Chapter VIII: The Chiselled Marionette

"Seriously?" Froslass snickered, glancing down at her plate of stale, moulding bread. "This is all we get? No butter, jam, vegemite or anything?"

Haxorus stabbed at her plate, wincing slightly as a green patch of mouldy bread stuck to her finger. After a moment of grimacing at her food, she turned to Vespiquen. "Hey, Vespiquen?"

"Hm?"

"Since you're a bee, can't you make honey?" the dragon-type asked almost desperately. "A spoonful of honey would definitely make everything taste better."

Vespiquen shook her head sadly. "No, I don't make the honey. The Combee make the honey."

"But you're the queen!" Skitty cried out incredulously. "Surely you can make honey too, right?"

"Nope," the bee replied. "I help the Combee make the honey by, well, certain methods. But they are the ones who are able to make the honey. Not me."

After exchanging baffled glances with each other, Skitty and Haxorus propped their elbows on the table, leaning closer towards Vespiquen.

"Wait, so how do you make them make honey?" Haxorus asked, bringing her voice down to a whisper. "Because I think there are some Combee on this island!"

Vespiquen's face flushed slightly, and she smiled weakly. "No, I wouldn't feel comfortable asking them to make me honey. Especially since I would have to help them, and you know, it'd just be awkward."

"How so?" Skitty asked inquisitively, tilting her head to the side. "How do you help them make honey?"

"I have to…" Vespiquen inhaled deeply, glancing around the room anxiously. "I have to do the thing with the Combee."

Haxorus frowned. "Do that what?"

"The deed."

"What deed?" Skitty chimed, her tail twitching as she furrowed her brows.

Vespiquen pressed her hand against her forehead. "You know, the birds and the bees? That thing?"

Skitty and Haxorus only blinked with confusion. Vespiquen huffed.

"Oh, never mind."

Meanwhile, Pancham was poking Lurantis with his spoon insistently, whining. "Come on, Lurantis! Just be good! It's not that hard! You can-"

"Shut up, Pancham," Lurantis hissed, smacking away Pancham's spoon. Hearing the clang of metal against the floor, many of the contestants turned to give Pancham and Lurantis a curious look, only for Lurantis to quickly wave away their concern.

"No! I am going to make you good and that is that!"

Lurantis arched an eyebrow. "Oh, really? And how do you plan on doing that? Please, indulge me."

"I'm going to-" Pancham quickly cut himself off as he realised that he had no idea what to say. "I will find a way! Okay? My tribe will be so proud of me once they realise what a nice gentleman I have made out of you."

"And what if you fail?" Lurantis retorted, lazily reaching out and plucking his food from his plate. "What if your tribe is currently laughing at your futile and foolish attempts to make yourself a martyr? What if they've already abandoned you?"

His face steaming with rage, Pancham snatched a berry from his plate and hurled it at Lurantis. The mantis, his reflexes sharp, jerked to the side just in time, leaving the berry flying straight towards Golisopod.

Growling with annoyance, Golisopod turned back indinantly, snarling, "Alright, who the fuck threw that at me?"

"Whoever it was, you deserved it," Salazzle remarked, ducking away as a piece of toast was thrown at her.

The toast, instead, was fired at Magikarp, who nonchalantly flopped against his seat. Pumpkaboo and Lycanroc, however, were bubbling with rage.

"How dare you!" Pumpkaboo shrieked, grabbing her fork and using it to fling out berries at everyone else. Lycanroc followed suit, tossing bread and sluggish porridge around the cafeteria in a frenzy.

Before everyone knew it, the hall was a mess, with food being flung everywhere and Pokémon scowling at each other with fury, frustration or even delight.

Pancham sat silently, his glowing radiance wiped away and replaced with a sulk. He glanced around the room, staring at the chaos he had caused.

"What have I done?" he muttered to himself, tears brimming in his eyes as he watched Mimikyu tear up as a slab of porridge slapped her in the face. "There's no integrity in any of this. All I wanted was for Lurantis to just-"

"To what?" Lurantis interrupted, leaning forwards across the table to grin at Pancham. "Look at what you've done, Pancham. You're so passionate about integrity, but you've only managed to create a disaster. What will all your friends think of you at home?"

The panda growled at him, ready to throw himself upon the mantis. However, as he took another glance around the destruction of the room around him, the relentless slingshot of berries and bread, his shoulders slumped with defeat, the burning passion on his face doused completely. "I… I just wanted you to be good."

"And I said no," Lurantis replied, tilting his head to whisper into Pancham's ears. "And there are two types of Pokémon I hate most in this world. You know what they are?" As Pancham shook his head, the mantis continued, "Pokémon who try to make me good, and Pokémon who waste food."

Without waiting for a response, Lurantis pressed his scythe against Pancham's nose, using his other scythe to gesture at the mess of food around them.

"And you, Nanny Pancham, are both of those."

0000

"Okay, so I overreacted by throwing food at him," Pancham admitted, glancing down at his hands. "And I know I'm always going on and on about integrity, but… I'm now starting to wonder whether Lurantis is worth it. There was a time where I would never ever let any Pokémon be bad, but now… I just feel exhausted. I don't feel that passion about making others become a better person anymore. The spark is just… gone."

0000

"Welcome to today's challenge!" Shaymin exclaimed cheerfully as the campers approached the large grassy meadow in the centre of the island. "Since you all have totally fucked up the cafeteria, your challenge today is to clean the cafeteria."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Stunfisk spat, her lip curled with disgust. "Because if anything needs a clean-up around here, it's your attitude."

Shaymin glared at the model. "Hey, cleaning up my attitude and that cafeteria would be nothing compared to trying to clean your face."

"You motherfuck-"

Before Stunfisk could continue, Shaymin clapped her paws together loudly. "Oh, just be quiet, will you? You're not cleaning for today's challenge; I was kidding. Your actual challenge is to climb up that mountain!"

With a grand gesture, she swept her paws to the left, pointing at a mountain not too far away. The distant mountain was harsh and ragged, composed of granite fabricated with thorny shrubs and thrusting spires of crumbling rocks, reaching up so high that it seemed as it the mountain was piercing the sky beyond the clouds. Just as a bird flew past the mountain, rocks began to crumble from the side, tumbling down the slope as more and more rocks joined the landslide.

After examining the steep slope of the fragile mountain, Shroomish gulped. "No, thanks. I'll just take the cleaning option instead-"

"Hell, no!" Incineroar snapped back. "We can do this. This is easy! We only have to climb a mountain. It can't get any easier than that."

Shaymin shook her head. "Actually, that's where you're wrong! Not only do you have to climb the mountain, but you will be given Disney based challenges along the way. If you find a piece of paper, read it because your challenge will be on that piece of paper. No psychic abilities or flying allowed for this challenge, understand?" After a beat, Shaymin gleefully continued, "Good. Begin!"

0000

"Wow, Shaymin," Salazzle remarked, shaking her head. "Making us climb a mountain that is bound to have landslides while quoting Disney? That has to be new."

0000

Froslass glanced at her team-members as they started to trek up the steep slope until her eyes landed on Gastly. Smiling kindly at him, she asked, "Hey, do you want to pair up, Gastly?"

With an excited grin, Gastly began to reply, "Sure-"

"Sorry," Buneary quickly butted in. "He's already travelling with me."

"Wait a minute," Froslass responded quickly. "Shaymin said nothing about groups or pairs, so we can just go together as a trio."

Gastly smiled brightly. "Sure!"

"Only if you can keep up with us," Buneary added with a scowl, before turning on her heel and marching away. Without a word, Gastly smiled apologetically towards Froslass before darting off to catch up with the bunny.

0000

"I'm not really sure if this relationship between Buneary and Gastly is healthy," Froslass pointed out. "But then again, it's none of my business."

0000

"Re-enact the scene from the movie 'Up' where Ellie Fredrickson is dying. You are to be her husband, Carl Fredrickson, and Garchomp is to be the dying wife," Lucario said, reading off a slip of paper he had found just at the bottom of the mountain. "Of course I get the movie where the wife - the love of my life - dies. Of course."

Garchomp snickered at him. "If I were your wife, I'd certainly want to die."

"Wha- ouch!" Lucario exclaimed, clutching his heart with his paw. "That's not very-"

"Lucario!" Shaymin called out from the side, shaking her head exasperatedly. "Did Carl ever yell at his wife in the movie?"

Lucario pouted slightly. "No, Shaymin."

"Then I would be quiet if you want to remain in the game."

"I'm not sure if I even want to be here with all my girls having to die once they are married to me!" Lucario protested. Out of his peripheral vision, he saw Stunfisk giggling slightly, before immediately covering her mouth and scowling.

0000

"Did I just make Stunfisk… laugh?" Lucario asked, mystified.

0000

"I wasn't laughing with him!" Stunfisk insisted. "I was laughing at him and his stupidity. Ugh. He is not funny. Not even a little bit. Nope. Not funny at all."

After a moment, though, she burst into hysterics. "But did you see his face when he read that paper about his wife character dying? Oh, that was gold!"

0000

"I can't believe we have to speak like the characters from Finding Nemo," Absol remarked incredulously, staring down at the paper in his paws. "Look, Espeon. It says it right here that-"

"I'm not touching it, and I'm not coming near you," Espeon hissed, sauntering away. "You're a bloody dark-type, for Arceus' sake-"

Absol shook his head, clucking his tongue. "Don't be like that, otherwise we will lose for our team. You have to sound Australian! And Nemo was not racist either. How about every time you think of something racist to say or if you feel like swearing, you spit out our best Australian impression instead?"

The psychic type only glowered in response.

Taking her lack of response as a response in itself, Absol grinned before asking, "Have you seen my son?"

"Fuck you."

"What was that, Espeon?" Absol questioned, winking and pointing to Shaymin was watching from nearby. "Do you want our team to lose?"

Espeon twitched her eye, before forcing a sarcastic smile onto her face.

"Crocodile Dundee!"

0000

"I need bleach for my mouth," Espeon hissed. "And if there are any leftovers, I'll be happy to feed it to that bastard of a dark-type."

0000

"Hey, Zoroark!" Meowstic called out, waving a slice of paper in his paw. "Looks like we've gotten our Disney film challenge."

Peering over his shoulders, Zoroark narrowed her eyes. "Cool. What do we need?"

After reading over the note, Meowstic crumpled it in his hands, shaking his head with bemusement.

"Poison. We need poison."


Most of the teams had already begun the tumultuous hike up the ragged mountain, several of them stumbling but catching themselves on sharp pinnacles of rock before they fell. Two Pokémon that were particularly struggling to haul themselves up the steep edge were Musharna and Pumpkaboo.

"Let's take a rest here," Pumpkaboo suggested, panting as she leaned against the wall. "We've come a long, long way."

Musharna glanced down the cliff before them. "Pumpkaboo… We've only climbed up two metres-"

"Shhh!" Pumpkaboo rebutted, before turning away adamantly. "We've done lots. Look! We even found a little cavern! Maybe there's a shortcut in here, or something." Without hesitating, Pumpkaboo shoved herself into the cavern, with Musharna obligingly following behind her.

After a moment of exploring the murky depths, Pumpkaboo found a small sheet of paper infringed between two slabs of stone. Pulling it out, she read it to herself, before turning to Musharna.

"Our challenge is based on Beauty and the Beast," she declared.

Musharna nodded her head. "Which character?"

"Forté," Pumpkaboo read aloud, before frowning with bewilderment. "Who the fuck is Forté?"

"Isn't Forté the…" Musharna's gentle voice was interrupted by a low rumbling echoing from the back of the cavern. Just as she raised her yes to source the sound, she found a large piano sitting idly, a random spotlight shining on it from Arceus-knew-where. "That's right… Forté is the piano… Or at least, the man who played the piano…"

Pumpkaboo bit her lip. "Do you know how to play the piano?"

"No…"

"Fuck."

0000

Pumpkaboo smiled somewhat shyly. "I… er… used to play piano. A long time ago. Like, a long, long time ago. As in, a long, long, long, long, long time ago. I mean, a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long-"

0000

Absol and Espeon, as far apart as they could be on the steep mountain slope, were calling out loudly to each other.

"Have you seen my son?"

"I swear to Arceus, Absol, if you say that one more-"

Absol snarled playfully. "Nemo! Is that the way you talk to your father?"

"If you're Nemo's father, I'm honestly not surprised that he fucking ran away."

"What was that, Nemo?"

Espeon growled at him. "I said-" Just as she was about to scream profanities, she held herself back and released a soothing breath. "I said Kangaroo's Pingas!"

Froslass, who was standing a slight distance away from them, twitched her eye.

0000

"What the actual hell is even happening on this show?" Froslass muttered to herself, shaking her head.

0000

Lucario and Garchomp were still at the bottom of the mountain, staring at the piece of paper in hand.

"So, how do I pretend to die?" Garchomp asked. "Why can't we just climb this mountain? I don't fucking know how to act."

"It's easy," Lucario offered. "Er, you just kind of, I don't know, pretend to strangle yourself and choke. When you're choking, it looks like you're dying."

Garchomp only blinked. "The fuck?"

"Here," the fighting-type sighed, reaching out with his hands. "I'll try to help."

As delicately as he could, Lucario placed his hands around Garchomp's neck. With a gentle squeeze, Garchomp immediately began to choke, her eyes widening as she gasped for breath. After a moment, Shaymin swooped down, screaming at the fighting-type.

"LUCARIO! STOP CHOKING YOUR WIFE! THAT IS NOT DISNEY AT ALL! YOU AND GARCHOMP ARE OUT!"

Lucario immediately released Garchomp's neck, allowing her to catch her breath.

"We were so close, too…" Lucario murmured.

The dragon-type only shrugged nonchalantly. "I'm going to throw rocks at Vespiquen."

"What? Isn't that a bit harsh?"

"Says the Pokémon who strangled me!"

0000

Lucario rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "Damn. I either call them beastly, or I strangle them, or I mistake their gender. There's just no winning for me, is there?"

0000

"Don't you think she's a bit clingy?" Froslass whispered to Gastly as they trailed behind Buneary. The two of them, being ghost-types, were easily just floating slowly up the mountain as Buneary pulled herself up with rocks.

"Shhh!" Gastly hushed, glancing up tentatively at Buneary. "Don't let her hear you. You know, she's battled and defeated a Salamance with a table only?"

Froslass rolled her eyes. "Please. A table? We're Pokémon. Who the hell told you that?"

"She told me!"

"She can't be serious," Froslass remarked dubiously. "What, did she squash him into a pressed grape or something?"

Gastly choked at the thought, his face turning pale. Before he could respond, Buneary stopped climbing and turned down to face them.

"No, I didn't squash him like a grape," Buneary answered. "I ripped the leg off the table and impaled the Salamance. Clean through the chest and into the wall behind him."

Without another word, Buneary continued to climb up the wall.

"Well," Froslass muttered. "I'll give you points for resourceful."


"Beauty and the Beast," Shroomish sighed as he read the paper. He glanced at Noctowl, who was struggling to climb up the mountain without flying, barely grasping onto the rocks with her talons. "I guess you're the beauty and I'm the beast?"

Noctowl opened her mouth to speak, but before she could, her wings began to expand, along with the rest of her body. She began to grow bigger and bigger, until her entire body was about a quarter of the mountain size.

"Noctowl!" Shroomish exclaimed. "You're… big?"

The flying-type glanced over her own body in horror "What just happened? I'm huge!"

"Yeah, you are," Shroomish agreed, before widening his eyes. "Wait, no, I don't mean that you're fat; I mean that you're, you know, bigger. Not bigger in that way, just bigger."

"I get it, Shroomish," Noctowl answered with a chuckle. "I get it. I'm not Stunfisk, remember? Not that Stunfisk is bad or anything. I'm just…"

Shroomish nodded in understanding, before asking, "But why are you big? It makes no sense."

"I have no idea-" Suddenly, Noctowl cut herself off. "Oh! Beauty and the Beast! Except you, Shroomish, are the Beauty and I'm the Beast!"

"Well, how do we climb up the mountain now?" Shroomish asked, gesturing to the enlarged body of Noctowl. "If we try climbing, this entire mountain will crumble under your weight - no offence. And you're not allowed to fly, either."

Noctowl shrugged her shoulders. "Looks like we'll just sit here until we find a way to the top."

"Please don't eat me," Shroomish joked half-heartedly.

The bird only huffed. "You wouldn't be much of a mouthful."

0000

"Why would Noctowl be the Beast?" Shroomish asked. "She's too friendly. I bet Shaymin only did it so that it's tiny mushroom paired up with big bird; to see whether Noctowl tries to eat me. Only Shaymin would be crazy enough to do that."

0000

"Prince Ali was a thief. So are you. Steal the rainbow headband from Exeggutor."

Banette's eyes widened as she read the paper again and again, before glancing up to stare helplessly at Exeggutor. To her surprise, the tree Pokémon was managing to walk right up the mountain without a struggle, walking up the slope as if he were simply walking on a pavement. Defying all laws of physics, the Egg Brothers walked up the vertical wall, as if their feet were sticking them against the stones.

"How are they doing that…?" Banette whispered to herself, before shaking herself out of her trance. She had to get that headband off.

She trekked after them, floating up the rocky edge, before reaching out and tugging at the band on their head.

"What do you want?" Tor snapped immediately, whipping his head back.

Banette smiled weakly. "I've come to take that headband off your head."

Egg and Ex exchanged alarmed glances, but Tor merely cackled. "You've signed your death warrant, you maggot!"

Though her eyes widened with worry, Banette resisted from shrinking back. "Please, just give me the band. What do you need it for, anyways?"

"To enslave us!" Egg shrieked suddenly.

Ex nodded in agreement. "To corrupt us!"

"O...kay?" Banette finally said, though tentatively. "And…?"

"Come closer," Tor hissed, his voice deep and cold as he attempted to glare at his brothers. "Then I might tell you."

The ghost-type took a step closer, but jerked backwards as soon as she saw Tor swipe his foot at her. Squealing slightly with terror, Banette asked, "What was that for, jerk?!"

"For trying to take away my band, bitch."

Banette arched a brow sceptically at the Egg Brothers. "Who gave you that band?"

"No one-"

Tor was interrupted by Egg, who hastily shrieked, "Magikarp! Magikarp gave it to us!"

"And why did Magikarp give you that band?"

"Because it's part of a trade we made," Ex explained, but Tor snarled.

Shaking his head hysterically, Tor growled. "Magikarp gave it to us because He is darkness, He is glory and He is eternal!"

0000

Banette stared wide-eyed at the camera. "I am so confused…"

0000

Primarina and Magikarp were the final contestants left stranded on the bottom of the mountain, unable to find a way to scale the jagged cliff. After a moment of patrolling the island, Shaymin found them lurking at the bottom, casually talking about the ocean.

"What are you two doing?" Shaymin asked abruptly. "The Kinky Kyogres are going to lose for the fourth time in a row if you two don't help them get to the top of that island."

Magikarp flopped helplessly. "If we even try to scale this mountain, the two of us will die and inevitably lose the Kyogres two more members. We are being wise."

"Fine," Shaymin stubbornly huffed, before grinning. "Since you two are water-types, I'll do you a favour. You still have to get to the top of the mountain, but instead of scaling it, you can take a dive in the ocean and find another route. That, and your challenge is to act like the members of The Little Mermaid, too!"

"But if we're underwater and roaming around the ocean, how are we supposed to get up to the top of the cliff?" Primarina asked, her face crinkling in bafflement.

Shaymin merely shrugged.

"Eh. Work it out for yourself."


"Look at that, Pancham," Lurantis snickered, pointing down the rocky cliff to gesture at Primarina and Magikarp. "Your two team-mates are unable to climb up the cliff, so they've started to retreat back to the ocean."

Pancham hesitantly leaned towards the edge, peering over the cliff. "Oh, those poor things! Maybe I should go down and help-"

"Help them climb to the top of the mountain?" Lurantis completed, grinning menacingly as Pancham nodded in agreement. "How do you suppose you'll do that? Carry them up? Don't tell her I said this, but I hear that Primarina is quite heavy."

"I…" Pancham bit his lip. "I will go down and help them come up! I have to. We must help all our team members, otherwise there's no integrity-"

Lurantis laughed sinisterly. "Oh, yes. Go ahead. Climb all the way down and bring them up. Your integrity depends on it. Go on."

"I will!" Pancham insisted.

"Good."

Just as Pancham was about to take a wobbly step down the cliff, he suddenly halted. His mind was swimming with thoughts; while his conscience screamed at him to help out his team-members, a part of him knew that it would be playing into Lurantis's hands.

Was he going to abandon his integrity; choose to do the smart thing over the right thing?

"Actually," Pancham murmured, heaving himself up again. "I'm not going to do it."

A glint of emotion flickered in Lurantis's eyes, so quick that Pancham could hardly distinguish whether it was amusement, frustration, surprise or all three. His lip curling up into a grin, Lurantis tilted his head mockingly to the side.

"What's this?" The mantis chided. "Is Nanny Pancham growing out of his pathetic fantasies of integrity?"

Pancham knew that Lurantis was trying to provoke him, just as he had done that morning with the food fight. Pushing back his every desire to reach out and punch the mantis, Pancham bowed his head down, glaring at the ground below him.

"Pancham isn't growing out of those fantasies," the panda whispered to himself, his voice heavy with regret. "Pancham is giving up on them."

0000

"I'm not falling for it," Pancham declared with determination, though the vitality that was always radiating from him was dulled completely. "I felt awful for it, like I've lost a part of myself. But I can't keep getting angry and trying to fight him every time he provokes me. And I can't keep trying to make him see the light when he obviously doesn't give a shit."

The small panda shook his head sadly, his eyes dim with sorrow.

"I'm not falling for it."

0000

"He didn't fall for it," Lurantis hissed. "He's giving up his own integrity for common sense."

Rolling his head back, he snickered.

"Good. I needed a challenge, anyways. And it's so much fun seeing all that energy and vibrancy drain out of him. Poor Nanny Pancham really is growing up."

0000

Mimikyu, her face bright with determination, forced herself to climb up the mountain, trailing a slight distance behind Ribombee. She knew that if she were to find evidence of what that bee was up to, she was going to have to keep him within an arm's length.

"You okay, Mimikyu?" Ribombee called out pleasantly from above. "It's, um, quite a steep mountain, isn't it?"

"Y-yeah!" Mimikyu hastily agreed, her entire body beginning to quiver with fear. "I'm fine! Y-you?"

Ribombee sighed sadly, leaning his head forwards to balance it against a rock. "I just miss Jigglypuff, really."

"I'm sure you d-do."

"Yeah, I do," Ribombee melancholically added. "I just miss her so much. She was such a good friend, and I'm usually really unlucky but she still stuck with me no matter what. We need more Pokémon like her in this world. She was so cute, and her voice was beautiful-"

As Ribombee began to ramble about the brilliance of Jigglypuff, Mimikyu halted in her tracks, completely bewildered.

The Ribombee she was seeing now was nothing like the one she had seen last night.

0000

"I dunno," Mimikyu sighed. "I can't tell! He seems so nice, and he's kinda shy as well! Maybe he's not as bad as I think he is. Maybe there is more to him? I just… don't know."

0000

"101 Dalmatians. You and Salazzle must pretend to be someone taking their dog for a walk."

Golisopod grinned as he showed the note to Salazzle, before gesturing at the leash that was lying limply on the ground. "Come on, Salazzle, you're wearing the leash."

"Hell no!" Salazzle refuted, kicking the leash aside. "I'm not being your dog. If you make me wear that, I will actually punch you in the face."

The arthropod snickered. "Please. Say something that will actually make me scared."

"You'll be scared when I skin you alive and squish your eyeballs beneath my feet."

"That's the spirit."

"Brute."

"Brat."

Before they could continue with their bickering, Shaymin sauntered past them, calling out, "Actually, Golisopod has to be the dog on the leash, and Salazzle has to walk him!"

As soon as the words left the host's mouth, Salazzle turned to grin devilishly at Golisopod.

"Buckle up, Brute."


"I don't know, I don't think it would be healthy for your ears if you let me play this thing," Pumpkaboo insisted, hesitantly eyeing the pianoforte. "You might not even like the timbre of a piano."

Musharna gave the pumpkin a curious look. "Worried about my ears… are you?"

"You might be in for a lot of pain if you listen to me playing piano."

"Self-conscious today, too?"

Pumpkaboo grumbled beneath her breath. "If Shaymin is snooping around, I'd really rather not have her tell Victreebel that I'm lousy at playing. Just… Stand in the corner if you don't want to suffer from the sound too much."

Chuckling in response, Musharna moved to where Pumpkaboo indicated.

Swallowing down her nerves, Pumpkaboo slid onto the smooth bench before her, folding back the lid of the pianoforte to reveal an array of gleaming black and white keys.

"I haven't played since I was much younger," Pumpkaboo admitted, her voice heavy with nostalgia.

"You don't have to play if you really don't want to…" Musharna offered gently.

Watching the keys of the piano glimmer in front of her, Pumpkaboo shook her head. "No, I must. For the challenge. Besides, there might not be another day I get to play. I would consider my life very sad if I never got to play again."

Musharna nodded, silently allowing Pumpkaboo to make herself comfortable. Without hands, Pumpkaboo leapt onto the piano, standing on the smooth and cool surface of the ivory keys.

"I need to warm up," Pumpkaboo blurted, plunging her feet into the keys as delicately as she could, a smooth wave of music pouring out of the instrument. Once she had started seeing the familiar notes in her mind again, the muscle memory sparking movement within her feet, she began to play the familiar chords that sang the song of her childhood.

Each melody she played told a different story; sorrowful stories of loneliness, light and dancing melodies of youthful innocence, complex and clever pieces that expressed the pain and beauty of breathing.

The music crashed around Musharna, roaring through the emptiness of the cavern. The hollow sound that had resonated the room suddenly overflowed with sound. With a final, explosive chord, Pumpkaboo ended the piece, panting.

When the pumpkin glanced up, Musharna's eyes were lined with silver, struggling for words. Finally, the psychic-type breathed out softly.

"Show me… Show me how you did that…."

With a bashful smile, Pumpkaboo closed her eyes, her heart thumping with excitement. Blinking back the memories that washed over her, she glanced fondly at the piano.

"We can come here every day, you know. We can come here and I can teach you how to play," Pumpkaboo offered.

Musharna nodded eagerly. "Yes… Please…"

0000

"I've never seen anyone play with such passion…" Musharna managed to mumble in a sort of trance. "It was beautiful… Simply beautiful..."

0000

"Give me the headband, please?" Banette asked once more, reaching over to clasp her fingers around the rainbow band. "We're on the same team, and my challenge stated that I had to-"

"No!" Tor shrieked, shaking his head furiously.

"Calm down, Tor," Ex warned.

Tor was too busy hissing at Banette to take notice of his brother's warning. As he continued to hysterically shake his head, the band around their heads began to loosen, sliding from the top.

Seizing the chance, Banette plunged her hands forwards and ripped the band from their heads.

"Gotcha!" She exclaimed. As soon as the band fell off their heads, however, the Egg Brothers suddenly lost their ability to stick onto the walls. Within seconds, the brothers were plummeting to the ground, crying out in dismay.

Banette instantly dropped the ring from her hands, covering her own mouth with shock as she heard a loud crash down where the Egg Brothers had landed.

"Sorry!" she called out to them. "I didn't realise that the band was the only reason you guys could stick to walls and things…" she trailed away, her brows furrowing.

"Wait a minute. Why do you have a headband that allows you to do that in the first place?"

0000

Banette narrowed her eyes. "Something is up with the headband. And it's about as fishy as the Magikarp that gave it to them."

0000

"Fight like Mulan."

Buneary blinked at the paper in her hand, before turning to face Froslass and Gastly. "Well, that's easy. But who am I fighting-"

Out of nowhere, a Slaking climbed down towards them shaking his fist mercilessly towards Buneary.

"Shit," Froslass and Gastly murmured in unison, but Buneary only grinned.

"Bring it on, big guy."

Slaking gave no warning as he attacked, feinting right and aiming low as he attempted to slice Buneary cleanly in half. The bunny dodged him with brutal efficiency, deflecting and positioning to the offensive before bringing her fist forwards and aiming a blow that left Slaking's ribs bleating in pain.

Grabbing a stick, Buneary went to sweep Slaking's legs out, but the Slaking stomped hard enough on the stick that it snapped in two. As it did, Slaking twisted, lunging to bring his own fist into Buneary's face.

Catching the fist with both of her hands, Buneary dodged, going low, and kicked at the Slaking's legs again, sending the large Pokémon flying to the ground, gasping for breath as pain raced through his body.

Gastly and Buneary's jaw dropped. They knew Buneary was tough, but they had no idea she was that tough.

"Well, you certainly made a man out of him," Froslass remarked.

Buneary grinned triumphantly. "Fuck, yeah, I did!"

"YOU'RE OUT!" Shaymin called from above. "Mulan never swore in the Disney film now, did she? Come on, people. This is Disney, not fucking Cabaret!"

"That's not fair!" Gastly protested boldly. "She beat that Slaking real good!"

Shaymin cackled. "Life isn't fair. Deal with it!"

0000

Buneary pouted her lips. "Aww. And I was having so much fun, too."

0000

"You three must be the three witches from Macbeth."

Haxorus groaned dismissively at the large pot of bubbling stew in front of her, before turning to face Skitty and Stunfisk. "Wait, but the three witches aren't even Disney!"

"Yeah," Skitty agreed. "Macbeth is Shakespeare, not Disney."

"Plus, I would hardly consider myself a witch," Stunfisk added, rolling her eyes. "Where is Shaymin? Tell that ratty host to get her ass down here!"

Within moments, Shaymin had appeared, her face a deadpan.

"Do you three want to be automatically eliminated, or what?" she asked with a snarl.

The three Pokémon exchanged nervous glances before immediately crowding around the brewing pot and chanting in hushed, wobbly voices.

"Double, double, toil and trouble…"

Shaymin grinned.

"That's more like it."


"Why is Garchomp throwing rocks at us?" Krokorok asked, jerking himself backwards as he avoided yet another swarm of pelting rocks.

"She's not throwing them at us," Vespiquen sighed, frowning. "She's throwing them at me. I hope you don't feel too violated."

Krokorok gave her a sceptical look. "Why do you just let her push you around? Why don't you just tell her off or anything?"

"Vengeance is never a good thing, Krokorok. A queen would never act upon vengeance."

"But she hurt you!" Krokorok insisted. "You can't just let her get away with it."

Smiling sadly, Vespiquen patted Krokorok gently on his head. "Plenty of Pokémon have hurt me. If I'm going to go after every single one of them, I'm going to have a busy life ahead of me." She began climbing ahead, but after a moment, she realised that Krokorok was no longer following her.

Instead, the crocodile had his arms folded across his chest. "So you're just going to let Garchomp get away with bullying you on live television, where all your bees can see you being dishonoured and, in turn, lose their respect for you?"

Vespiquen opened her mouth to protest, but clamped it shut immediately.

"Trust me," Krokorok said, glancing down. "I know. I've been bullied before."

0000

"I don't know what to do anymore," Vespiquen confessed, burying her face into her hands. "A queen would never do anything for revenge, and I must be a queen. But Salazzle and Krokorok have both been encouraging me to step up for myself. But what will the bees think? Will they be proud of me for fighting back, or will they be disgusted by any sort of malicious behaviour from me?"

0000

"Re-enact everyone's favourite, dramatic scene from The Lion King, in which Scar pushes Mufasa off the cliff."

Lurantis grinned at the cliff before them, before waving the paper in front of Pancham's face. "Looks like you're going to have to fall off the cliff, Nanny Pancham. Take one for the team, hey?"

To his surprise, Pancham obliged without a remark, his usual fierce flame completely extinguished. After taking several steps towards the edge, though, his steps faltered.

"No."

The mantis arched his brow at the panda. "Pardon me; did you say something?"

"I said no," Pancham answered, turning around. "No, I'm not being your toy. No, I'm not going to let you push me off the cliff." Rather than the childish, stubborn voice that Lurantis was used to hearing, Pancham spoke in a low, declarative voice, firm with conviction and maturity.

"But you must," Lurantis retorted. "Why, the challenge says that you must."

Pancham shook his head. "No, it doesn't. It just says that one of us has to. You can be the one to fall off the cliff, you know." With a quick lunge, Pancham grasped onto Lurantis's scythe, before wildly tossing him towards the cliff.

The rocks at the edge crumbled as soon as Lurantis's feet came into contact with them, his pink pants bristling against the disintegrating rocks. Without warning, the ground below him collapsed, leaving the mantis hanging at the edge, desperately clinging onto Pancham's hand.

Rather than being scared of the fall that was to happen if Pancham were to let go, Lurantis glowered at the panda.

"You're really going to throw me off the cliff?" Lurantis spat. "Where is your integrity, Pancham? Where is all that bullshit that you had been going on and on about? The Pancham with integrity would have stepped up and taken the fall instead, rather than making his poor teammate do the dirty work. Where has your integrity gone?"

Pancham blinked miserably before opening his mouth to speak.

"It's about to take a great, big fall."

With that, the panda threw the mantis off the cliff.

0000

"I had to do it," Pancham despairingly protested. "I had to abandon my integrity. And my tribe can hate me for that."

Wiping back furious tears, Pancham shook his head. "I had to. I couldn't just let him make my integrity my own weakness. I have to be smarter. Even if it means that I have to abandon all hope of making other people good. Because, these days, no good deed goes unpunished. Ever."

0000

Primarina blinked back her surprise. "Did I just see Pancham push Lurantis off a cliff?"

0000

"Jeez," Shaymin murmured, heaving a sigh. "It sure is taking forever for these troops to climb up a simple mountain."

After a moment, she heard a hysterical shriek from above, and looked upwards in horror to see Primarina and Magikarp flying straight towards her, balancing carefully on a wave of water.

The water swept over the mountain, causing it to rumble as the wave smacked over the loose rocks. Her flower-crown drenched, Shaymin glared at the water-types.

"How did you-"

"Surf," Primarina cut in, grinning at Magikarp.

The fish splashed on the land. "Fuck yeah."

Shaymin pouted her lip. "While impressive, you two are out. After all, neither Ariel nor Flounder would swear in a Disney movie."

The two water-types dropped their jaws.

"Are you kidding me?"

"Fuck you."

Shaymin shrugged her shoulders. "I never said the challenge was going to be easy. The real challenge for you lot is to learn how to keep your mouths clean."

0000

"Honestly," Primarina huffed. "This show can be so covfefe-"

0000

"Sing the song at the start of The Lion King," Incineroar read aloud, before groaning. "Seriously? Who even knows the lyrics to that song? Hell, Shaymin doesn't even know the name of the damn song-"

"NANTS INGONYAMA BAGITHI BABA!" Lycanroc belted at the top of his lungs, clapping his hands proudly. "Your turn, Incineroar!"

"I don't know the lyrics."

Lycanroc shook his head stubbornly. "For the Meat Train! For the team!"

With a sigh, Incineroar glanced out at the horizon, scowling at himself as he took a deep breath in.

"NAAAANTS SO WHEN YAAA GONNA BUY ME PIZZA YA!"

From above, they could hear a snort of laughter.

"Close," called out Shaymin's voice. "But not close enough. You're out!"


Pumpkaboo and Musharna were still seated on the piano, Musharna hesitantly placing her little feet against the keys as she followed Pumpkaboo's instructions.

After a moment of teaching the psychic-type the several harmonious scales, Pumpkaboo suddenly leapt up from her seat.

"Shit! The challenge - we completely forgot! We need to climb up the mountain, too!"

They both rushed out the cavern, craning their necks to glance towards the peak, to measure how much further they had to climb.

Just as they stepped out of the cavern, a large rock fell for Musharna, with Pumpkaboo shoving Musharna out of the way just in time. They both watched with unadulterated terror as the rock smashed on the ground beside them, splitting into fragmented shards.

"Actually," Pumpkaboo began, glancing back up at the mounting. "Can we go back inside and keep playing piano instead of facing our deaths?"

"Good idea…"

0000

"Would I like to actually participate? With those rocks, no. Can I participate?" Pumpkaboo rolled her eyes, then proceeded to point at her short, stubby legs. "No."

0000

"I can't do this, Krokorok!"

The crocodile sighed at Vespiquen. "But you have to. The challenge is literally asking you to be Ursula and steal someone's voice. It can't be that hard."

"But how do you take away someone's voice?"

"Um…" Krokorok shrugged his shoulders. "I'm not sure."

As they continued to trek up the mountain, a voice hissed at them.

"Pst! Vespiquen! You'll never be able to fulfil your task! You're too pathetically nice!"

Both Vespiquen and Krokorok turned to see the source of the voice: a Seviper, who was grinning menacingly at them.

"Ignore her, Vespiquen," Krokorok advised as he continued to climb up. Vespiquen, however, lingered behind, watching the snake with beady eyes.

"What did you say?" Vespiquen asked politely, balling her fists.

The Seviper slithered towards her, grinning sardonically. "I said that you're pathetic. You know you are. Your bees know you are. They've lost all their respect for you by now, especially seeing how much you're allowing yourself to be bossed around by some random."

"What else can I do?" Vespiquen retorted. "Vengeance is not-"

"Queenly?" Seviper responded with a snicker. "Neither is acting like a meek little princess. You're not fit to serve. That's that."

Suddenly, Vespiquen felt a wave of heat rush through her body as she fumed with an inexplicable spark of hatred. Her veins burned with resent at the Seviper; barely being able to hold herself back from throwing herself at it.

She couldn't stand it any longer. Everyone was bossing her around. From Salazzle and Krokorok's continuous pestering, to Garchomp's relentless bullying and now to the Seviper's merciless abuse. It was too much for her. Too much.

Without warning, she lunged forwards and grabbed Seviper's tongue.

"I've tried to have patience," Vespiquen pointed out. "A queen never gets angry. But I am so, so sick of you. You hear me? Sick of it!"

With a tug, she ripped the tongue out of Seviper's mouth.

And to her horror and amazement, she enjoyed it.

She didn't enjoy ripping out the tongue; no, she found it gruesome and horrendous. But a kernel within her felt relieved at the thought of justice being served; at the thought that she finally managed to dish out revenge without having to contain herself.

It felt so good to be able to stand up for her own pride as a queen.

"Erm, wow," Shaymin chimed from above, her eyes wide with surprise. "I guess you managed to get rid of someone's voice, Vespiquen. While that's kinda cool, that's not exactly how Ursula did it. Ripping tongues out is kind of gross. So, you're out!"

Vespiquen turned to face the Seviper, smiling apologetically. "I'm really sorry, but you were kind of being a jerk and I needed to do it. I never knew that revenge could feel this good!"

Nodding with caution, the Seviper darted back into the hills, not daring to look back.

0000

"Okay, I admit, that was kind of horrible," Vespiquen admitted. "But that was my first time ever doing anything out of vengeance. And it felt so… liberating."

0000

"So since you're too big to climb up this mountain, how can we get to the top?" Shroomish asked, sighing as he huddled up against the wall. "I feel like Shaymin just wanted to screw us over so that the Kyogres can finally win a challenge."

Noctowl glanced up thoughtfully, before her eyes brightened. "Maybe we're not supposed to make it to the top! Maybe our purpose in this challenge is to send all the Kyogres back down, so that someone from the Groudons does win."

After a moment of pondering on it, Shroomish grinned. "That's perfect! You're big enough that, with one flap of your wing, you would send anyone coming up this way. That's a great idea, Noctowl!"

"Thanks, dude," Noctowl answered, glancing down humbly. "And look! I think I hear someone coming!"

They both quieted down, and sure enough, there were two voices snapping at each other from a distance. The silhouettes of the voices came into view, revealing it to be Salazzle and Golisopod.

"Stop tugging me so hard!" Golisopod scowled, gesturing at the leash around his neck. "Otherwise I will bite you."

Salazzle rolled her eyes. "No, you can't. You're on a leash."

"Leashes can snap."

"So can your head."

Restraining herself from chuckling, Noctowl winked at Shroomish before extending her wing and gracefully flapping it. As soon as she had done so, a heavy gust of wind was blowing away at Salazzle and Golisopod, firing them straight off the edge of the mountain.

"This is your fault!" Golisopod was growling at Salazzle as they fell down the hill, their voices fading. All Noctowl and Shroomish could hear afterwards was the pair screaming profanities at each other.

Exchanging a triumphant glance with Shroomish, Noctowl grinned. "We did it!"

To her dismay, though, Shroomish's face was pale.

"Erm, Noctowl?"

"Hm?"

Shroomish gulped. "That was Golisopod and Salazzle!"

"So?" Noctowl asked, staring at the mushroom sceptically.

"THEY ARE ON OUR TEAM!"

Noctowl's eyes widened.

"Well, shit."

0000

Salazzle folded her arms, glaring. "If either of those two have a backbone, they won't even bother coming to the elimination ceremony."

0000

"Are you okay?" Ribombee asked Mimikyu, his voice soft and shy. "I dunno. You've been staring at me funny this entire time."

Mimikyu nodded her head rapidly. "Y-yes. Definitely!"

The bee glanced down below. "I can't believe how far we've made it; we're already halfway up. Usually, with my bad luck, I'd only be-"

Before he could finish, he heard screaming from above. Glancing up, his face turned pallid as he saw both Golisopod and Salazzle falling down, with him directly in their path.

"Uh-oh."

As soon as he uttered the words, Golisopod had smacked into him, sending him falling to the ground along with the arthropod and reptile. Mimikyu watched with wide-eyed horror as the three of them crashed with a resounding thud.

"Well," she murmured to herself. "He certainly wasn't lying about his bad luck."


"How many more metres do you think we have left to climb?" Zoroark asked, her voice heavy with exhaustion.

Meowstic merely arched his brow at her. "Do you really want me to tell you how much in metres? I think kilometres would be a better unit, considering how much we have left."

"Damn," Zoroark cursed, heaving herself onto a ledge and resting for a moment. "I think we should catch a quick break, because my paws are covered with sweat. If we keep this up, I'm going to slip and fall."

"Great idea," Meowstic replied with accordance, gesturing at a small opening. "Plus, there seems to be a small cavern there; we can rest there without risking falling off this mountain."

The two nodded at each other before strolling into the cavern, only to be greeted by Shroomish and an enlarged Noctowl.

"Noctowl?" Zoroark managed to stammer, her face twisted with mystified awe. "Why are you so big?"

The owl shrugged, smiling weakly. "We're supposed to be Beauty and the Beast, and she's the Beast."

"Aren't you supposed to be running away from her, Shroomish?" Meowstic asked, bemused as he examined the height difference between the pair. Shroomish shook his head.

"Stockholm Syndrome."

"Ah," Meowstic breathed in understanding.

Zoroark, on the other hand, seemed dubious. "Wait, you guys are on the Groudons and Meowstic and I are on the Kyogres. Should we even be chilling with you guys?"

Smiling brightly, Noctowl nodded eagerly.

"Be our guest!"

0000

Meowstic's jaw dropped. "I didn't even realise we had a Noctowl in this show!"

0000

"So, apparently, as part of our challenge of being three witches, we have to make prophecies and predict the future," Haxorus explained, showing Skitty the back side of the paper.

Skitty squinted as she read the traces of ink. "And apparently, if one of us gets a prophecy wrong, all three of us will be out of the challenge."

"Alright then," Stunfisk sighed. "Though I still do not see why these fake pimples are necessary. Do all witches have to have pimples?"

"Those aren't fake," Haxorus noted. "Those have always been there on your-"

Skitty, seeing the Stunfisk's face flush with anger, immediately hushed Haxorus by exclaiming, "My prophecy is that… um… I bet Ribombee and Jigglypuff are in love!"

"I bet that Lucario and Stunfisk will fall in love," Haxorus replied, winking at Stunfisk.

Her face seething with irritation, Stunfisk flicked her imaginary hair to the side as she said, "I bet that, due to my stunning looks and beauty, the Groudons will have yet another successful victory!"

"One of you is wrong," Shaymin informed them through the loudspeakers. "I won't say who, though. You're all out!"

And without another word, the rocky ledge crumbled beneath the three witches, and they screamed as they tumbled down onto the ground, the rocks crashing down with them.

0000

"I wonder which one of us were wrong," Haxorus curiously muttered, her head tilted to the side. "It was probably the one Stunfisk said about our team winning. Maybe the Kyogres will finally win a challenge."

0000

"So, now that you're all big, Noctowl, do you feel any changes?" Zoroark asked as her, Meowstic, Shroomish and Noctowl all sat inside the cavern, stretching their legs as they relaxed. "Is it like being pregnant?"

Noctowl nodded slightly. "Well, I am hungrier."

Exchanging a quick glance with Zoroark, Meowstic leapt to his feet. "Lucky for you! On our way up, we were just collecting some food."

"What sort of food?" Shroomish asked, his eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"Apples," Zoroark answered curtly.

Seeing the suspicion increase on Shroomish's features, Meowstic quickly added, "You know how in Mystery Dungeons, we usually take apples to replenish energy? We decided to do that, too. We already ate lots on our way up, though, so we may as well share them with you."

Though tentative, after hearing a large rumble echo from Noctowl's stomach, the group agreed.

However, as soon as Noctowl tossed an apple into her mouth, she start choking, belching out bits of apple as she coughed hysterically. Shroomish, too, was gagging on his own apple, rolling around the ground and convulsing as he squirmed.

Within seconds, Noctowl and Shroomish fell unconscious.

Meowstic reached out to high-five Zoroark. "Hell yeah! Snow White and Poisonous Apples for the fucking win!"

Returning the high-five, Zoroark took another glance up the mountain.

"Let's get climbing. We might just win this challenge!"


"G'DAY MATE!" Absol yelled out to Espeon over the roaring wind as they continued trekking up a narrow pathway that spiralled around the mountain. "HAVE YOU SEEN MY SON?"

Though her face was contorted with disgust, Espeon had no option but to reply, "STOP CRAWLING MY KOALAS!"

"DARK TYPES ARE FRIENDS, NOT FOOD!"

"GOOD ONYA!"

"COME HERE, NEMO! COME HERE MY LITTLE SQUISHY!"

Espeon growled at him as they neared the top of the mountain. "SHUT YA GOB!" As Absol approached her, she hissed viciously at him, snarling as she revealed her sharp fangs at him.

"BAD SQUISHY!" Absol shrieked in response. "BAD, BAD SQUISHY!"

0000

Absol shuddered. "Espeon can be downright terrifying at times."

0000

"What the fuck is all that ruckus?" Shaymin snapped as she peered down from her position at the top of the mountain. As soon as she saw Absol and Espeon, she deadpanned. "Seriously? These guys are going to be the first ones up?"

Just as Espeon's paw touched the top ledge of the mountain, another paw appeared beside hers; a black paw with sharp nails protruding from it. At first, Shaymin had assumed that it belonged to Absol, but then she realised that the nails were accented with red.

The paw heaved itself up at the exact same time as Espeon, revealing Zoroark. Both Espeon and Zoroark glared at each other.

"I was here first," Zoroark stated, crossing her arms.

Espeon merely rolled her eyes. "Please. Have you always been this delusional?"

Before they could continue bickering, Absol and Meowstic had clambered to the top to meet their team-mates, all of them halting in their steps as soon as Shaymin started to hum thoughtfully.

"Well," Shaymin started, eyeing the two dark-types and two psychic-types. "It was a tie. So, I guess we'll have to have a tie-breaker. Fuck. Um…"

"First one to get to the bottom of the mountain?" Absol suggested.

Her brow arching, Espeon snickered at him. "I swear to Arceus, if that's the tie-breaker, I am going to push you off this mountain just so that you can be the first to the bottom."

Shaymin shook her head. "Nope! Better idea! You know how Disney movies always find a way to make you cry? They tell a sad story, they make you laugh so hard, they kill off amazing characters; they always find some way to bring a tear to the viewer's eye. Your tie-breaker is to bring a tear to my eye! You have two minutes to talk to your partner about how you're going to do it. Your time starts now!"

As soon as Shaymin sauntered away, Espeon sighed.

"How are we supposed to get a tear in Shaymin's eye in the first place?" Espeon asked rhetorically, glaring at Absol as soon as he opened his mouth to speak. "I know what you're going to say, Absol. But no, we can't do humour; you're not funny. But what else makes Shaymin cry?"

Absol frowned, before jokingly saying, "We could always just poke her in the eye; that will get a tear out of her."

"Wha-"

"You know," Absol quickly spoke. "Everyone tears up when their eye is poked. I think it's called reflex tears, where the amount of liquid produced by the eye is affected by an external stimulus. So by tearing up, it kind of washes away the irritation from the eye-"

Espeon's eyes widened suddenly. As soon as Absol saw the sly grin creeping up her face, Absol gulped.

"Espeon? Why are you smiling like that?"

Before the psychic-type could respond, though, Shaymin's vibrant voice spoke.

"Time is up! Let's start this tie-breaker!"

His face creased with worry, Absol called out, "No, we're not ready-"

"We are definitely ready," Espeon snickered, strolling past Absol and walking towards Shaymin. Without so much a word of warning, Espeon's tail reached out and jabbed Shaymin's eye.

The host scowled furiously, darting to the side as she hissed. "Hey! What the actual fuck was that for?"

"We're trying to get a tear in your eye."

Sure enough, a tear was glinting in Shaymin's left eye, slipping out of the eye socket and down onto her cheek. Gnashing her teeth together, Shaymin turned away. "Fine. Whatever. Next! Zoroark and Meowstic!"

The two Pokémon strolled towards the centre of the platform.

"We've decided to tell you a story that we managed to come up with," Zoroark started. "So once upon a time, there was a boy named Greg. Greg had a good dad."

"No," Meowstic interjected quickly. "Greg had a great dad."

Zoroark nodded. "Yep. A fantastic, great Dad."

"Because his dad bought him a Gameboy and five games, Greg got into video games," Meowstic explained.

"Better yet, they played Pokémon games. And the best part was that he and his dad played all the games together."

Shaymin crooned slightly at the sweetness of it, gesturing enthusiastically for the pair to continue telling the story.

"When Pokémon Gold and Silver came out," Meowstic continued. "Greg's dad bought another Gameboy, and gave Greg the new Gameboy and took the old one for himself."

"Greg got to play Gold…" Zoroark began.

Meowstic finished the sentence for her. "And his dad got to play Silver."

After a dramatic pause, Zoroark continued, "They played together, and it was lots of fun. They chose different starters, traded different Pokémon back and forth and filled out the Pokédex together using father and son team-work."

Leaning back, Meowstic drawled, "Life was good for Greg."

"Aww," Shaymin squealed. "How sweet!"

"Yes, very sweet," Zoroark agreed, before her features darkened. "But then, Greg's mother divorced his father."

There were several gasps of shock around the mountain.

"Don't worry," Meowstic reassured the audience. "He still came over to see Greg all the time."

"He never had to pay child support," Zoroark remarked. "But he still did it despite having little for himself, just because he loved his son that much."

Meowstic pretended to dramatically wipe away a tear. "He would always ask Greg what games he was currently playing."

"And even if he had no idea what Greg was talking about, he'd still pretend to understand; so they still had the same amount of fun," Zoroark explained, smiling wistfully.

"Life went on like that for Greg for years and years."

"But then… Greg's father got cancer."

Yet again, the crowd - the multiple grass-types who had appeared atop the mountain - gasped with horror, several of them already sobbing.

Once again, Meowstic chimed in by saying, "Don't worry, he beat it. Which means that he and Greg continued to have fun times."

"Except," Zoroark butted in. "The cancer came back and silently killed Greg's dad."

Nodding sadly, Meowstic sighed. "So Greg went to his father's house to collect his things."

"There really wasn't much there, since his father had already just about given all his money to help Greg get through school."

"But, at the time of this story, it turns out that Pokémon Heart Gold and Soul Silver were coming out."

Zoroark clutched her chest as she delivered the final line. "And Greg's dad had the date it was coming out marked on his calendar on his desk, planner and fridge."

After exchanging a baffled glance with Absol, Espeon shrugged her shoulders. "It was touching, but surely it wasn't enough to make Shaymin cry-"

A loud, moist sob emanated from Shaymin's mouth, and before Espeon had the chance to finish her sentence, Shaymin had broken down into sorrowful tears, weeping as she stared at the ground.

"Shaymin… has emotions?" Absol whispered.

"Of course I fucking have emotions!" Shaymin snapped, bawling her eyes out. "I… Okay! Espeon and Absol win!"

Zoroark's jaw dropped. "What? But Meowstic and I actually made you cry! We made you cry much more, so we should win-"

The host immediately shook her head, wiping her eyes. "No, you shouldn't. You two failed the task. The task was to bring a tear to my eye, not multiple. So, really, Absol and Espeon succeeded. Thus, The Guzzling Groudons win yet another round! Kyogres, meet you at the elimination ceremony!"

0000

Haxorus threw a fist in the air. "Yay! We won again!"

"Though," she continued, raising a finger to her chin. "So I guess Stunfisk's prophecy was right! Which means that Ribombee and Jigglypuff were never in love, or that Stunfisk and Lucario will never fall in love with each other." With a shrug, she remarked, "Probably the latter."

0000

"Lots of us screwed up today," Primarina pointed out. "For example, Musharna and Pumpkaboo basically didn't bother with the task. But, when you think of it, that's better than pushing your team-member off a cliff."

0000

Garchomp shook her head. "What the fuck, Pancham?"

0000

"Wow, Kyogres," Shaymin huffed as the contestants awaited the results anxiously before her. "You guys suck. You've lost four times in a row. That's gotta be some sort of feat in itself."

Bellossom grumbled under her breath as she held out the flowers. "Come on, Shaymin, stop being mean-"

"Anyways!" Shaymin interrupted. "The Pokémon who are safe today with no votes at all are: Banette, Lucario, Garchomp, Primarina, Magikarp, Meowstic, Pumpkaboo, Musharna, Zoroark and… Mimikyu."

Each of them caught their Gracidea flowers before immediately shuffling to the side, where they watched the final four contestants glare at each other or whimper in their seats timidly.

"Ribombee," Shaymin began. "You only have one vote against your name, so you are safe. Same goes to you, Exeggutor."

"You mean Ex, Egg and Tor," Tor spat out. "Show some respect."

Shaymin only rolled her eyes. "Boohoo, suck it up, buttercup. Now, that leaves Pancham and Lurantis."

The panda and mantis sat at opposing ends of the campfire, both of them refraining from any interaction, staring sternly ahead of them. With a lazy but innocent grin plastered on his face, Lurantis tilted his head as Shaymin eyed Pancham suspiciously.

"Are you okay, little dude?" Shaymin asked the panda. "You're not usually this quiet."

Pancham only shrugged. "I'm fine."

"No, you're not," Shaymin refuted. "Because you've been eliminated, sucker! With a total of ten votes, with Lurantis only getting two, you are out of the competition, matey. Are you feeling fine, now?"

Though her jaw was dropped in dismay at Shaymin's bluntness, Bellossom released a sigh before throwing the flower towards Lurantis, who caught it gracefully and sauntered to the side.

Pancham forced a sad smile onto his face.

"I'm fine. If anything, I feel like I've just been enlightened."

0000

"Sure, I've been eliminated quite early," Pancham noted with a shrug. "But now that I think of it, I've learnt all that I hoped to learn. For example, wisdom isn't always about integrity. Sometimes, it's about knowing when to give up and when to stop being so ambitious. It sounds horrible, but it's true. Hope really does breed eternal misery."

Pancham sighed softly. "I feel so drained of life, but maybe that is what wisdom is about: having thick skin and feeling numb to everything around me. And forcing other Pokémon to be who they are not is something I shall never do again, even if it means that I can never help a bad person become good again. And there is no way in hell that I'm letting anyone boss me around and manipulate me like Lurantis did."

After rubbing the back of his head, he forced a bright smile onto his face. "That being said, I really hope Lucario wins. He's a really cool guy, and once he manages to calm down his hormones, he'll make a great leader one day."

0000

"I suppose this is farewell, Nanny Pancham," Lurantis commented as he leaned back against a tree, watching with beefy and delighted eyes as Pancham hobbled onto the boat. "It's such a shame that you have to go so soon."

Pancham rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say, Lurantis."

Somewhat disappointed by the cold and impassive tone of Pancham's voice, Lurantis narrowed his eyes. "You've lost your passion, Pancham. What happened to you?"

"It's like you said: I'm growing up."

"Sure," Lurantis snickered. "But what happened to your ever-so-strong moral compass? You could have helped out every good Pokémon on our team by telling them about me; you could have revealed my true nature, or at least hinted it. But you didn't. You remained quiet."

The small panda huffed. "You're welcome for that."

"I'm not thanking you," Lurantis responded, arching his brow. "I just want to know why. Why wouldn't you have told everyone? I thought you would have liked to see me get out as quick as possible."

"I do," Pancham snarled. "You bet I do. And if this had happened a few weeks ago, I would have happily blabbered to everyone about you and your sinful ways. Trust me, I would have. But now… Now I'm smarter. I'm not blinded by my idealism anymore, okay? I'm not stupid, either. I know that as soon as I utter any words against you, you'd defend yourself and spin together some lie that would make me look like a complete dickhead."

Lurantis thought on it carefully, before grinning. "You still could have done it today. Even if everyone thought you were a - as you phrased it - dickhead, you could have told them. Their opinions on you wouldn't matter; you've already been eliminated. There's nothing worse that can be done."

"Oh, yes," Pancham replied, shaking his head. "Yes, it does matter. Their thoughts of me matter very, very much."

"And why is that?"

Pancham turned his back on the mantis, turning out to face the ocean as he finally spoke.

"You've already destroyed my integrity. I won't let you do the same to my dignity."

Authors' Notes!

Tomato Soup: First up, I forgot to thank SirNiceGuy for submitting our adorable 'lil Jigglypuff, so thank you kind sir! Also, a huge thank you to C.L Critical Lee for submitting our sweet, amazing Pancham - and I'm so sorry that he had to lose his passion and feistiness. But hey, he's become somewhat wiser - which was his purpose. Sure, he's lost the fire the drove him, but… welcome to the adult world. XD

Milk Carton: oH MY GOD 200 REVIEWS WHAT IS LIFE. Seriously though, thank you guys so much! We put a lot of effort into these meme dumps, so please review! Also, plz no hate on neanderthal thank you we like to keep our reviews free of hate.

Please review! Reviews give us life! Reviews are love! Reviews are life! And please appreciate all the memes in here. All of 'em.

30th Place: Pancham (The Adolescent Delinquent) - A sweet little fellow, but Lurantis strikes yet again! Pancham is just the warning to the world that integrity will have to be sacrificed in our lives, and that some people will not change so there is no point in trying. Sometimes, the true meaning of wisdom is to know your limitations.

But still. Don't let this chapter be a wet blanket. DON'T STOP! BELIEVING!