A/N: I have an excuse for not updating for so long! I have a really exciting fic idea (like I've said) and I kinda got distracted from this one because I was working so hard on developing that one. I'm sorry. It's been so long since I've updated and I feel awful. Good fluff ahead though, so take that as an apology. There'll be an epilogue too ;)


Chapter Eleven

Friday, New Year's Day

The week spent without the secretary's smile was the most agonizing Natsume experienced since his mother died. Worse, maybe, which made him feel kind of guilty, since that was his mother and this was a crush - but crush didn't really fit, did it?

"Natsume," his mother said once over dinner, rubbing her thumb over his dad's hand. "Stop glowering like that or your face will freeze."

He had never believed bullshit like that so he kept pouting. "Stop being all lovey-dovey. It's gross," he had protested.

Kaoru laughed while his dad looked heartbroken. "You'll understand someday, Natsume. How it feels to be around someone you love and who loves you - that feeling is indescribable."

Natsume had shaken his six-year-old head so fast it spun, stubborn. "Never!" he promised. "That sounds nasty."

And look where he was now - pining after someone who had the maturity level of his six-year-old self - wishing he could be affectionate and sweet and lovey-dovey.

Why had he let this happen?

Ruka was patient but then he ran off a few days before New Year's to celebrate with his robot girlfriend in Tahiti. Now Natsume was alone. He'd always been told that only having one friend would end up screwing him someday.

He didn't know why that had to be now of all days.

The secretary didn't want to talk to him. She didn't hum or beam or brighten up the hall anymore. She just sat there, looking depressed, trudging through her work like she was going through quicksand and as a result Natsume was working even more to pick up her slack.

"Hyuuga," Serio would call. "Ten o'clock is your deadline. I don't see your work in front of me."

And Natsume would wonder if he even had cases or if he sent other slaves to do that for him too.

"You're working on New Year's," Serio hummed one day. "I have too much work to let you fall back. We can't afford to fall behind. You understand, don't you?"

Natsume wanted to pick up a pick-ax and shove it up his nasal cavity and right up into his brain.

"No, sir, that doesn't work for me."

"What, you got something to do that's more important?" his boss challenged.

"Damn straight," he retorted. "Much more important."

Serio begrudgingly let him off.

So now he was spending his morning hyperventilating in the apartment kitchen, trying to calm himself.

Today was supposed to be the day he fixed things - the day he abandoned his stupid self-preservation nonsense and said things that were supposed to be said and did things that were supposed to be done.

But that was so hard! Maybe he should stay lodged up at home the whole day. That seemed safe.

But then when he pulled out his phone and saw he was scrolling down his contacts list and stopping at her name, he realized that he didn't want to not fix things. He didn't want to sit around all day feeling sorry for himself because there was a perfectly safe way to regain everything that he'd lost.

All he had to do was get up and go do it.

But he knew she was working today for a short shift (sucked - it was her damn birthday) so he had to swallow his resolve and wait 'til about two in the afternoon to actually make his move.

In the meantime, he watched Hallmark movies and even cried during one (don't fucking tell Ruka). They were terrible though - this whole "in love" stuff was really turning him into a sap.

He couldn't really complain too much. He kept thinking about what it would be like to watch these dumb movies with the secretary nuzzled up against his side.

Did she like horror? Did she like romance? Maybe she'd surprise him and like thrillers or mysteries.

The hours oozed by and the back of his eyes started aching as he came to the epiphany that he had been holding back tears for a while now.

So he let himself cry for ten minutes - not sobbing, not rasping - just crying, letting the tears slide down his cheeks in the most manly and emotionless way possible.

Until his breaths started to bubble in his chest and he was suddenly bawling at the ending of his third Hallmark movie (the grandma died! What was he supposed to do? Laugh like Imai would have?), imagining he was dying instead. Dying without ever having told that stupid five-year-old how he really felt.


"What do you mean you're in Tahiti?!"

Natsume felt weird, standing outside her apartment door wearing nice clothes and shiny shoes, listening to her angry telephone conversation.

"It's my birthday, Hotaru!"

Her voice kept breaking and he wanted to knock and end all this for everyone, but he also figured that interrupting the call would just piss her off even more.

"I need you right now!" Then there was a harsh crash of something solid hitting the wall and then silence before he could hear the sound of her slowly rising sobs.

She was crying just like he had.

Screw knocking. He needed to fix this now and he wouldn't let her slam the door in his face.

He thrust it open and felt his heart jump out of his body - eager to go and dry those tears and shush those heaving breaths.

Damn, he really had made a mistake, hadn't he? Maybe he should've knocked.

"Oh, no," he accidentally murmured.

She looked up, then, and her eyes widened with anger. "Get out!" she screamed. "I don't want you here!"

Natsume did the very opposite and closed the door behind him.

"No!" she yelled. She kept repeating it 'til he squatting on the floor next to her.

"I wanted to say Happy Birthday," he muttered softly. More tears spilled from her eyes. She remained quiet, lips a tight line, as if she was holding something back. "I've been thinking about you, you know. I always think about you. Always have been."

She glared at him, face fiery red. "Then why -"

"If I didn't like you at all, I wouldn't have bothered coming here. Before, when Ruka would date girls, they'd be these annoying little brats that wanted their friends to get dates too. Ruka made me fill that role - be his double-date wingman.

"But you're not like that. You're different. I liked you before Red Lobster. I liked you before the pink dress and the pretty hair. I liked you before the teasing and the dumb report and the fighting and Luna. I liked you before all that. I liked you from the moment I saw you, playing Neopets on the job like a little kid."

She opened her mouth but only got a breath in before Natsume cut her off. "You make me feel sick to my stomach, like I just drank that nasty drink your friend at Starbucks made. Everytime I see you, I get friggin' butterflies. I don't know what to do about that, y'know? I'd never liked anyone before. People always liked me and I never knew what to do about that, either. I tease you and laugh at you because I like you . . . and I can't say your name either because it wouldn't sound right coming out of my mouth - it doesn't, I know. But, dammit if saying your name will make you forgive me, then I'll say it a thousand times. If confessing these mushy-ass feelings will do the trick, then I'll do that too. I just hate having you hate me."

Her face was losing its red color, the tears were drying.

"Intern -" she started.

"Not like you can say my name, either, I see," he laughed. She bit her lip and fought a smile from bursting across her face. "No, see, there's another thing. Don't hide your smile anymore. I'll get an aneurism from missing it so much." She blushed.

He fell to his knees (squatting took a lot of energy that sitting in a desk all day wasn't too prone to give him) beside her and pushed a little curl of hair out of her face.

"Like is a bit of an understatement," he whispered, embarrassed, feeling blush rise up his cheeks. "I kinda love you, Mikan."

She squealed and shoved her face into her hands. "Stop!" she shrieked. "You'll give me a heart attack, you idiot!"

And just like that, he knew he was forgiven. He tilted her head back so that she was looking at him (however reluctantly that was on her part, he couldn't know) and then he kissed her.

It tasted like McDonald's, like anna's Peppermint Strawberry Blast, like Red Lobster biscuits and strawberry milkshakes. It tasted like her sweet perfume that got all over his car each time he drove her someplace, like the sun that lit up each and every little hair on her head and made her look like she was made of gold. It tasted like all the things he should've said from the very start.

It tasted like letting go.

She got into it pretty fast, which was a surprise. She threw her arms around his neck like she had when she hugged him in the snow after McDonald's. She started making sounds too, which made Natsume redden and whimper.

She tore away, lips bright red, matching her cheeks. She was beaming like she'd just gotten all her dreams to come true. "I'd always wanted to do that," she confessed.

"No," he argued. "Because I always wanted to do that."

She giggled and kissed him again. Before Natsume could open his mouth, she ripped her lips away again. "Does this mean we're dating now?"

Natsume blushed and looked away. "Well, I don't know," he mumbled, furrowing his eyebrows. "Do you want to date me?"

She looked at him curiously, like she was contemplating something deep and profound, when she snapped, "You're an idiot" and kissed him again. "Yes," she said into his mouth - which felt friggin' weird, if he was honest - about ten times.

He realized that he didn't have a lot of kissing experience. He had kissed maybe two people on the lips before - and one of them was Ruka for Spin the Bottle so it didn't count - and he was starting to wonder who'd be getting the real upper hand in this relationship.

Not to mention that he was a virgin at twenty-four.

Ruka had lost his at eighteen. He had actually gotten Natsume the key to losing his own v-card, but Natsume couldn't do it. He didn't care and he didn't want to pretend for some pretty girl who was inconsequential.

Just for a silly label.

Maybe a part of him wanted it to be special.

Damn him.

He pulled slowly away. "Hey," he muttered. "You kissed people before?"

She nodded, giggling. "Yeah, but like one boyfriend."

Natsume refused to imagine what all she had done with that boyfriend. Instead he kissed her again, before she could ask the same question of him.


He took her out to dinner. They went to Taco Bell because he knew her and she wouldn't want to go to some fancy place just to spend the money. They split their meals right down the middle and for some reason, as they sat their in the booth, laughing and eating like teenagers, he found it natural. Everything made sense. It was like this whole time he'd been alive he'd been charging his battery and now that Mikan was here, he could finally power up.

This was what life felt like.

She was ecstatic when he took her around town and demanded he buy her every stuffed animal they passed by - which was a lot of fucking stuffed animals, by the way - and even joked for a while about going to Six Flags or Disneyland. They ended up going back to her place and watching a movie.

She was the one who broke concentration and eventually they were making out on the couch, oblivious to how the movie was going. Fuck, Natsume couldn't even remember the name of the damned thing.

It was only slightly embarrassing when Yuu walked in on them. It was hard to be embarrassed when he was the one flushing and stammering out apologies. Mikan threw a pillow at him to get him out of the living room.

They kept on going after that.

The room was black and his eyelids were getting heavy. Her lap was soft and he wanted to fall asleep already.

"My new year's resolution," she whispered, petting his hair. "Is to be more honest."

Natsume wanted to laugh at that, but he couldn't find the energy. It had been him that needed to be more honest.

"I love you too," she added, as if to prove her point, before kissing him chastely on the cheek.

Yeah, he fell asleep soon after that.