Okay, here's the next chapter of In Your Eyes. I didn't intend for this chapter to be so long but once I started, I couldn't stop writing. (That doesn't mean it's good writing, however.) A lot going on in this chapter with both Nathan and Haley. It may appear dark right now for one of the characters, but I promise, there is some light ahead in the next chapter. (Believe me, it is killing me to write this angst. I'm normally a happy-fluffy-sexy Naley writer. Love reading angst/slow burn, hate writing it.)

Thanks to missmelsie for letting me bounce some ideas off of her and whine to her about this chapter.


The room is dim, the only illumination coming from the few candles scattered on the dresser and the hallway light spilling through the slightly open bedroom door. The two figures on the bed move in shadows, their movements as unhurried as the ceiling fan spinning slowly overhead.

The man kisses a trail down the woman's naked chest, his lips burning a path on her skin, the slight tang from her sweat-slickened skin tingling on his tongue. He pays special attention to her breasts, running his tongue over the plump mounds, teasing and toying the hardened nipples. Her hands drift to his head, fingers tangling in his dark hair. When he gently nips one of her nipples, her grip tightens, directing him to continue his teasing.

Her knees tighten around his waist, drawing him ever closer until her heat is pressed against his stomach. He can feel how wet she is, and his cock fairly pulses with the need to be buried deep inside her.

After he spends a pleasurable amount of time worshiping her breasts, her hands drift to his shoulders, kneading the tight muscles there before insistently pushing downwards, her desire clear. Never one to disappoint his girl, he journeys down her body, dropping kisses on the tender underside of her breasts, dipping his tongue into the shallow dip of her belly button, and pressing his face to the smooth skin of her belly, breathing in the floral scent of the lotion she applies each night. It is his favorite scent… save for the one that beckons him now.

Her legs spread, her thighs resting on his shoulders as his mouth hovers over her center. He breathes her in and his head swims with the scent of her arousal. Exhaling, he puffs a warm breath against her center, her thighs trembling with pleasure. He leans closer and darts his tongue out to taste her, her flavor exploding on his tongue. Her shout of exclamation causes him to grin against her, and he knows she can feel the upturn of his lips against her core.

"Nathan, please," his girl begs, her voice coated with lust. "God, baby, please."

"Please what?" he teases her, his tongue darting in and out and all around, driving her ever closer to the brink.

Her hands drift to his head once again, holding him firmly against her. "Suck me, baby. Oh god yes," she cries out when he grants her wish.

Using his tongue, he taps a quick rhythm on her clit as her fingers dig into his scalp, not wanting him to stop. He brings his hands to her hips, stroking the sensitive skin and holding her possessively as he takes his fill of her.

Her climax approaches quickly and after it rushes through her, her legs fall from his shoulders, her body feeling boneless after the pleasurable torment he just put her through. He rests his head on her lower belly, gazing up over her breasts to meet her eyes. She smiles at him, love as bright as the sun burning in her gaze. He has never felt more whole, more complete, than in this moment.

God, he loves her.

Nathan awoke with a start, the last remnants of the dream whispering in his mind. Ever since he found Haley again, she was a nightly visitor to his dreams. Most involved mundane activities, glimpses into a hopeful future, a few featured various states of undress but he always awoke before the dreams got interesting; tonight's was the most explicit yet.

Glancing down at the arousal straining against his boxers, Nathan sighed. A cold shower was definitely in his future.


Haley awoke slowly, only to find her best friend sitting on the bed beside her.

"What the hell, Brooke," she exclaimed with a start.

"Good morning, Tutor Girl," her friend replied cheerfully, her smile bright. "I just wanted to check in with my bestest best friend."

Sitting up and leaning back against the headboard of her bed, Haley eyed Brooke. "What's going on?"

Mock pouting, Brooked crossed her arms over her chest. "Haaaaaaaley, something is up with you. You've been… happier the last couple of days. And not the fake kind of happy you used to try to pull on me, but a real kind of happy. And you're still not…" She trailed off, not wanting to upset her friend.

"Drinking?" Haley filled in. "No, I haven't had a drink in a few weeks. It hasn't been easy, in fact, most days it seems almost impossible, but I've had some help lately."

At that, Haley's mind drifted to Nathan. After their emotional conversation last week, she and Nathan had been in near constant contact with one another through texts and phone calls. Sobriety was so new to both of them, and they didn't want to rock the boat too much but their connection was too strong to ignore. Nathan served as Haley's rock, her support when the urge to drink became too strong or the voices in her head became too loud. She hoped she did the same for him as well.

With Nathan's encouragement, she had begun looking for a new teaching job. She wasn't sure if it would work out but she needed to do something. Whenever the fear began to overwhelm her, Nathan was right there, serving as her own personal cheerleader. Somehow he always seemed to know when she needed him. When she would get lost in her own thoughts, or her veins would blaze with the need to drink, a text or phone call would pop up, or he would appear at her door, smile on his face and ice cream in hand.

It was quickly becoming so that Haley didn't feel as if her day had started if she hadn't yet heard from Nathan.

Every time they talked, every time her phone buzzed with a new message from Nathan, her heart fluttered. As much as she told herself that they needed to be friends, that neither she nor Nathan were ready for a relationship, her heart believed differently. She had found something in Nathan that first night at Tric, something she had thought she had lost forever.

But it was too soon. She was too fragile, too scarred from her relationship with Chris… It was all too soon.

Besides, she didn't even know if Nathan felt the same. Sure, she knew he liked her as a friend, but as something more? She didn't think it was possible. She was too screwed up, too damaged. He was working so hard on his sobriety, to fix his relationship with his brother, and to start training again; he didn't need her weighing him down like an albatross around his neck.

She needed to get over this… crush or whatever the hell it was. She couldn't risk losing Nathan, not over something as trivial as her feelings for him.

"Help?" Brooke asked, breaking Haley from her thoughts.

Shrugging, Haley avoided answering. It wasn't that she didn't want to tell Brooke about Nathan, but… okay, it was totally that. And she wasn't really sure why. Brooke knew everything about her – the good, the bad, the ugly. She should want to confide in her best friend. But this… this was something Haley wanted to keep for herself, if just for a bit longer.

"Oh, you know, trying to keep my mind on other things, reading, and the like," Haley said. She wasn't lying per se…

Brooke shot her friend a dubious look, quirking her eyebrow in her patented "I know you're lying" way. "So that's it? Nothing else that's helped you these last few weeks?"

"Well, there is something else, or should I say someone else, who has really helped me. I'm not sure what I would have done, or where I would be without this person," Haley said.

"Really?" Brooke grinned, leaning forward and propping her chin in her hands, her expression one of participating in a good gossip session.

Haley laughed and shook her head. "I'm talking about you, Brooke. You've always been there for me, even when I was nothing but a royal bitch to you the last several months. These last few weeks, having you here for me when I need you, being able to talk to you, or indulging in our traditional movie and ice cream pigout, has been… well, it's helped me far more than I can say. My Brookie Cookie helps making everything better."

"Aww Haley," Brooke sniffled, wiping her eyes. "And as much as I love what you just said, I know there's something more. I know you love me but I don't make you grin like a silly school girl. So pleeeeeeeease tell me!"

Haley shrugged again. "Brooke, really, it's nothing. I just, look—I needed to change. It took nearly hitting a young boy, and as awful as it was and could have been, it woke me up. So now I'm just grateful to have this life still. With my best friend by my side, what else do I need?"

"So your good mood, your mysterious absences, your grinning like an idiot at your phone nearly all day, has nothing to do with meeting a guy?"

Haley froze, sure that her expression was the clichéd "deer in headlights" look. "Wh-what are you talking about?" She asked when she recovered.

Brooke sat back, a Cheshire-like grin on her face. "So I'm right."

"What? No. No, when I did say anything about Nathan?"

"I never said his name was Nathan. Ha! I knew it! I'm right, you did meet a guy!" Brooke cheered.

Shit.

"Brooke—"

"Why didn't you tell me, Haley? You can tell me anything."

Haley brought her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. "I know, Brooke, I know I can. I… I don't know why I haven't told you. I guess I just wanted to keep it to myself for awhile." She looked at Brooke, a guilty expression painting her features. "Look, my life has been a total shitshow the last several months and you've dealt with more than your fair share. Nathan is…he's dealing with his own stuff and I guess I figured you'd worry too much. And the last thing I want to do is make you worry even more."

"Oh Haley," Brooke said as she placed her hand on Haley's arm, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Sure, I would probably worry but that's just because I love you so much. You've had to deal with a lot, so much that it would break most people—"

"I think I'm pretty broken," Haley scoffed, disgust at her behavior over the last six months clear in her voice.

"You're not broken, you're just… beaten up a little," Brooke continued. "I just want to make sure that you're okay."

"For the first time in a long time, I think I will be," Haley confessed. "Not overnight or anything, but I don't know, when I see the light at the end of the tunnel, now I think it's sunshine rather than the light of the train barreling towards me."

Brooke wrinkled her nose in confusion. "That's a good thing, right? The sunlight?"

Haley laughed. "Yes, Brooke."

Brooke nodded. "Good. Because you deserve all the good things the world has to offer."

"I don't know about that, I've been pretty awful the last several months."

"Hush, I won't have you talking about my best friend that way," Brooke declared.

Grinning, Haley leaned against Brooke. "I do love you, Brooke."

"I know. Why wouldn't you?"

"And there's my Brooke."

The two sat in silence for a few minutes before Haley asked the question that had been bothering her since Brooke mentioned Haley meeting a guy.

"Brooke, how did you know I met someone?"

"Okay, first of all, you're not exactly subtle with your constant texting and sneaking off to take a phone call. But I first found out from Lucas," Brooke explained.

Haley was confused. "How does Lucas know?"

"Nathan is Lucas's brother. Lucas was all kinds of freaked out about it last week and we got into a fight—"

"Wait, what? Your boyfriend Lucas is brothers with my… with Nathan? And why was he so freaked out? And why did you fight about it?" Haley exclaimed in a rush. Her best friend's boyfriend was brothers with Nathan? God, could her life could get any more complicated?

Brooke laughed. "Take a breath, Haley. Lucas and I are fine, just a little spat. He worries about Nathan and he knows that you've had some issues similar to Nathan so he was understandably a little… cautious."

Haley nodded. She couldn't blame Lucas for worrying about her and Nathan's involvement in each other's life. Two miserable drunks finding solace in one another? If the shoe was on the other foot, she would have been upset as well.

"Okay, I can understand him worrying about that but why the fight?"

Rolling her eyes, Brooke answered. "He was being an ass about it. We both got a little heated."

"He—he doesn't like me?"

"Oh honey, no. That's not it all," Brooke hurried to comfort her friend. "To be fair to Lucas, he only really knows you from me, and let's be honest, the past several months haven't been the best. He doesn't know everything, but he's seen me upset and worried about you. So I think that when he found out that Nathan met you, and knowing how Nathan has been, he just kinda lost his head for a moment."

"But you two are okay now?" Haley had already done enough to screw up Brooke's life, she would hate herself if her friend's relationship ended because of her.

Brooke waved her hand in dismissal. "We're fine. In fact, we made up several times that day, if you catch my drift." She waggled her eyebrows in a dramatic fashion.

"God, Brooke. Yes, I caught your drift. A blind fisherman could catch your drift," Haley teased.

"Okay, so now that we've hashed this out, you gotta give me the real scoop now. What's the deal with you and Nathan?"


After his long cold shower, Nathan quickly got dressed and headed downstairs. Since he and Haley reconnected last week, he found himself more focused on his training. He wasn't sure if he even wanted to get back into the league, even if he could. With his head no longer clouded by alcohol, he could look back on his days in the league with clear eyes. What he once thought of as a great life filled with partying and women now looked like a sad, lonely existence he tried to fill with what he thought would make him happy. The thought of playing professionally again didn't hold the same appeal, but there was something inside that urged him at least try.

Or maybe he was just tired of sitting inside his house for the last several months.

Whatever the reason, nearly every morning (after his first morning text with Haley; he quickly discovered his day didn't feel like it had started until he heard from Haley) he was out at the Rivercourt, playing basketball for hours. The humidity was oppressive, even in the early morning hours, so oftentimes Nathan discarded his shirt. He pushed himself to the limit every time - sweat dripping down the hard planes of his chest, muscles aching, his skin burnished gold from the long hours in the sun.

Before he ate his breakfast, he grabbed his phone to send Haley a quick text. Their texts were usually lighthearted, bordering on flirtatious at times, and were the best part of his day.

(Well, a close second. Actually seeing Haley was the best part of his day.)

Good morning, Hales. :)

Morning, Nathan. Decided to sleep in this morning?

Haha. What can I say, last night wore me out. ;)

Yeah, watching 13 Going on 30 and indulging in ice cream sundaes is known to be strenuous. Hey, can I ask you something?

Of course.

Did you know that your brother is dating my best friend?

What?

Apparently your Lucas is Brooke's Lucas. I just found out from Brooke. They got into some fight about us the other week.

About us?

Yeah, they're just worried.

They need to mind their own business.

Nathan, can you blame them? I mean, we're not exactly the poster children for stability the last couple of months.

Whatever, I'll talk to Lucas about it later. Do you want to hang out this afternoon?

Well, let me check my busy calendar, I may be able to fit you in. Okay, I've checked and you're in luck, I'm free. :)

I'm honored. Check in with you in a bit?

Sure. Have fun at the Rivercourt.

Hey, good luck today. You'll do great.

Thanks, Nathan. Catch ya on the flip side.

Okay, dork.

Not even bothering to wipe the grin off his face, he quickly ate a protein bar and grabbed a banana, his phone and keys, and a basketball before leaving the house. The Rivercourt was a short distance from his house so he decided to enjoy the weather and walk. Along the way, he called Lucas.

"Hey Luke," he greeted his brother.

"Let me guess, on your way to the Rivercourt?"

"Yep, wanna join me?"

"Be there in fifteen."

After hanging up with Lucas and arriving at the old basketball court, Nathan began his typical routine of free throws and three pointers. After only a few minutes, sweat had drenched his shirt so he stripped it off before continuing to play. While shooting, he couldn't help but think of Haley. His thoughts always seemed to drift to her, no matter what he was doing. Since their conversation last week, he found himself spacing out on her when he was grocery shopping, or playing video games with Lucas, or lifting weights. She was his first thought when he woke up each morning, and his last thought before he fell asleep. He was hooked, plain and simple.

She always seemed to know what to say when he needed a word of encouragement, sometimes before he even knew he needed it. Whenever her name popped up on his phone, he couldn't help but grin. They talked a lot, long conversations that wandered from simple, lighthearted teasing to emotional, heart-wrenching confessions. She was quickly becoming his best friend.

Which was a problem because all he wanted to do was kiss her senseless. And he was pretty sure Haley didn't see him that way. Sure, she had confessed to feeling a connection when they met, but deep down, Nathan knew he was too fucked up for her to ever fall for him. Haley deserved the best. And that wasn't him.

After nearly twenty minutes, Lucas pulled up in his car and parked, distracting Nathan from his thoughts.

Crossing over the court, he clapped his hands and signaled for Nathan to throw him the ball. Lucas took a shot, the basketball bouncing off the rim and landing a short distance from Nathan.

"God, you suck," Nathan laughed as he jogged over to get the ball.

"Whatever," Lucas retorted. "Play to eleven?"

"Sure."

"And put on your shirt," he said as he tossed the previously discarded shirt to Nathan.

The brothers played for nearly half an hour, neither taking it very seriously. Laughter filled the warm summer air as the duo ran across the concrete court. Taking a break, they made their way over to the worn bleachers that lined one side of the Rivercourt.

"Why did you get into a fight with Brooke about me and Haley?" Never one to beat around the bush, Nathan confronted his brother.

Clearly not expecting the conversation, Lucas was silent for a few moments. "It wasn't a fight, not really—"

"Luke…"

"Nathan, I'm serious. We may have gotten a little heated but it wasn't like we were storming out on one another or anything," Lucas explained.

"But why did you get heated in the first place?" Nathan asked.

A sarcastic laugh escaped from Lucas. "Are you for real? Nate, I'm glad you're taking your sobriety seriously and you've done really well the last couple of weeks, but it wasn't too long ago that you were passing out every night. Haley… from what Brooke has told me, she's had her issues too. Can you blame me for thinking maybe whatever is going on between you and Haley isn't the best thing for either of you right now?"

Irritated by both his brother's explanation and the truth behind his words, Nathan shook his head. "I don't think you can be the judge of that, of what's best for me and Haley."

"Really? So the one person who has stuck through these last months with you, when you were getting shit-faced every night, passing out, making an utter mess of your life, I somehow can't see what's best for you?"

"Luke—"

"Nathan, I'm not going to apologize for worrying about you. For months you were determined to pretty much set fire to everything in your life and you damn well succeeded. And then you meet some girl, in a bar no less, and suddenly you're ready to fix your life?" The incredulity in Lucas's tone was clear. "A girl whose life was pretty much just as screwed up as yours?"

Nathan bit back a growl of frustration. "Watch it, Lucas. Yes, Haley and I are… we have our own issues but we know that. We're trying to be better. We support each other, we can understand what the other is going through. Don't you want me to have that?"

Sighing, Lucas nodded his head. "Of course I do, but man, can you see where I'm going from? I worry about you, Nathan. I just don't want you to fall back into old habits." He held up his hand when Nathan opened his mouth to interrupt. "Let me finish. You've been working really hard these last couple of weeks and I'm proud of you for that, I truly am. But what happens if you get some bad news, or if Haley slips up and starts drinking again? Are you strong enough to resist that?"

Nathan turned to look Lucas in the eye. "Luke, I don't know what's going to happen. I can't guarantee that there won't be issues or times that I won't be tempted to drink, but with Haley, I don't know, with her I feel like I'll be able to fight that. She makes me… fuck, she has me all tied up in knots. I know we haven't known each other that long but that night we met, we just… clicked. She gives me hope."

"Hope?"

Nathan nodded. "Yeah, she makes me want to be a better man, and when I talk to her, or when I'm with her, I feel like I can be. God, I sound like a girl right now. I sound like you."

Lucas laughed and shoved him with his shoulder. "Shut up, ass. And listen, I have some hesitations about this, whatever it is between you two, but I'm here for you. Just be careful, okay?"

"I will. And thanks, Luke. I know it hasn't been easy since my injury, and I've been shit at telling you how much I appreciate everything you've done for me. I wouldn't be here right now if it wasn't for you."

"God, do I really sound that earnest and lame?" Lucas teased.

"Oh, fuck off, man," Nathan laughed. "Now let's get back on the court so I can kick your ass as always."


Taking a deep breath, Haley stared at the building in front of her. The building was rather small, not that imposing, but to Haley, it was the most intimidating place she had ever seen.

Tree Hill Middle School.

Shame filled her now as she recalled her last day at Tree Hill High, how the gossip she had overheard about Chris sent her into a tailspin. That should have been her rock bottom, losing the job she had dreamed about since she was a child, but she still had had a ways to go.

Ever since she lost her job a couple of months ago, she had deliberately avoided anything school-related. It wasn't that difficult since she pretty much only visited the liquor store or Tric on a regular basis, but the few times Brooke would force her to be social, Haley took pains to take the long route to wherever they were going so she wouldn't have to go past the high school. She drank and drank and drank so she wouldn't have to remember how much she had screwed up her life, how she had thrown away the one profession she knew was born to do. She had given up on ever being able to teach again.

But since meeting Nathan, she had felt a spark begin to burn inside her once again. The spark of wanting to be someone, of wanting to make a difference in kids' lives. Nathan's encouragement and support ("I know you can do this, Hales." "Any school would be lucky to have Haley James." "Haley, you are meant to be a teacher, I know you are.") had done more to convince Haley that maybe she could teach again, that maybe she wasn't a lost cause.

So she began doing her research into open teaching positions. The high school was not an option, she had more than burned her bridges there, but she decided to reach out to the middle school. Several teachers had retired or moved away at the end of the school year, so while she wasn't completely convinced she'd be able to secure a position there, she was hopeful.

After making a few calls (she was grateful to realize she hadn't burned all her bridges with her former colleagues), a short introductory call with the middle school principal, and some pep talks from Nathan, she was ready. Or so she hoped.

The halls of the school were quiet, no loud banging of school lockers or kids shouting. Walking down the main hall to the school office, she glanced in the classrooms as she passed, the empty rooms waiting for the students who would soon be there in a few short weeks. The sound of her high heels against the floor echoed loudly as she approached the office.

She paused for a moment outside the door. She noticed what appeared to be a secretary at the front desk, hard at work on the computer. Taking a deep breath, she pulled open the door and walked into the office.

"May I help you," the secretary asked. The name plate identified her as Cynthia Harrison.

"Yes, I'm here to speak with Ms. Downing. My name is Haley James."

"Ms. Downing is finishing up a call but she'll be with you shortly. You can sit over there if you would like," Ms. Harrison said, waving her hand to two chairs set up in a corner.

"Thank you," Haley said softly. She moved to the chairs and sat in one, placing her handbag in her lap.

True to Ms. Harrison's words, a few minutes later Ms. Downing came out of her office and greeted Haley.

"Ms. James, thank you for coming in. I appreciate you meeting with me. Let's talk in my office."

Ms. Downing led Haley into her office and indicated where she could sit. "So, Ms. James—"

"Haley. You can call me Haley."

Ms. Downing smiled. "Alright, Haley. Why don't you tell me a little about yourself?"

This was the part Haley was dreading. There were landmines everywhere in her life that would blow up in her face if she got too close.

"Well, I've lived in Tree Hill all of my life. I graduated from Duke University with a degree in education. Ever since I was a child, I've wanted to be a teacher. I tutored in high school and that really cemented it for me. When I would tutor someone, and he or she understood and that light went off, I felt good. Like this is what I'm meant to do," Haley explained.

She prayed Ms. Downing wouldn't want more details or ask questions about her fam—

"Do you still have family in Tree Hill?"

Shit.

Taking a deep breath and praying she wouldn't cry, Haley responded with a simple, "No, we're all in different cities now."

"Do you get to see them often?"

Haley shook her head, not wanting to delve in her family mess. "Not so much. My siblings are busy with their careers and their families, you know how it goes. So you're looking for a seventh grade English teacher?"

If Ms. Downing noticed the abrupt change in subject, she didn't give an indication. She nodded. "Yes, as you may be aware, we had several teachers either retire or move at the end of the most recent school year. We've shuffled some teachers around, some have transferred from other districts, but we still have two openings, one of which is in the English department."

Haley smiled. "English has always been my favorite subject. I've always enjoyed reading, and sharing that love of literature with students is my favorite aspect of teaching."

Ms. Downing and Haley continued chatting, and thankfully, Ms. Downing steered away from any further personal questions. As they were wrapping up their conversation, Ms. Downing said, "I know this was just a preliminary meeting for us, but I appreciate you making time to meet with me. We'll have to run a background check obviously, and I will reach out to your former employer, but I think you would be a good fit here at Tree Hill Middle."

Haley smiled but inside she was screaming. Once Ms. Downing spoke with Mr. Collins, her former boss at Tree Hill High School, Haley knew it would be over. Might as well withdraw her name now and save herself the humiliation.

She opened her mouth to do so but nothing came out. Why couldn't she speak? Why couldn't she politely bow out and thank Ms. Downing for her time. Instead she found herself saying, "Thank you. I look forward to hearing from you."

Haley rose from her chair and shook Ms. Downing's hand. "I can see myself out. Thank you again."

With a smile to Ms. Harrison as she left the main office, Haley left. She walked down the hall and ducked into an empty classroom. What had she done? Why hadn't she simply told Ms. Downing that this didn't work out and save herself the embarrassment? Once Ms. Downing found out why she left the high school, it was over.

But maybe not…. Things were looking up for Haley, so maybe this would work out as well? Sure, the last six months had been nightmarish, but she was changing her life. She had stopped drinking, she was… whatever she was doing with Nathan, but she had someone to support and encourage her and who understand exactly what she was going through. She was getting better. Surely something good had to go her way, so why not this? Why not this job to help change her life, to push her back to the person she used to be?

Haley took a deep breath and straightened her shoulders. For the first time in a long time, she was going to be optimistic about something in her life. This job would be the linchpin of her journey back to being the old Haley James. This job would show to everyone that Haley James may be down, but she was not out.

She walked out of the school, head held high, already planning what she resources she could bring to her new classroom.


After Lucas and Nathan played for a couple of hours, Lucas finally begged off and left to go see Brooke. He offered to drive Nathan home but Nathan decided to walk back. It would give him time to think about what Lucas had said earlier.

Lucas didn't know Haley. Nathan may not have known Haley very long, but that first night they met, they connected. He may not know every little detail about her, but Nathan knew Haley. He could feel it in his soul.

But after thinking about his initial frustration with his brother, Nathan saw that Lucas's concerns were coming from a place of good intentions. He had put his brother through the emotional wringer the last several months; it was natural that Lucas was hesitant. Nathan wished that Lucas trusted him more. Not that he deserved it, not after the way he behaved since his injury, but Nathan still was a little pissed that Lucas's first reaction was to assume the worst. However, he couldn't blame Lucas for being skeptical about two drunks falling in lov—

No, it's too early for that, he told himself as he walked home.

To be honest, he wasn't sure what was going on between him and Haley. He knew he wanted it to be more, how much more he wasn't sure, but he also knew Haley didn't need him dragging her down. She was doing so well, she even had an initial job interview at the middle school, right about now he realized when he checked his phone. She was picking up the pieces of her life; she didn't need a washed up, emotionally stunted former basketball player messing it all up for her. For the first time in his life, he wanted to put someone else's feelings before his own.

But that didn't he mean he wouldn't fight to keep Haley in his life. Haley deserved better than him, but he would be damned if he'd give her up.

He was lost in thoughts about Haley as he strolled up the short walk to the front porch of his house. He was so distracted that he didn't notice the woman standing on the porch, a small travel bag at her feet, until he heard a shrill cry of "Nathan!"

He glanced up and… shit. No, no, fuck no, this was not happening. What the hell was she doing here?

"Rachel, what are—what are you doing at my house? In Tree Hill?" He asked angrily. He was not dealing with Rachel or any of her bullshit, not anymore. He had wasted too much time on her already.

"Nathan—"

"How did you even know I was in Tree Hill? And how did you find my house? What the fuck, Rachel?"

For a moment, she looked annoyed at his tone but quickly wiped the displeasure from her face. "Nate—"

"Don't call me that," he gritted out as he stood at the bottom of the steps, arms crossed against his chest and a dark scowl marring his features.

"Nathan," Rachel started again, "It's been so long since we've talked."

"Yeah, because I believe the last words you said to me were 'you're pathetic,' so I didn't think there was much else to be said," he retorted.

Rachel flicked her long red hair over her shoulder, giving him her typical 'I'm sorry' pout that usually worked on him. Or at least, it used to. Now he didn't care. She could sit outside on his porch all fucking day for all he cared.

"Nate—"

"Don't. call. me that."

"Nathan, please. Can't we go inside and talk?"

"No."

"But I want to apologize."

"No."

"Nath—"

"No."

Huffing in annoyance, Rachel stomped her high heel clad foot on the porch. "Why are you being like this?"

"Because I can." He wouldn't admit it out loud but he was enjoying pissing off Rachel.

Rachel walked down the few steps to the sidewalk to stand in front of Nathan. She rested her hand on his bicep but removed it when Nathan shot her icy glare. "You're being childish."

Nathan rolled his eyes. "I'm being childish? Rachel, you dumped me so fast after my injury, my head practically spun. You took off because you didn't want to deal with me. So excuse me if I don't roll out the welcome mat when you come crawling back."

"I made a mistake."

Nathan laughed bitterly. "That's what we're calling it nowadays?"

"God, Nathan, I wanted to apologize. I know I was a horrible bitch to you and I shouldn't have left you."

"It took you six months to realize that?" he asked.

"No, it took me six months to work up the courage to apologize to you," she said softly, eyes downcast, her voice wavering slightly.

For as long as he knew her, Rachel was a no holds barred, bitch on wheels who took what she wanted when she wanted with no apologies. Rachel had captivated him; she lived her life much like he did. No thoughts of others, just a hedonistic free-for-all. At the time, that enthralled Nathan. But now, after meeting Haley and discovering what a real connection with someone felt like, it just disgusted him.

Even though he didn't want to, even though all the shit they had put each other through was still fresh in his mind, Nathan couldn't help but soften a bit towards Rachel. In their time together, he had never seen her remorseful. Sure, she may have apologized after one of their numerous fights, but he knew she didn't mean it. Just like he didn't mean it at the time. But this… this was a different Rachel. She appeared softer, vulnerable. Maybe she too had realized the destruction their lifestyle created and wanted to change.

Ignoring the voice inside his head that screamed at him not to, he found himself inviting Rachel in to talk.


She knew it was too good to be true. She knew she shouldn't have gotten her hopes up. Why should anything go her way?

Not even an hour after her meeting with Ms. Downing, Haley's phone rang. Noting it was the number to the middle school, she eagerly answered. Short moments later, she muttered a despondent "I understand, thank you for calling" and disconnected the call.

She was an idiot to have thought she could get this job. Of course Ms. Downing spoke with Mr. Collins at the high school, and of course he told her why Haley was fired, and of course Ms. Downing called and told her that due to the reason for her firing, the school board could not risk hiring her, and of course Haley had once again fucked up everything.

She had actually allowed herself to believe that maybe something would work out for her, that maybe she was on the path to a new, better life.

She was such a goddamn fool.

Needing to talk to someone, her immediate thought was Nathan. He would reassure her, he would offer the comfort she desperately needed. She needed his strength right now because the dark voices inside her head were getting louder and louder. In the past, she would have turned to alcohol to drown them out. She couldn't, wouldn't do that anymore. Not to herself and not to Nathan.

She dialed his number and frowned when he didn't pick up. She left a brief message, telling him she needed to talk to him. She quickly sent him a text, asking him to call her as soon as possible. When twenty minutes had passed and he still hadn't responded, she decided she would go to his house. Maybe he was taking a shower after his workout at the Rivercourt and wasn't near his phone.

She turned and headed in the opposite direction to his house. She had to see Nathan.


Nathan and Rachel sat on opposite ends of the couch.

"So," he said, unsure of what to say after what Rachel had just told him.

"You don't have to feel sorry for me, Nathan. In fact, I don't want you to. Like I said, I made my choices and now I'm dealing with the consequences. I'm sorry for how I hurt you and that it look me so long to come apologize to you."

Nathan shook his head. While her apology didn't erase what happened between them, it appeared heartfelt and sincere. Rachel was never that good of a liar when they were together.

"I'm sorry you had to deal with that, though. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy."

Giving him a small, sardonic smile, Rachel said, "Aren't I, though?"

"Aren't you what?" Nathan asked, confused.

"Your worst enemy."

Sighing, Nathan shook his head. "I was hurt by what you did, Rachel, but honestly, I was so fucked up most of the time that I didn't care. I was too busy drowning my sorrows in alcohol that I didn't think about what a bastard I was to you for the majority of our relationship. So, I can understand why you left. I don't blame you, not really. It was more a pride thing than a broken heart, to be honest."

Rachel nodded. "We were a disaster, weren't we?"

Nathan barked out a laugh. "The fucking worst."

"Well, I better go. I just wanted to apologize in person," Rachel said as she stood up and grabbed her travel bag.

Nathan stood and led her to the door. "I can't honestly say it was good to see you, but thanks for apologizing. You didn't have to."

"No, I really did. Thanks for listening, Nathan."

Nathan opened the door and Rachel began to head outside before turning and throwing her arms around him in a hug. Hesitating a moment, Nathan returned the hug.

"Good luck," Rachel said before kissing him on the cheek and stepping out of the embrace. With a small wave and a wistful smile, she left.

Nathan turned to shut the door, never seeing Haley standing on the sidewalk.


She knew it was too good to be true. She knew she shouldn't have gotten her hopes up. Why should anything go her way?

Why on earth did she think that Nathan would ever want to be with her? She was too screwed up, too broken, too plain, too boring, her life was too messy. Nathan deserved the best and that wasn't her.

Ignoring the small voice inside her telling her to go to talk to Nathan and that she was probably misunderstanding the situation, she instead concentrated on the voice urging her to find the nearest bottle and lose herself in it.

After all, her life was so fucked up already. What was the point in trying?

Before she could think about it, she found herself at Tric, the familiar neon lights welcoming her back like a long-lost friend. She walked in and the sights and sounds washed over her like a familiar comfort. It was relatively empty, only a few people scattered around, and as she headed to the bar, she caught the eye of a recognizable stranger, a man she had sometimes conversed with when they were drinking. He raised his glass to her in mock salute.

She breathed a sigh of relief when she noticed that Chase wasn't at the bar. It was a new bartender, a guy she didn't know. Thank God Chase wasn't here to lecture her for what she was about to do.

"Shot of tequila," she ordered as she stepped close to the bar. She drummed her fingers on the bar impatiently. She needed to drown out the voices inside her head. Everything was piling up on her – no job, no Nathan… she needed oblivion.

"Do you want to start a tab," the bartender asked as he poured the first shot.

"Yeah," Haley answered as she fumbled in her purse for her wallet. She slid the card over to him.

When he left to run her credit card, Haley stared at the shot in front of her. She had worked so hard the last couple of weeks to maintain her sobriety, but what was the point? She had fucked up her life so much that she didn't think there was any way back, not really. What school would ever want to hire her? Why would Nathan ever want to be with her? Why did she ever think she could change?

Not paying attention to the bartender as he returned her card, Haley continued staring at the shot glass. She could practically feel the sharp bite of the alcohol as it coursed through her veins and the oblivion that would wash over her at the first sip.

There were a million reasons to drink, to lose herself once again, and she couldn't think of a reason not to.