KAREN:

The last days have been a roller coaster. It's like my life has exploded, or like somebody put me in a rocket ship and sent me up, and now it can't stop. Not that I am complaining. But I haven't lived this much, I haven't experienced so many new things so quickly, in years. Or ever.

Pam and I are caught up somewhere in between serious infatuation, complete insanity, and dumb love (that part might be just me). We both keep jeopardizing our jobs on a daily basis, doing all kind of unthinkable things on office grounds.

It is exactly what you're thinking.

We do it anywhere and everywhere. All the time, now.

After she put her foot on my crotch during a MEETING, I kind of caught her drift. And now I have to control myself not to be all over her everytime I see her. Which is painfully often.

I never knew I could be this horny octopus, but apparently, I am, and she doesn't seem to mind. I'm all hands, and she lets me. We constantly go to the bathroom to make out. We hide on the corner behind the vending machines, and we make out, and I touch her. When she's in the kitchen looking for something in the fridge, I go behind her and I slip my hand up her shirt, and inside her bra, and I pinch her nipple. Right there, in the middle of the kitchen! What if anyone walks in? We're clearly not thinking about the risks.

There's more of this, there's a thousand things we do. I grab her butt in the elevator, when we're both going up with a whole bunch of people. She corresponds by putting her hand between my legs, on top of my dressy pants. We kiss anywhere, and I mean ANYWHERE, the second we have a chance. We kiss sitting down, we kiss standing, we kiss and she puts her leg around me and presses me close to her body, and I can feel her pounding, and we kiss some more. There has even been some straddling action on the couch in the women's bathroom, some dry humping, if you will. We couldn't really lose all the clothes for that one, there was no time, but we did end up rolling down to the floor. It's like that everyday. I have to check up my hair and make up all the time now, because it gets messy during our fits of passion.

The only thing hotter than having Pam against the wall, and lifting her cardigan and shirt, and liberating her breasts, so I can kiss and lick and nibble on them, is when Pam is the one who starts getting herself naked the moment she sees me. It's like she cannot wait, and that makes me click, everytime. I like to be in charge, I feel at my most comfortable when I'm taking the lead. But it helps when she's trying to make it easier. Then I know I'm doing things right.

We haven't been able to talk much outside of work, because her mother is staying with her for a few days. So, after 5 PM, she has to go back home and do family stuff. At first I had a paranoid moment when I thought she was making up an excuse so she wouldn't have to talk to me in private, out in the real world. Yeah, she could just have her fun making out with me and feeling me up, and turning it on and off with me, and making me lick her finger right after she touched herself...(yes, she did that. She actually put it in my mouth, right after she had put it inside her c...OK, not talking about this right now). But anyway, I felt better when I saw her mom waiting for her in the parking lot. Pphew! So it was not just an excuse. It was true.

We're not really going all the way in every encounter (that would be impossible, considering the time it takes to properly touch and be touched by a woman), besides, we're having these encounters like, fourteen or fifteen times a day. What are we, animals?

Well, pretty much. Yeah.

But as I said, we're not going all the way. It's more like a neverending game of turning each other on as much as we can, and be really dirty, and make out. We make out a LOT.

Hmmm! My life is pretty good, if you ask me.

Pam is trying to make advances on how much I let her touch me. I have been thinking about this, and trying to figure out why I have some issues with it. Obviously, it has to do with me relinquishing my control of things.

After doing some internet research (if you can call it that), I guess you could conclude that in our relationship, I am the top and Pam is the bottom. I don't really like labels, but someway this makes sense to me. There has to be some kind of a balance, even if we're both women, there has to be SOME kind of a Ying/Yang thing for it to work. I am obviously more active, and she is more passive. I am more masculine (although I do not intend to become a "stud", thank you very much). She is more girly. In fact, I think her girly, innocent ways were part of what first attracted me to her. It stirred something in me, the "top" part, the part that wanted to protect her... the part that could never be awaken by a guy, because no guy was ever gonna be more feminine than me, no guy was ever gonna make me feel strong, powerful, and capable of protecting him. (At least, no straight guy that I could sexually be with). But Pam did stir up all of those things in me. I think they were probably in me the whole time, just dormant.

Anyway, after I noticed her and became obsessed, and especially after we slept together, it all fell into place. Yes, it feels very, VERY good to be in that situation with Pam, to be in control, to be the guide. I think it is something that I have an amazing instinct for, I just never knew before.

That may be why I have my guards up when Pam tries to touch me.

Oh, she has been making some progress. She has managed full access to my boobs everytime she wants, (believe me, she is using that access a lot), and she does seem to have a fascination with touching me between my legs, but...how do I say this? Well, there's always been some cloth still on. She hasn't been "in" yet. I haven't let her.

No, I don't know why I'm not letting her. It's not like I don't like it: I lose sight of everything else when she's touching me! And that's the part that I don't like. I feel like I shouldn't be the one receiving the attention, I feel like I should be in control (again, control freak!), and aware of everything at all times. Everytime that I let her touch me, I feel a reversal of roles that confuses me, and makes me feel insecure. And I hate that I'm using the word "roles", because probably there shouldn't be any at all. But this is the way things are.

What if...what if I were to let go, and trust Pam completely, and let her do anything she wanted to me? What if I allowed myself to do that, and when I came back to my senses, she was gone? Not literally, but metaphorically, in this relationship we're having (whatever it is). What if things shifted? What if I gave myself to her completely, and she broke my heart?