A/N: Hey everyone, and Happy Belated Birthday to Sam Winchester! Thanks for all of the love for the last chapter! Think we can keep it going? ;) I sure hope so! Thanks to Guest, waitingforAslan, attemptedvisions, hecatess, NightReader22, lenail125, sanrio76, spnfanforlife, and celinenaville for the kind words!

So this one is tagged to episode 1x11, Scarecrow. I'm not so sure about the direction I took it in, but I hope you guys like it. In other news, I finished all the chapters up until the end of season 1, so there will definitely be consistent updates for the next 11 weeks. I'm really excited about the upcoming chapters.

Disclaimer: I'm not the Krip. I'm just playing with his toys.


Taking One For the Team

"How old were you when Mom died? Four? Jess died six months ago! How the Hell would you know how I feel?"

The instant the words left his mouth, he wished he could swallow them back up. He knew how much Mom's death had messed his brother up. He knew about the nightmares. He knew that Mom's death had changed Dean's role from older brother to parent, soldier, and caretaker within seconds. Sam knew that his brother struggled every day with his mother's death; his words to Lucas a few months earlier proved as much.

No matter which way you sliced it, Mom's death had been a defining moment in Dean's life. It had burned up any chance at a normal future that Dean had. The demon that killed Mom had stolen his brother's life, and Sam knew it.

He just needed Dean to see it. Dean was so obsessed with being Dad's perfect soldier that he was forgetting what their whole crusade was based on. This demon had stolen everything from the Winchester family, and Sam wanted it back. Deep down, he knew that killing the stupid son of a bitch that had killed Mom and Jess wouldn't bring them back, but it sure as Hell would make him feel better about everything. Besides, when they finally got the thing he could go back. He could return to school, get into Stanford's law program, and become a lawyer.

More than that, maybe Dean could get out too. Settle down, get a legitimate job, get married, have a few kids. The thing that killed Mom was the reason they got into this mess of a lifestyle, getting rid of it would put an end to it. If that made him a bad son, or a 'selfish bastard', as Dean had so eloquently put it, then so be it.

So, when Dean and the Impala had kicked up dirt and left him there on the side of the road, Sam had only felt a twinge of regret. He was only trying to do what was best for all of them. Yeah, Dean had to go and gank whatever was killing those couples. People were dying, and Dean wasn't the type of person to leave that alone. But Sam and Dad could go and get the damn demon that killed Mom, and end this. They'd all be free. Sure, Dad would probably keep hunting, but that didn't mean they had to. It was like those dreams that Sam would have, before the dreams about Jessica on the ceiling started, about Dean coming to find him at school and announcing his retirement. He just wanted, no, needed, that life. A life where he knew where he was going to lay his head at night, and what he was going to face in the morning, and not worrying about getting a phone call about his brother being dead. If Dean couldn't see that, then that was on him.


Dean had called to say goodbye. The very idea of it sent a chill up Sam's spine. Was this what it was like the past four years? Dean hunting by himself. Dean researching by himself. Dean putting himself in harm's way without backup. Knowing that something was happening and witnessing it first-hand were two very different things. When he was in college, Sam knew that Dean would be flying solo more often than not, but it didn't really bother him. Well, except for that one phone call from a hospital in Seattle…

But Sam couldn't think about that now. Something was wrong. He could feel it in his bones. He spent the next couple of hours trying to shrug it off, bury it, like he had when he was still at school and he knew his family was hunting without him. But it didn't work. It was as though that first hunt with Dean had opened the floodgates and let all that worry back into his life. And Sam didn't have the power to close them. So when Meg had approached and said that their bus was in the bay, Sam knew he couldn't go with her. He couldn't leave his brother, not again.

They were all that was left. Mom and Jess were dead and buried, Dad was in the wind; Dean had warned him that Uncle Bobby was on less than great terms with their Dad, so he was definitely out. For Sam's entire life, it had been him and Dean against the world. It never quite mattered what was thrown at them, they always seemed to come out on top. And most of it was because of Dean. Because Dean was always there to pull Sam along behind him if the danger was up in front of them, or push him ahead if the danger was trailing behind. Dean had consistently placed himself in harm's way to protect him, and Sam hated it. But what he hated more is that constant niggling at the back of his brain, telling him that he didn't deserve it; didn't deserve Dean.

Dean had gone hungry at least once a week when they were kids so that Sam could eat, and Sam had repaid him by bitching about the food.

Dean had gotten hurt more than once trying to protect Sam from the catch of the day, and Sam had only seen fit to gripe at his brother from the uncomfortable chair next to his brother's hospital bed about how he wasn't a little kid anymore.

Dean stretched himself way too thin trying to keep the family together, like the Sun trying to keep the planets together when other gravitational pulls were trying to tear them away, and Sam had just broken the connection and fallen into the darkness.

Maybe he felt so inconsiderate because Dean had never expected or wanted a thank you. Every time Sam tried to offer one, he got cuffed upside the head or told to stop being a girl. Maybe the old adage was true, that kids will only break your heart.

But Sam wasn't a kid anymore. He wasn't a student anymore, either. He wasn't normal. He was a friggin' Winchester, and it was his turn to step up to the plate and take one for the team.

If Dad didn't want to be found, then so be it. But he'd let Dean down too many times to ever let it happen again. He'd do whatever it took to be the best brother he could be to the best friend a guy could ask for. Because Dean was his best friend. And Sam could bitch about a lot of things about their childhood, but he'd never regret the bond he had with his brother.

So when he showed up in that orchard and saved Dean from that whacked out scarecrow, he told him exactly that.

"Jess and Mom—they're both gone. Dad is God knows where. You and me. We're all that's left. So, if we're gonna see this through, we're gonna do it together."

For Dean, the Impala and Sam had always been enough. Yeah, maybe Sam wanted more out of his life, but at this very moment, he was satisfied to try things Dean's way.


A/N: There you go! Hope you enjoyed it. Please drop me a line or two to let me know.

Oh, and a note completely off-topic: congrats to all the Tony Award Nominees! Hamilton FTW!