked him in the shoulder or brushed the hair from his face (an activity she had stopped as soon as she became aware she was doing it), he wouldn't come around. Eventually though, her legs had grown numb and she had been forced to slide out from under him. She had tried to make him as comfortable as possible. She had removed his boots, loosened his collar and had even given some thought to removing his overskirt until it occurred to her that she had been thinking about a little too much and therefore, it was probably not a Good Idea. She had tossed a spare blanket over him for good measure. Then she had been left with a decision about what to do for sleeping arrangements.

Her thought process had gone something like this:

1. Allen isn't going anywhere anytime soon so it's the bed for him.

2. We'll both need to wake up early so I can help him sneak out of here when just a few night guards are on duty.

3. We'll both need a good night's sleep to do that.

4. I can't get a good night's sleep on the divan.

5. My bed is really, really huge.

6. Allen's sleeping on top of the covers.

7. I'll be sleeping under the covers.

1+2+3+4+5+6+7 = It's as if we won't be sleeping in the same bed at all!

It had been shaky logic but still logic. She had known better than to change out of her handmaiden's dress before climbing into bed. Wearing a nightgown would have thrown off the entire equation.

She had succeeded in waking up early but Allen had gone and gotten out of the palace without her help. She had been surprised that he had been able to leave without her knowing. She had attributed his stealth to his former profession. She hadn't cared to attribute her disappointment to anything.

Eries compelled her thoughts back to the present. Lost in reminiscence, she had gotten several chains tangled together in a knot that threatened to devalue the necklaces into handmaiden fare. She worked at the knot with little progress. She used a knock at the front door as an excuse to give up and tossed the mangled jewelry back into to the bureau so that she could later claim she found it that way.

Fully expecting it to be the guard coming to fetch some trunks, Eries felt her stomach drop when an opened door revealed Allen instead. He seemed to have the same reaction.

They took turns staring at the floor, the ceiling, a curio cabinet in the corner and, after they had worked up their courage, each other.

"So…" Eries offered. "I see you took my advice."

"To see Marlene again? Um, to be completely honest, I wasn't sure if you actually told me that or if it just really sounded like something you'd say. My memory from last night is a little…hazy."

"Hazy?"

"Yeah."

A new round of staring took place.

"What do you remember?" Eries asked, her eyes planted firmly on a crystal figurine.

Allen joined her in her appreciation of the small sculpture. "Not much. I remember being at Tuvello's. At some point you must have come by because I have a vague memory of walking to the palace and later, one of you, for some reason, kicking me. And then this morning…"

"Oh right, this morning." She waved her hand casually, as if men with hangovers waking up beside her in bed was the most mundane thing in the world. Then she choked when she realized there was such a thing as too casual.

"Eries, I didn't…I didn't say or…do…anything…inappropriate, did I?"

"No, *cough*. You passed out. I *cough* put a blanket over you. I didn't see any reason *cough* why I shouldn't sleep in my bed as I *cough* normally do. That's all that *cough* happened." She coughed one more time. Apparently, when one goes too far in the direction of casual, one comes out the other end utterly taut.

Allen started to speak, but the words spilled out slowly, as if his memory was having a hard time keeping up with his mouth. "But…didn't I say something to you…"

You praised my regal, exotic beauty and then fell head first into my lap. "Nothing, Allen. Don't concern yourself with it. You have more important things to attend to. I think Marlene's in the sitting room. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get a glass of water."

Which she did. But watching Allen go to the sitting room, she couldn't help but think she'd be better served dousing her head with the entire pitcher instead of drinking one meager glass to soothe her throat. Her imagination kicked in to torment her as she pictured how the final goodbyes between the two would sound. It didn't help that she had read enough romantic tragedies to fill a small library.

One more day. One more day and Marlene will be in Freid and this whole mess will be over with.

She set her glass down with a harsh clang against the silver serving tray. She had packing to do. She certainly couldn't expect Marlene to be doing anymore for the day.

***

The 8th moon of Red came and took Marlene to Freid with its passing. As was his duty, Allen arrived to escort Marlene to the leviship dockyard. He betrayed no emotion as he announced it was time to leave, his voice and expression befitting the collected manner expected of a Caeli performing his duty. Eries studied him closely, trying to find something in the words he spoke or the gestures he made to determine how he felt under the cool veil of professionalism but could find nothing. Marlene was of no help either. Her final home performance as the consummate princess was among one of her best.

Eries hadn't any idea what had passed between them last night. She and Millerna had stayed a few hours after Allen had come to the villa, working together to ensure Marlene left nothing of material importance behind. After a somber dinner, Marlene had sent them back to the palace with the beleaguered guard and a promise she would join them for breakfast in the morning. Allen, of course, had tarried at the villa. Someone had to load the trunks onto the carriage, Marlene had reasoned.

The only one aware that it was just an excuse was Eries and she had had no desire to interfere. Her hand had already had enough of an impact. Still, today, walking the long processional to the dockyard with Marlene and Allen ahead and almost the entire citizenry of Asturia behind, her curiosity was plaguing her. They were almost too calm. Either they had reached an understanding and acceptance or they were burying their feelings deeply enough to keep them hidden even from themselves. Eries knew first hand how skilled the both of them could be in that last regard.

Millerna cried for them all. She trailed after them, having difficulty keeping up with their hurried pace. She would become lost in the crowd, only to be recovered quickly by a guardsmen and then be lost again in the throng of admirers surging forward to bid farewell to their beautiful princess.

By the time Marlene took Duke Freid's hand and disappeared into the Freidian leviship, Millerna was surrounded by strangers and one very frantic guard trying to reach her, shouting at her to remain where she was. But over the din, Eries could hear her little sister's voice cry out, "Be happy, Sister!"

In her innocence, Millerna did not know the enormity of her request.

***

With Marlene gone, King Aston was fully prepared to have Allen transferred out to the frontier of Asturia. But not so coincidently, the services of the leviship Crusade and a guymelef by the name of Scherazade were offered to the Asturian army around the same time and his opinion rapidly changed. The small leviship, while useful, was nothing of any significance. Antique guymelefs, on the other hand, were rare and extremely fortuitous to come by and one did not pass them up no matter who the pilot might be. There was the small matter of Allen never having set foot inside the thing, but the best melef master in Asturia was stationed in Palas so that actually helped in keeping Allen at the capital.

The melef master was notoriously harsh and he gave no leniency to Allen, Caeli or not. For the first week, Allen wasn't even allowed to use his family's mecha, but was instead, forced to spend most of his waking hours training on standard melefs of the Asturian army until he was deemed competent enough to upgrade. Eries spotted him only once that week. Allen had shuffled past the palace late at night in a ragged haze, oblivious to her words of hello and looking like he had already started to catch up on his sleep.

As strenuous as his schedule was, it kept his mind focused on training and his body out of Tuvello's. Without that distraction, the news of a wedding date for Freid's most famous couple could have been crippling. Instead, he had listened to the information carefully as Eries delivered to him and responded to it with a single, thoughtful nod. He was too weary to muster a more emotional reaction.

Twelve days before the wedding and ten after he began training, Allen was granted "permission" to start using Scherazade. Maerzen not so subtly expressed a desire to watch as Allen offloaded the guymelef from its housing on the Crusade and Revius strayed from his post to put in a request that he too, be present. Eries couldn't have cared less about the mecha, but it was Allen after all.

Once she got to the leviship dockyard, she questioned her choice. Excitement over seeing the antique war machine had devolved Maerzen and Revius into little boys who would not stop talking about the stupid thing no matter how much Eries ordered them to. They claimed she didn't understand and went right back to chatting away about gears and weapons and other things she was fairly sure they were making up just to emphasize she was a clueless princess. When Scherazade finally did emerge from the Crusade's bay with thundering steps, they fell silent in awe. Eries yawned.

It was big. It was loud as it thudded ponderously through the dockyard on its way to the training grounds. It was a dull greyish color with bits of gold on the faceplate and chest to brighten things up slightly. Mostly, it was big. Eries did sort of like the effect of the expanse of navy fabric bearing the Schezar family crest hanging over the left shoulder, but it did beg the question, "What's the cape for?"

Revius scoffed. Maerzen launched into some nonsense about the importance of clearly delineated units in troop formation and the ability of the cape to block an opponent's view of incoming sword strikes. Eries gave his arguments due consideration before concluding, "It's there to make it look pretty, isn't it?"

There was more grumbling from the both of them along the lines of "yeah, okay, that's the reason but we're never going to admit it". She frowned to let them know she knew they knew she was right.

Once the guymelef got moving, it quickly left the three them behind. Almost hypnotically, Maerzen and Revius took off in pursuit, either forgetting Eries or figuring she would come on her own. "You aren't planning on following along after the thing like two star struck fanatics?" she asked once she caught up to them.

"Why?" Revius deadpanned. "Would we being stealing your act for when Allen gets out?"

Eries' hand twitched.

"Rev, don't say things like that to her when she's within striking distance," Maerzen cautioned.

Eries forced her hand still. She wouldn't give him, or Maerzen, the satisfaction of provoking her. "I have no idea what you're talking about," she said indifferently.

They were polite enough to make just a few disbelieving coughs before going back to discussing the wonders of guymelefs and ignoring Eries. Flashbacks of a particularly tedious lesson from her old tutor Timzin came to her. He had been lecturing on the lost art of melef manufacturing, how the modern day versions could not compare with their older counterparts with the exception of those made by a weird clan that supposedly produced the best ones in all of Gaea. Eries remembered that lesson only because it was the time Millerna had gotten so bored, she fell asleep and slid out of her chair. The racket she had made when she, along with all her books, had hit the floor had been loud enough to rouse Marlene, who had found the class to be an effective sleep aid as well. While Timzin had raged at their inattentiveness, all three of the princesses had shaken with silent laughter.

Eries shook herself out of it and went back to listening to Maerzen and Revius. Wallowing in nostalgia hardly suited her. It wasn't like Marlene was dead. She, Millerna and their father would be traveling there shortly for the wedding. She could visit her, see her, talk with her. She didn't know why she was being so melancholy about it.

The answer to that question came when they reached the training grounds. Allen had arrived before them of course, and had already gotten out and was doing an inspection of Scherazade with the melef master. The man was every bit as thrilled as Maerzen and Revius had been, only his gushing were even more technical. It wasn't long until he was delivering a veritable dissertation on the guymelefs. His audience of two Caeli and one palace guard stood rapt with every word.

Actually, it was one Caeli. Allen only appeared to be engrossed. As Eries looked closer, she noticed he wasn't actually focusing on anything save perhaps his inner thoughts. He didn't respond when she moved beside him.

"He's been working you rather hard, hasn't he? This is the first time I've seen you since…" She stopped. The last time she had seen him was when she had brought him the news of the wedding. "I'm sure you're getting an excellent education at the very least."

"Yeah, Corunna's good at what he does," he answered apathetically.

"But he's no Balgus, right?"

"Balgus doesn't like to rely on guymelefs. He has this really big sword that's just as good as some melef weapons anyway."

"And the man himself is the size of a guymelef."

That caused a minute upturn of Allen's mouth.

Eries pressed further on. "So how did he carry it around? Or is that why he had you? You were his sword valet."

"I couldn't lift that thing in my wildest dreams. He did have me polish once, though."

"How many days did that take?"

"It did take quite that long. But when I started, the sun was up. I finished by the light of the moons."

Eries let them slide into a moment of comfortable quiet. He was smiling. That was a beginning, a good beginning. An even better beginning was his taking of her hand.

The gesture was unexpected but entirely welcome. He held on to her tightly, as if he could draw strength from her just by contact. The motivation behind it wasn't quite the sentiment she had been wanting to get from him, but Eries took the amity he offered without any complaint.

"You've been such a good friend to me, Eries."

"You're not alone. I miss her too."

"Do you think she can be happy there?"

Millerna's last words to Marlene hung before her in the air. "The Duke cares about her. He's a good man. I honestly don't think he would have taken her to Freid if all she was to be was a trophy bride."

"Will you ask her? At the wedding, will you ask her if she's all right?"

And there it was. Eries could go to Freid. She could stay as long as she liked. Even when she wasn't visiting, she could exchange letters with Marlene. Keep in touch. There would be no logical reason why Marlene's guard would do the same things.

Allen was cut off from his love on his own. But through Eries, he would have a link, however small. It occurred to her that he would be better off having all ties severed, to have his heart broken cleanly and all at once, allowing a chance for it to eventually heal.

But could she be the one to do it? His request was simple. He just wanted to know how Marlene was doing. It was the implications that bothered her. It would take him longer to move past Marlene this way, but she would have the consolation of moving with him.

She could not be that selfish. A friend would not mete out false pieces of hope just to be closer to the one she claimed to care about. If Allen asked her again, she would have to somehow convince him that this way would be what was best for him.

She wondered if she could be that cruel.

***

Eries was getting ready to gather up Millerna and begin preparations for their visit to Freid when her father intercepted her and announced there would be no such trip. The wedding that was a few days off had already taken place. King Aston was disappointed at not seeing her eldest daughter properly married off, but there was nothing he could do. Some monk from some temple had decided the original wedding date wasn't good for the gods, so it had been moved up to a time that was deemed more suitable. That was the only explanation given.

Marlene wrote her family a long, very formal letter describing the event in detail. King Aston read the letter once then turned it over to his other daughters. Millerna committed the letter to memory. She had been so excited about the prospective trip. It was to have been her first trip out of the borders of Asturia. She would have gone on a leviship, traveled to a foreign land and, at the end of the journey, been reunited with her oldest sister. Having lost those hopes, Millerna took solace in envisioning the dress Marlene wore, the sound of her voice when she pledged her heart and the other minutiae Marlene depicted down to the color of the flowers that grew outside of the temple.

Eries was suspicious. The stilted writing rang false. Marlene had grown up reading sentimental novels and, despite the valiant efforts of every tutor she encountered, had adapted the flowery prose as her own writing style. Eries could attribute the methodical nature of the letter to Marlene's general unease with the marriage. But repeated analysis only got her thinking she was missing some underlying meaning Marlene was trying to communicate.

The Astons received letter from Marlene on a steady basis. Each one similar to the first in their formality. Six weeks of these missives ended with the arrival of the most important letter. This one was written by the Duke himself. It was less a letter than an announcement -- Marlene was pregnant.

***

The news spread through the palace in spite of the King's attempts to keep it amongst immediate family until Marlene was further along and the chance of miscarriage lowered. Granted, his efforts were half-hearted. The king was reveling in the knowledge that his daughter had conceived so quickly and in doing so, had secured an heir to Freid's crown with strong ties to Asturia. Those ties translated to influence.

The aunts to be were equally pleased but for entirely different reasons. Millerna had something new to look forward to and a baby was much greater cause for celebration than a wedding. She would have a niece or nephew for life. Missing an hour-long ceremony was nothing.

It brought a sense of relief to Eries. Marlene was adjusting to her role as duchess and wife and Eries knew she would assume to role of mother with even greater ease. After Millerna was born and Queen Therese passed on, a then nine-year old Marlene had eagerly taken on the responsibilities that would have normally gone to a nanny.

Others would not be so encouraged. She dreaded breaking more bad news to Allen but she had not let gossip inform him of the wedding date and the rescheduled ceremony and she would not let this blow be delivered as anonymously and harshly as the engagement had been. It was a hard task considering both Maerzen and Revius worked at the palace and had been among the first to hear. Fortunately, they seldom saw Allen due to his work schedule and from what Maerzen told her, Allen hadn't been in the friendliest of moods when he was around. Maerzen suspected something serious was troubling him, but since he was absent when the worst of Allen's bad reaction to the engagement had taken place, he was unable to piece everything together. Eries wasn't offering any hints.

Instead, she used Maerzen's concern to get him to agree to taken her to the flat at a time when Allen but not Revius was to be there. He mistrusted her claim of friendly interest in Allen's welfare and told her so. In the end though, he had relented with hardly any fight at all. Eries could only conclude Allen must have been in truly wretched shape.

Maerzen excused himself to Tuvello's not long after they arrived at the apartment. Allen was inside, dazedly picking through his dinner. A shocked looked passed over him when he saw Eries standing in the door. The look only deepened after Maerzen left.

He asked her the obvious question of what she was doing there.

"I was worried about you. I'm not the only one. Alucier has noticed something's wrong too."

"I'm fine," he answered and returned to his meal. He pushed a small bite of meat around the plate without lifting his fork to eat it.

Eries took the seat across the table. "I have news."

She waited for a response, but Allen remained intent on his food.

Break his heart cleanly… "It's about Marlene. She's pregnant."

Allen was perfectly still. The whole apartment was silent. Even the noise drifting up from Tuvello's faded. It was deafening.

"We found out yesterday morning. We received a letter. Apparently, she became pregnant right away."

"Right away…" Allen echoed.

"Yes, she should be almost six weeks along. That's how long ago they were married."

"They moved up the ceremony…"

"Because of the monk's advice."

"What if they had to move it up…"

"Well, I don't think to *had* to move it up," Eries said, puzzled. "But Freidians are very spiritual. If a monk said to change the date, they may have taken it as a religious edict." She had been over this with Allen before. Why was he questioning it again?

Allen pushed away from the table and walked over to a window. Eries could see bewilderment in his reflection. Soon, her reflection matched his in the window.

"I think…" he said slowly. "I think there's a chance…"

"A chance of what?"

"I think the baby might be mine."

Eries didn't comprehend his words at first. As if learned by rote, she could recite what had been said but the meaning eluded her. "What are you…I don't…"

The realization hit her hard. The back of her hand hit Allen's jaw harder. "You slept with her? You slept with her! What the hell were you thinking?"

"I'm sorry, Eries," he stammered out. "But…we didn't mean for it to happen…"

"You didn't mean for it to happen? How do you accidentally make love to someone?" Eries asked, rage darkening her soft voice and honing it into a sharp edge.

Allen tried to answer but succeeded in only repeating her name and an apology that grew weaker and more pitiful each time he uttered it.

Eries was livid. Disappointed was far too facile of a word to convey her feelings towards Marlene and Allen. A sense of betrayal boiled through her. A betrayal of their country, their duties and of a girl who had given of herself so completely to their happiness she had not even thought to burden them with something so trivial as her most primal of emotions.

How could they? Were they so lost in their own little world that consequences were meaningless? Allen had even told her that they knew it wasn't right but that they needed each other.

How could they? A better question might be how could they not. Was she such a naïve fool that she thought stolen kisses and secrets looks were the sum of their love? Her own dreams were not so innocent.

But those were dreams. She had no control of the idles of her mind while she slept. Allen and Marlene had made a conscious decision. They had chosen to succumb.

Allen took her silence as a demand that he explain himself. He faltered over his words, starting and stopping as he searched for a justification of a moment of weakness he both regretted and treasured and, as he was now learning, might have life-long repercussions he had never considered. "It was just the one time," he said faintly.

"Well, if it was just the one time, then it doesn't even count, right?"

Allen had endured sarcasm from Eries before. He had never heard it sound so bitter. He tried to continue. "It was our last night together -- "

But Eries would not let him go on. "Your last night together? Oh dear gods, you mean that night at the villa?! I told you to go talk to her, Allen, not to…not to disgrace you both."

"I know! I know. It's not as if I went there with that intention. I just wanted to be able to see her one more time. But as the night wore on, it only became clearer and clearer that this was all we had left. We were never going to be together again. Not privately, not when we could be ourselves. I should have left, but I couldn't. When I was holding Marlene …"

"Spare me the details. I understand."

"Do you?"

Over the course of their "discussion", Eries had drifted back to the table, incapable of being so close to Allen while her insides twisted in conflicting emotions. Allen came over to her, placing one hand on her shoulder. He repeated his question.

Through the fabric of her dress, she felt the burning pressure of his fingers, the weight of his palm. With those sensations came the knowledge that, if placed in her sister's stead, she would have chosen no differently.

Quietly, she gave him the answer he was seeking. "I understand, Allen. I don't…approve…but I understand."

His grip on her shoulder tightened. One of Allen's burdens had been lifted, but another, more grave matter remained. "From what was in the letters, Eries, was there any indication that maybe, the baby isn't the Duke's?"

"The announcement was written in Duke Freid's own hand. It wasn't a standard, formal announcement either. Normally, these sort of things are sent via royal proclamation months after the pregnancy is discovered, but this was a personal, heartfelt correspondence from a man eager to tell his in-laws the joyous news."

She expected to hear relief from Allen. She did not. "So you think it's definitely his. There's no way he would be acting the way he is if it wasn't."

"Dear Gods, Allen, do you want this child to be yours?" She turned on him, needing to search his face for some clue as to what could be going through his mind. "Are you so desperate to hold on to Marlene that you'll grasp at anything, no matter how harmful it may be to the both of you?"

"No, no…that's not…I just thought…"

"You thought what, Allen? That Marlene couldn't possibly betray you by sleeping with her husband?"

She didn't want to be this cold. She wanted to console him, to soothe his wounded heart. She would have gladly agreed with everything he said and railed against the unfairness that took Marlene away from him. But those thoughts came from a desire to protect and heal him and her eternally logical mind told her anything but forcing him to face the reality of what he had lost would only prolong his pain.

"She's married now. She's carrying another man's child. Her life is completely removed from your own now. You have to accept this. You need to let go."

"It's not that easy, Eries. I work myself numb trying to forget but it all comes back the second I stop moving." He smiled ruefully. "You'd think I'd be used to this by now."

"Don't, Allen. Don't think like that. As much as it hurts, you need to know there will be a time when it won't. Marlene would not want you to suffer for her. I don't want you to suffer either."

She hugged him. On an impulse, she held him tightly, wanting him to know that at least she had not left him.

He placed his arms around her, returning her act of empathy. Moisture from his cheek dampened her own.

Eries truly believed they had reached an epiphany. Everything was out in the open and had been dealt with. Life would go on and Allen, however slowly, would go along with it.

It was a pity that life would never be so easy.

***

The months passed swiftly, each one bringing progress reports from Marlene on her pregnancy and adaptation to life in Freid. To aid in the latter, the Duke made the unusual request of having the villa Marlene had claimed as her own disassembled and transported to Freid where he would have it rebuilt exactly as it had been. Many weeks of meticulous deconstruction and packaging for shipment completed the two stages of the plan. With the reassembly taking nearly as long, Marlene was in her eighth month when she was finally able to move in.

King Aston enthusiastically complied with the procedure and gave his assistance in the process however he could, going so far as to personally supervise parts of the work. As shrewd and conniving as he could be as a king, his love for his daughters was the one direct path to his soul. His motivation for pairing Marlene and Duke Freid may have been a tract of land, but the thing that let him go through with it was the belief that he was giving his daughter the best possible husband for her. This show of understanding on the Duke's part only confirmed for Aston that he was right.

When Aston confided this to Eries, it brought considerable relief to her. With Marlene gone, she was next in line and knowing her father would not marry her off on a greedy whim was a weight off her mind. Even so, she hedged her bets, throwing herself into council business and making herself an indispensable mouthpiece for her father. Things had worked out for Marlene well enough, but given the fact that her circle of friends didn't extend beyond those who wore the uniform of a Caeli, save perhaps for Revius, she didn't hold out much hope for her father finding a suitable mate who just happened to have something to of substance to offer Asturia.

She didn't want him to. Marlene may have been able to let go of Allen, but she was motivated by fear of what would happen if their affair was discovered. As long as Eries kept her feelings to herself, Aston would have no cause to suspect Allen as the root of her reluctance to marry. Plus, as long as she kept her feelings to herself, she didn't have to face the probability of Allen not sharing them.

She contented herself with his friendship. The unpleasant revelation of the extent of his relationship with Marlene notwithstanding, they were closer than they had ever been. Part of that was the morning ritual she had started of having private breakfasts with him and Maerzen, who fully supervised the whole meal and kept her father from saying anything about anything. If he happened to working a morning shift, Revius would join them to. She had begun the practice as a means to keep track of Allen. He was still immersed in his training, seldom taking time for anything else. Maerzen had once made an offhand comment about Allen being to busy to eat and she had taken the opportunity to solve two problems in one stroke. Allen never stayed much longer than it took to eat before hurrying off to melef training, but that hour was still the most treasured moment of her day.

There were times when he missed the morning repast. These absences began around the time Revius had taken it upon himself to get Allen out of the flat and out into the nightlife of Palas. Revius claimed he was sick of living with "The Blond Cloud of Depression" and it was really for Allen's benefit more than anybody's that he got some exposure to other people, with most of them, by odd coincidence, being female. Maerzen conjectured it had far more to do with the fact that Revius got more women by waving his brooding friend around like a flag and picking up the castoffs when they realized Allen was a little too depressed. Eventually, after months of this routine, the leftovers became fewer in number.

Eries spent several hours on several different occasions telling Revius what she thought of his special project.

It did have the good effect of stopping people, Maerzen mostly, from speculating why Allen was in such a dejected state. It had the bad effect of starting up rumors and gossip that bore an unnerving resemblance to King Aston's old advice about Allen and handmaidens.

At times, it infuriated Eries. Yes, she had wanted him to move on. No, she had not wanted him to do it in that manner. She could appreciate why he was doing it. Needs of the ego to be sought after, needs of the heart to be loved and other needs she didn't dwell on for very long. But she couldn't help but think he was using these women in the same way he was using his training -- a distraction that took away the symptoms of his pain but did nothing to cure the cause.

At other times, Eries wondered what happened to the handmaiden's dress she had borrowed the night of Marlene's engagement party.

The behavior came to an abrupt halt on the 15th moon of Yellow. That was day they received a proclamation from Freid. Chid zar Freid, heir to Mahad dal Freid, had been born a few days earlier.

Or two weeks earlier than he should have been.

***

The infant prince was of good size and fair health despite his premature arrival. The official account of his birth indicated that a slight fall suffered by his mother the day before might have induced labor. There was no further mention of his early birth date. Instead, there was a lot of rhetoric about how well mother and child were doing and how proud the father was to welcome his first-born son to the world. On the 15th moon of the following month, the boy would be introduced to his people. The Astons were more than welcome to come to Freid and see their grandson/nephew before that.

Eries had broken out into a cold sweat by the time the page had read through the entire birth announcement. Two weeks early. That did not bode well. Two weeks early and both babe and mother were in good health. She had already counted off the days. Eries didn't know enough about pregnancy to be absolutely certain, but her instincts were causing her stomach to churn. Two weeks early…or was it one week late?

After the celebratory clamor had died down, Eries found Millerna. They exchanged excitement at being aunts but what Eries was really looking for was information. Millerna still had the old physician as a tutor and had gained a great deal of knowledge for a child her age from him. Eries obscurely questioned her if she had talked to the man about their sister's condition and Millerna, ever curious, naturally had. Assuming the voice and posture of one reciting a report, the little princess let Eries know more than she wanted to about the miracle of life, including the fact that, on average, first pregnancies last longer than other pregnancies.

Two weeks early or one week late. Suddenly, the choice had become clearer. Could a fall really cause someone to go into labor like that? Millerna shrugged. That sounded possible and it must be because that's what happened with Marlene, right? Eries nodded, hugged her sister and excused herself before Millerna could think she was acting peculiarly.

She headed straight for Maerzen. She asked more questions, these particular ones involving details on where Allen would be and how long it would take her to get there unnoticed. Maerzen grew more suspicious with every answer he gave, but knew and cared for Eries well enough to continue to let her have her way with this. For now.

As the two left the room, Eries gave a backwards glance and saw her father. His expression was thoughtful, serious. King Aston knew how to count back the days too.

***

They waited for Allen at the flat. Allen typically came home directly from training around sunset. Maerzen figured it would be easier to wait and let him to them than to waste time trying to track him down. Whatever Eries wanted to discuss with him was unlikely to be a suitable subject for standing around and chatting in the streets anyway.

He had a few things of his own to discuss with Eries in the meantime.

Eries sat curled up on the plush, but rundown couch Revius had insisted on bringing into the apartment. Typical of old, beat-up furniture, it was usually the most comfortable seat available. Eries fidgeted against the cushions and under Maerzen's steady gaze as he sat in a chair he had placed directly in front of her. She wished he would just say what he wanted to say and be done with it.

She told him as much.

Maerzen removed his glasses and massaged his temple. He didn't put them back on. Instead, he toyed with them in his hands as he began his lecture. "Let me review what I know so far. A little more than nine months ago, Princess Marlene gets engaged and sent to Freid. She gets pregnant on what must have been the night she got married, because in less than nine month's time, she has a baby. Hmm, nine months ago. Wasn't that when Allen fell into the mood that would not die? Wasn't Allen Marlene's personal guard? Wasn't Marlene in a giant depression before he was assigned to her and didn't that depression magically dissipate shortly thereafter? Didn't I make a comment about the two of them, which you vehemently denied, at Allen's induction ceremony? Didn't you turn as pale as a live human being has ever been when you found out your nephew was already among us? Do I really have to ask you why the hell we're here waiting for Allen?"

Eries shifted in the couch. She hadn't expected his usual good-natured joking, but the bile that laced his sarcasm unnerved her. She didn't think what she was about to say would do anything to alleviate his anger. She felt like she was betraying their friendship by saying it. "This is a private matter, Alucier. I appreciate your candor so far but I expect it to go no further than this room."

Maerzen blinked in disbelief. "I cannot believe you're dismissing me like that. After a year of trying to get me to call you by your first name, you're now pulling rank on me? You really have learned a lot from those council meetings."

"No, Alucier! I didn't mean it like that," she scrambled to apologize. Even though she technically had meant it like that, she didn't want him to take it so personally. "It's just that this really is a private matter and I don't think it should go beyond my family. Personally, I'd rather no one else find out period."

"This is not something that can stay buried forever. And your family is not the only ones affected. After years of being an overdressed joke, the Caeli are finally earning respectability. We don't need Allen coming along and disgracing the Order because he can't keep it in his pants." He rebuked himself immediately. "I'm sorry, Princess. There was no need to be so crude."

"It's just me, Alucier. As you said, you've been my guard for over a year now. You don't have to be so formal around me. Is that why you're so angry with Allen? Because how it might affect the Caeli?"

Maerzen waited before answering. Eries got the impression he did it so that she might think on her own question. "You know why I was assigned to you. It was to keep him away from you. For a while there, I thought I had a difficult job on my hands."

So that was it. He was being protective of her. The first person involved in the whole tangled fiasco to give priority to Eries' feelings, something Eries did not do herself, was a guard she had picked on a whim to help her because she had a nice two minute talk with him before going on a picnic during which she ignored him completely.

She did not want to cry. The only person who had ever seen her cry outside of her parents and Marlene was Allen. That was a lapse in her defenses that had triggered the insight into her true feelings towards him. Given where that had gotten her, she didn't want or need any more reminders of that day.

"Eries. What happened?" His voice was soft now, calming.

It wasn't something she cared to go into, but he was the first person to offer. And she had kept it all inside for so long, it almost came out of its own volition. She told him everything -- her crush, the friendship, the deepening of her feelings (though she could not bring herself to say the word love), Marlene's interest in Allen and her decision to stand aside and do nothing as the affair took place.

Maerzen took in what she said, anticipated a few of them too. Over the years, his sisters had related similar stories. None of them had been princesses though and none of them had had an illegitimate child. He was out of his element with this. He said what he could to comfort her. "Neither Marlene nor Allen know anything about how much you care about him. I doubt they would have done anything if they had."

He had the opposite effect. "I don't think they would have either. Which is why I want to handle this situation on my own as much as possible."

"You don't think you're responsible for this?"

"I know where the real blame lies. I actually hit Allen when he told me. Fairly hard, too. My hand hurt for the next two days." She sunk further into the cushions with a sigh. "I was so sure Duke Freid was the father that day."

"We don't know for a fact that he's not." He pointed his glasses at Eries, tapping them against his knee. He was thinking of something.

"Have you thought of what you're going to say to Allen?" Hearing a "no" from Eries, he tapped the glasses twice before putting them back on. "Don't tell him anything yet. Not until you're sure. He just got back to something sort of resembling a decent mood. I don't advise upsetting him for nothing."

"But…"

"But what? The birth announcement said you're welcome to go to Freid and see the kid anytime you want. Go. Talk to your sister. Then, make a decision about what to tell Allen."

"He's going to find out. The birth of a prince is a trifle hard to keep quiet."

"So? Put your own spin on it. Emphasize how the first-born son stuff the Duke was talking about. Babies do get born prematurely all the time. Get some medical statistics from your little sister. Whatever. As clueless as he may be about you, he does listen to you."

Eries was impressed. Maerzen had gone from furious with her, to furious with Allen, to concerned for the both of them within the space of fifteen odd minutes. He did have a point. The baby's paternity hadn't been firmly established; she was only going on her nervous speculations. If she was such a mess thinking about the possibilities, Allen would be many times worse.

"All right, I defer to your superior judgment. I'll have Father arrange a trip to Freid and in the meantime…"

"Trust me. You're doing the best thing you can given how screwed up everything is."

Eries smiled, something she had thought impossible in light of the day's revelation. "Thank you. For listening, for understanding. For not holding a grudge…"

"I'm still mad at Allen. I should probably kick his butt around the apartment a couple of times."

"I thought you couldn't take him in a fight?" she teased.

"I'm not stupid, Princess. I'll wait until he's asleep."

Maerzen could be so droll that she had a hard time telling when he was serious -- a deliberate reversal, perhaps, of their first conversation. Still, Eries was thankful to have gained a confidant and ally. She could only hope his advice would pan out.

***

They had left the flat quickly, not wanting to be there when Allen returned. Eries' presence there might have aroused suspicions in Allen that they were trying to squelch. As it was, Maerzen told him about the birth casually over dinner, pretending it was nothing but the court gossip so many treated it to be.

Allen's response was a panicked request for a one-on-one talk with Eries at the following morning's breakfast.

He looked even more weary than usual. Eries doubted he had slept at all last night. The pace of his questioning was relentless anyway. He asked her to repeat every word on the announcement and if she thought it sounded as dubious as he did.

The truth was, Eries hadn't slept much either. She had spent the predawn hours rehearsing what she would say to him and how she would say it. She delivered prepared line after prepared line, noting how Allen's face fell each time she rejected his theories.

"You don't think it's odd that he was born so early?"

"Allen, I told you..."

"You don't even think it's possible?"

Desperation crept into his voice. Eries was getting apprehensive. What she thought had been settled months ago hadn't been settled at all. Allen hadn't let go. He had only hidden how he felt from her.

"Are you going to Freid? Are you going to see him?"

She dreaded where he was headed with this.

"I was thinking. When…if you go, instead of taking Alucier as your guard -- "

"Stop. Stop. That is not going to happen. You are not going to Freid as my guard or in other capacity." Her voice gave proof to the nickname of Ice Princess.

It fazed Allen, but only enough to make him rethink his strategy. "Eries, I would stay in the background. I would let you ask all the questions. I wouldn't do anything stupid."

"What do you think this idea of yours is? You're just going to show up and say 'hi' to Marlene and ask her if she happened to give birth to your child? Mahad dal Freid is an understanding man, but there are limits."

"It won't be like that."

"Then tell me how it will be. Convince me that you've actually thought this though. Let me know that this isn't some pathetic attempt to try and gain back one of the women who's left you."

She might as well have hit him again. That would have caused temporary pain, a sting on his check that would fade and be forgotten. Instead, she had rent old wounds and brought profound aches to the surface.

"Allen, I'm sorry. But I need to get through to you and all you seem to understand is hurt."

"Eries…no…this isn't about Marlene. I know I've lost her but…I might have a child. I might be a father."

Again. His father again. All roads led to and from Leon Schezar and every step Allen took was done in the schism between the desire to flee and the need to embrace. A child of his own -- illegitimate, inaccessible -- would complicate an already tangled turmoil of emotions.

Maerzen had been right to try to spare him before the truth was known. Unfortunately, Allen was capable of beleaguering himself with doubts without any help from them. He would never let this drop. He had to have an answer.

That left Eries with no choice. "I will talk with Father. I will go to Freid as soon as I can. Alucier will accompany me. I will talk to Marlene and I will give you an answer. You have to promise me you will not do anything rash while I am gone. You will not agonize over this every second of the day. You have to promise me this."

"Whatever you want, Eries. I will do whatever you want."

What she wanted him to do was to put this all out of his mind. Start over at the first day she had met him. Hi, my name is Princess Eries. I'm going to tell you everything that I feel and I'm never going to running away from anything. And I have an older sister, but you're going to stay very far away from her.

There was no point in fantasizing. Even if she could go back to that day, there still remained the impossibility of a full confession to him. After almost two years from the time she first saw him, she could only support him with a passive love she disguised as friendship, whether it was circumstance or her own cowardice that kept her silent.

That was all she knew how to do. So she would keep doing it.

***

King Aston was curiously excited about the proposed trip. If Eries hadn't brought it up, it seemed her father would have gone regardless. Eries thought it would take a week at the minimum for preparations but they were off in less than three days.

True to his word, Allen spent the intervening days either working or at the flat pretending to be in a good mood whenever Maerzen was observing him. Nights out with Revius getting acquainted with the female population of Palas where put on indefinite hold. Dropping his bad habits brought about the new one telling Eries every time he saw her what she should say to Marlene, then back peddling and telling her she could say whatever she wanted.

Eries was almost glad to be away from him. Almost. Stuck in a leviship with her obviously up to something father and a bouncing off the walls Millerna, Allen's ceaseless coaching wasn't so bad. The only way the flight there could have been more tedious was if Allen had come along and joined with Millerna in preaching the miracle of Marlene while she had no choice but to listen.

When the captain of the leviship entered the stateroom to announce they would be landing shortly, Millerna got wound up yet again, this time concentrating on her nephew and how wonderful it would be to see him for the first time.

Maerzen leaned over to Eries and whispered, "I think she's happy about seeing Princess Marlene."

"Of course she is," Eries whispered back. "She's the only sister she has, you know."

Her bitterness lessened when they arrived at the temple that served as the seat of Freid's government. They were greeted by the Duke, who had forsaken his armor for more comfortable, but no less regal, robes. He looked like a different man; he was more relaxed, his edges were softened.

Any chance of a formal greeting was scrapped by Millerna dashing up to him and asking where Marlene was.

"She's in our chambers attending to Chid. I'll take you to her."

"She's not in the villa?" King Aston asked.

"No, since Chid was born, we agreed it was best if she stayed here instead."

"So you don't stay with her at the villa?"

None of the adults knew what to make of Aston's leading questions, so they Millerna chirpings about the temple carry the conversation. Eries and Maerzen walked slower than the rest of the entourage as it headed towards the royal chambers.

Maerzen spoke up first. "Uh…what was that?"

"I don't know. I doubt it was actually about the villa, though. It was more like he was trying to assess their living arrangements."

"…Why?"

"I don't want to know."

Duke Freid was eyeing Aston cautiously and gave a look to the lagging princess and guard, searching them for a clue as to what the king meant. They hurried to catch up.

The tension dropped instantly the second they were in the chambers. Marlene stood by the window, sunlight pouring over her and her son as she held him and sang softly to him. Knowing her youngest sister well, she shushed Millerna before she could make the smallest noise.

"I just got him to sleep," she said, working the explanation into her lullaby.

Duke Freid went to her and took his son to put him in a bassinet by the bed. He cradled him gently, taking a small hand into his own and holding it before setting him down. That was why he was wearing the robes. The clanking and cold metal of his armor might disturb the baby.

"My, what a happy family," King Aston declared, with an overdone clap of his hands.

Maerzen took several large steps backward into a corner of the room. Guards should be unobtrusive, after all. If Eries hadn't been so relieved at seeing the tenderness with which the Duke held Chid, she would have grabbed him and not let go after hearing her father's comment. As it was, she gave both him and Aston a disapproving frown.

"Yes, we're quite happy. Thank you for noticing," Marlene returned icily. Even Millerna felt the chill.

"Since Chid is sleeping, why don't you take this time to get settled in your rooms?" Duke Freid suggested. "We can visit later."

He called for one of the many monks and instructed him to show his in-laws to their quarters. He went along with them to make sure everything was in order.

"Eries," Marlene called out once Aston was out the door. "Could I talk to you for a minute?"

"Oh…yes…of course. Alucier?"

"I'll take care of your things." He bowed to both of the princesses and left. Outside, he debated for a brief second to stay and listen for just a minute, but decided that would be disrespectful. Eries would probably tell him everything later anyway.

Marlene had sat down on the bed, stretching enough so that she could keep an eye on her son. Alone, the baby right there -- it was a perfect time for Eries to bring up the subject that had occupied so much of her thoughts lately. Not wanting to be overly blunt, Eries eased into the matter at hand with a simple, "How are you, Marlene?"

It was a simple question that practically required the rejoinder of "Fine, how are you?", but Marlene answered, "I…" before returning to Chid.

"Would you like to see him?" she asked after a long pause.

"No, I don't want to wake him." In truth, Eries was scared to see him. He looked like such a pale thing when Marlene was holding him. The fair, white skin was in deep contrast to the tan of his father and the citizenry of Freid as a whole. It could have been a trick of the sun…

"It's all right, Eries. I think he can sleep through having his aunt look at him. Though some times, I wonder what doesn't wake him at night. Now I know what Father meant when he complained about losing sleep over us girls." Marlene yawned in punctuation of her small joke.

Eries hated to dispel her sister's good humor, but she had to push forward. "Do you know what he meant just now?"

"No. And I don't care to speculate. You know Father. He'll come out and say what he wants to say when the time is right for him. Millerna and your guard being in the room must have convinced him to keep quiet for the time being. Given the his snide comment about us being a 'happy family', I can only assume it has to do with Chid's birth."

"You told me he had his suspicions before you left…"

A cry emerged from the crib. It sounded fussy more than urgent, but Marlene leapt up to attend to her child. "What's the matter, sweetie?" she cooed to him. "Are you hungry? Or is it what comes after you've been fed?" A quick check revealed she was right on her second guess. Marlene asked a recoiling Eries to hold him to calm him while she got his things to change him.

"Hold him? But he just…I mean…don't you have handmaidens for this sort of thing?"

Marlene couldn't help but tease her. "Really, Eries. I changed Millerna when I was still a girl. It's not that horrific. One day you'll have children of your own and a little mess like this will seem like nothing." She handed Chid to Eries without letting her say another word. "See, it's not so bad."

Her nephew squirmed in her arms from what Eries hoped was a need for dryer clothing and not an indication of how he felt about her. Marlene had graciously wrapped him in a blanket before giving him to her so it really wasn't that bad. She talked to him -- in a dignified, adult voice -- and Chid burbled in response. Then he opened his eyes.

Eries wouldn't have to ask Marlene a thing. Eyes of the same lush blue that had enchanted her from the second she first saw it looked up at her in total innocence of their source.

Eries was shaking when Marlene took Chid. Neither sister chose to say to anything until he was taken care of and put back to bed. Marlene took extra time to tuck him in. She had seen Eries' expression; there was no doubt as to what it was in reaction to.

She forced herself to speak to her little sister. "I take it you noticed Chid's eyes."

Eries heard her, but when she spoke, it was to herself, trying to process what she had just learned. "Allen told me. He told me and I knew but I didn't believe it was possible. I tried to convince him it wasn't possible."

"Allen told you? He told you about us?"

"I'm his friend, Marlene," Eries said, as if that alone was reason enough for the sharing of such an intimate secret. She explained further, knowing how it might upset Marlene. "When I told Allen you were pregnant, he suspected right away that he was the father. He had to talk to someone and I was the only one who knew about you two. I was furious at first, but…I understand. I still didn't think he was the father. I thought Duke Freid sounded too proud to not be. Maybe, I didn't want to believe the truth."

"But you talked Allen out of it, right? He doesn't think Chid is his anymore?"

"I thought I had, but when Chid was born, he started talking about it again. He begged me to come here and find out."

Marlene cursed under her breath, shocking Eries. Marlene seldom used strong language and the proximity of her son made it more significant.

"Marlene…"

"He can't know, Eries. I've thought about this ever since I found out I was pregnant. He can't know. For his own sake."

"Marlene, it's his child. I think that gives him a right…"

"A right to what? Mahad has already claimed Chid as his own. He already loves him as his own. Even if I convinced him to repudiate Chid, what would happen next? I would go back to Asturia and explain to Father what happened? Hand him his bastard grandson and say 'By the way, do you remember my guard? Well, there's something I have to tell you.' I'm sure he'd be only too happy to welcome Allen to the family don't you think? Forget it, Eries. I agreed to marry Mahad to protect Allen. Any mention of Chid's real paternity would only put him in more danger than before."

"I didn't say Father had to know. I just thought Allen had a right to."

"And if he knew, Eries, what could he do about it? I just told you why he can't claim Chid. Would you really have him know regardless? Would you have him spend the rest of his life knowing that he has a son out there whose life he can never be a part of? You know how he torments himself thinking that someday, he might find his sister. And you know how he feels about his own father. You can't possibly think that knowing would help him in any way."

"But…"

"No, Eries. I would rather him think I've gotten over him and moved on. I would rather him hate me for that than to condemn him to that kind of suffering."

Marlene was adamant and Eries agreed with most of what she was saying. But there remained the problem of what to tell Allen. Since Marlene had made the decision not to tell him, Eries would let her decide what he should be told instead.

"Just tell him Mahad is Chid's father."

"I don't know if I can lie to Allen."

"You wouldn't be lying, Eries. I wasn't exaggerating Mahad's feelings for Chid."

"And I'm supposed to tell Allen this? I'm supposed to tell him what a good man his lover's husband is?"

"Eries! I know it's not fair of me to put you in this situation. I would tell him myself it that were possible, but it's not."

Eries retreated to a chair by the windows. "I can't hurt him like that, Marlene. I can't."

"Eries…" Marlene knelt down in front of the chair. She took Eries' hands, trying to convince her and to soothe her all at once. "Allen deserves to have some peace of mind about this. You know that this is the only way to give him that."

Yes, Eries knew. She had been acting on that knowledge for the past nine months, being cold to Allen when it was required, being there for him when it was not. But she had been laboring under the delusion that he was not Chid's father. Forcing Allen to accept an agonizing truth had been hard enough. An agonizing lie…

"I can't, Marlene. I can't," she repeated. She bit her lip to hold back tears that were forming.

"Even if it's to ultimately help him? Eries, he's your friend. I know you care about him."

Eries pulled her hands away. She could not say another word.

"Eries, please." Marlene brushed away a strand of hair that had fallen across Eries' face. She cupped her chin in her hand, forcing Eries to look at her. Marlene had never seen anything like what she saw now in her little sister's eyes -- fear and sadness for what she would have to do and something else for the one she would have to do it to.

"Oh, Gods, Eries…You?…I didn't know…I didn't know…When? After I left?"

Eries shoved Marlene's hand away.

"Before I left?" Marlene searched her memory for signs. "Is that why you were so hostile when you first heard about the engagement? You were so angry. It was for him. You were hurting because he was hurting. Why didn't you tell me?"

Eries tried to block out Marlene. She tried to will her to stop talking. Failing on both, she huddled in her chair and refused to speak.

"Eries…Okay, it's all right. I don't suppose that matters anymore anyway. But please tell me this, Eries. Have you told him?"

Eries snapped. "Have I told him? Do you seriously need to ask me that? I have spent the past months desperately trying to clean up the mess you left behind with the full knowledge of what you two did together. So when was I supposed to work that in to the conversation, Marlene? Maybe after he told me how much he loved you? Or maybe after he'd spent the night with some anonymous girl in a pitiful attempt to get over you?"

That was one step too far, but Marlene took the blow better than Eries thought she would. "I…I can't blame him for that. I married another man. I can't expect him…I don't want him to be alone. But not like that. I want him to find someone he can love. Someone who loves him."

"Don't look at me," Eries said bitterly.

"But, Eries…"

"How sardonic must I be to you before it sinks in? Allen and I are friends and that is all we will ever be. I have seen first hand what happens when that line is crossed. I'm not going to have an affair with Allen and hope Father finds me an unsuspecting noble to cuckold in case we get a little careless."

"There are some things you cannot deny, Eries, no matter how logical it is to do otherwise," Marlene pronounced solemnly. It wasn't clear if it was an excuse or a warning.

"I can't talk about this anymore. I won't."

"Fine. I'll accept that for now. But you still haven't said what you'll tell Allen."

"I don't know. I need to think about this. Just, please, talk about something else. You never answered me when I asked you how you were."

"I'm better than I ever thought I would be, given the circumstances. Mahad goes beyond the bounds of a good husband. Sometimes I feel guilty when he's so kind to me, like I don't deserve it."

"He certainly handled your pregnancy well. He does know, right?"

"Yes, yes," Marlene said, leaning her head back and sighing deeply. "I was so frightened when I first found out. It wasn't long after I arrived here. When I was late, I attributed it to the move even though my courses have always been so regular. But the days kept passing…I had to tell him. I was terrified he would send me back to Asturia in disgrace and Father would blame Allen for everything. But I doubt the thought ever crossed his mind. He asked me what I wanted to do. He let me decide. I asked him if he could ever accept another man's child as his own and all he said to me was any child of mine would be a blessing in his life. So I suggested we move up the wedding and we were married the next day. I don't know who made up the story about the monk, but everybody believed it. Maybe it was the same person who made up the story about me falling to cover up the 'early' birth."

"Does he know who the real father is?"

"It was the one thing he asked of me. I could tell he didn't feel right doing it, but you can hardly fault him for being curious. When I told him Allen's name, you should have seen his face. 'That boy who was your guard?' That boy. He didn't mean it the way it sounded -- like I was some lecherous old woman who had seduced a child -- but it was the only time he made me feel the slightest bit ashamed. He apologized immediately, of course."

"He loves you." Eries couldn't help but ask Marlene how she felt.

"I like him. I care about him. But I don't love him, not yet."

"Does that mean that you will one day, dear daughter?"

Both sisters spun around in a panic to see their father standing in the doorway. They prayed he had not been listening long.

Marlene evaded the question by asking Aston how he liked his accommodations and other small talk that was far away from the topics she and Eries had just discussed. Aston played along with her awhile, but to the two girls who knew him well, it was obvious he was growing impatient. After a bland exchange about dinner plans, Aston walked over to the basinet to inspect his grandson.

"Such pale hair and skin," he noted.

"He takes after me," Marlene asserted, too sternly Eries thought.

"Really? I was under the impression that when a child has one parent with dark skin and hair and another with fair features, they usually inherit the darker traits."

Marlene dismissed Aston's observation. "There are exceptions to everything."

"Hmm." He let his daughters think on that for a few minutes. It was an old tactic of his whenever one of them had been caught doing something she shouldn't. He would let them know he was aware of their indiscretion by hinting about the matter, then let them squirm with guilt while he pretended to be occupied with something else. When they were younger, it was an incredibly efficient means of extracting a confession.

But they were older now. And the stakes were much higher than sneaking a dessert or skipping out on lessons.

"Did you want something, Father?" Marlene was pure sweetness as she asked.

In a way, Aston was proud. His little girls had grown tough and would no longer be cowed by such a simple trick. Pride wasn't getting him the answers he wanted, however. "Let's get to the point, shall we? Between his appearance and birthday, there's no chance this boy is a Freidian. I thought you were hiding something from me when you were first engaged. I was right, wasn't I?"

Marlene wasn't about to back down. "I didn't know what you were talking about then and I still don't."

"Don't treat me like a fool, Marlene. I had the duty registers checked. Your guard happened to be off in the days before your departure, leaving you to your own devices under the not-so-watchful eyes of stand-ins that you chased off as soon as you could. I don't think it's a coincidence that that was the time this little fellow was conceived."

Marlene tensed even as Eries relaxed. Aston was leaving Allen pretty much out of this, mentioning him only by his absence. Evidently, he was ruling out Allen as a candidate for Marlene's affections based on his belief that Allen was after Eries instead. Marlene wasn't aware of that, but Eries saw no way to warn her without letting their father know his gossip was out of date.

Besides, Marlene wasn't acting like she needed any help. She was fairly snarling when she gave Aston her opinion of his insinuations.

"I'm not doing this to insult you!" Aston argued. "Think about this. Your husband has claimed Chid as his first-born son. One day, this boy is going to be ruling this country. As part Asturian, we already have influence over him. If he was a full-blooded Asturian, his loyalties -- "

"I cannot believe you," Marlene hissed. "You see your grandson for the first time and all you can see is a way to increase your power? Such a small thing if you slander your daughter in the process."

They continued to fight, becoming nastier with each turn until Eries, unable to hear another word, ran to Chid and admonished them both for fighting in front of the child.

Marlene quit right away; King Aston took longer. "A name," he demanded. "I want the name of the father."

"Mahad dal Freid."

"Marlene."

"I am the Duchess of Freid and I will not be spoken to like a child."

"Then tell me the truth."

"I have. You just will not listen. If you do not like hearing the answer from me, perhaps you should ask my husband. He will tell you exactly what I have told you, but he may have a sword by his side as he does."

Eries' mouth dropped. She could not have heard correctly. Marlene could not have threatened their father.

Aston was suffering from similar disbelief. Outrage came through his heavy breaths, every line on his brow. He left the room with simmering with fury, but without another word.

Marlene collapsed against the wall and sunk to the floor. "And that was the man who used to tuck me in at night," she lamented.

"Sometimes it's like he's two different people -- the loving father who dotes over his children and the ruthless power monger who will do anything and use anyone to get what he wants," Eries said, trying to reconcile for herself the exchange she had just witnessed.

"I guess we know which one wins if the two ever come into conflict."

"He's angry now. This was the first time you've ever defied him. He reacted badly."

Marlene patted the floor to get Eries to join her. Once in place, she rested her head on her little sister's shoulder. "You saw his temper, Eries. Now you know why this secret has to stay buried. Even to Allen. Who knows what he would do if found out? It would be bad enough for him to live with that knowledge, what if he did something rash in his grief? You know his history."

Yes, Eries knew. It was just one more reason for her to not tell the truth to Allen. Just one more of many. The pros outweighed the cons; the decision was easy.

So why was she so sure she couldn't do it?

***

The remaining days of the visit were more pleasant if not less tense. King Aston and Marlene settled into a delicate civility that was moderated by an ever vigilant Duke Freid. The man had trained in the ways of the monks since childhood and proved up to the task, even though it tested everything he had ever learned about patience and inner calm.

Eries stayed out of it. Claiming a new found interest in the country's religion, Eries toured the temples with a bored Maerzen while the older members of her family engaged in overly polite conversation. She believed Millerna spent her time with Chid. At least, she was always there when Eries went to see him.

Marlene still made fun of Eries, interpreting her unease around Chid as squeamishness towards the messier aspects of babies. True, she was happy to hand him off whenever an "accident" occurred, but her real problem was knowing who exactly she was holding and worrying how long it would take for others to find out as well. Maerzen had taken one look at Chid and had made a wry comment about what "blue, very *distinct* blue" eyes the boy had. He assured Eries it was only because he lived with Allen and knew what to look for, but the apprehension wouldn't go away.

Not even on the flight back to Asturia when she heard her father actually praise Marlene's abilities as a mother to Millerna and say what a nice visit it had been. It irked her temporarily, that her father could be so two-faced, but once she calmed, she decided to give him the benefit of the doubt that the old king had warmed to his grandson and put the ugly fight with Marlene behind him.

Besides, given the task she had to complete, she was not one to be judging another for being duplicitous.

***

Eries missed the morning breakfast ritual the first day she was back. Then the second, then the third. Maerzen offered to tell Allen himself lest Eries never eat breakfast again, but she refused. Marlene had entrusted this to her. And…she hadn't yet decided what Allen should be told.

Procrastination made everything worse. She had thought and rethought, then gone back to it one last time six times a day, every day. It's an old cliché that when faced with a difficult decision, one should just go with instinct, but Eries had dissected and overanalyzed every side until she had come up with five answers to every possible question Allen might ask. Instinct had been squashed and swept under the rug.

In all her planning though, she had not compensated for a scenario in which Allen came to her room in the dead of night because he could wait no longer for his answer. She woke up to the gentle calling of her name with his face close enough to her own that strands of his hair hung down and caressed her cheek. Sleepily, she threaded her fingers through the blond locks and breathed out a welcome. This was a *good* dream.

"Um, Eries…what are you doing?"

Se bolted upright in bed, smacking her head against Allen's. Ignoring the pain, she scooted towards the headboard, pulling her sheets up around her to cover the embarrassing old maid nightgown she had worn to bed because there had been a chill in the room. That wasn't right. She should only have been embarrassed if she was wearing something less, not more.

"I didn't mean to startle you," Allen apologized. He rubbed the side of his face where she had hit him, sorry indeed.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" Eries demanded. "How the hell did you even get in here?!"

Allen blinked.

"You break into my bedchambers in the middle of the night and you have the nerve to question my usage of the word 'hell'? I can think of many words more profane than that and if you don't answer me now, I'll start using them too."

"Revius is on the palace guard. He leaves their schedules lying around the flat all the time," a chastened Allen explained. "And I came here because it seemed to be the only way to get to talk to you. Alucier keeps saying you aren't feeling well or had council business, but I know he's just covering for you. You're avoiding me again after you promised to find out the truth for me."

"Allen…" If she wanted a gut reaction, this was the perfect set-up for it. She closed her eyes and let the thoughts come. The first one that surfaced was one she hadn't considered despite how overt it was -- if Allen ever saw Chid, he would know. He would know Chid was his son and he would know Eries had lied to him. The boy was a prince of Asturia. It wasn't as if Marlene could keep him out of the country forever and it was only a matter of time before descriptions of his likeness started circulating among the people. Was that why she had been so reluctant to go along with Marlene? She had been willing to press the point that Duke Freid was the father when that was what she had believed.

He wouldn't forgive her for this. All the excuses and good intentions in the world wouldn't justify her denying him his son. That's what her fear told her.

Questions of selfishness rose again and were quickly answered with a no. She may be delaying the inevitable, but there was the hope that during that delay, Allen would have recovered and moved on. Who was she kidding? This was a man who carried everything penned up inside him, letting it build and control him. Finding out later wouldn't lessen the pain; it might intensify it.

"Eries…"

She had to stop this. She had to tell him something. She had to tell him something now.

"Eries!"

"I talked with Marlene. I talked with her and it's very clear to her and me that the Duke loves her. He loves Chid. He's going to be a good husband and father to them."

"That doesn't…"

"Allen. Listen to me. They are a family. They are in Freid. Nothing will change that. I don't think anything should. That boy has two parents who love him very deeply and who will raise him to be the next ruler of their country. That is Chid's birthright as proclaimed by the Duke himself."

"You're still avoiding…"

"I think those are the facts that you should focus on."

"I just need to hear you say it…"

"I'm not going to, Allen. You've already decided this in your heart a long time ago and I am not going to validate such a self-destructive wish. Marlene wants you to forget her. She wants you to be happy. Because she is."

He didn't ask her again. She had already given him his answer in her careful choice of words - his answer and the truth.

That didn't mean he was able to accept either one. Both were so fresh and overwhelming. He sat on the bed, not moving, not talking, barely breathing. Eries put aside her blankets to go to him.

"I'm sorry." She took hold of him and he sank into her arms, his head on her shoulder in the same manner Marlene's had been a week earlier. "I'm sorry."

"It wasn't supposed to be like this."

His voice was so fragile, Eries was afraid any response from her might silence it. She hugged him more tightly, wanting to push out the words that had been haunting him for years.

"I thought…when I was a child…my father was never there. I was so sure I was nothing like him. I wouldn't do what he did. I would be there. My children would know…They would know that I loved them…"

"I know, Allen. I know."

Somehow, that was enough. He fell silent again, content to simply be held. Eries was content to hold him and she did, even after his body and breathing relaxed into the familiar pattern of sleep. She didn't bother with rationalizations this time. She was there for her friend.

That was all the reason she needed.

***

Author's Notes: Ug, this chapter was a nightmare to write. From my battles with the past perfect tense, to repeatedly reading dialogue out loud (it's weird, but effective) until it approached something that I was happy with, to the sheer amount of time this chapter spanned, etc. It probably needs more editing than the cursory read through that I gave it, but I wanted to put something out for you all to read. Because, when it comes down to it, that's why I forced myself some nights to sit at the computer until two in the morning to get done a scene (I know how the story ends; I'm in no hurry to write it out). Put simply, you guys rock. I make an snarky joke about Alucier having a fan club and you rush to join the imaginary bandwagon. And honestly, I never expected a weird little -- okay, weird BIG -- Eries story co-starring the most hated man in the Esca section to garner more than fifty reviews. (Not to get too far into Tangent-Ville, but I can understand not liking a character, but what is with the abject hatred a surprisingly large number of authors around here have for Allen?)

Anyway, on to the story. Wave bye-bye to Marlene; we shant be seeing her anymore. It was my hope to portray her as a sympathetic character even if she did take Eries' man. I wanted to flesh her out a little bit too. There's not a whole lot of Marlene centered fiction out there and the best one of them *cough* Marlene *cough* Remalna Marguerite *cough* remains unfinished. I think there's more to her than a mopey Allen-chasing tragic heroine, so I gave her a little bit of a backbone in this chapter. I rather like the idea of Allen's women conspiring to protect him behind his back. As for why she was so depressed to begin with? Allen will be getting into that in the next chapter.

Next up: I need it. You need it. Eries and Allen sure as hell need it. The one chapter in which everything goes absolutely…right. Girl and Boy Go on Holiday.