A/N
Ok…..PLEASE don't hate me. I'm an awful person, I know. My break was crazy then my computer decided to die on me and I finally got it fixed. I kind of put the story down at that point but now I'm ready to pick it back up and write like crazy.
Thanks for hanging in there with me, I really love this story and I'm glad others do too. Trust me, I wouldn't keep writing if I didn't have your support.
Here you are!
Fresh tears formed in her eyes but they didn't spill yet. She blurted out, "Emily's pregnant."
Her voice sounded strained but she kept it even. Blinking her eyes, one tear fell down her cheek. She turned her head to the side in shame. I saw her bring up her hands and furiously wipe her tears away in frustration. I could tell it was very difficult to let her guard down like this. She was definitely beating herself up from the inside for being vulnerable.
Seeing her like this caused me pain.
However, at the same time, I was confused. I wondered why she was so sad at hearing Emily's news. I knew that Leah was over Sam, maybe not over the bitterness and damage but she definitely wouldn't go back to him.
As I attentively watched her battle her demons, not knowing what to do, it finally dawned on me. It wasn't the fact that Emily was having Sam's baby, it was the fact that Emily could get pregnant at all.
One thing that we all had trouble getting used to when Leah joined the pack was her thinking about her 'feminine issues'. However, I do remember vividly, her freaking out one day when she thought she was pregnant. All she could think about was the fact that she hadn't gotten her period since she had phased. Quickly and sadly, though, she figured that was impossible since she hadn't had sex with anyone except for Sam and the last time that had happened was months before. Ever since then she has had to live with the fact that she may never have children.
On one hand, I understand how that can be depressing for a woman but I knew for a fact that Leah wasn't baby crazy.
She was all too forward about her dislike of Quil's doting on Claire, but that was most likely due to the imprint. Other than that, she just didn't seem very motherly. She was more like the tough younger sister where as Emily was the mother figure.
I really didn't know what to make of Leah's heart break. Sure, I knew her better than most but this woman could still have my head spinning.
Not knowing really what to expect, I gave the stupid guy response as I put my hand affectionately on her shoulder, "it's ok, Leah. I'm sure you could adopt…"
She whipped around to face me with blinding speed and grimaced. Knocking my hand from her shoulder, she said, "you idiot! I don't want children! Do you really think I'm one of those baby-crazy women who can't wait to be a housewife? Is that what you want from me?"
I immediately became defensive, "n-no! I've never thought of you that way! I just couldn't think of another reason why you would be upset at hearing that Emily is pregnant."
I was floored that she even let me get in a word edgewise. Like always, I thought I was going to get hit, but the blow never came.
She stopped seething and became speechless as she bit her lip in contemplation. Averting her gaze from mine again, she turned away from me also. She gave a heavy sigh, "well, it's not that…."
I gently placed my hand on her thigh, keeping it there even when she twitched at the contact. "Then tell me what the reason is. I'd like to understand" I stated while trying to peer into her face while she kept turning away from me.
Time ticked by slowly as I waited for a response.
I focused on her breathing and her heart beat. She still refused to turn or move as I kept my hand and gaze firm. She made a cross between a growl and a sigh as she put her elbow on her knee, then her cheek on her hand. She had closed her eyes and she finally peered to the side to look at me. It was a look of resignation.
"I know what all of you thought of me when I first phased," she sighed out as she twisted away from me. Her other hand started to hover around the hold I had on her knee. I had a feeling she was going to yank it off, but instead, she placed her hand tentatively on mine. If I wasn't so worried and attentive, I would have smiled like a dork. However, I kept looking at her encouragingly when she brought her gaze back to me.
"I'm a freak," she said with conviction. I opened my mouth to protest but she squeezed my hand to stop me. Running her hands through her hair, she continued, "I was involuntarily thrown into the 'boys club' and with that…I lost everything that made me feminine."
I made a slight chuckle. Before she could attack me for my small indiscretion, I explained myself, "are you kidding me, Leah? I think you underestimate how sexy you are." At the end of my confession, our eyes met and I couldn't help but feel a little embarrassed and I turned away. I scratched the back of my neck in nervousness and only looked back when she snickered.
When I had my attention back on her, she rolled her eyes at me in frustration and finally removed my hand from her leg. She huffed, "any man in drag could give off female sexuality, convincing even the largest homophobe."
She turned from me again, "what I mean is femininity. What I mean is being characterized as a woman in all aspects." Staring at her hands in idle contemplation, she seemed like she wanted to say something else. I hoped she would elaborate, I didn't really understand what she meant.
Figuring that I was waiting on her, she began again with an arduous sigh, "When I first phased, I had already lost what made me feminine on the outside. I stopped caring what I looked like or what others thought of me. The only thing I had that kept me sane, that made me a woman, was my fertility." At this point, she surprisingly turned to me and looked me in the eyes.
She gave an ironic chuckle as she looked off into the distance, capturing the memories, and said, "I specifically remember the day I phased. I had just calmed down and transformed back, I was tired out of my mind, both mentally and physically. I had been laying on my bed and I thought to myself 'life has changed drastically in just a couple of months.' I got up and I looked around my room. It had once been covered with shoes, clothes, and makeup. My drawers had once been home to sexy lingerie. But right then, as I looked at my room, the only thing that could have told you that a woman lived there was the box of maxipads on my dresser." Her eyes came back to mine after her reverie. She looked scared, like I had seen something I should not have. This caused her to shy away from me for the millionth time that day.
Her voice sounded so soft when she finished, "now, I don't even have that anymore. It's been years and I still haven't come to terms with it."
With her head down, she tried to save herself embarrassment, "I know that doesn't make sense to you, but it hurts me more than I would like to admit. In fact, I can't believe that I'm actually admitting all of this to you."
I gingerly took one of her hands and turned it over, playing with the lines of her palm, trying to calm her down. Despite some tension, she didn't seem opposed to the intimate contact. I told her, "you shouldn't be embarrassed. I like listening to what you have to say. It's about time someone cared about you."
I stopped my ministrations when she tilted her head towards me. Taking this as an opportunity to show her how much I cared, I leaned in to kiss her. At the last minute, though, she turned her head and I ended up kissing her cheek.
Even though I had just been rejected, I could help but laugh a bit at her childish behavior and comedic timing. I looked down back at her hand and gave it an affectionate squeeze. "You shouldn't be so hard on Emily; she was just trying to be honest with you. The loss of you as a friend had taken its toll on her" I said.
Right as the words left my mouth, I knew I was in trouble.
She let out a malicious guffaw and wrenched her hand from mine, "oh, yeah. Poor Emily! She has a husband and a baby on the way, not to mention she still has both of her parents AND she doesn't turn into a hideous beast!" With the last declaration, she raised out of her seat and threw her hands in the air.
Trying not to incite any more rage, I stayed in my seat but raised my index finger to my lips and mouthed, "my mom's right downstairs."
Realizing her outburst and the consequences of it, she stopped huffing, resulting in her crossing her arms over her chest.
Once she calmed down a bit, staring blankly out the window, I said in a whisper, "it's not all Emily's fault, you shouldn't blame her…"
Her head snapped so fast, you could hear it, and she raised an accusatory finger at me. "Emily already took one aspect of what made me a woman, the love of a good man. Then, she had to throw that last stone on the grave of my womanhood!" she shouted in a whisper at me. With one long breath she ended with, "I can't have children, and thus I am an asexual mess."
Putting her arms back to a fold and staring back out of the window, I took that as the cue to drop the subject.
Still sitting there, feeling like a bit of an idiot, I looked around the room nervously. I really didn't want her to leave; nothing good would come of that. I had to think of something fast before she all of a sudden jumped out of the window, which I now noticed was open. Music always helped me when life decided to piss in my direction. In these past few days I've also noticed that Leah felt the same way.
I got up from the bed and headed towards my guitar which was lazily lounging against the wall. Layla had helped me through many a rough time. Yeah, that's right, I named my guitar Layla. I know it sounds really corny but since I didn't have a girlfriend or a car, my guitar was my girl. Just as I thought of that, I realized it wasn't true anymore. I hadn't picked up Layla in almost a month, ever since I had realized how much I like Leah.
Once I got back to my bed, I lounged on the side farthest away from Leah, leaving room if she decided to join me. With any luck she would if my plan worked. I started to tune Layla a bit, and noticed how much dust fell as I picked her strings. Despite the slight distraction of my neglect, I began to play. It wasn't difficult to pick a song. I always felt an odd clarity of mind when I was with Leah. Well, at least when it came to music.
The beginning of Tom Petty's 'Mary Jane's Last Dance' wasn't as powerful when you play it on acoustic, but I thought it was still beautiful to hear.
Leah had been ignoring me pretty well this whole time, but I was glad to see her give me a side glance once I started playing. I couldn't help but smile.
"She grew up in an Indiana town,
had a good looking mama, who never was around
but grew up tall and she grew up right
with them Indiana boys on an Indiana night."
As cool as it would have been if I could play harmonica, I had not mastered that talent yet, so I whistled instead. Leah still faced the window and would stubbornly look back out when she caught me peaking at her. However, as always, her body gave away what she really felt. I noticed that she began to keep time as she tapped her right foot to the beat. With this encouragement, I continued:
"Well she moved down here at the age of 18,
she blew the boys away, was more than they'd seen.
I was introduced and we both started groovin'
she said I dig you baby but I got to keep movin'
on, keep movin' on.
Last dance with Mary Jane,
one more time to kill the pain
I feel summer creepin' in
and I'm tired of this town again."
By this verse I was really in the heart and soul of this song. I was so much in the zone that I barely noticed Leah's hips start to slowly swing to the music. It was a good thing that I wasn't singing because I would have definitely choked at the glorious site.
If that didn't take my breath away, the sound of her voice singing the next verse surely did. Before I could even open my mouth, she picked up the tune like she had been humming it in her sleep for years.
"Well I don't know, but I've been told:
you never slow down, you never grow old.
I'm tired of screwin' up, tired of going down,
tired of myself, tired of this town."
Hearing her beautiful voice sing one of my favorite songs did my heart good. I also realized how much truth the lyrics had when sung by her. I could even hear it in her voice. By the second line, she turned to me but she kept eyes closed as she got lost in the music. Her hips swayed in a sensual rhythm that almost made me lose time. My heart skipped another beat when she opened her eyes and began crawling on the bed on her hands and knees. I found my voice again for the next verse which seemed all too appropriate to what I was thinking:
"Oh my my, oh hell yes!
Honey put on that party dress.
Buy me a drink, sing me a song.
Take me as I come, 'cause I can't stay long"
Leah had stopped short of my legs and sat on her knees, giving me a grateful smile. This is what I envisioned the true Leah to be and I was happy to have been the one to bring it out in her.
I had stopped for a second, wanting to get closer and touch her when she took the opportunity to speak, "I hate to admit it, but you really redeemed yourself after putting your foot in your mouth."
I chuckled and retorted, "yeah, I tend to do that sometimes." I hung my head in mock shame and she snickered at my childish gesture. Then, she unexpectedly leaned to the left and sat in the spot next to me on the bed. Extending her legs out, she leaned back on the pillows and put her arms behind her head.
I was lost for words. It was alarming how sexy she looked to me in the most casual of positions. As I ogled her feminine form, she either ignored me or didn't realize what I was doing as she looked around my room in curiosity.
Once she had done her inspection, put her head back down, and closed her eyes, she said, "that was once my stripper song."
I shook my head in amazement then looked back up at her face with a very puzzled look. She opened her eyes and rolled them at my look of sheer confusion. Closing her eyes again, she elaborated, "every girl has their stripping song. Most girls would pick skankier songs like 'Cherry Pie' or 'Poor Some Sugar On Me' but I'm much classier than that."
I really didn't know what to say to that. I coughed lightly and said the first thing I could think of, "so why didn't you?"
She knew what I meant the minute I posed the question. Her eyes opened and she glared at me while I stared back innocently.
"Well now you'll never get to see it," she said triumphantly while she folded her arms back over her chest.
I shrugged, "eh, I've seen it all before anyways…"
Her eyes shot back to mine and she gave me a shocked expression as I smiled back at her victoriously. But my success was very short lived as she fixed a placid expression on her face and slowly got up from the bed, heading towards the window.
I immediately took my guitar from my lap, setting it next to the bed in haste, and climbed over the bed, all the way begging, "no! Don't leave! I didn't mean it!" I was hoping to God she would believe in my sad attempt to save my own sorry ass.
Kneeling on the bed, I caught her hips and as I brought her closer to me, she spun to face me. She had her arms crossed, as usual, while peering down at me with inspection. I looked up at her like a puppy who had just been scolded, which was a pretty accurate description.
I was about to say something when she gave me a very deliberate look of hatred, like she wanted to kick me across the room. It goes without saying that I kept my mouth shut.
After a couple of minutes, waiting for her to torture me in some terrible way, she all of a sudden unfolded her arms and I flinched involuntarily. Without skipping a beat, she gently curled her hands around my neck, bent down, and whispered in my ear, "I've got you SO whipped!"
I pulled back and watched her laugh at me, but I was not quite ready to lose. I started to tickle her sides, which I had once been holding, and she immediately collapsed in a fit of giggles in my arms. While still tickling her, I was able to get her closer to me, onto the bed. She fell down on the pillows and I unrelentingly tickled her until I felt my revenge was well served. Once I had stopped, she lay there gasping, and so was I, although I was propped up on my elbow looking down at her.
We had the most childish grins on our faces as we tried to bring our heart beats down a notch. I felt like a kid again.
"EMBRY!!!!! Honey, are you ok?!" mom yelled from down stairs.
Apparently Leah fallen a little too hard on the bed and had caught my mother's attention.
Leah and I both had amused looks on our face that said, "shit! She's going to catch us!"
I tried to stop laughing as Leah did the same by clasping her hand over her mouth. In order to placate my mother, I yelled over my shoulder, " yeah mom! I'm fine, I just stubbed my toe and fell on the bed."
At that lame explanation, Leah cocked an eyebrow at me and I shrugged. I couldn't think of a better excuse. Of course, I really should have because my mom was not convinced and she decided to come up and check on me anyways. The minute we heard her steps up the stairs, our looks of hilarity quickly turned to panic.
Leah promptly leapt off the bed and headed towards the window. Before she could go, though, I jumped after her and caught her arm.
Once she faced me, I breathlessly whispered, "I'll see you later, right?"
With an exacerbated smile she nodded and I caught her lips in a surprise kiss before she headed out the window. Lifting my head out of the fog of having her lips on mine, if only for a brief moment, I quickly sat on my bed and picked up my guitar. I tried to look calm as I leisurely picked at the strings in fake idleness.
Just a second later, my mom opened the door and walked in with a laundry basket perched on her hip. She looked around my room suspiciously and put the basket at the foot of my bed. Trying to be clever, I could see her peering under the bed quickly before she stood back up. I tried not to chuckle at her detective skills.
Seeing nothing there, she addressed me, "that ruckus was you stubbing your toe?"
She looked so adorable when she was tapping her foot and had her hands on her hips in accusation. I looked at her naively and said, "yeah, mom. What did you think it was?"
She gave me a glare that conveyed, "oh you think you're sooooo clever. I'll find out what you're hiding."
With that she gave silly excuse to pry further, "I should make sure you have enough clean shirts."
In my head, I gave a loud scoff. That lame fib was even worse than mine. She quickly walked to my closet and opened it abruptly, like she was trying to catch someone off guard. I couldn't help but chuckle.
She stood there for a moment, feeling defeated. Turning back to me, she shook her head in amusement, probably wondering why she had ever questioned her darling son in the first place.
Trying not to smile in idiotic accomplishment, I watched her pass me while keeping a vague expression on my face. Once she left my room, I finally took a large breath. I wonder what she would have done if she found Leah…
As I thought this over, I was pretty sure I knew the answer. She would look at us both knowingly and explain how she KNEW this would happen. Then she'd probably give me the longest safe sex talke of my life. Yeah, it was a good thing she didn't find us out.
Just as that last thought entered my head I heard a soft thump, and my eyes turned to my window. Leah was crouched on the ground, with one eye closed, most likely thinking she had hit the floor too loud. We both waited to hear if my mom was coming up the stair and heard nothing. With a confirming nod from me that the coast was clear, she stood up slowly.
Before I could get up or say anything, she took something out of her pocket and threw it at me. My wolf senses allowed me to catch it before it hit Layla. When I looked down at my hand I noticed it was my phone. Once I finally looked up, Leah was facing outward, sitting on the windowsill with her feet dangling.
Laying Layla on the bed hurriedly, I tried to catch her but she leapt earlier than I wanted her too. Once I got to the window, I called to her receding form, "Thanks!"
She ran off into the woods without another sound.
Thanks again for all the support and I hope you liked the latest chapter, I'll try not to have that big of a gap between chapters again.
Oh, and check out 'Gravel', my Leah Fanfic. I finally started writing this story in Leah's perspective and I really hope all of you check it out. I premiered it last time when I gave you chapter 10 of this story but I forgot to mention it. I haven't gotten much response from 'Gravel' so go check it out and tell me what you think.
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