Hey guys, this chapter took a LONG time, and it's pretty long, so please enjoy it!


I was trembling almost as soon as I had woken the following morning. Never was the tick of the small clock on the nightstand of my bed as loud. I wished I could somehow reach up and stop the sun from moving across the sky.

I would not have to face the decision that I soon could not avoid. Fortunately, Mommy was so excited about all the new things she was going to do, she didn't notice how distracted I was, nor how quiet I was being at breakfast.

She ran on and on about what she was planning to do all day, and then she surprised me by offering to take me along.

"Especially to look at new cars. I know how much you're going to be interested in all that, Alphonse," she said.

Panic, like a Ping-Pong ball, began to bounce about in my stomach. If I went with her, I would not be able to meet Roy, and he would surely follow through on his threats.

I had no idea yet what I would do when I did meet him. I raked up every scattered thought in my brain to put together ideas, ways to get away from him and yet stop him from hurting Mommy and me.

I thought I might offer him money. I didn't know how much to offer, but I decided I would start with a thousand dollars, which to me was a fortune. I would find ways to get him some periodically until I reached that amount.

Surely that would keep him satisfied and quiet for a long time, I thought. He needed money for his car, didn't he? It was worth a try.

"Oh," I told Mommy, "I was hoping to use my chain saw for the first time."

She stopped and smiled.

"Of course you were," she said. "How foolish of me to give you something so exciting for you and then suggest you put it off to go on shopping errands. I'm very happy that's more important to you, Alphonse. We can look for a car another day. I have to see Mr. Bogart and do some other things that would only bore you. You'd do some other things that would only bore you. You'd be on pins and needles waiting to get home. You just go about your business," she told me, and I breathed easier.

She didn't leave until after lunch, and when I watched her drive off, I stood trembling. Never had I kept so many secrets from her. I expected her to reveal she knew, she had been told.

I was holding my breath so much, I was sure I looked red in the face most of the time.

Her car disappeared around the turn at the driveway, and I was alone. The clocks ticked on. My confrontation with Roy was only hours away. Think, think, think, I told myself.

You have to bring this to a quick end. Distraught and feeling helpless, I decided to go to the little cemetery to pray for guidance, to pray for some sign, to pray for Daddy to come to me, to help me.

A partly cloudy sky made the granite tombstones darker. I stood where I knew my brother's body lay. Was his spirit in limbo, just waiting to see what I would do, how I would affect all our destinies?

I hated to have all this responsibility. If Mommy only knew how both of us, all of us, tottered at the edge of some great dark hole into which we could fall and disappear, she would be in so much panic.

"Help me, Daddy," I pleasded. "Tell me what to do. Please, please."

I bowed my head, and I waited and hoped. Then I stepped forward as I had seen Mommy do so often, and I touched the embossed hands on Infant Jordan's stone.

I kept my eyes closed, and I concentrated with all my powers. It did seem to me that the hands moved. I snapped open my eyes and looked at them.

It swirled around me, and then I thought I heard Daddy's voice in the wind that flew through the trees and over the house.

"Be patient," he said. "Be confident. All will be well. Never tell your mother any of this. Follow your heart. Promise. Promise me."

"Yes, Daddy," I whispered. "Yes, I promise."

The gust of wind that had come so suddenly just as suddenly stopped. The branches of the trees that had been waving were still again.

In fact, it seemed as though the whole world was holding it's breath and not just me. I sucked in mine, touched the tombstone once more, and left the little cemetery.

Of course, I had no intention or real desire to use the new chain saw, but I read the booklet and then followed the directions to start it so that Mommy would see I had tried it.

I closed my eyes, and when I put it on a fallen dead log, it bounced and nearly flew out of my hands.

By then, I noticed the time. I had to go to meet Roy. I put the chain saw aside and started for what had once been my wonderful, special place.

All this was my fault. There was no way to avoid admitting that. I had let something evil take me over, and now I was suffering the consequences.

As I trekked through the forest, I rehearsed what I would say, how I would make my offer. In the pocket of my jeans, I had two crisp fifty-dollar bills Daddy had given me a long time ago.

They were brand-new bills. Along with it, I had another amulet. It was a red coral Mommy had given me last year. I would offer it to him as well. Surely, I thought, Roy would be impressed.

When I stepped out of the clump of trees and gazed at my spot by the pine, I first thought he was not yet there. For a few moments, I considered the possibility that he had already decided to expose me and Mommy and he had no interest in seeing me again.

He had taken what he wanted from me. He would be a big hero in the school, after all, and even after only knowing him a little, I understood how important that was to him.

It was difficult for me because I had mixed emotions about it. I didn't want to see him again, but I didn't want him to betray me. What he had done to me had left me feeling violated, and yet, it had further opened an otherwise forbidden door through which I had glimpsed another world.

Suddenly I saw a movement at the base of the pine tree, and then I saw Roy's onyx hair. He shifted and leaned forward enough to see me. He smiled, and I also saw a trail of smoke rise and drift into the breeze.

"Right on time," he said. "Lucky for you. I wasn't going to give you a minute. I don't want you to ever keep me waiting," he added.

I stepped forward and saw he was lying on a dark green blanket.

"What are you standing there for? Get over here," he commanded.

Slowly, I walked toward him. He puffed on his cigarette, which I could now see and smell was his marijuana. He ran his hand over the blanket.

"Why not be comfortable, huh?" he said.

I stood there looking down at him.

"Did you tell all your friends about me?" I immediately asked.

"If I had, would I be here?" he countered. "And if I had, believe me, you and your mother would know it by now. I don't welsh on a bargain," he said. "You promised me something and I promised you something."

"I didn't promise anything."

"Yes," he said smiling and puffing. "You did, whether you like it or not."

"Roy, I can give you money," I blurted.

"Money? What kind of money?"

"I can give you a thousand dollars if you'll swear to leave me alone and not tell anyone about me. Look," I said pulling the two fifties out of my pocket to show him," I have some of it here right now."

He puffed on his joint and stared. Then he smiled.

"I didn't know you could get your hands on money, too. That's great. Sure, I'll take your money, but that doesn't meant I don't want anything else," he added.

"What do you mean? If I promise to give you so much money, isn't that a bargain?"

He shook his head and looked more closely at my two crisp bills.

"It's not enough," he said.

"I can get more, but not right away. I'll give you as much as one thousand dollars," I added quickly. "I'll have to give it to you as I get it."

"Oh, you will anyway," he said. "Give me the two fifties!" he demanded and held out his hand. "C'mon, hand it over."

"But what will you promise?"

"Not to tell," he said. I hesitated. "Well, you want me to tell?"

I gave him the money. He folded the bills and stuck them into his pants pocket.

"Perfect," he said.

"I have something else for you if you'll promise to leave me be," I said, fingering the amulet in my pocket. I didn't like giving it away. It was something Mommy had bought for me, but I thought she would approve if she knew why I was doing it.

"What?"

"This," I said and showed him the red coral amulet. He grimaced.

"What's that?"

"It's a spiritual gift. It's red coral and it had powers. If you wear it all the time, it will make you courageous, improve your memory, calm you emotions, give you peace of mind, and prevent tension that can cause heart trouble," I recited just as Mommy had recited to me. "It's very, very valuable, Roy."

He continued to grimace. "You believe in all that?"

"I know it's true," I said.

He shrugged and reached for it.

"Maybe I'll give it to Sheska," he said. "I'll tell her it cost a lot. But I'd rather have money, understand."

"Yes. I'll try to get you more soon," I promised and started to turn away.

"Hey, where do you think you're going?"

"I've got to get home," I said.

"Not quite yet," he said. "Get yourself back here right now. Now!" he commanded.

"Can't you leave me alone?" I pleaded. What did Daddy mean when he whispered to me in the wind? How could I be patient under such circumstances? Did I imagine his voice again?

"No, I can't leave you alone, and you don't want me to," Roy said, smiling. He leaned back on his rolled-up jacket he was using as a pillow and inhaled more of his marijuana.

"All right," he said. "Take off your clothes again."

"What?"

"You heard me. Do it."

I started to shake my head.

"Do it and do it right there. Don't start acting modest or something and turn your back on me either. I know what you have hidden. Go ahead, start. I don't have all day."

I closed my eyes and bit down on my lower lip so hard, I could taste blood.

"If you're a good girl-boy, I'll let you puff on a joint later," he promised.

I shook my head.

"I don't want to puff on a joint."

"What you want and don't want is not important. Get started," he said. "Now, or I'm off to the local newspapers and radio station. They might even pay e for the story, you know," he said smiling. "Sure, I bet I could make a lot more than your promised thousand dollars, which I might never see," he looked serious.

"Maybe I should just forget it and leave. Is that what you want?"

I felt like I was sinking in the earth, felt like it had opened and I was slowly descending. I wished it was so. I wished I could disappear forever.

"No." I said.

"Okay. Then ask me to stay. Say, Please stay, Roy. Go on. Ask."

He put his hands down to push himself up, threatening to leave and do what he had said, go to the newspapers and to the radio station.

"Please stay, Roy." I said quickly.

"All right. That's better. Start with that shirt. I want to see you take off that contraption and unwrap those boobs again. Go on. Start!"

I thought about just running off, but what would that accomplish? Apparently, he hadn't told anyone. He was right. If he had, we would have known by now.

At least for a while, I rationalized I was keeping us safe, and wasn't that really what Mommy wanted? For us to be safe?

My fingers fumbled with the buttons on my shirt. Roy stared up at me, that lustful smile deepening, brightening his eyes, twisting his lips.

He puffed and then squashed the joint in the damp earth as I took of the shirt and began to undo the corset. His smile changed to a look of real astonishment and fascination.

"I can't get over it," he said and laughed. "Here I thought you were just a tough country kid. Okay, now your jeans," he said. "Hurry up. You're taking too long."

To me it seemed as if I had stopped breathing again. I even felt like I was out of my body, standing off to the side of the pine tree watching the whole scene like some interested observer.

I had to kneel down to undo my shoes and then step out of my jeans.

"I can't get over you wearing boy's underwear," he said. "It looks stupid. Get it off quickly," he commanded, waving his hand at me.

I did it, and then I tried to look away, but he snapped at me again.

"Face forward," he said. "Keep your arms down at your side. Just stand there," he directed and put his hands behind his head as he lay back and gazed up at me.

"You know, even though you're chubby in places, you have a better body than Sheska. You're firmer around the rear, and you don't droop like she does. What a waste for you, dressing and acting like a boy."

"Won't you let me be?" I pleaded. "Now."

"You have to be kidding," he said. He started to undo his jeans. "Come here," he said and reached up for my hand. It was like bringing my fingers to a candle flame.

I moved so slowly, and when he seized my hand pulling me to him, I felt as if I had fallen into the fire.

"It's going to be better today," he whispered, his hands moving over my breasts, down the sides of my body, around my legs and over them, bringing me closer to him and then turning me onto my back.

He pushed himself up and over me and gazed down at me.

"All this," he said, "and money, too. What a lucky guy am I."

He was in me again, turning and twisting me to fit himself comfortably between my legs. I kept my eyes closed and tried to put myself somewhere else, but my body would not cooperate.

It seemed to rush to him and not away from him. After it ended, he lay there over me, breathing hard.

"Told you," he whispered and finally turned over to lie next to me on the blanket. "Told you it would be better this time."

I turned away from him. What suddenly interested me was the silence. It seemed as if what we had done had silenced the birds. Nothing moved.

Even the breeze had paused, and the world was still. I heard him sit up and fumble with something. Then I smelled the marijuana again.

He poked me, and I turned back to him.

"Here," he said.

I shook my head.

"Take it and smoke it," he ordered and kept it before my face. "Don't make me angry," he warned.

I took it and puffed on it as quickly as I could. He insisted I do it right and went through instructions once more. Then he lit one for himself. I went toward my clothing, but he stopped me.

"Relax," he said. "We've only just begun. Finish your joint. Enjoy the day. When will you get me more money?"

"I don't know. Maybe next week," I said.

"Okay. Let's plan on payment once a week."

"I don't know how much I can get you if I have to do it every week."

"I don't want five dollars. Make sure it's at least fifty," he said. "Yeah, fifty will be fine. Fifty a week/"

I had no idea how I would get that, but I said nothing.

"I want you to tell me more about yourself."

"What?"

"How do you live? Are you always a boy, even when you're inside your house and no one can see? Do you wear a dress in the house?"

"No," I said.

"Keep smoking. Don't waste the stuff. It was expensive, and it's good," he asserted.

I did what he asked. He stared at me and shook his head.

"I don't get this. I still don't understand, not that I'm complaining," he said smiling. "Why can't you just be what you are, anyway?"

I didn't answer. The joint was making me dizzy again. I felt his fingers over my breasts and his lips on my neck.

"Huh? How come?"

"It's what my mother wants," I said. I was feeling like I was talking in my sleep.

"She's crazy. Your mother's really crazy. Maybe I should tell people. Maybe I should get you out of that house. Maybe you could even come live with us," he said laughing. "Just think of that."

I shook my head, and then I couldn't help sobbing. Real, thick hot tears began to streak down my cheeks.

"Take it easy," I heard him say. "I'm just kidding. You want to live with a loony woman, live with her. I won't tell. We have a good thing going. Don't worry about it. Relax," he said, and he was over me again.

This time I really felt as if I was floating. My body was supple beneath him. He turned and molded me to him easily. All resistance was drained out of me.

I thought about my rag dolls, and I imagined I had turned into one. I went from crying to laughing, and he started laughing, too. When it was over, he was even more pleased and kept complimenting me.

"We're going to have good times," he said. "I'll make up for all you've missed. That's a promise. I don't want to keep calling you Alphonse, though, It makes me feel…queer. What should I call you? Huh? What?"

I looked at him.

"Ella," I said, and the moment I said it, I felt like I had done something worse than Judas had done. However, he didn't understand.

"Naw," he said. "I don't like that name. I'm going to call you Jane. You can call me Tarzan," he declared and howled and beat his chest.

I thought he was very funny. He got up and paraded around out blanket naked, pretending to be an ape. He lit himself another marijuana joint. Slowly, I began to return to earth.

I felt myself falling back like a balloon that leaked air, and it was truly as if I was bouncing about the blanket. My stomach rumbled now, too.

While he smoked and howled and laughed at his own silly remarks, I managed to get dressed.

He finally realized it and said, "Yeah, I've got to get going, too."

He started to dress, but stopped every few moments to laugh and howl. I had never seen anyone drunk, but it seemed to me that this was what it was like.

Still puffing in his marijuana, he completed his dressing, and then he seized my hand.

"Come on," he urged. "Walk me back."

"No," I said shaking my head. "I've got to get home before my mother returns from her errands."

"You got time. I want to know more," he insisted. "Walk," he said and tugged me so hard, I stumbled forward and almost fell. That put him into another fit of laughter.

"What about your blanket?" I asked, turning back.

"Leave it. We'll use it tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow," he replied, which made him laugh again.

We stumbled through some brush and into the woods until we reached the edge of the creek, him pulling me along and holding onto my hand as if he was a blind person who needed me alongside.

He did seem to have trouble navigating. He even banged his shoulder against a tree. I kept telling him I had to get home, but he just laughed and surged forward until we reached the water.

At this particular side of the creek, there were a series of large rocks that ran across the other side. The water was still at a high level and rushing along the sides. The rocks gleamed like chucks of ice when the sun broke through some clouds.

"My shortcut," Roy said, waving at the rocks. He stood there smiling stupidly at me. "I have an idea. Tomorrow, how about you come to me. I'm tired of this woods. My sister wont be home. She's onto a new boyfriend, and she goes to his house every afternoon. My father's on his daytime schedule this month, so we'll have the house to ourselves. I sorta like the idea of your being in my bed, and I bet you will love it, too," he added. "Just appear at the back door the same time."

He waved at the air between us as if that was that. Then he stared out at the creek a moment like someone who was indecisive. He was still holding tightly to my hand.

"I have to go home," I said softly.

"Huh? Oh. Yeah." He seemed to have difficulty focusing on me. "You didn't tell me much more about yourself and your mother. I want to hear it all tomorrow, understand? Understand?" He asked, raising his voice.

"Yes, yes, I understand," I said.

"Okay." He nodded and looked across the creek.

"Okay."

He let go of me and started to cross, paused, and looked back.

"You're not going to pretend to be a boy forever, you know," he said.

It sounded like a prediction and his face was so different, even his voice was changed when he spoke. I wondered if some spirit was speaking through him.

He returned to his navigating over the rocks. I stood for a moment watching him. He slipped once and got his right foot soaked.

"Damn," he shouted, and then he started laughing. I was still feeling unsteady myself, but rather than fall into a laughing jag, I wanted to cry.

I sniffed back my tears and swallowed and swallowed.

Just as I started away from the creek, I heard him scream and turned to see him fall backward into the water. He started laughing again and waved.

"Who pushed me?" he cried and laughed again.

He splashed about and reached for the rock from which he had tumbled, but the raging creek actually turned him.

The water was still quite cold, despite the start of spring. Most of it was coming from melting snow and ice from the mountains above, I thought.

"Hey," I heard him scream, as if he could talk to the water and bawl it out for interfering. "I think I feel a fish in my shoe," he cried and laughed again.

He was carried farther away from the rock bridge, and although his efforts to prevent it were futile, he didn't seem in any panic. I took a few steps back toward the water.

"Hey. Look. A shark's after me," he shouted, and then his head went down below the water.

He popped up and flailed about, turning as he did so. I saw he got some footing, but when he attempted to stand, he fell backward. He laughed again, even though this time he was carried more forcefully away.

I ran to the shore of the creek, and from there. I watched him swinging his arms and struggling to take hold of rocks, branches, anything, until he went under again and then emerged just as he rounded the far turn.

He waved at me and shouted, "Call the Coast Guard!" His laugh died away and he disappeared.

It was quiet, except for the gurgling sound of the water as it rushed by and over the rocks.

"Roy!" I called. "Are you all right?"

I stared at the turn where he had disappeared from sight and waited. I called again. My voice was swallowed up by the sound of the creek. A large crow, however, shot off a high tree branch and flapped its wings madly.

When it cried, it sounded like laughter to me.

He must have gotten out on the other side, I thought. He was probably lying there laughing at it all, especially laughing at me.

I've got to get home, I realized. Mommy might already be back. I hurried away, avoiding brambles and branches the best I could. When I broke out of the forest and into our meadow, I could see that Mommy was not yet back. I sighed with relief and continued to the house.

As soon as I got there, I went upstairs to my room and undressed. I took a hot and then cold shower, and it seemed to help me clear my mind. By the time I was dressed again and went downstairs, Mommy had returned. She seemed very, very happy. Her face was beaming.

"Alphonse," she cried when she saw me. "I have wonderful news. My. Bogart has already found us customers who will buy everything we can produce. We're going to expand out garden. Oh, I know we don't need the money so desperately, but it will be fun doing something valuable, wont it? He was even talking about creating a brand. He suggested Trisha's Herbal Wonders. It would be something for you to inherit someday, too. Another legacy."

She paused.

"You look freshened up. What have you been doing?"

"I tried my saw. I have to get used to it." I said.

"Of course, I'm glad you're responsible enough to realize such a thing. I went to the supermarket and bought some very lean pork chops. I'll stuff them, and we'll have a little celebration," she decided and went off to the kitchen.

I went outside and sat on the porch, gazing off at the woods. What had I done? How much deeper had I fallen? I wondered. A part of me was treacherous. Even though Roy was forcing me to do his will, I was unable to keep myself from confessing my excitement and pleasure over some of it. I wanted to harden myself against myself.

I imagined Mommy would say it was the Ella in my again, but all this did was make me question and challenge my own identity. Who was I now? Who would I be?

You can't be a boy forever, Roy had said, but if I wasn't, Mommy would have to bury Alphonse again in a proper grave with a tombstone.

The image of her digging him up crossed my troubled mind. It was gross and actually made my stomach churn.

I would have to help. I would have to take off Ella's clothes and put Alphonse's on his decomposed body. I shuddered, stood up as though I was being haunted, and quickly walked off the porch and went to the barn to busy myself with cleaning the chain saw.

Later Mommy called me to dinner, and I had to force myself to have a big appetite. She had gone ahead and made an apple pie, too and when she cut me a piece, she cut a large one as usual and plopped a chunk of rich vanilla ice cream over it.

She was still keeping me over weight.

"I didn't actually stop at a car dealership, Alphonse, but I went by one and I saw this red sedan you would just love. It was one of those fancy cars with the shiny wheels, you know. I sat back and saw you washing the car every weekend. Remember when you and your daddy would do that?

"Yes."

"We're going to have wonderful times again, Alphonse, wonderful times."

After diner she went into the living room and played some of her favorite old-time songs, songs she said her mother had loved and even her grandmother enjoyed.

"They would stand around the piano and sing," she told me. "Our home was so warm, so full of love. Grandpa Jordan would pretend it was just a lot of noise to him, but when I stole a glance, I saw the happy smile on his face and the way he looked at my grandmother. She was a beautiful woman with an angelic smile. She still has that smile, of course. That's the wonder of spiritual existence, Alphonse. You are frozen in the happiest, most beautiful and handsome moments. Some day you'll know what I mean. Someday," she said her voice drifting off with the music.

Could we be that happy? I wondered. Would everything turn out all right after all? Would I be blessed and given the powers, all the powers, even though I had done what I had done?

Despite the events of the day, I went to sleep with an air of optimism about me. Mommy was so strong, I thought. She could change the face of time. She would keep me safe.

I cuddled up beneath my covers and dreamed of the time when she would be playing the piano and I would see and hear all our family spirits who stood around and sang.

Daddy would have his arm around my shoulders and he would kiss my cheek, and I would feel it, actually feel it again.

"See," he would say, "your mother is a special lady."

As soon as we finished our breakfast the next day, Mommy had me join her in the garden. We worked side by side for hours, turning the earth, planting her herbs.

As we worked, she talked more about her early life and told me stories I had never before heard.

"You know, I wanted a little brother or sister for the longest time," she said. "I was lonely and it was always hard to have friends over to our home. My mother tried to have more children. She did everything Grandma Jordan told her to do, but nothing worked, and after a while, they concluded that because Mommy was only able to have me, I must be someone very, very special. My mother became my best friend," she told me and smiled at me.

"Just like I'm your best friend and always will be, Alphonse. That's okay, isn't it?"

"Yes," I said. "But you went to public school. Didn't you ever have a close friend?"

"No," she said quickly and turned away from me. Then she hesitated and turned back.

"There was someone once, a girl in the ninth grade, Sarah Rockbell, but she became friends with very bad kids, and I knew I would get into trouble if I stayed friends with her. I told her mother on her, and she hated me forever afterward."

"What did she do?"

"she was, as they used to say, promiscuous. You don't know what that means because you don't read enough, Alphonse, but let's just say she was loose with her body, and she did things with boys she shouldn't have done."

Of course I knew what it meant, but I said nothing.

"She didn't seem to care who she was with. Your body can betray you sometimes," she continued. "People think pleasure is something good all the time, but it's not. Sometimes, it's just the evil spirits' way to open doors to your very soul. Once inside, they can rot you like an apple."

"But," she said, running her fingers through my short hair. "you must not worry about that. It will never happen to you."

She looked up at the sky.

"Let's work faster. It's supposed to rain hard today," she said. "and most likely tomorrow as well."

We did work until the rain began, and then we went inside and I sat by the window and read and watched the wind whip the sheets of drops over the trees and meadow.

Daddy hated long rainstorms, but Mommy would tell him it cleansed the world and he should be grateful. Of course he retorted with, "It makes it harder for builders, and that doesn't help our bottom line."

"It's your souls bottom line I would worry about," Mommy countered, and he would pull his ear and smile at me. "Can't argue with mystic," he sometimes said. Mommy hated to be called that.

"There's nothing mystical about me. Nothing mysterious. What's mysterious is why so many people are blind to the beauty of the spiritual truths in our world," she said.

In the end Daddy surrendered and went off laughing about the futility of arguing with her. There was a different sort of music in our house then, a different sort of light, too. Would all that return as Mommy promised?

I watched the rain until I grew tired and went to sleep. The following day, as Mommy had predicted, It rained until late in the afternoon.

It was almost dark before it stopped, in fact. I sat in the living room and completed some of my workbook assignments. Suddenly a sweep of light passed over the wall and I looked up sharply.

I heard a door slam and then another. Moments later the bell rang, and Mommy came out of the kitchen. She looked curiously at me and wiped her hands on her apron. I shook my head.

"Who could that be?" she muttered and went to the door. I stood in the living room doorway and watched.

A policeman and Mr. Mustang stood there. The policeman was still wearing a raincoat, but Mr. Mustang was in a sports jacket and slacks and looked like he had just come from a social event.

"Yes?" Mommy said. She looked at Mr. Mustang.

"We're here to see if your son has seen my son recently," he said.

"What?" Mommy brought her hands to her hips.

"Mr. Mustang's son Roy has been missing for a few days, Mrs. Elric," the policeman said. "His car and all his things are at the house, but he's not there, and no one has seen him. He hasn't been to school. We've questioned all of his friends at school, and the only thing left to do is speak to your son."

"Why would Alphonse know anything about him?" she demanded.

The policeman looked at Mr. Mustang.

"My daughter suggested he might,"

"Why would she say that?"

"She said he had seen him recently," he told her, and Mommy slowly turned to me.

"Is that true, Alphonse?"

"No," I said quickly, maybe too quickly.

"I'm very worried, son," Mr. Mustang said. "He's done some silly things, but he's never done anything like this. He's not here by any chance, is he?"

"Of course not," Mommy snapped. "Do you actually believe I would permit such a thing?"

"I was just-"

"We're just checking every possible lead, Mrs. Elric," the policeman said. "I'm sure you can appreciate what Mr. Mustang Is going through, having lost a child yourself."

Mommy's upper body snapped back so fast and so sharply, she looked like she might topple.

"Of course I appreciate it. I'm just telling you that we don't know anything about him." She looked at Mr. Mustang.

"I warned you he was into very bad behavior," she told him. "This doesn't surprise me. It doesn't surprise me at all."

He nodded and looked down.

"I know," he said softly, his voice couched in a tone of defeat.

"Well, we can't help you," she said. "I'm very sorry for your trouble."

"You sure you haven't seen Roy?" the policeman asked me again.

I shook him head.

"No, not for a while," I said. My heart was pounding. Mommy didn't even look at me.

"Okay. Thank you. If you think of anything, please call the station," the policeman said, and they turned away.

Mommy closed the door immediately. For a moment she stood there looking at it. Then she spun on me, her eyes small, suspicious.

"Do you know where he has gone?"

I didn't, so I was able to shake my head.

She didn't look convinced, but she breathed easier and then, without another word, returned to the kitchen.

I stood there feeling numb all over.

I heard Mommy rattling pots and pans as she sifted through the, looking for something. When she made noise like that, I knew she was upset.

The sounds seemed to echo inside my chest. At dinner Mommy went on and on about how much of a burden children were to their parents today.

"If you're blessed with a responsible, obedient, and loving child, you're a very lucky person, but the truth is, they reap what they sow. That was why I couldn't be as sympathetic to Mr. Mustang as the policeman would have liked me to be. I know it's a hard face to wear, but if we don't wear it, things will only get worse. That," she said, "is why I feel so fortunate having a child like you."

She got up and walked over to kiss me on the forehead and then hold me tightly against her. I said nothing. I couldn't help but wonder if she felt me shaking. The trembling I had felt when the policeman and Mr. Fletcher came to our door was still going on inside me.

It followed me into sleep and turned every shadow in my room into a dark threat. The search party came late in the following morning. It brought back horrid memories, both for Mommy and myself.

We could hear the voices of men shouting to each other in the forest. From our front porch, we saw the cars parking on the highway. A fire engine was brought up as well.

Only an hour or so after they had begun, we heard a gunshot to signal the others. That was followed by the sound of an ambulance screaming up to our road.

Mommy walked out and down the driveway, where she could speak with people. Then she returned quickly.

"What's going on?" I asked her.

"They found him," she said.

"Where?" I asked, my voice not much more than a whisper.

"Washed about a mile downstream."


Wow, this was tough! Took a while, and it's pretty long. Please review, it gives me confidence!