"Hurt"
Genre: Angst/Romance
Rating: R
Author Notes: J.K. Rowling owns the characters. Trent Reznor and Nine Inch Nails own the songs. I own the plot.
Chapter 11: I Do Not Want This, pt. 1
The two-week period was coming to a close, as well as the first semester at Hogwarts. The Yule season was also around the corner, and everyone seemed a bit bittersweet about their Christmas plans. Many wizards and witches found a Muggle-born they have had their eye on for a while, but they would have to be officially married immediately before the new year – vows exchanged, marriages consummated… Everything!
Except for Hermione. Within four days, she had been petitioned by four wizards: Lucius Malfoy, Harry Potter, Ron Weasley and, thanks to her unlucky stars, Draco Malfoy. Neville Longbottom would have been a better choice, she thought bitterly, except he is too much of a cowardly lion to do so!
Unfortunately for Neville, he did not make a petition for a girl in Hogwarts. He was petitioned by a Muggle-born witch who was an apprentice for a Herbology professor at a private wizarding school in German. To be truthful, he was grateful to have this opportunity to actually date someone who shared his interests, but at the same time, he too had a thing for Hermione.
I'm losing ground
You know how this world can beat you down
I'm made of clay
I fear I am the only one who thinks this way
Hermione was not happy with her choices, but who else would have wanted her? Goyle? Crabbe? She shuddered at the thought about being married to a child of a Death Eater. "Disgusting," she muttered as continued to walk to her Double Potions class.
"Disgusting? In what way, Miss Granger?" said a silky baritone voice from behind. She jumped for a moment and quickly turned around to face her Potions Master who was sneering down at her over his hooked nose.
"Disgusting as in the thought about… Getting married, Professor," she said, blushing in embarrassment.
"Not pleased with what you have in terms of suitors?"
"No, sir. Not at all."
Severus took a step closer and looked down at the girl with a frown on his face. "Unfortunately, Miss Granger, we cannot always have what we want. I think you know what I mean by that, especially if your friend told you what happened to me a long time ago."
Hermione nodded her head as she recalled the memory of Harry rambling about how the Greasy Git had a crush on his mother during their days at Hogwarts. "I understand."
"Now get to the classroom before anyone starts talking about us, especially if your dear friends hear rumors about me being this close to you."
The young woman did not say a word and walked briskly to the dungeons just in time to take a seat and pull out her parchment and quill before she heard the door slam open. A black figure with billowing robes behind him marched quickly to the front of the classroom with his wand pointing at the chalkboard, magically writing the schedule for the week. Harry and Ron groaned at the agenda for that last day of class. "Semester final?" whined Ron.
"No complaining my classroom, Mr. Weasley. You should be prepared by now," said Severus in a stern voice. "Five points from Gryffindor." He began to walk left to right while keeping eye contact with his students as he started the lesson. "Can anybody tell me the correct order of making Polyjuice?"
Hermione raised hand, although she did it out of hesitation because of the pressure that was being placed on her, but no other soul dared to answer the question.
"Such a pity," sighed Severus. "For a bunch of seventh-year dunderheads, I expected everyone to know how to make Polyjuice. Apparently, your knowledge has been rusting all this time." His black eyes darted toward Harry, who was too busy doodling a silly image of the professor. With a snort, he quickly added, "That or you have not been paying attention during class!"
Ron elbowed Harry in the arm, and the Boy-Who-Lived quickly looked up to see the Potion Master standing before him, arms crossed and a sneer that could make a little boy cry. "Mr. Potter, the parchment, please," he growled as he extended out his right hand.
Harry folded the paper and gave it to Severus, who, in return, walked away and opened it up once he got to front of the class. His black eyes burned with anger, tossing the picture into the trashcan by his desk. "How childish of you to do such a thing, Mr. Potter!" he roared. "My business is none of your concern! Learn to keep your nose away from things where it should not be snooping! That is a large deduction of 100 points from Gryffindor and a detention tomorrow night with Filch!"
The Boy-Who-Lived did not say a word and simply sat back into his seat with a smirk on his face. At the age of seventeen, he could have cared less about losing house points from Severus and spending his nights in detention with Filch. He hated Severus for many reasons, one being the fact that he indirectly assisted in the death of his parents during the time he was a Death Eater and another for the death of Dumbledore where he acted as a spy for both parties and murdered the Headmaster in order to protect the ferret known as Draco Malfoy.
If anyone wanted to keep him alive, he thought, that person must be insane!
No one spoke about what caused Severus to snap at Harry among their peers, not even the Slytherins. The Potions Master cleared his throat and noticed that Hermione still had her hand up. "Why am I not surprised, Miss Granger, that you are awaiting for my acknowledgement for your… guess?"
"I do not have a guess, Professor," answered Hermione. "I have the answer."
"So it would seem. But I do not need to hear it, nor do I need to see it in writing at the moment. I suggest you tell your classmates that will be on the final exam next semester, if they wish to leave Hogwarts as a true wizard or witch."
Hermione lowered her hand onto her lap, her face falling into a look of defeat. She did not make a sound for the remainder of class, nor did her hand leave for its spot. She simply sat in silence and tried to listen to her professor's lecture. But no matter how hard she did try to pay attention, her thoughts began to bother her concentration.
After all, it was the day that would change her life forever.
When class was finally dismissed, she noticed that Severus was sitting at his desk scribbling down a message at a rather fast rate. He had a look on his face of concentration and frustration. Hermione knew that if she approached him, she would surely be hexed.
But she took a chance, grabbing her knapsack and telling Harry and Ron that she would see them later, and walked up to him. As she glanced into the small trashcan, she saw the ball of paper that was once Harry's doodle. Casting a quiet charm, she magically unrolled it, only to reveal a poorly drawn sketch of Severus courting her. How did he know what Professor Snape was up to, she thought.
She looked away from the paper, as if nothing had happened, and cleared her throat. "Professor?" she asked.
"I do not have time for your silly games, Miss Granger, nor do I have time of you snooping into other people's business," he said as he finished writing his letter. "Surely, Mr. Potter has given you a few tips." He called his for raven, affectionately named Poe in honor of a poet he loved while living in the Muggle world, and the bird flew into the classroom from the window and perched on the side of the desk.
"Poe, I want you to give this letter to Headmistress McGonagall. She is in her office and she has been waiting for my reply since breakfast today. Do not make her wait any longer. I will retrieve you in a few minutes."
The raven cawed in response as it took the letter into his beaky mouth and flew through the open window. Hermione watched the bird fly toward the direction of the Headmistress' office and asked her professor, "Do you like to read Poe's poems, sir?"
"I find such poetry to be a mere reflection of my life, Miss Granger," he replied. "I have been intrigued by Edgar Allen Poe's works since my childhood days along Spinner's End, and I still read my copy of all of his poems these days."
He stood up from his seat, brushing off his teaching robes, and faced the girl with an indescribable face. "Tell me, Miss Granger, why are you still here?"
"I just want to apologize, sir, for being an 'insufferable know-it-all' today," she replied.
"Are you talking about the time when you were the only student today who raised her hand because she had the answer, even though you knew that someone had to answer my question and no one else would?"
"Yes, sir."
"And you did not talk out of turn for once," Severus added. "Miss Granger, are you sure everything is fine?"
"What do you mean?"
"You appeared to be less than normal today. You looked like you were not interested in learning anything new."
Hermione gulped and answered, "Well, today is the day I have to pick my husband-to-be. I am scared, sir." She turned away from his gaze, mentally kicking herself for telling the most hated faculty member of the school her crisis.
Severus took a deep breath, knowing that she was not in the best situation at the moment for he knew who had petitioned her hand in marriage. "I understand where you are coming from. After all, this ridiculous marriage law affects me too."
"You do?"
The Potions Master nodded his head. "Yes, I do. You see, I am a half-blood wizard, a bastard for a bachelor to some people, and I have to marry a Muggle-born witch or else my role in the wizarding world will be terminated, which could cause a problem for the Order since I am their spy."
"And you are valuable to the Order, are you not?"
"Your intelligence never ceases to amaze me, Miss Granger," said Severus with a smirk. "Surprisingly, I am still their only right-hand man, regarding to the Dark Lord."
He walked past his desk and escorted Hermione out of the room, placing a ward and a spell to lock the classroom behind him. "I am sorry for sending you out of the room all of a sudden, Miss Granger," he apologized, "but I must go to the headmistress' office for a brief moment."
"I have to go by that direction as well," said Hermione. "My meeting with her about my future is at 5:00 this evening."
"I do wish you the best of luck."
The student and her professor remained silent as they walked through the castle until they came to an intersection, one leading to the hallway of Minerva's office and the other leading to the staircase going toward the Gryffindor common room. "This is where we must part for a while, Miss Granger," said Severus. "I trust that you can get to your chamber without a problem."
"I will fine, sir," assured the brown-haired girl. "Thank you, Professor. I will see you tonight at dinner."
"The same to you, Miss Granger. The same to you." He turned on his heel and walked briskly to his destination, leaving Hermione standing alone in wonder.
How on earth did we end up being civilized to each other, she thought.
Meanwhile, as the Potions Master walked through the empty hallway, he also began to ponder the same question. When was the last time he was nice to a Gryffindor at his own will?
Since you fell in love with Lily, you bastard, chided his inner voice. It was her kindness that brought him out of his shell for a while until she found herself in the arms of James Potter. Damn that man, he thought.
Of course, who could blame her? After all, it was he, Severus Snape, who called a rather derogatory name in the wizarding world.
Mudblood.
But Hermione? Why had he not called her that name? Why had he steered away from using that filthy word for the last seven years of teaching the girl? He insulted her on many occasions. First, he called her an insufferable know-it-all during her first year. Secondly, he found that her teeth problem in her fourth year was no different than how they appeared to him when he first saw her. Then again, it was Draco who accidentally hexed her, and he indirectly praised the student for such work.
But she got the teeth fixed and they look lovely, interrupted his inner voice once again. And she has calmed down greatly during class. Did you not listen to her apology for being an "insufferable know-it-all?"
Severus stopped for a brief moment and sighed. Why did he not call Hermione a Mudblood? It was not because she was his student and he was her professor.
No, there was something else. But he could not explain what it was.
"Damn you, Lily," he muttered under his breath.
At five o'clock, three students filed into Minerva's office – Harry Potter, Ron Weasley and Draco Malfoy. They took their seats in front of the fireplace facing the desk of the Headmistress. Not a minute too soon did Hermione walked into the giant room and sat at the right side of the desk, facing the boys.
The girl took in a deep breath and prayed to the gods above that this arrangement was done and over with. Minerva, who stood to the left of Hermione, simply smiled and said, "I welcome you gentlemen tonight. As you know, this is an important decision Miss Granger has to make if you wish for her to continue living in the wizarding world. Therefore, I would like to start with the three of you first before we move onto her other two suitors."
Other two suitors, thought Hermione. There's Lucius, but who could be the second one? She looked around the room until reality slapped her in the face. In the corner of the office, with his arms crossed and a scowl on his face, Severus Snape was standing alone.
No, he can't be!
I'm always falling down on the same hill
Bamboo puncturing this skin
And nothing comes bleeding out
Like a waterfall I am drowning in
"Miss Granger, I want you to listen to their testimonies carefully and do not make a decision until you have heard all of them," instructed Minerva. "You may begin, Mr. Potter."
Harry cleared his throat and began his speech for his friend. "'Mione, I know our history together goes back a long way, from that day we met on the train and you were helping Neville find his toad. My first impression of you was not a friendly one. In fact, I thought you were snobby and, as Professor Snape has eloquently put it, an insufferable know-it-all."
One point to Gryffindor for stealing my line and using it on his own house, thought Severus with a small smirk on his face.
"But we fought alongside each other for years," continued Harry. "And you have become a very good friend of mine. And although I do not like certain people in this room, you have somewhat forgiven them. I respect you for that, and I want you to teach me how to be forgiving to them. Hermione, if you choose me, I promise I will make you happy and I will be a better friend thanks to you. And I promise to take my academics more seriously and talk less about Quidditch."
Hermione nodded her head, understanding the truth in her best friend's testimony. She turned to Ron, raising an eyebrow as a signal for him to begin.
"Well, 'Mione," he began, "my testimony is almost like Harry's, but there's more to it. I also want to give you the same promises: the promise of being forgiving, the promise of making you happy as my wife, the promise of being a better person, the promise of being more serious about school and the promise of not being so strung up on sports.
"But listen to me. Despite of our arguments and quarrels, especially when I thought Crookshanks ate my rat years ago, I thought you were a very beautiful witch. I probably came to that conclusion when I saw you at the Yule Ball with Viktor Krum. You looked wonderful that night, and I wish I had asked you out sooner. Now, you could have been even more beautiful if we had the Yule Ball this year, and I would have loved to escort you as well.
"I cannot see myself marrying any other Muggle-born witch but you. You would make a good wife and a good mother, and if you want, we could have a big family like mine. Hermione, if you choose me, you will be one lucky witch who will be proud of being a Weasley."
When Ron was finished, Draco began his testimony. "Look, Granger, I know I have not been real nice to you since the beginning, mainly because of your heritage. But after the last war with You-Know-Who, my feelings towards Mudbloods and Squibs have changed greatly. I admit I am still harsh to you and your friends, but that's just my Slytherin nature because you're a Gryffindor.
"But why this change, you ask. Maybe it's because now that I have no father present at home and no mother writing me letters, reminding me who I am. I do not want to be like my parents at all unlike before. I have seen what has happened to them, and I do not want to be a slave to his system.
"I might have the looks and I might have the money, Granger, but I do not want to marry you so you can look good and please your parents. I want to marry you to make you happy. If you do not pick me, I understand. But at least accept me as a friend."
At the end of Draco's testimony, Hermione began to feel tears forming in her brown eyes. The boys' statements were powerful and moving, but her heart was pleading her not to accept them until she heard the last two testimonies, which were from two men associated with Voldemort and the Death Eaters.
Minerva handed the young woman a handkerchief to dry away her tears. "Miss Granger, as you know, your first suitor was Lucius Malfoy. Unfortunately, he cannot be with us tonight, but he given us his statement on a parchment. I will read it and then we will move on to the last testimony."
The older witch unrolled the paper and read aloud the words of the second cruelest man in the wizarding world. "'Miss Hermione Granger, I am pleased to say that I am no longer the self-centered man I used to be. I used to think that pureblood wizards and witches were the best. I was wrong; I am convinced that Muggle-borns are very special to our world for they are the bridge between the Muggle world and the wizarding word.
"'That being said, I am asking for your hand in marriage in accordance to this law. As you may have heard, my wife Narcissa was murdered by the Dark Lord, and I hidden myself away from his watch. I still grieve for my loss, but I cannot continue living on my tears. I do not care about our great age difference, and I do not care about how much your parents make for a living (although I hear Muggle dentists get paid well in your world).
"'I simply want you to be happy with your life, and I would be honored to be the father of your children. I am more than willing to understand your heritage better than before, considering the fact not all Muggle-born wizards and witches are filthy. Maybe you could teach Draco a few things about the Muggle world too.'"
At that moment, Draco began to ponder those words. Since when has Father ever suggested that idea, he thought. Did he hit head on one of Severus' cauldrons?
"'Hermione Granger, if you accept my proposal, I promise to make you a wonderful wife in the Malfoy family,'" said Minerva. She rolled the paper and placed it aside on her desk. "Well, that leaves us with one more statement. It turns out minutes before you were called down here, one more wizard decided to become a possible suitor, Miss Granger."
She looked down at the witch through her spectacles. "You know who it is, don't you?"
"Yes, Headmistress," answered Hermione. "Professor Snape."
"Five points to Gryffindor," chuckled Severus. "I find it interesting that a fine intelligent witch like you could be a such a match to me. You seem to carry perfect marks in many of your classes, Miss Granger, although you are not far behind in a few, such as mine. Yet, you receive O's in all of them, and you currently hold the second grade point average in the history of Hogwarts. Tell me, Miss Granger, do you know who was the smartest student of all time?"
Hermione gulped and replied in a shake you, "You?"
"Yes, or so I have been told. You have surpassed my mother, who now holds the third highest rank. Consider yourself one of the most brilliant students we have ever came across in this building. And I already know why you are in shock at the moment, considering that you have just heard a praise coming from my own lips. However, it is not praise; it is the truth.
"Miss Granger, I may be a stubborn, cranky old git, as your friends have called me in the past, but that is because I am very choosy. I choose my friends wisely, which I truly none because I do not tolerate lack of intelligence, and I do the same regarding to finding a witch for a wife. As far as you know, I have never been involved in a relationship during these past seven years. In fact, it has been a long time since I was interested in a witch, yet I never pursued an engagement with one."
He paused for a brief moment, noting that Harry was becoming irritated with him. "But given the circumstances, we will not continue about my love life in the past. I would rather talk about the future.
"When I look for a witch, I want her to have more than just common sense. I want her to be able to talk about intellectual topics over coffee or butterbeer. I want her to be interested in not only her career but also mine, for I hope to make her my assistant in the years to come. I do not tolerate stupidity and carelessness on a daily basis, and that is why I have had difficulty find that special witch until I met you.
"And now with this marriage law, it is possible that with your acceptance, my search will come to an end. Yes, I have been fond of you for a while, primarily because of the parallel life of a witch I once knew." His black eyes met Harry's once more, seeing the fire rising higher in the green orbs.
"I am aware of the fact," he continued, "that I am old enough to be your father, but I do not care about age. In fact, there are witches in the world who do marry older men out of their will and out of force, depending on their society. I may not be as rich as Lucius and Draco, but I can assure you, Miss Granger, that I make enough money to provide a family of my own. And I will see to it that our children will get the best education as much as possible before they are enrolled in a wizarding school like Hogwarts. I intend to teach them at home when I am not at work, and I know you plan to do the same.
"I too make a promise of happiness, despite of my harsh criticism I have given you in the past. Perhaps you can melt the ice in my heart and open my eyes once again. I do not believe in annulment or divorce; I believe that marriage is sacred to a wizard, as well as to a witch. Therefore, Miss Granger, please accept my proposal as you rationally make your decision."
Hermione remained silent, although her heart was beating wildly. She took in the words of her professor and realized that he never mentioned anything about her beauty but rather her intelligence and her preference of a wizard. She knew the two of them had a few things in common, but she never knew just how much they were alike.
Two feet below the surface
I can still make out your wavy face
And if I could just reach you
Maybe I could leave this place
"Miss Granger," asked Minerva. "Are you ready?"
The young woman turned toward the headmistress and asked, "Could I step outside and think things through?"
"Certainly, child. I will give you five minutes to make your decision." She led Hermione to the wooden door and closed it behind the student. She turned to the four suitors and said in a stern voice, "Not a single word from any of you."
Harry and Ron sighed in frustration and glared at their Potions Master, who was, in return, smirking at their anger. Typical Gryffindors, he thought.
I do not want this
Meanwhile, Hermione slowly paced back and forth as she thought about the five testimonies that had been given to her. Why me, she thought. Harry and Ron are like brothers to me, and if I marry one and not the other, they would never be forgiving because they are so close.
Draco is a Malfoy and a Slytherin. I do not know if he is telling the truth, but I feel like he is. But his father is still involved with Voldemort, and marrying either one is too dangerous for me. Besides, there is no telling what goes on in that sick mind of Lucius. Somehow, I find it strange that he requested a marriage law right after the death of his wife.
And as for Professor Snape? Okay, Hermione, he is a spy for the Order, not a spy for Voldemort. He thinks you are an insufferable know-it-all, but he just praised you for your intelligence, although he denied it as praise to my face. And yes, he killed Dumbledore, but it had to be done, and he has saved your arse several times. But marrying him could pose as a threat to Harry.
What do I do? Why must this be so difficult for a witch like me?
"Miss Granger," called Minerva, "you may come in now."
Hermione took a deep breath and opened the door. She saw the four wizards standing by the fireplace, waiting for her decision.
She glanced at the headmistress in fear. "Well?" asked the older witch. "Who will it be?"
Don't you tell me how I feel
She looked at the floor and closed her eyes, feeling a tear falling down her cheek. "I choose…" she began. Another tear rolled down from her right eye as she tried to regain her composure. "I choose…"
"Come on," whispered Harry.
"You can do it," muttered Ron.
The witch swallowed thickly and opened her eyes. "I choose Professor Snape."
She watched her best friends stare at in her in shock and wonder. Their hearts broke into many pieces. "You chose him over us?" cried Ron.
"Why, Hermione?" asked Harry. "We're your friends!"
"That's just the reason why I did not pick you two," replied Hermione. "You two would fight over me, and I do not want to be the object of your arguments."
"But Snape? The Greasy Git?"
"I can't believe it!" said Ron. "And I thought you were smart!"
"I am, Ronald! Please be happy for me!" Hermione felt another threat of tears approaching at a fast rate. She was uncertain which of the two current scenarios was scarier: marrying the most hated person in Hogwarts or losing her two best friends since her first year.
You don't know just how I feel
"No, 'Mione," said Harry. "We cannot let you do this."
"You stop right there, Mr. Potter," interrupted Minerva. "Miss Granger has made her decision. She cannot turn back, even if she does possess the Time Turner. Her fate is now sealed. She must marry Professor Snape right away."
"When should I arrange the wedding date?" asked Hermione.
"No need to worry about that, child," replied the Headmistress. "You will be married tonight."
I apologize for the delay, but I think this chapter was worth the wait. Please send me some good reviews if you want to see the wedding!
TheGoodWitchoftheNorth
