Chapter 11: Toughening the Days
A sickly young man lay in a hospital bed, his pale once radiantly tanned skin made him look as fragile as glass, dark circles under his eyes a result from all the stress the chemotherapy was putting him through. A bandana covered his head, the young man had decided to trim off his luscious brown hair to avoid it getting to him when it started falling off. His arms were bruised were injections had been placed; they looked boney as he had lost much weight in the last couple of weeks.
The young man opened his eyes, his once bright green orbs now dyed dull grayish green. He made an attempt to grin, an attempt that made his observer's heart break into a thousand pieces. His time was almost up, his observer knew and he had come to hold his hand and stay with him through his last hours alive. The young man mouthed something, his observer felt pained to have understood and so he walked closer to hold his beloved's frail hand. It felt all so cold to the touch, so deadly cold...
"I love you too you shitty brat, I love you too"
"Levi!"
The silver eyed man bolted up on his seat as Eren's voice woke him from his nightmare. He looked around and determined he was back to a less cruel reality. He had fallen asleep on his chair next to Eren's bed while watching over him during the night at the hospital. It had been three days since Eren had collapsed and currently his lover was on his second day of chemo therapy. Eren Jaeger was no stranger to his current situation, he quickly told his sister Mikasa, who had rushed over from Harvard, to help him trim his hair off and was currently wearing a pirate skull patterned bandana to hide his shiny bald head. Connie Springer had nothing on Eren now or so the latter had told Levi in an attempt to cheer the older up.
Levi looked at Eren sitting on his bed looking rather concerned. His appearance hadn't changed other than his hair, Levi sighed in relief when he internalized that fact.
"You okay? You were whimpering in your sleep…" Eren mentioned moving closer to the bed's edge so he could reach Levi's face and brush away some tears that had poured out of the man's silver eyes.
"I… just a nightmare" Levi replied taking his hand to Eren's. "How are you feeling?"
"Good, not great but good enough!" Eren said cheerfully and chuckled. "Mom and Mikasa should be arriving soon, you need to take a shower shortie"
"Eren, shut it." Levi said annoyed by the adjective and Eren chortled to his response. "We have chem tutoring today right?"
"Yeah, so you better be feeling okay in the evening too" Levi said letting go of Eren's hand so he could stand up and sit on Eren's bed, close to the now bald young man. "You sure you're feeling okay?"
"Yeah! Stop worrying I'm tough!" Eren motioned for him to get close with his finger at the end of his statement and Levi did as he asked.
Eren placed his lips over the older man's and they remained like that for a while. The warmth in their kisses brought them support, they made Eren's day and kept Levi from falling apart.
"Idiots, wouldn't it be awkward if a nurse came in here to find you two like this?" Mikasa's voice interrupted the silence in the room and forced both men to turn away from their kiss to look at the new comers.
Mikasa Ackerman and Carla Jaeger stood a few feet away from Eren's bed and were smiling at both of them. They had paper bags with them and the scent of pancakes covered the room.
"Good morning mom! Sis!" Eren wore a giant embarrassed grin on his face and Levi could only smile semi-sadistically at his cute reaction.
"Morning! The nurses allowed us to bring you breakfast from Denny's. We brought you breakfast too Levi, so stick around a little longer before you leave to class~" Carla handed him a bag and Levi understood she would hold it against him if he dared leave without eating breakfast.
And so they enjoyed the next half an hour eating pancakes and waffles with extra syrup. By the end of their meal and random chit chat over breakfast, a doctor walked inside.
"Good morning folks, how are you feeling Eren?" He was a nice looking man, young too. It turned out that he was actually the best and youngest oncologist on their side of the States.
"I'm feeling super great sir" Eren replied and beamed. Mikasa looked relieved to hear him say that and Carla just had to go to her boy to pinch his cheek.
"That's good to hear! Your body seems to be reacting well to the chemotherapy for now, let's hope for the best"
Hoping for the best is all they could do, the three of them knew that although Eren was looking bright with energy that happy face wouldn't last long as therapy went on. Mikasa and Carla knew all too well from the first time Eren had gone through it.
"I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to feel like you had to stay with me" Eren had explained to Levi during his first chemo session. "Honest…I told myself that that was the reason but the truth was that if I had a relapse… and if I wasn't able to be saved a second time I didn't want to have you go through the pain of seeing me die… I was supposed to leave you, let you forget about me before it was too late…"
And now it was too late, Levi had reasoned as Eren's face had sported a sad smile at the moment. Seconds after, the younger found himself spilling his insides in a bucket as Levi stroke his back and told him that no matter what outcome he'd always stay with him.
"Well then, the nurses will come to take more blood tests from you later on today. See you in a few days for your treatment."
"Well I'm running a little late for class so I guess I have to leave now" Levi commented nearing Eren and giving him a quick peck on the lips. "See you in the evening"
Levi walked out of the room as Eren looked at him walk away. Carla followed him while Mikasa went on to strike a conversation with her brother.
"Levi" Carla stopped him outside Eren's room. She closed the door behind them and gave Levi a hug. "A mother always recognizes the pain in her children's eyes. Thank you for what you're doing, we'll get through this again so don't be afraid to let that pain out sometime alright?"
Levi was surprised at Eren's mom's sudden action but soon he found himself hugging her back, his eyes closed as he tried not to break down that very moment. He hadn't felt so vulnerable in his life, he had always been-tough-to-crack Levi, the man who could care less. Now he was just a mess that could barely pull himself to move. Eren was his everything after all, he came to realize it as his very being had crumbled momentarily days before.
"You're also my son now you know?"
That pretty much tore a tear from Levi's eyes. He had a family now, a real one. No piss ass father or ghost mother, he had people that loved and worried for him, he had a real mom.
"Thanks" Levi said before separating from Carla and giving her one of his classic smug grins. "I'll see you later Carla"
"Try and call me mom for once kid!"
"Mom" He felt the word was new to him and he enjoyed how it sounded coming from his lips.
"See you son"
With every passing day, Levi's nightmare had been turning to reality. Eren no longer had the energy he had had at the beginning of the treatment, his skin had paled over and faint dark circles had started appearing under his eyes. They were all side effects to the chemotherapy, Eren had needed blood transfusions and he had gotten a bit weaker, thankfully none of that, including the fact he'd vomit after the therapy, kept him from eating so he kept his weight.
Currently, Levi was lying in bed with his lover cuddling to him in bed as the younger recovered from his recent therapy. For some reason, the treatment had gone by great the first few weeks but then afterwards it seemed to be doing minimal effect. Levi was afraid Eren might get weaker still to the point where he might never recover.
"Hey, you're so warm" Eren said in a weak voice, Levi grinned and hugged Eren carefully, fearing he might break him with any harsh movement. "I like it."
"Hey, are you alright now?" Levi asked giving Eren a kiss to his cold forehead.
"Kinda, still feeling a bit queasy but I could have something to eat" Eren replied pressing his face into Levi's chest. "I love you"
Levi pressed his lips against Eren's head and simply giggled. His chest hurt so much…
"I love you too" He said his voice breaking.
Eren hugged him as hard as his arms allowed him to. The green eyed man knew how pained Levi felt, how much anguish and how scared he felt. Though the silver eyed man usually did his best to keep the façade he'd keep up from before he met Eren, there were times when he thought Eren wasn't looking when it would shatter. Eren had seen his eyes at one of those moments, Levi was so sad, so deeply sad. The younger wished he could comfort him in some way but he acknowledged that his cold body wouldn't be much reassurance to the one man he loved so desperately.
"Hey, when we get out of this… let's go to the beach" Eren nosed Levi's chest playfully and then looked up making Levi raise his head from Eren's own. "It'll be nice to be under the sun and play in the water after all this bullshit"
Levi laughed, the heartiest laugh he had had over the last two months before he simply grinned and nodded at his boyfriend.
"Yeah I'll take you to the beach, we'll have a barbecue and you'll get that pretty skin of yours a really good tan. We could also find a way to do some naughty things underwater… hmmm a whole weekend under the sun. We could bring mom and Mikasa too" Levi started and Eren was thrilled to follow.
"Yeah! Maybe we could get a beach house! And we could have our own room with white sheets and a view to the ocean!"
"That would be so much fun wouldn't it? Making love under the moonlight…"
The door clicked open and Levi pulled himself to a sitting position helping Eren sit up as well. A doctor walked in and greeted the pair of men asking Levi to step out with him for a second. Eren saw the worry in Levi's eyes and the mood that accompanied the doctor wasn't helping either. Bad news probably.
"Excuse me doctor, if it's about me could I ask you to tell us both instead of just him? I acknowledge it might be bad news… but… I wouldn't want my boyfriend to shoulder anything on his own"
Levi held Eren's hand, the silver eyed man was grateful he had such a strong partner. Eren smiled at him and then turned his gaze to the doctor who also had to grin at how much the pair of men cared for each other.
"Very well… the chemo therapy has been working efficiently, I am happy to say that with a few more treatments, you'll be free of cancer." Levi froze on his spot with shock, Eren's breath caught as tears threatened to spill out of his hurting eyes. Why did the doctor carry such a somber mood then? "…Unfortunately, we cannot be sure you will not have yet another relapse… and the next one could be fatal. As so, I am suggesting you think about a stem cell transplant. It could help lower the chances of a relapse by a big margin"
Eren paled a bit, it wouldn't matter if medically he could bear with a third relapse. Such a thing would destroy him, he wouldn't be able to hold himself together, he wouldn't be able to see Levi, his mother and his sister grieving as they had been the last couple of months.
"If a compatible donor is not found, we will continue with consolidation therapy and hope for your health. It is suggested that family members be tested for compatibility first since they are most likely to be compatible with Eren."
The doctor further explained the procedure and Levi paid much attention to every detail. Eren simply let Levi do all the questions. While Eren's curiosity due to wanting to be a nurse was pressing his buttons, he felt far too tired at the moment to actually retain any information. When the doctor finally left, Levi quickly picked up his cell phone and called over Carla then he turned to Eren newly.
"This is good isn't it?" Levi asked looking at Eren, who bore a blank face, with a small smile "…Eren do you know if any of the crazies have your same blood type or have O+?" Levi asked and Eren started backtracking to a conversation where their blood types had been discussed.
"I think most of them are O+ or A+ since they donated blood for me…" Eren replied eyeing Levi with a caring gaze. "You're going to ask them?"
"If your mom isn't compatible and if one of them happens by some miracle to be compatible with you then maybe we'll get you that transplant faster than what Mikasa will take to get here from Massachusetts." Levi ran through his contact list again and dialed Hanji. "I'll have to leave for some time while I go and get tested… would you like me to wait for your mother to get here first?"
"No it's okay… you go. Ummm, bring chocolates when you come back?" Eren asked nicely and Levi sighed relieved knowing his boyfriend was acting cheery. "I need to fill in the void vomiting all my guts earlier made"
"I'll bring you extra dinner, be sure to eat the one the nurses bring you too" Levi replied getting up and starting towards the door. "Hello shitty glasses, could I ask you for a favor?"
Eren giggled as Levi made his way out of his hospital room and once he heard the door close, he practically collapsed on the bed his eyes tearing up. He started sobbing and ended curling up into a ball. He felt so weak, so unworthy… he wished it would all just end, he wanted the pain to go away… that his family, friends and Levi didn't have to bear with all the grief he had inflicted. He was so tired.
"I'm almost clean, just a few more days and I'll be alright" He told himself as he sobbed. "But what if it happens again…?"
He fell asleep after eating his hospital food dinner, his eyes puffy as he had cried himself to sleep and his hands hugging himself. Carla and Levi arrived together at the room with extra food only to find Eren asleep with an empty tray of food set on the table beside his bed. Carla sat on one side of the sleeping young man as Levi sat on the other side. Carla stroke Eren's head while Levi lay down to hug Eren and warm him up.
"He must have cried this whole time…" Carla said in a whisper.
"I know…" Levi felt Eren ease up in his dream, the young man scooted closer to Levi for more warmth and the older pulled up the blanket over them helped by Carla. "I hope one of us is compatible… I don't know what I'd do if… if he had to suffer a third time"
"It'll be fine Levi, you'll see… I have faith"
The room fell silent as Carla fell asleep on the chair beside the bed and Levi slept with Eren between his arms after making sure their position didn't compromise Eren's IV. His sleep though was stirred when his phone started vibrating. He had a call.
He rose up careful not to bother Eren and picked up his phone.
"Who the hell is calling anyone at 2 in the morning?"
"Would you fucking control how you talk to your father?" Kenneth Ackerman's voice spoke from the other side and Levi instantly went from being sleepy to being angry annoyed. "I heard about your little faggot boyfriend"
"Kenny, I don't want to talk about this with you" Levi practically groaned in a lower tone and planned on hanging up but his father actually beckoned him to fucking listen.
"If you don't find a donor for him, give me a call. I can find you a compatible donor with a phone call. Take it as your birthday present." Kenneth sounded sincere, much to Levi's horrified ears. "You have a rich father goddammit, take advantage of the services he provides brat"
The line went dead as Levi just stared at his phone as if something satanic had decided to lash out of it. He decided to place the thing down and just believe his father had actually offered him his help.
"stupid ass son of a bitch, my birthday was on Christmas for fucks sake augh, you'd think he'd remember being the only person that knows, fucking cunt" Levi mumbled angrily before just going back to sleep, somehow feeling relieved his dad was actually worrying about him despite being an asshole.
/ / AAAAHH IT'S BEEN A FULL YEAR SINCE MY LAST POST, sorry for being away for so long but I had lost the files that held this chapter after I spent time writing it and then I got sad over personal stuff and I lost motivation to write this story because it kinda hurt... BUT NOW I'M BACK and I found the file that had this chapter written out! I should get back to writing the next chapter in no time~ It was already half written too~
SOOO sad times aren't over~ my medical knowledge isn't great so if anyone wants to add medical facts it could help me out when I'm writing something of similar nature~! Thanks for sticking around this long guys! I hope to not disappear like I did again before finishing my stories~! / /
