-111.

I woke up wondering if the past few days, or even weeks, had been a dream. I gradually became aware of my surroundings. I heard strange beeping noises, people shuffling around, and realised I was in a hospital. I felt strangely at peace. I wasn't sure if this was from my recollection of being in Alex arms, or an effect of the pain relief medication. But either way, I lay there playing happy moments before my eyes. It seemed as if the happy moments were the only ones that existed at that point.

I opened my eyes slowly, knowing before I even looked that Alex wasn't here. That thought shattered all my happy little images, and reminded me of all the things I had felt that morning waking up and finding him gone. Happiness was a cruel dream. I pushed my bitterness aside suddenly, wondering if Alex had been hurt in the accident too.

The whole situation suddenly seemed so confusing. It wasn't hard for me to believe that he left me. I was used to that. What I couldn't comprehend was that he had come back. That he followed me to the beach. Dragged me back to the house. Even followed me when I took his mothers car. It didn't seem to make sense.

A nurse was in the room. I tried to speak. To ask her if Alex was ok. But the words didn't seem to come out. The nurse told me to be quiet and rest. Unable to do anything else I resigned myself to the fact that I would have to do as she instructed. Then she said something that caught my attention. Something about my sister Michelle, waiting outside to visit me.

I closed my eyes with deep dread in my heart. What on earth would Michelle be doing here? I must be dead or dying for her to make that trip. Or maybe she'd just come to gloat. Her face seemed ever present when I recalled the moments of failure in my life. Her voice telling me harshly of all the mistakes I'd made. I really didn't need to hear that from her right now. I tried to open my mouth to protest to this nurse that I didn't want to see Michelle. But again I found I was too weak to even speak. I decided I would just shut my eyes and play dead while she was here. If I tried hard enough I might fall asleep and not have to listen to her incessant reminders of all the failures of my life. Maybe she'd get bored and leave.

I heard the footsteps, someone sitting down, silently stroking my hair. This seemed an uncharacteristically caring gesture of Michelle. My mind groggy from medication it took some minutes for the thought to occur to me that it wasn't Michelle at all. I wondered if it was a nurse. Didn't she have more important jobs to do than sit and stroke my hair? This person sat by my side for what felt to me like hours. Finally certain it was not my sister Michelle, my curiosity got the better of my fear, and I struggled to open my eyes again.

It surprised me to see Tess sitting by my side. Then I remembered back at the beach house, Alex had mentioned something about Tess. And it all started to make sense. I thought back over my conversation with Alex. I was so angry that he had called her. But also a little bit glad. After all, it did mean that he cared. And he said he did care. But then why did he leave me?

I remembered the way I accused him of being involved with Tess. At the time I was angry and hurt and confused, and my words were heartfelt and seemed to make sense. But now I realised how ridiculous that notion had been. Whatever his reasons for walking out on me, I was certain they were nothing to do with Tess.

"Tess?" I managed to say softly.

"Shhh I'm here. Don't worry about anything. It will be ok." She said reassuringly as she took my hand.

Something about the way she spoke to me made me believe her that it would be ok. And I felt suddenly so at peace and so tired that I closed my eyes again. As I lay on the verge of sleep I began to question why I had been so fiercely determined to hide from Drovers Run. Why had I been running from this? From Tess? From people that really did love me unconditionally? There was no judgement in her eyes, no condemnation in the tone of her voice. Just love. It really shook the foundations of my thinking. Was my frame of reference really so skewed?

No longer able to make sense of my thoughts, my decisions, or the events of the last few days, I drifted off to sleep holding on to the words that Tess had spoken- "It will be ok" , holding on to the words that Alex had spoken, "I love you". I began to think all this could be put behind us. It didn't matter how stupid I had been leaving Drovers. It was my home. It didn't matter that Alex had left that day. He had come back. Everything would finally be ok.

12.

It seemed like an eternity waiting for Tess to come back from visiting Stevie. I was inpatient for news, but at the same time glad Tess was there for her. I had sat still for about 5 minutes before I began pacing the corridors again. I have never been so glad to see Tess as when she emerged from the corridor that day. From the look on her face I could tell that Stevie would be alright.

"Is she ok? What's going on?" I asked before giving her the chance to explain anything.

"She's going to be fine. The Dr told me she had some internal injuries from the accident. They did surgery and she is recovering well. But she is pretty sleepy from the anaesthetic and the medication."

I didn't know what to say at that point. Words could not have expressed the relief I felt. The world was suddenly spinning around me. Tess put her hand on my shoulder. I could tell she was thinking the same things I was. About losing Claire. About the fear of losing Stevie too.

"I think Stevie will have bigger problems than her injuries from the accident." Tess continued, ending my thoughts of Claire.

"What do you mean?" I asked confused.

"Your mother." She replied.

Before I had the chance to spare a thought for my mother, we were interrupted.

"Would you mind keeping your voices down, this is a hospital. And visiting hours are over, so I will have to ask you to leave." A nurse told us harshly.

"Please." I begged her with my eyes "I really need to see my friend. Just for a moment. Just to let her know I am here."

"Your friend is sleeping. Once again I ask you to leave before I call security." She replied as she turned her back and headed off down the corridor.

I was so angry I could have hit something, but Tess dragged me outside the building before I did any damage. She headed silently for the car.

"Wait" I called to her. "We cant just leave!"

"They wont let us back in tonight Alex, we'll come back first thing tomorrow. And that nurse is right. Stevie is sleeping. She'll be ok. They'll take care of her." Tess tried to reassure me.

"I can't leave without seeing her Tess. I Can't." I insisted. All I wanted was one minute, to tell her I was here, that I loved her, that I would look after her and never let her get hurt again. I couldn't stand the thought of her lying all alone in that hospital room.

Tess looked to me with curiosity. I hadn't told her any of the events that happened. That I found Stevie in her Ute on the side of the road. That Kane was out of the picture. That Stevie was the woman of my dreams. I hadn't even mentioned Stevie's strange behaviour, or how worried and confused I was. I had only said "come". And Tess had come.

That moment her eyes searched my soul. "She is very special to you." Tess remarked.

"Yes" I answered "She is beyond special.'

"More than just a best mate?" Tess asked. Although I figured she knew already the answer

The question made me uncomfortable. Tess was Claire's sister. I felt somehow guilty to be telling Tess about how much I loved another woman. I know Tess would want me to be happy, Stevie too. But still, she was Claire's sister.

"Yes" I answered. "She is more than a mate to me. She's everything."

I needn't have worried for Tess' reaction. A huge smile crept across her face and she pulled me close in an embrace.

"I'm so happy for you guys Alex." She whispered and I could tell she meant it. "I was so worried. When Stevie left with Kane. I didn't think I'd ever see her again. I didn't think the two of you would ever get your act together."

I smiled back at her, wondering if Stevie and I really would get out act together. I still had so many questions about her strange behaviour at the beach house. I knew we still had issues to sort out. But after coming so close to losing her, I had to believe it would work itself out.

"Come on, Tell me which window is Stevie's room?" I asked Tess, pulling her round to the side of the hospital building.

"Alex you can't break in to a hospital! Really, Stevie will be fine. We'll come back in the morning."

"Stevie might be fine, but I'm going to go crazy if I cant see her tonight." I replied.

Tess hesitantly followed me scanning the windows. "That one, on the corner" She finally announced.

I headed towards the window, the building was old and the window easy to pull apart.

"Are you coming?" I looked to Tess. It's not that I particularly wanted her company, just that I needed someone to guard the door in case a nurse came in and caught us. I didn't want to get banned from the hospital for life. I helped her climb up through the window then quickly followed her.

I stood still looking at Stevie lying in the hospital bed realising that there was something different. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on. "She looks so peaceful" I said softly more to myself than Tess. It reminded me of the morning I had woken up in the beach house with her sleeping my side. I sat beside her watching sleep as Tess kept watch on the door. I took her hand in mine. I wanted so much for her to know I was here. But I didn't have the heart to wake her. So I sat by her side hoping that somehow she would sense my love for her.

It didn't feel that we had been here long but I could sense Tess getting restless. She left her guard post at the door and sat beside me.

"She will be ok Alex. We really need to go before we get caught." Tess said gently.

As much as it tore my heart out I realised she was right. I nodded hesitantly. No use getting arrested for trespassing in the hospital. Stevie and I would have a life time together. I leaned over and gently kissed her forehead whispering that I loved her and that I would be back soon.

As Tess and I were heading for the window we heard a loud voice from the doorway. "I thought I told you visiting hours were over!" The nurse yelled.

"Please keep your voice down." Tess told the nurse motioning to Stevie who was sleeping soundly.

The nurse glanced towards her patient and nodded apologetically. I half hoped Stevie would wake up. Then I could tell her I loved her. And she would tell this crazy nurse that she wanted us to stay. But she didn't stir.

"But you really will have to leave. Visiting hours are over. You may visit your sister tomorrow" She whispered to Tess.

"I just forgot my handbag." Tess said quickly glancing around the room "But I guess I may have left it in the car."

The nurse then turned to me and whispered harshly "And I thought I told you that family only were allowed to visit tonight!"

I was so angry at the injustice of not being allowed to visit, or being told that I had to leave Stevie all alone tonight. But I took a deep breath. I didn't want to be banned from ever visiting.

Tess spoke before I could. "But Alex is family. He's my husband." Tess announced.

I tried to cover my shock and smiled and nodded. What was Tess playing at?

"Well, why didn't you say so in the first place?" The nurse asked.

"Alex wasn't himself. He was so upset about my sister. She is like a sister to him also." Tess explained. The nurse looked sceptical.

Then I pulled Tess close to me placing a kiss on her lips. "I just love my wife so much, her family is like my family." I went on, hoping I wasn't overdoing it too much.

Tess snuggled close to me and smiled innocently at the nurse.

"Well then you may both come back and visit, but in the morning when visiting hours start." The nurse conceded.

"Thank you so much" Tess said sweetly as the nurse escorted us out of the room.

13

I was drifting in and out of consciousness since Tess had visited me. I don't remember Tess leaving. I just remember waking up at one point and she wasn't there. Then I remember Alex. I suddenly felt his presence. I felt his love for me even before I felt his hand gently taking mine ad holding it so tightly. I struggled to open my eyes but couldn't do it. But I heard every word he whispered in my ear. I knew he had been here. I hadn't dreamt it. He promised he would be back soon. He told me again that he loved me. And those words echoed in my heart over and over again as I lay in the hospital room. I wondered if it would get to the point that he had said it so many times that I couldn't keep count, or so many times that it no longer made my heart skip a beat. I hoped not.

Then I heard Tess. She must have come back with Alex. There was conversation going on that I couldn't seem to hear properly. Finally I fought so hard to open my eyes. I wanted to know what was happening. I wanted Alex to come back close to me, to hold my hand. I wanted to see that he was alright. As soon as I opened my eyes I wished I had the sense to stay blind. Immediately I was greeted with the image if Alex with his arm around Tess. Pulling her close. Kissing her. Then she snuggled up close to him smiling so innocently.

I wanted to scream at him. I was right all along about him. About the two of them. I wanted to tell them to get out. I wanted to be alone to cry. To feel sorry for myself at again being so stupid to believe Alex Ryan loved me. Unable to scream, cry, or even really to move, I shut my eyes again, the only defence I had at that moment was to escape back into the world of dreams.

My dreams were now filled with that picture of Alex kissing Tess. And of other images I imagined for myself of the two of them together. I tried to tell myself it had all been a dream. That the medication was causing me to hallucinate. But it was so real. I felt him here, holding my hand. Alex was here. I know it. And I heard Tess speaking. I smelled her perfume that she wore when she visited earlier. And then with my very own eyes I saw them kiss. Right in front of me as if I didn't exist. Tess smiling as if she didn't even care that she had ripped out my heart.

And suddenly everything seemed to make sense finally. You couldn't trust anyone in this world. That was something I could understand. I have lived it from a young age. But what hurt me was that I had let them in. Both of them. I thought they were different somehow. More than my anger, and my hurt, right at that moment I just felt so foolish for believing that they cared about me. I had been wrong. I had been wrong about Kane, wrong about Tess, wrong about Alex. The truth was that no one ever cared about me. I should know that by now.

I'd learned the true colours of Alex Ryan that morning he abandoned me in the beach house. I knew he didn't care about me. His actions proved it. But i had been foolish enough to start listening to him, to start believing in him again, only to find myself hurt again. How could i have been so stupid a second time? Tess is no better. Making me believe she is my friend. I had been right the first time to run from Drovers. How had i let them both fool me so completly? I decided to cut them out of my life for good. Alex Ryan and Tess McLeod both. It was the only way to protect myself.