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You're to Blame
You are to blame for anything that is good in my heart. You are to blame for this change that has taken me by storm. - Mercy Me
I ask my faithful and loving readers read 'And I Can Fly' before they read this chapter. It isn't important but this chapter has a few spoilers for that story.
Chapter Eleven – November 1990-January 1991
Thursday November 3, 1990
Kuwait. It was the last place Jethro wanted to go. All that he really knew about the tiny country was that it was in the Middle East and that there was likely to be a lot of sand. From what he gathered from the news they had been at war with Iraq since August.
And today he got word that he was shipping out on the eighth. There was no telling when he would get back. He hated those kinds of assignments. They were torture on his girls. They were torture on him because he didn't know when he would see his family again.
At least Tony wasn't going to be part of the war. The newly minted Corporal Tony Gibbs was far too young to be in a war. Sadly though there likely will be many other his age and younger in his place. However with his expertise, putting Tony in a war zone wouldn't do anyone any good. It was like putting an assassin behind a desk, it just didn't make any sense. He was better off staying where he was relatively safe.... like Germany.
It was unlikely he that he wasn't going to be involved with the war at all. Every soldier and sailor is involved, even if that just meant that a friend has been called to be shipped out to a country they probably never even heard of.
Tony's expertise is gathering information. In the best case scenario, it was likely his skills would be put to use at the Pentagon. Worst case, he would be used to interrogate prisoners of war or black ops.
Jethro really didn't want Tony to get involved with black ops. He knew some men that were and saw a change in them that scared him. Many of those men were borderline depressed. With the history Tony had... well he didn't want to think about it.
But he was going; he had his orders. He didn't like it, he didn't have to, that was why they were called orders.
Monday November 7, 1990
It was the day before Jethro was to ship out. He wanted to treat the day as though it were just like any other day... like it wasn't the time he could possible see them. It didn't matter how much he pretended that it was a normal day. He couldn't believe it. Not when he knew that he didn't know when he would have a normal day. But he could always pretend.
Maddie had gotten a camera for her last birthday. Now that she learned how to use it she takes it everywhere. Jethro didn't think she would mind if he took a picture of her and Kelly together. He was certain that she didn't have one. He could always ask her mother for a copy. He and Shannon got along with Mrs. Taylor very well.
He found the girls sitting on a mound, giggling. After taking the photo he turned to Tony, who was reading a book on physics of firearms a few feet away from them, silently asking for an explanation.
"I have been sworn to secrecy."
"You'll tell me later." Jethro glared at Tony but he was unfazed by it. In fact, he smiled instead.
"Nope. You taught me to never break a promise and I promised Kelly that I wouldn't tell you anything."
His glare turned into a smile. "Good boy."
Tony laughed and went back to his book.
Tuesday November 8, 1990
Everything in Jethro hated that he was once again was being torn from the little girl that was wrapped around his waist, begging him not to leave. His heart ached each time Kelly said "don't go". As much as it hurt he turned his back on his baby girl.
When he looked back he saw Tony pull her into a hug to comfort her. That should have been him. It was his responsibility to keep Kelly from hurting. And now he was the one to cause that hurt.
Jethro didn't believe in regretting his decisions. It would be pointless to do so. Regrets don't change anything. There wasn't anything that he could do to fix what happened in the past. While regrets didn't control him, those decisions helped him become the man he was today. He wouldn't change anything about himself even if he could.
That didn't stop him from thinking that it was time for him to leave the Corps. By the time his contract was up sixteen years would have passed since he had first joined the service. He could be a reserve for the last four years so that he didn't lose his pension... though he would still leave even if that meant he lost everything. He had missed too much of Kelly's life already. Even if it meant losing everything it would be worth it if he could spend more time with his family.
Friday November 16, 1990
Shannon's mind wasn't set on celebrating Thanksgiving this year. It felt wrong not having Jethro there. It always felt wrong to celebrate family holidays without Jethro. She went through the motions because that was what was expected of her from her kids.... all four of them. She loved family holidays. But that was only when the whole family was together.
She suspected Tony knew what she was going through. It was scary how many traits (the horrible sludge they called coffee not withstanding) he picked up from Jethro over the years. His ability to read people was one of them. Though if someone were to ask Jethro he was insist that Tony already had those particular skills. He had only helped Tony to develop and focus them. Shannon didn't care how these skills were developed, she just cared about the fact that Tony seemed to be able to read her like one of his books. And he read that she wasn't happy.
He didn't mention anything and she was grateful for that. But he did try to make things easier for her. That included the shopping. Unfortunately that meant that he bought a 28 pound turkey. Shannon was not happy about that.
"Did you have to get one that big?" asked Shannon.
"Kelly picked it out!" cried Tony childishly.
"Don't blame your sister for that... that monstrosity. She's a seven. It was your choice to but it!"
"Just look at it my way; at least we won't run out of poultry any time soon."
Thursday November 22, 1990 (Thanksgiving, Washington DC)
Shannon looked at the giant turkey in front of her and sighed. It would have been perfect if had been trying to feed every family that lived on base. However, that wasn't the case. She was only trying to feed three people.... and Kelly didn't like turkey all that much. She would only eat it on Thanksgiving and even then it wasn't a lot.
It was going to take all day to cook.
She would have had Tony deal with the turkey but she was afraid of what he would do with it. He could get pretty creative with food when he wanted. Usually she had no problem with that. In fact, she encouraged it. However, when it came to the Thanksgiving turkey, she was a traditionalist. Even if she left specific instructions he would find a way to get creative. Deep fried turkey briefly crossed her mind. No, it was better to keep him away. He could have the potatoes. There was no way he could ruin those.
It was around noon when Kathryn arrived without warning. She brought corn... a lot of corn.
"Aunt Gwen was invited to a co-workers house and forgot to mention me. I wasn't invited, so I'm alone today. You don't mind if I stay, do you?"
"No hon. Come on in." Gwen was a great lawyer. But at 34, she wasn't the best mother figure for Kathryn. "You're going to be put to work."
"I wasn't expecting anything less."
"You can start with that corn and then you can move onto the stuffing. I haven't had time to prep it. I can put it in the turkey in a few hours."
They worked companionably for an hour before Jeremy arrived with Kristina and several pumpkin pies. He looked completely forlorn standing on her porch. Without a word she let him in and led him to the kitchen. Shannon gave him a bowl of fresh green beans but he was confused as to what he was supposed to do with them until Tony showed him that Shannon wanted him to break off the ends off the beans.
After over six hours in the oven the turkey was finally done. Jeremy and Tony fought over who got to carve it. Shannon grabbed the knife and cut into the bird, annoyed with the way the boys were behaving. She fixed a plate for the three girls and herself. They were still bickering when they began to eat.
"Will you two sit down and eat?" reprimanded Shannon as she speared a piece of turkey with her fork.
"Yes, Mom."
They chatted about everything and nothing. Shannon told Jeremy and Kathryn that they were bringing leftovers home. Apparently turkey and corn made a great meal.
(Thanksgiving Kuwait)
Gunnery Sargent Leroy Jethro Gibbs sat down and glared at what was supposed to be Thanksgiving dinner. He knew Shannon would have served a spectacular meal with all the traditional trimmings. Normally he didn't have a problem with the food. It wasn't first class but that shouldn't be expected while out in a war zone. They should be thankful that they weren't being forced to eat dry rations. But Thanksgiving was special and the slop in front of him was anything but. Everything was covered in gravy... even what he thought was jello.
He knew he would get a letter from his family giving him every detail of their holiday. It was something to look forward to other than yet another day in the desert, waiting for orders that may or may not come. A letter could take awhile to get to Kuwait but it would be worth the wait.
He didn't even hear anyone coming up behind him.
"You know Gunny, glaring at your food isn't going to make it more appetizing."
"What? Hi Patrick."
"Missing home cooked meals?"
"Missing home," he told his friend. Jethro pushed his food away and went to his bunk.
Thursday November 29, 1990
Letters from home was the only thing that made being a soldier at war bearable. For a man like Jethro that was especially true. He thrived in situations where family was involved. Even if that meant reading a few sheets of paper telling him what they did that day. The letter gave him a reminder of what he's fighting for.... not that he needed a reminder.
It wasn't the Thanksgiving letter but it did go into every detail of what happened from the day he left to they day that Shannon sent. He was glad that they were doing so well and that they seemed to be happy. Yet, the letters also made him miss even more than before.
For some reason he felt as though he had to hid his letters from the others. He didn't know why, but he felt as though he had to keep Tony a secret. Not that many people knew that he adopted Tony. At first it wasn't planned that way, but now they were doing it to keep Tony safe. He didn't exactly know what he was keeping his son safe from but it felt like it was the right thing to do.
Monday December 3, 1990
Shannon sat by television each night hoping to hear news that whatever was going on in the Middle East was going to end soon. However, her gut was telling he that was far from the truth. The war was just beginning.
She didn't fully understand what was happening over there. She understood that was supposedly about oil and border disputes. She couldn't understand why. There was a lot of money in the oil business but that couldn't be the only reason why a country as large as Iraq would pick a war with a country as small as Kuwait.
There was nothing on the news. Nothing that told Shannon what was really going on. She hated that. She hated not knowing if there was a greater chance that she was going to get a visit from a chaplain. She hated not knowing whether or not her husband was safe.
Sunday December 9, 1990
Gathering Intel in the States wasn't how Tony imagined he was going to spend his time during the war. But he wasn't a soldier.... not the kind that was needed in Kuwait or Saudi Arabia. He was trained to find information that could help direct those that were in those countries. It was one of the reasons he was promoted so quickly. He was good at what he was doing. It didn't matter that he wasn't happy doing it. However, anyone can use a gun when trained properly but only a few can do what he did.
Plus he was learning Arabic in the process.
Tuesday December 18, 1990
Rumors spread quickly when you lived in a camp as small as the one Jethro did. He didn't usually pay attention to the rumors. Most of the time they didn't make any sense, like the one where the Secretary of Defense was going to ensure that they were all going to be home by Christmas. If that were true they would all be on ships heading toward the States and not just wishing that they were heading home. Christmas was only a week away.
There were a few rumors that he did listen to. He believed that they were likely to be true because even the highest of officers were talking about it.
They were heading for war.... a real war. It was a war that wasn't likely to end quickly. He knew that was a possibility from the moment he heard he was going to Kuwait.
Tuesday December 25, 1990
Christmas was harder to celebrate without Jethro than Thanksgiving. Jethro loved Christmas even more than she did. He told many stories of Christmases with his parents... before his mother died. She lived for the season just as Shannon's step-mother had. But she couldn't think about that now. Kelly needed her attention.
"Mom," said Kelly as she climbed into Shannon's lap, "when is daddy coming home?"
"I don't know, Baby. It won't be for too long. You know how much he hates being away from us."
"Then why does he always leave? I don't want him to leave any more."
"We talked about this, Kel. Your daddy has a job protecting his country. Sometimes that has to take him away from home."
"Do you think he got the tape we made him in time for Christmas?" Shannon and Tony knew that Kelly would be upset if he didn't get the recording.
"Of course he did, Squirt," said Tony as he spoke up for the first time since Kelly got into her little depression. "Christmas is magic. He had to get it in time because Christmas wouldn't allow otherwise."
"I want him home."
"I know, Baby, but that isn't possible right now. Not even Christmas can make that happen. But I'm positive that he's thinking about us."
Even as the day passed Kelly didn't get any happier. In fact, she seemed to get even more depressed as the day wore on. Tony tried to cheer her up but it was impossible. Kelly simply missed her daddy and wanted him back.
It was dinner time when the phone rang. Everyone who would have called already had or else turned up at the door to wish them a Merry Christmas. So Shannon was very curious as to who would be calling now.
"Shannon!" came last last voice she expected to hear. It nearly caused her to drop the phone.
"Jethro? How―"
"I don't have a lot of time but I have to know how you and the kids are doing."
"I'm a lot better now that I've heard your voice. The kids miss you dearly... especially Kelly. She's pining for you."
"Can I talk to her?"
"Kelly, someone wants to talk to you!"
The little girl's eyes went wide when she realized who it was. They only spoke for a few minutes about how much they missed each other before she passed the phone (saying that she loved him) to Tony.
Tony knew how difficult it was to make a phone call at that distance... especially when that place of distance was in dispute. He had to make several international calls on a near daily basis.
"You're taking proper care of the girls, right Tony?"
"Of course. I couldn't do anything less. You told me to look after them and I will."
"I know, son. You know how hard it is to be away from those you love," Jethro referred to is recent deployment to Germany.
"Yeah Dad, I know. And I love you too. Come home safely." Just then the line went dead. They ran out of time. He wished Shannon could have gotten a chance to talk to him longer.
But on the plus side, Kelly wasn't as depressed as she was all day.
Thursday January 3, 1991
Tony was being deployed again. It wasn't to Kuwait or Iraq or even Germany. He was going to Israel. Not exactly his first choice but it could have been worse. Not exactly sure how it could be worse but he was certain that it could be. He knew that Israel was another country that Iraq (among many others) wanted to annihilate. Israel could be just as dangerous as Kuwait or Saudi Arabia.
Neither Shannon nor Kathryn were going to be happy about where he was going.
He wasn't due to leave for another two and a half weeks. So he was able to celebrate his anniversary with Kathryn, which was in three days. He had everything planned out. Hopefully things went smoothly.
Sunday January 6, 1991
Kathryn smiled when she saw Tony arrive with a dozen daffodils. She was glad that he didn't bring her roses. While she preferred daisies, Kathryn was happy with Tony's choice. It wasn't easy to to find daisies in Washington during January.
"You were never no to go for the cliché, Tony." She kissed him when she accepted the yellow flowers.
"I could, but I know you would skin me alive if I got you roses. Besides, you really don't want NIS on your back for killing a Marine. Some of them actually know what they are doing."
"You do have a good point. Plus, I think I would miss you too much if I killed you. You're too cute to die."
"Well, I already knew that, Kitten," joke Tony. "Now, let's go."
They went to their favorite Italian restaurant, the one that they went on their first date and got marinara spilled on them. They got a table in the back. It was Kathryn's idea of the best table in the place... near the kitchen but not uncomfortably so.
Tony was watching her eat a cannoli that they were supposed to be sharing. Kathryn was amused that he seemed to be squirming.
"You know that I love you, right?" he asked nervously.
"Yeah, and I love you too." Tony smiled that bright smile that he reserved for only her when she said that.
"You know that I wouldn't want to live without you, that you are my entire world other than my family. That I wouldn't be be same person I that I am today if it weren't for you. That if I lose you it would be like losing a part of my soul."
"Tony...."
"I don't want to even think about that one day you won't be there."
"That will never happen. I hate being apart from as well."
"Then I guess there's one way to make sure that won't happen." He pulled out a small black box from his pocket. "Kathryn Franklin, will you marry me?"
Tears sprung from Kathryn's eyes as she nodded her head. "Yes!" There was on reason to give any other answer.
Saturday January 17, 1991
Jethro wasn't sure what happened. He remembered he shooting and the tanks but everything else was a blur. All he knew was that none of his prior experiences were as intense as what happened.
And the sad part was that it was just beginning.
When Tony arrived in Tel Aviv it was to pure chaos. Reports were coming in that Iraq had sent several Scud missiles to Tel Aviv and Haifa. He still had to get to the main building of the Israel Defense Force office but everything was shut down and getting on the road was impossible. He couldn't even get on a phone to contact his new superior officer.
By the time the the sun officially rose he was cleared to leave the Israeli airbase, HaKirya. His escort, a turai rishon (Tony was told this was a private first class, a rank lower than his) spoke very little English and no German or Italian... and it seemed a insensitive to ask if an Israeli to if he could speak Arabic, though his own ability to speak the language was rudimentary at best. So that worked out in the in end.
His new commanding officer was a segen mishne,which he was told was a Second Lieutenant, Uzzi Harel.
"I hope you weren't inconvenienced by the wait, Corporal Gibbs. I know how important it is for you to get to work." Tony had a feeling that Segen mishne Uzzi wasn't being condescending.
"I understand, sir. Your country was under assault, an American Marine is supposed to be considered less important. Anything that the IDF can provide can and will be an asset to our cause. Israel is an important ally and we want to keep it that way. And keeping you from being knowingly involved will be one way to make sure that nothing happens to prevent us from losing."
Tony was led to those that he would be working with. Thankfully most of them spoke at least one of the languages that he did. Though he wasn't expecting to be working with Mossad. The man he was working with was a higher ranking officer, Eli David.
Wednesday January 30, 1991
It wasn't easy living in a war torn country. The thought that you could die at any moment was permanently ingrained in your mind. The idea that those you love will never see you again scared you more than anything ever had.
Attack was something that you fear daily. Hearing that eleven Marines died in Saudi Arabia didn't lessen that fear.
A/N I'm sorry this is so late. I had to do some last minute research in Israeli military ranks.
