It was mid night when Jack stepped out onto the roof of the Millennium Centre. It was a cold breezy night, but Jack wasn't deterred by the elements as he stood with his coat pulled tightly about his body. He was at a loss, confused by his own feelings for both Ianto and Gwen, for Torchwood as a whole. It was days like this that he seriously regretted turning down the Doctor's offer. Ianto had been quite right, the previous century he had done nothing but bide his time awaiting his saviour and when he had finally come Jack had had never felt so let down in his life. Everything about the man had changed and he was no longer 'his' Doctor. He could live with that, everything changed; it was something he had become used to. However 'that year' had taught him that some things were worth coming back for, some causes worth fighting and whether he liked it or not Earth was his home now. He liked Earth or more specifically Wales, he enjoyed the place and the people, but he was tired of being alone and knew it was one thing he was condemned to be no matter what planet he was on.
Gwen was like a lighthouse in that darkness, a strong and certain presence that he could rely on for love and sex and loyalty, if he so chose. She was beautiful, strong and bloody infuriating and she was what he needed to remind him what being mortal and human was all about. He could talk to her and she always opened up to him, with that gap toothed smile and doey eyes. He had no doubt that he loved her, but he also realised that he was not in love with her, things would be so much easier if her were. He'd like nothing more than to respond to the sexual attraction, fuck her until they both saw the stars, but he knew in the end it would break her. She needed his commitment, family and a future that he could in no way provide. The truth was he loved Ianto a hell of a lot more. Ianto was honest with him in ways that Gwen couldn't even begin to comprehend. Ianto understood exactly who he was and what he was suffering, because he had suffered the same himself. Like Jack he wore his secrets like he wore his suits. They both played out these roles that the others expected of them. Ianto was the only person who had ever seen 'Jack', the only one who knew his secrets and the only one he wanted to share them with and the man was so fucking impossible to talk to some days, with his guard never down. Ianto was one of those universal mysteries, so wrapped in his own pain and unresolved grief. Jack got that, only too well. Shit!
It was a beautiful night. It always was. Jack loved the lights of the city and reflections of the moon on the water in the bay. He was never sure why, but it was a comforting sight to behold. He just watched the night slowly pass into a pale dawn before finally going back to the Hub and thanking some random deity for a quiet night.
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Ianto gaped at the door for an indeterminate length of time. Jack's rapid departure had momentarily confused him, but he shook it off and set about washing the dishes, leaning heavily against the work surface as he did so. He was exhausted by the end of it. Once done he slugged two pain killers and went to bed. Sleep evaded him as the medication refused to do it's work. He lay there in the unfamiliar darkness trying to make sense of what had happened over the last few weeks. Jack's bloody minded determination to keep him alive and have control over his life. Ianto half wondered if he were being punished for something, but that wasn't really Jack's style, if he was angry with Ianto then he'd say it. Gwen's impending wedding was obviously bothering him and Ianto was half tempted to tell Jack to just go for it and tell her how he felt. Ianto knew that Jack was many things, but not someone who would break up a relationship. Ianto did not understand unrequited love, had never experienced it. There had only been Lisa. He certainly could not consider what he shared with Jack to be love, companionship with benefits maybe? It niggled him though, Jack had worn a hurt look on his face when he had left earlier. Ianto had seen that look once before, when Lisa and his betrayal had been discovered and Ianto found himself wondering what it was he had done wrong. There was no one to ask of course, because the one person he should be asking had walked out of the apartment a couple of hours ago. Ianto chewed at his lip and then sat up, thinking maybe he should go to the Hub and talk to Jack.
What should have been a ten minute walk took him almost an hour. He was sore and breathless by the time he got there and much to his disappointment the Hub was found to be deserted. Exhausted and somewhat miserable Ianto settled himself down on the couch behind Tosh's station, unable to make the walk back to the flat. Within minutes he was sound asleep.
