A is for Always
By
Natalie Elizabeth
Chapter 11
"So do we say anything to Castle?" Ryan questioned his partner as they walked down the corridor.
"About what?"
"About Beckett, that's what." Detective Kevin Ryan shook his head as he clutched his fiancé's hand.
"Kevin says I have the biggest mouth in the south," Jenny informed them. "I don't want to put my foot in it."
"Did Kate mention Castle to you guys?" Lanie questioned the two men as they stopped in front of Castle's door.
"No," Esposito told her.
"Not that you gave her any time to speak." Ryan had been quite surprised at Esposito's attack on Beckett.
"Hey, I was just protecting my woman."
Lanie ran a hand down her boyfriend's arm. "And I appreciate that you were looking out for me Javi, but Kate was trying to make amends. We talked about this."
Esposito shrugged as he hung his head down. "I know she is. If we have learned anything from this whole experience is that life's too short to dwell on the little things. It's also too short to put up with garbage from people. She apologized to us but what about Castle?"
"He sounded happy on the phone when he invited us," Lanie told her distraught boyfriend.
Ryan nodded. "With me, too."
"So maybe Kate has spoken with him," Jenny added.
The rest of the gang just shrugged.
"Look," Lanie addressed the three people before her, "Kate is obviously dealing with some things at the moment. If Castle asks if we have seen her we should tell him the truth. If he doesn't ask, keep our mouths shut."
The group nodded at her so she turned and knocked at the door. Hearing the sounds of someone walking towards the door was a good sign. She had been quite worried about Castle. He always seemed despondent when she had called to give him information about Kate. His cheery demeanour on the phone the day before had been a shock. She had quickly rearranged her work schedule to be here tonight. Castle had simply said he wanted to get the group together for pizza. It was better than the 'I'm fine, Lanie' speech she had been getting.
When the door swung open Lanie's jaw dropped.
"Hi guys, glad you could come. Please come in."
The two detectives and the ME stood frozen gazing at the woman before them. Finally Jenny took the initiative.
"Hi, Kate. It's good to see you looking well." Jenny crossed the threshold into Castle's loft and was immediately engulfed into a hug.
"Hello, Jenny. Thank you. I am not 100% yet but I am getting there." Beckett turned to look at her friends still standing in the hall. "Guys are you going to come in? Castle is just getting ready."
"Kevin," Jenny said loudly, breaking the man out of his stupor.
"Hi, Beckett." Ryan walked into the room and gave his boss a quick hug. They weren't really huggers but it was really good to see her and she didn't seem to object.
"Hi, Ryan. Is everything ok?" Beckett asked, giving him a tight hug before releasing him.
"Yeah. We are just surprised to see you here. We didn't realise you had spoken to Castle, too."
Beckett bit her lip. "Actually he was the first person I spoke to."
"Oh," Esposito said finally speaking and coming into the room.
"Javi has been going overboard with the big brother act." Lanie followed her boyfriend into the loft. She loved him. She really did, but his over protective side could get a bit much. "Hi Kate, good to see you."
"You too, Lanie. Please come in and sit down. Hopefully Rick will be out in a sec. Lanie, Jenny there is white wine and glasses already on the table near the couch. Can I get you guys a beer?"
Ryan and Esposito shared a confused look. Why was Beckett offering to serve them?
"Yeah, that sounds great," Ryan offered up only after Jenny elbowed them.
Beckett closed the door behind her friends and went off into the kitchen to grab drinks for the guys. Although Beckett had discussed with Rick about telling their friends about their relationship, they hadn't gone into details on the how. Grabbing the beers out of the fridge, she wished Rick would hurry up. He had helped her wash her hair in the shower before stepping out and having his own. Apparently his hair was acting stupid today and he had been attacking it with his brush the last time she had looked in on him. Beckett handed the beers over to her friends.
"Here you go."
"Thanks, Beckett." Ryan grabbed his beer and took a long sip.
"Where's Castle?" Esposito wondered as he grabbed his own beer from Beckett.
"In his room, doing his hair." Beckett rolled her eyes but smiled at Castle's ways. "Castle, the guys are here!" she yelled in the direction of his room.
"Did she just smile after rolling her eyes?" Esposito whispered to Ryan.
Kate gave Esposito a pointed stare, trying not to laugh at the way the four of them looked like children being forced to visit their scary aunt.
"Are you guys hungry?" Beckett asked, choosing to ignore Esposito's question to Ryan. "Castle wants to try out this new pizza place that's just opened up around the corner. They don't deliver so he will have to go and get them, but I made some snacks if you are interested."
The two couples nodded at Becket before turning to look at each other with confused expressions. Beckett returned moments later with two laden filled platters of food.
"Hey guys glad you could... Kate what do you think you're doing?" Castle raced over to her.
Beckett sighed. "Feeding our guests."
Castle practically tore one of the platters out of her hand and placed it on the table. "Couldn't you have taken them one at a time? Or asked me or one of the guys to help you?"
Beckett placed the other platter that was still in her hand on the table. "Rick, its fine. The laundry I did yesterday weighed more than the platters."
Castle's eyes widened in shock. "You did laundry? You are supposed to be taking it easy."
Beckett put her hands on her hips. "I am taking it easy."
Castle took a step towards her. "Not if you doing laundry."
"We had a deal, Castle. I stay here but only if you let me breathe."
"Well, you won't be breathing if you over do it and hurt yourself again."
"It's just laundry."
"Well, if it's just laundry someone else can do it."
"Rick."
"Kate."
"Umm, hello? Confused people here," Lanie interrupted the squabbling pair.
Beckett and Castle looked at each other before both sighing in defeat.
"I am sorry, Rick. I should have taken them one at a time."
Castle shook his head. "No, no Kate they weren't that heavy. I promised to stop coddling you."
Beckett nodded. "But I promised that I would ask for help."
"Yo. Mom and Dad. You want to fill us in on what's going on here?" Esposito questioned their friends.
Beckett and Castle turned to look at the people sitting on the couch and smiled. Beckett looked up at Castle, raised her brows at him and shrugged. Castle placed his arm around her shoulders and squeezed it tight.
"Umm guys, we have something to tell you," Castle started.
Lanie's mouth dropped open for the second time that night at the sight of Castle's arm around Beckett.
"Rick and I are together," Beckett finished.
The four people on the couch stayed silent.
Beckett nervously looked up at Castle. "I thought they would be happy about this."
Castle looked down at her and rubbed her arm. "I think it's just a shock that's all." He then kissed her lightly on the head.
Ryan gasped. "I think they're serious. No way would Beckett let Castle kiss her unless they really were together."
Castle and Beckett looked at each other and shared a secret smile. Well maybe, maybe not.
"Girl, is this the good news you wanted to tell me?" Lanie asked as she stood up and walked towards Beckett.
Beckett nodded moments before she was pulled out of Castle's embrace and into Lanie's.
"I am so happy for you both."
"Hey Lanie," Castle practically yelled tapping her on the arm. "Take it easy."
"It's fine, Rick" Beckett told him.
"Yeah, Castle." Lanie let go and pulled him into a quick hug. "This is nothing compared to what we were doing the other day."
Castle's eyes widened, causing both Lanie and Kate to laugh.
"She is kidding, Rick. And even if she wasn't I was fine the other day just like I am today."
Castle nodded at Beckett. "Ok, I know I need to calm down. I'm just worried, that's all."
Beckett reached out and grabbed his hand. She gave it a reassuring squeeze.
"I know."
Lanie looked over the happy couple. She had suppressed the urge to say finally, even though it was what everyone in the room was thinking. At least she thought they were. Ryan and Javi were doing an impression of wide mouth bass. Jenny, however, seemed to be grinning; Ryan had probably told her about the weird relationship between Beckett and Castle. Lanie wished now she hadn't been called away to work because she wanted some serious girl talk with Kate.
"I'm hungry," Lanie announced suddenly. "Kate did you say Castle was going to go and get pizza? Ryan and Javi why don't you go with him to help carry them?"
Beckett nodded at Lanie's suggestion. "That sounds good."
Esposito stood up. "Sure, we will help. Right, Ryan?"
Ryan looked from Beckett and Castle holding hands to his partner.
"Umm, yeah."
Ryan gave his fiancé a kiss on the cheek before standing and walking towards the door. Javi and Castle followed suit and kissed their partners before following Ryan out the door. As soon as Castle shut the door he immediately held his hands up in surrender.
"Ok guys, you don't have to give me the 'you hurt her we will kill you' speech. I know and I would never hurt her."
Ryan and Esposito simply shrugged at him and started walking down the hallway.
"You don't have to worry about us Castle," Ryan told him.
"Yeah," Esposito agreed. "I'd be more worried about what Beckett is telling Lanie."
Castle looked back at his door before chasing after Ryan and Esposito.
"What do you mean, what Beckett is telling Lanie?"
Esposito turned and smiled at him. "Well, let's just say you better hope Little Rick is as big as what you make him out to be. Otherwise you won't have to worry about us killing you. You will die of embarrassment when Lanie wets herself laughing when you walk in the door."
Castle looked down at his groin then back up at Ryan and Esposito.
"Don't worry, Castle," Ryan said laughing. "I am sure Beckett won't talk."
Castle nodded. Ryan was right. Kate was a very personal person.
"Much," Ryan added to Castle horror.
As soon as the door closed Lanie practically pounced on Beckett.
"So spill girl, I want all the details,"
"What details, Lanie?" Beckett asked coyly.
Lanie's eyes narrowed. "Don't toy with me, girl. You and Castle. How long, how did it happen and how is the sex?
"How long?" Beckett gaped at her friend.
"How long have you two been together? Kate Beckett, since when is your mind in the gutter? I can see Castle has been a good influence on you. Now spill; I want all the details."
Beckett looked at the two eager women.
"Not long at all. Just a few days."
"Can I ask how you two got together?" Jenny asked. "Kevin has been telling me all about the two of you for so long. I am a soap opera junkie. Hearing the two of you are together is like hearing my favourite couple finally tied the knot."
"Soap opera." Lanie rolled her eyes. "That's definitely one way to describe their relationship. I just hope some evil twin doesn't return from the dead to screw this up."
Beckett laughed. "Nope, no evil twin."
"So spill." Lanie was getting quite frustrated at how long it was taking to hear how Kate Beckett finally succumbed.
"If your uncomfortable with me being here I could go," Jenny looked around the loft, "somewhere else."
Beckett shook her head. "No Jenny, it's fine. It's about time us girls spent some time together. We spend so much time with your future husband, it's about time you knew some more about us. Not just second hand information from Ryan."
Jenny smiled. "Ok, if you're sure."
Beckett nodded. So Lanie wanted details. Where did she even begin?
"Well Lanie you definitely helped this happen."
Lanie frowned. "I did?"
Beckett smiled. "Yeah. You were a good friend. Those calls to my father made him realize I was at the cabin hiding from everyone and he wasn't going to stand for it. He came here to the loft and spoke to Rick. Told Rick to fight for me and how to find me."
"You mean all we had to do was tell on you to your father?"
Beckett laughed. That's pretty much how it had gone down.
"Yes and no. Rick came to the cabin. There was talking, yelling and crying."
"Wait," Lanie interrupted. "Castle cried?"
Beckett shook her head. "No, I did. Rick made me realise that being too scared to take a chance meant I was missing my chance at something wonderful."
"That's so sweet," Jenny sighed.
"So Castle swept you off your feet, did he?" Lanie pondered.
Beckett bit her lip at the memory of Castle picking her up off the floor. It wasn't the most romantic situation, but the care he had taken still filled her heart with love.
"Yes, in a matter of speaking."
"So have you two broken the bed yet? Three years of tension. I am surprised the two of you have time to see us."
Jenny laughed but there was no happiness in Beckett's eyes. Beckett turned and filled her glass with wine and drank deeply.
"Kate. What's wrong?"
Beckett allowed the full taste of the wine to hit her before she took a deep breath. She couldn't even face Lanie to tell her this.
"Rick won't sleep with me."
"What?" Lanie asked, confused.
"He won't sleep with me," Beckett said again, this time sitting on the coffee table across from the two women. "And I just don't mean sex. I mean sleep, too. He has asked me to stay here until I am better both physically and mentally, but I am sleeping in the guest room and it is driving me crazy. We kiss, a little touching, but that's it. Alexis is probably getting more action than I am."
Beckett watched as Lanie and Jenny exchanged confused looks.
"Did Rick give you a reason?" Jenny asked, confused. She knew it wasn't really her place to speak up but Kate obviously seemed distressed.
Beckett stared at her glass. "That first day in the cabin he said he didn't want to just jump into bed. I had just told him I wanted to be in a relationship with him and we kissed. I was going to let it go further than that but he said we needed to talk. He was right, we did need to. I was ok with holding off on sex for the moment but then he wouldn't even sleep in the same bed as me. It's still hard for me to wash my hair; it pulls if I raise my arms. I asked him to help and he got in the shower with his underpants on. He said it was so I wasn't uncomfortable but if I was, I wouldn't have asked him to help me."
"Oh Kate, I am sorry." Lanie got off the couch and knelt in front of her friend.
"I am worried the novelty is over Lanie."
Lanie stroked Kate's leg trying to comfort her friend.
"Don't be ridiculous, Kate. Castle cares about you."
"Yeah, but Lanie, the chase is over. What if now that he has caught me, he doesn't want me?"
Lanie took the glass out of Beckett's hand. "You have obviously had too much of this because you are talking crazy. Castle isn't like that and you know it."
"There has to be another reason, Kate." Jenny got off the couch and joined Beckett on the coffee table. "Maybe he is just waiting for the right time."
"Or maybe he is disgusted with the idea of looking at my scar."
"What are you talking about?" Lanie wasn't used to her friend being so insecure.
"When we are having a shower he won't look at me. He turns me around and washes my hair. I think he is disgusted by it. He can't bear to sleep with me because that will lead to sex and that will lead to him seeing my scar. Seriously, it's not exactly a site that makes one horny."
Lanie pulled Beckett into an awkward hug. "I am sure that's not it, Kate. You know Castle, he likes to do everything over the top. He probably wants to make it memorable."
Beckett shrugged in her friend's grasp.
"Come on," Lanie sat patting her knee slightly. "Get up. While the guys are gone I want to check out this wound. It must be something big and horrible if you think Castle won't sleep with you because of it."
Beckett sighed. "But Lanie you deal with dead people."
Lanie nodded. "And I want to give you the all clear that you're not dead."
Beckett sighed. When she had the brief talk with Lanie in the morgue she had expressed deep concern for her. Letting Lanie look at her body would appease her just as staying at the loft was helping Castle.
"Ok."
Lanie looked over at her boyfriend and scowled. Since when was he Mr. Chatty? She shouldn't be angry at him, though. He had been down in the dumps since Castle and Beckett hadn't been at the precinct. It was good to see him happy again but she really needed to get Castle alone.
"Are you ok, Lanie?"
Lanie turned to see Jenny refilling her wine glass. Dinner was over and Beckett was now making dessert while the men chatted away.
Lanie shrugged at the woman who she had barely spent any time with but was starting to like immensely. "I want to get Castle alone so I can talk to him about Kate."
"Do you really think you should?"
Lanie nodded. "Oh yeah. It took them this long to get together. I don't want them to break up over something trivial. He needs to know how Kate is feeling. I just need to get him alone."
Jenny bit her lip and looked over at Castle and then Beckett. "Ok, I'll help."
Lanie stood there, shocked, as she watched Jenny approach the men. What was she up to?
"Excuse me, guys. I don't mean to interrupt but I was wondering, Rick, if I could borrow a jacket."
Lanie smiled. Ryan's fiancée really was going to make a great addition to the group.
"Oh I am sorry, Jenny, I'll turn down the air con."
Jenny shook her head. "Oh no it's fine. I am one of those crazy people who loves having the air on really cold, while snuggling into a jacket. Would it be too much trouble to borrow a jacket or a sweat shirt?"
Castle nodded at her. "Sure, I'll just get you one."
Lanie's eyes followed Castle as he entered his room. Turning back to look at Jenny she saw the woman wink at her before engaging Ryan and Esposito in conversation. Beckett was still in the kitchen whipping up some dessert her mother used to make, so Lanie quickly slipped away after Castle. She wasn't as quiet as she hoped as Castle turned around as soon as she entered his room.
"Oh hey Lanie. Are you cold, too? Maybe I should turn down the air con."
Lanie shook her head. "No Castle, I am fine. What I want to know is, what the hell is wrong with you?"
Castle froze for a second. "Look Lanie, I know Little Rick probably isn't as big as what I bragged about."
Lanie rose a brow at him. "Excuse me?"
Castle gulped. "Isn't that what Kate told you when you ladies had your girl talk?"
"The only think Kate told me about Little Rick is that it's been nowhere near her. You won't even sleep in the same bed with her let along actually have sex with her. What is wrong with you, Rick? Are you impotent?"
Castle gawked at the ME. "Hell, no! Why would even think that?"
Lanie shrugged. "Well it's a better explanation than what Kate has for why the two of you haven't got your freak on yet."
Castle eyes narrowed. Kate had told Lanie they weren't sleeping together and she had a theory about why.
"What did Kate tell you?"
Lanie put her hands on her hips and sauntered over to Castle until they were about a foot apart.
"She's has got it into her head that the thought of looking at her scar is repulsive."
"What?" Castle asked, shocked. "That's ridiculous."
Lanie shrugged. "Well, it's better than her theory that now that the chase is over you don't want her anymore."
Castle's eyes widened before he covered his face with his hands.
"Oh Lanie, I am messing this up aren't I?" Castle lowered his hands slightly so they were cupping his mouth and nose and started breathing deeply.
"Castle, are you hyperventilating?"
Lanie led Castle to his bed and urged him to sit down. Castle removed his hands from his face and raked them through his hair. He looked at Lanie with pain in his eyes.
"I didn't want to hurt her, Lanie. I was trying to avoid hurting her. Yet I ended up doing that anyway."
Lanie frowned. "I don't understand, Castle. How is not sleeping with Kate not hurting her?"
Castle shrugged. "Look at me, Lanie. I am a big oaf. And Kate. Kate is this small delicate flower. I am worried that I will crush her in the middle of the night. She is still healing and I don't want to make it worse."
Lanie shook her head at him. "Uh uh. Not buying it, Castle. When was the last time you rolled over in bed and squashed your partner?"
"There is a first time for everything."
"Come on, Castle; be straight with me. Why don't you want to share a bed with Kate?"
"It's the truth, Lanie. I am worried I would roll over on her. Or accidently kick her or fling my arm out and hit her in the chest. I am also worried it would be too tempting," he finally told her.
"Tempting? So you do want to have sex with her?"
Castle stood up. "Of course I do. You have no idea how much I do; that's the problem."
"Ok Castle, I am not used to you beating around the bush. Spit it out already."
Castle looked over at his friend. He didn't really have anyone else he could talk to about this. Lanie wasn't the most comfortable person to talk to about this either but she was concerned about Kate.
"What if I go off like a rocket?"
Lanie laughed. "You're worried about premature…"
"No," Castle interrupted the ME before she could finish. "I just want to be with her so bad. I have never been so clean in my life. I've been taking that many cold showers to quell my desire for her."
"Why would you want to do that?"
"Because I am worried I'll hurt her. I am a passionate person, Lanie, and that transfers into the bedroom. I am worried that I will be so caught up in the moment that I will get reckless and she will suffer for it."
Lanie gawked at him. "You worried that you're so horny that you will get rough with her."
"I wouldn't mean to but…"
"No buts, Castle. I know you. Kate knows you. We know you would never do anything to hurt her intentionally. Sex can be rough and passionate but it also can be gentle and passionate. Do you honestly think you wouldn't treat her with the upmost care? Castle, you love her. And she loves you. Stop this nonsense."
Castle sighed. "I just wanted her to know that this relationship wasn't just about sex for me. I really care about her."
"Then show her," Lanie told him, frustrated.
Castle watched as Lanie left the room. He had expected to get the third degree from his friends about Kate. He never thought it would be them telling him to have sex with Kate. Castle ran his hands through his hair before finally flopping down on his bed.
He was trying to be sensitive to Kate's needs and all he ended up doing was making her insecure. Her scar. Kate thought the reason he didn't want to sleep with her was because of her scar. When he had first seen the scar he had been shocked. Then he had taken in her creamy white skin, her beautiful curves.
Castle sat up quickly. No, he wasn't going there. Not with Ryan and Esposito just a few feet away. It wouldn't look good for him to walk out of his room with a tent in his pants. He couldn't help it though; whenever he thought about Kate it just happened. It was like he was thirteen again and had a crush on his English teacher that always wore the low cut tops.
Keeping Kate in the spare room was meant to be his way of not pressuring her. All it had done was make her feel as if he no longer wanted her. How had he messed it up so badly?
"Rick. Is everything ok? You have been gone for a while."
Castle looked up at Kate, who had just she entered his room.
"Yes Kate. I was just getting Jenny a jacket."
"I'll get her one," she told him. "In a second."
Kate walked over to him smiling as she wrapped her arms around his waist and tugged him close.
"I've missed you."
Castle grabbed her by the hips and pulled her away slightly. He didn't want her to feel the surprise in his pants. Her eyes immediately filled with pain. Why hadn't he noticed that before?
"I don't want Ryan and Esposito to walk in on us."
Kate nodded as she walked off into his closet to get Jenny a jacket. "Okay,"
But Castle could tell it wasn't ok. He had hurt her. He was continuing to hurt her and that was the last thing he wanted to do. When their guests left he would fix it. Or at least he would try.
Author Note: Hey everyone so i am looking for a few betas to go over past and future work. Check out my profile for more details on what it requires before PM-ing me. Thanks
