A/N: screams loudly because the update had the word "alterniearth" in it


=== Be Karkat Vantas

Good God, I hate school.

I don't particularly hate the work, though my straight B's are basically achieved by doing the normal half-assed work slightly better than everyone else. I hate the people, but that's just life. I hate all people, just in general. The teachers are pretty terrible, true; I hate all of them for the most part.

But what really gets me is when they're all combined. One or two isn't bad, but all three makes me want to hurt someone.

Currently, I'm sitting at a lunch table with Aradia, Tavros, Nepeta, Terezi, Equius, and Feferi. Pretty normal, with a long table, chairs at the head and foot and benches along the sides. It allows for far more people to squeeze into a table than is probably healthy.

It's not really hard to tell who's in whose quadrant, like it rarely is. Nepeta and Equius are all cuddled up, or as much as Equius will allow, the perfect picture of moirallegiance, Aradia and Feferi are glaring daggers at one another, and Tavros is talking to Aradia and trying- if failing- not to sound like a broken record. Terezi and I are mostly just sitting together and observing the spectacle.

"Seriously," laughs Terezi quietly, "Feferi and Aradia are going to end up pailing at school, at this rate."

"Well, they already made out in the fucking hallway before school even started," I growl.

"Really?" A mischievous smile pulls at her lips. "You didn't tell me that, Karkles."

"I didn't really think it was something you needed to know." I roll my eyes, ignoring the nickname. "You and your creepy fucking pervyness."

She just giggles. "You know it."

I scowl and go back to sitting. I didn't actually get lunch. There's so many weird emotions running through my head, I'd honestly rather focus on being half-starved.

Startled, I jump as Terezi's fingers brush my cheek. "You okay?" Her voice is low, concerned. "You're acting weird, even for you."

"Just thinking." I shrug. "Never a fucking good thing, not when it comes to me."

"Eat," she commands, pushing her plate toward me. "I won't eat most of it anyway, it confuses me." Her plate's mostly vegetables, but much of the plate is taken over by a bowl of soup. From previous experience, I know that soup is Terezi's worst enemy. Because of how she smells and tastes in order to see, the colors versus the actual tastes in soups and casseroles annoy her too much, and so she mostly sticks to raw foods.

"Why the fuck did you even get soup?" I scowl, pushing it back to her.

She laughs. "Because," she explains, popping a grape tomato into her mouth and shoving the plate back at me. "I already know you. You never eat, and you need to get in that habit."

"I'm good, thanks."

"I swear to everything, sometimes I wish we were still matesprits," she sighs, teeth gritted, "if only because I could actually make you do things." Her face is set into her version of a glare, an expression I've learned to distinguish over the past sweep.

"Aching pain in my stomach- way fucking better than aching pain in my chest." Roughly, I shove the plate back to her. "You eat it."

She stops for a second, then grabs my hand and hauls me toward the outside of the cafeteria. I only really have time to process it after we're actually out of the room. "Whoa, Terezi, the fuck-"

By that time, we're out in the hallway, and she whirls to face me, cutting off my protests abruptly. "Okay, seriously, Karkat. What's going on?"

"I'm going on a fucking date with someone I held in my arms, covered in fucking blood," I spit. "Do you even know how fucking much this is going to hurt?"

"Who?" It's only one word, but there are so many questions behind it.

"John Egbert." I heave an annoyed sigh. "Stupid fucking human."

"What happened to him?"

I don't even hesitate in telling her. We're exes; I probably shouldn't tell her as much as I do. But I trust Terezi as much as if we'd never broken up. "He tried to fucking commit suicide. Long story short, I ended up at his apartment desperately hoping he wasn't going to die in my arms. I had nightmares, and it wasn't just Aranea and Serket, it was Egbert too, and I couldn't fucking help either of them."

There's a sharp pause, full of the tension I'm shoving into it, trying to push her away.

She nods. "It makes sense. And… you know how much I hate saying this, but you're never going to completely get over Aranea. It's never going to happen, because it was traumatic as hell. Someone you loved died. You have to understand that it's something that will hurt forever." Her arms cross over her chest loosely. "But you can still accept that hurt and try to continue."

"I'm trying." I scoff ever so slightly. "But this stuff doesn't fucking help. 'Oh hey, you might fucking die, let's just get together so I can hurt myself again. Sounds like a great idea!'" I snarl, clenching my hands in my hair. "Stupid bulge-biting, nook-chafing, slime huffing waste of time that I am."

Her hands reach up to mine, gently untangling them from my hair. "Stop putting yourself down so much," she says softly, cool hands surrounding my warm ones. "You have just as much right as anyone else to be happy, got it?"

"Tell that to Spiderbitch," I hiss. "Let's ask her about how, after this has happened four fucking times, I still can't protect her."

Terezi flinches slightly. "That's not your fault," she sighs. "You tried."

I roll my eyes. "Yeah, and I failed miserably."

"You did not," she insists. "You did the most you could. Nobody could fault you, because you couldn't have done anything more."

"I could've fucking tried," I snarl down at her. "I could've kept Gamzee away, I could've made sure Serket had someone to keep her safe, I could've-"

Cutting me off, her hand is sharply against my mouth, and her face is so close I can see sightless eyes through her sunglasses, blank irises staring up at me. "Karkat Vantas, listen to me right now," she spits, baring sharp teeth. "Vriska is messed up. But she was screwed long before any of this happened. I'm not a crazy bitch who says she deserved this, because she didn't. Nobody deserves any of that. But you did not do this to her! You have to accept that, because it's the goddamn truth!" With a sigh, her arm drops, hands going to my shoulders. "I love you way too much to let you do this to yourself, Karkat. Vriska is one screwed-up bitch. But she was always like that, and I know that better than anyone. Don't beat yourself up over her."

I pull her into a tight hug, wrapping my arms around her chest. "I try. But sometimes… I feel like I'm just this massive fucking failure. It hurts."

"I know." Her breath is hot against my ear, arms around my neck. "Believe me, I feel the same way sometimes. But after a while, you have to learn that you can only do so much."

"Yeah," I sigh. "The hard part is accepting it."

She nods, leaning back and running a hand through my hair. "You can do it, though. I have faith in you."

"Why the fuck did we break up?" I ask, a slight chuckle on my lips.

"Because," Terezi laughs, "we've always worked like this."

I shrug, nodding. "True. Nothing really changed when we got together."

"Except the pailing."

"It was awkward," I counter, mildly teasing.

She snorts. "I didn't hear you complaining."

"Touché." Smiling slightly, I brush my lips against her temple. It's so second nature, we've forgotten that it usually has romantic connotations. "You do make a pretty fucking awesome friend, though."

"You know," she replies, "when you get a new matesprit, they better not be super jealous. They're not going to like how touchy-feely you are with me."

"If I get a new matesprit."

"No, when," she insists. "You'll find someone. They'll fit you just right as a matesprit, in ways I just can't."

"Whatever," I sigh. "We'll fucking see."

She grabs my hand and presses her lips to it, leaving behind a wet, bright red mark.

"Exactly why the fuck do you even wear lipstick?" I inquire as she pulls me back into the cafeteria. "You lick it and it gets everywhere."

"You don't question the candy red, Karkles," she cackles. "Note how my nails and glasses are exactly the same color, and I lick those too."

I roll my eyes at her. "You're fucking gross."

"I know." She pulls me into my seat again; everyone's staring, but I honestly don't care. "I take pride in it." Once more, she pushes the plate of food toward me. "Now, am I going to force this stuff down your throat, or are you going to suck it up and eat it?"

I stick my tongue out at her, but take the soup. "Happy?"

"Very."