A/N: I'm back from my break! Hope you all are looking forward to some more chapters! I've been really inspired to work on this story lately and I have some good ideas... Just for a warning this will be the last chapter with a teen rating and later chapters in this story will include sex, mentions of sexual abuse, and mentions of physical/emotional abuse (not between Ozai and Ursa). So just be forewarned. Another note for some of the comments... Ozai's love will be further explained in this chapter. I hope that clears up some of the questions you've been having. Also, now that Ozai is back from war it has been about nine months since the first chapter so it's not as fast as you might think. Anyways, enjoy! Please review!
"I love you," a pause, "most ardently."
Ozai's words, although displaying the most affectionate emotion a person is capable of, were intensely concentrated and spoken in a rush of passion that sounded almost like an accident. Ursa would never forget his expression. His dark eyebrows were slightly knit, a wrinkle appeared on his forehead. But it was his eyes that held his emotions the most. They were burning, as they always were, like a wildfire or a raging inferno, piercing into her very soul. But for all the similarity in his gaze there was something exceptionally different. Something she will never quite forget for the feelings it stirred in her stomach. She realized something.
For all their time together, and the many months that she had known him, there was always a barrier in his gaze. Something she could only glimpse at. She had likened this to the calculating depths of his soul, and indeed she was correct in that, but it was more than that. Ozai's eyes were always guarded. Every time she was with him, there was passion, or affection, or lust, but guarded they still were. She had never seen him in his truest state, overcome by passionate emotion, emotion that allowed him - perhaps forced him - to let down his guard, to take off his veil. He had never allowed himself to show her everything. All her doubts went away when she locked eyes with him then. It was as if a clouded glass had been broken and she finally saw him. No wonder she hadn't trusted him before, she thought, he kept himself so reserved and guarded she never truly saw him. His letters, the haste within their marriage was occurring, it all began to make sense. He was in love with her.
Despite all of Ozai's affectionate phrases and letters she had never truly contemplated this possibility before. It was uncommon, rare in fact among the upper classes, to ever find love in a marriage. All the time she had been with him, she had assumed he was simply carrying out his duties of status and lineage to procure a bride. Letters among the upper classes were meant to display writing prowess and status, and not often to display the earnest feelings of the writer. She had simply assumed. The gifts, the kisses, she all thought were seen as the common traits of wooing a woman to wife. Not among lovers. At least, not usually. Marriage and love were so often separated in royal marriages, she had not even truly thought of the possibility. She remembered something Ozai had said to her,
"Royalty almost never marries for love. My father did not, and neither my brother. It is not common for a prince." She had taken this to be an explanation of sorts, an unspoken acknowledgment of his feelings towards her. She had thought he had said it to explain why he would not love her. She had been entirely wrong. Ozai had not said it to dissuade her from the idea of his love, but rather to explain how odd his affections must seem. It explained why Ozai had not told his brother of her true relation to him on their first meeting. It was odd for a prince to marry for love.
Ursa was struck speechless. She sat in silence for a few moments after he had told her, her lotus bud mouth parted in shock and disbelief. Something in her very soul ached knowing that she was truly seeing him for the first time, and knowing that all that had happened before that was not the common rites of courtship, but instead a true representation of his love for her.
"Ozai," she breathed, a beautiful sigh. He tensed up slightly and continued before she could possibly reject him.
"These past months have been a torment. I decided not to return to the Earth Kingdom with the army in the fall with the single object of seeing you-I had to see you. I've fought against my better judgement, my family's expectations, and the inferiority of your birth by rank. In circumstance all these things I am willing to put beside and I ask you to end my agony." His words came out in a rush, one word ending where another began. His eyes a blazing wildfire as he voiced his passion to her. Ursa was struck as if by a bolt of lightning at the sincerity of his words and the expression of his emotion.
"I know you do not return my affections. I can see that now most clearly as we approach our marriage that the feelings I have go unrequited and that you have only been returning my affections as a placitude -" Ursa cut him off boldly, her amber eyes fierce with expression.
"You're wrong." Ozai breathed heavily, partly from nervousness and partly from the haste in which he had spoken. She came closer to him, grasping his broad shoulders before sliding her hands up to his neck.
"I do love you." Ozai's expression changed entirely into one of shock and then excitement. He smiled widely and she did as well before he leaned in. She relished in sensation of the kiss, of breathing fire.
In the week before the wedding, servants flittered around Ursa's house like birds. They went through her closet and her personal items, directed by her mother or occasionally her father who told them what things should be taken and what should stay. Ursa stayed quiet through most of the process, her head buzzing with the noise and her mind lost in a fog. She felt lightheaded from all the change around her. It was as if everything in her life was being swept out from under her. She thought that she should feel differently in the situation she was in, more assured, more in control. But then she supposed that there was no need for her to feel in control. Her life had already been decided for her by her parents and her soon-to-be-husband. There was no need to cling to any semblance of control. She was already achieving what most girls dream of only in their wildest fantasies: becoming a princess.
Ursa wondered what it would feel like to be royalty herself. She couldn't picture it, and yet she wondered what changes would occur in her. When Ursa thought of royalty she imagined a perfectly calm aura, the smoothest of words, and an undeniable sense of entitlement and importance. Ursa wondered if she would embody any of those things. She wondered if she really wanted to. She had expressed this one night to her mother who only assured her that she was having pre-wedding jitters and it was normal to have self doubt. Ursa shook it off. There wasn't time to think about such things anyway. It seemed as if every day there were more and more things to do to prepare for the wedding.
Her cousins arrived soon after, and the excitement of seeing them again overcame her apprehension. Her cousin Zara was the closest thing Ursa ever had to a sister. They hadn't seen each other as much in the past few years because Zara had gotten married, but when they were together again it was as if the time of their separation was only a few days.
"Ursa, the house is beautiful," Zara remarked happily, glad to be staying with family during the royal wedding. Her and her sisters walked through the rice paper doors and sat down on the tatami mats of the upper family room.
"When I heard the news, Ursa, I could hardly believe it! A prince! It's like a fairy tale," Anzari beamed, and Zara nodded happily. Ursa looked down coyly and blushed. She was not used to having so much attention. Usually it was her eldest cousins, Zara and Hana, that got the most attention. But they were married already, both tied to well-to-do rice farmers of the southern provinces.
"I know! You must be so excited Ursa, I can't even imagine. You'll be a princess soon!" The youngest cousin, not yet sixteen, giggled in delight at the thought. Ursa smiled and poured tea for her cousins. They all took a sip and Zara was the first to question it.
"What is this? The brew is delicious."
"Crown Prince Iroh gave it to me as a gift. Look," Ursa said, and dropped a small object into her teacup. Suddenly it blossomed into a flower, the water changing its shape. Her cousins laughed and peered to look at it.
"What is he like?" Hana asked, her curiosity overcoming her. Ursa smiled at the thought of him.
"He is very amiable and charming. He can always make you laugh. But he is most often away at war, of course." Her cousins nodded. Barely a moment went by before Zara asked,
"And what of Prince Ozai? He's the one you're marrying!" Her cousins laughed again and set down their teacups, eager to hear about him.
"He's handsome isn't he? He looks so handsome in the paintings," Anzari asked. Ursa smirked, that was one thing she had no doubts about.
"Yes, he is." The room again was filled with delicate laughter. Zara, who sat beside her squeezed her hand.
"You're so lucky! Tell us more about him! Is he like the Crown Prince?" All the girls scooted closer the the tea table, excited.
"No, not really. He's very intense, but kind. Passionate..." Ursa drifted into her memories. Zara smirked. Looking closely at her younger cousin.
"Passionate?" She asked suggestively, smiling and raising her eyebrows. The giggling began again. Ursa blushed again and looked down at her teacup. Hana scowled for a brief moment after Ursa didn't stop them.
"Wait… you haven't- been with him, have you?" Hana asked intently as her sister's eyes widened. Ursa scowled immediately.
"No! Of course not…" Ursa huffed, shaken, "I'm a maiden." Her voice was lowered to little more than a whisper as she was offended by the question and she raised a hand to nervously stroke her long hair.
"Of course you are. I'm sorry. It's just the way that you phrased it…" Hana apologized. Zara butted in in lieu of her sister. She always thought Hana too cautious and boring anyway.
"Nevermind her," Zara said, looking upon her sister's plain face, "He's passionate you say? How exciting-is he a good dancer?" She asks.
"He is. Though he's not very fond of it," Ursa explained. She thought of Sozin's birthday that night. She thought about his eyes. They were so intense, so fiercely passionate they almost made it seem like there was an edge of mania to his gaze. So similar to that of… Ursa shook her head. She told herself not to think of it. Besides, where his gaze used to scare her it made her feel entirely different now.
"Really?" Anzari asks, "You'd think he'd like dancing. His brother Iroh surely does…" Ursa smirks at her cousin's comment a bit. Ozai never liked being compared to him, and indeed they were very different.
"Iroh and Ozai aren't really alike at all. Ozai is a bit more serious. He can be funny, and charming, just-in private. He doesn't like large parties," Ursa explained, taking another sip of her tea. Her cousins nodded.
"He's more introverted, then?" Hana asked, interested.
"Yes.. Well-at least more than Crown Prince Iroh is." Zara poured more tea. The sun was rising in the sky as the morning grew on.
"So passionate how, then?" Zara asked as she raised an elegant brow. She truly was a beautiful woman, and she certainly was the most flirtatious in all Ursa's family. It had been rumoured that she had extramarital relations by some of her sisters.
"He's… romantic," Ursa said, thinking of his letters and his kisses and his gifts. Her cousins sighed and giggled.
"Romantic? Oh gods, Ursa, you've found yourself a prince charming, haven't you?" Zara jested. There might have been a ounce of jealousy in her words. She was only married to a rice farmer, after all.
"Have you kissed him?" Anzari wondered, excitement written all over her face. Ursa tried not to blush and she nodded coyly.
"Is he a good kisser?" Ursa bit her lip and almost laughed. She felt giddy to be saying such things.
"Yes," she nodded, definite in her answer. He certainly had more experience than her.
"Are you in love?" Anzari asked in all the naivete and innocence of a fifteen-year-old, and Hana rolled her eyes at the concept. Royal marriages were not about love. Ursa looked down at her hands that were folded delicately in her lap. She blushed furiously.
"Yes."
There was a silence, a confusion in the room.
"What?" Zara asked, taken aback. All of her cousins were gasping at the concept.
"Are you in earnest?" Hana asked, placing her hand on Ursa's arm as she looked up.
"Yes. We are." An even louder wave of laughing filled the room and Ursa couldn't help but smirk.
"I had no idea! I thought you too were arranged because of our familial ties. I had no idea…" Zara explained, shaking her head. The thought of such a thing.
"I thought it was arranged too…" Anzari said. Ursa pursed her lips.
"He's been courting me for some time. It wasn't planned." Her heart soared at that.
"Oh gods this is unreal, Ursa! Why didn't you write to us and tell us?" Anzari wondered. Ursa turned to look over her shoulder.
"I don't know. I was so preoccupied, I.. I didn't think of it. I'm sorry." Ursa apologized, looking over her cousins. Zara shook her head and said,
"It's alright. We're here to help now." Ursa scowled, confused.
"Help? What do you mean?" She didn't know what Zara was referring to. Zara and Hana shared a glance for a moment and then both laughed knowingly.
"Anzari, will you leave the room please?" Zara said, a bit of humor playing on her lips. When Anzari had left Ursa scowled a bit and looked over her older cousins.
"What are you going to tell me?" Ursa was beginning to expect the answer as Hana continued giggling, but that didn't stop the blush that came when her cousin spoke next.
"We're going to tell you about the wedding night."
A/N: Please review to tell me what you think! Also, a bit of a note. In Asian cultures in the past, particularly among royalty, these were the feelings of the upper-class about love and marriage. There were matchmakers in both China and Japan and people most always married for convenience or upward mobility. Not for love.
