Chapter 6
In Memory of
Even the two previous times Lexa had met with Clarke didn't compare to this time. They'd agreed to meet in Station Park in the afternoon. Lexa had been clutching the strap of her bag the whole way, her notebook safely tugged inside. She'd had other flashes since she'd woken up, and had noted them all. She hoped the sight of Clarke wouldn't bring new ones, or else her mind wouldn't be able to take it anymore.
She found Clarke where the blond had said she would be, seated under a large tree by the pond. The girl seemed stuck in her own world, and Lexa didn't want to break her bubble. Instead, she sat down beside her, waited for the other girl to notice her. It didn't take long. As soon as Clarke heard the grass shuffling beside her, and her heart pulling to her right as if magnetized to Lexa's, she looked at the brunette.
"I'm glad you're here," she said.
"Where else would I be?" Lexa asked, her voice croaking nervously.
Clarke pursed her lips before she turned to face the other girl.
"I need to tell you something. You're going to think that I sound insane, but I don't care. You need to know."
Lexa only nodded. The seriousness in Clarke's eyes was pinning her in place. Clarke sighed before she explained:
"There's a reason why I wanted to know you so much, and why I wanted so much to go out on a date with you. It's..."
Instead of beating around the bushes, Clarke decided to go all out.
"Ever since I was a kid, I've had visions of the same two women together. I realized a few years back I was one of those girls but it's only when I saw you two weeks ago in class that I... You're the other girl Lexa. I know, it sounds completely crazy..."
Clarke stared longly at the brunette, waiting for a reaction, any reaction. Lexa only nodded and asked:
"Is there anything else I should know?"
Clarke sighed once again.
"There is. I never knew what those visions were until last night. I always only ever saw little bits and pieces, you know, I never thought there could be more but... I don't know. Maybe it was our kiss that just... unlocked everything. Now I remember everything. They are memories of our previous lives and they never end well. There's..."
She paused again, waiting for a reaction from Lexa, anything, but the other girl continued to stare at her, frozen.
"In the end, there's always someone who dies. Sometimes it's me and sometimes it's you."
Lexa only nodded, which annoyed the blond.
"Lexa? I'm trying to tell you something important and I'm not even sure whether you're listening or not!"
Lexa didn't reply. Her gaze was fixed, far, into the unknown, and it suddenly occurred to Clarke that, while she had never seen that expression before, she knew what it meant. Lexa was having a vision.
Carefully, the brunette opened her bag and pulled out a notebook which had been obviously abused recently. She handed it to Clarke, which instantly prompted the blond to open it. She found pages upon pages of text, all written by the same hand, at first in blue and when the blue ink had run out, in black. She took a page, at random, and began to read. It only took her a few sentences to understand what was going on. She looked back to Lexa, who seemed to be feeling a bit better already.
"I woke up last night with all those images in my head," she explained. "I just had to put them somewhere, it was just too much to handle."
Clarke nodded, closing the notebook.
"What do we do now?" she asked.
"What can we do?"
"The way I see it there's only two choices. Either we date or we go our separate ways."
Lexa frowned.
"Why wouldn't we continue to date? If anything, all of those images are a sign that we should. We literally are star-crossed lovers."
Clarke shook her head.
"Didn't you hear anything I just said? We are going to die like ones too if we continue to see each other!"
Lexa crossed her arms. She believed the other girl, obviously, how could she not after everything she'd seen herself. But what she did see made her feel happy, more than happy, actually. It was bliss in its purest form, and Lexa wanted a piece of it.
"It would be worth it." Lexa declared, shocking Clarke.
"I never pegged you for the girl who would die for love," she replied, amused by Lexa's sudden change of behavior.
"You've seen those visions too, didn't you? They were so happy. We were happy then. And I wish I could ever be as happy as they were. And maybe this time it'll be different. Maybe this time we won't die."
Clarke sighed.
"And if it isn't? Lexa, you haven't see what I saw. You, dying, again and again. A bullet to the chest, to the belly, to the brain. Sword stabs, blood loss, infection. It's just too much..."
Lexa slid closer to Clarke, wrapping her in her arms.
"Did they said it was worth it?"
Clarke frowned, and Lexa explained:
"It wasn't me, dying again and again. I'm here, I'm with you. But those who died before, did they say it was worth dying just to be with you?"
Clarke closed her eyes. She felt a tear rolling down her cheek, only to be instantly erased by Lexa. So many of those memories had been happy, but they were now tainted by the many times Lexa had died in her arms, telling her how she was right, how they deserved better, yet smiling from having shared even a moment with Clarke, telling her she loved her, again and again. Finally, Clarke nodded.
"They did."
Lexa hugged the blond closer, holding her together, and Clarke knew then she never wanted to be away from Lexa's arms until Death do them part.
A few months later found them at the exact same place. Night had just fallen, leaving the park empty and cold, aside from the flashlight Clarke was holding, aimed at the ground under the tree. Lexa had been digging as best as she could until she'd made a hole large enough for the large zip-lock bag they had brought with them. She rested the shovel against the tree and came to stand against Clarke.
"Are you sure we've written enough?" she asked.
"We'll never write enough, but we have to leave something behind, and now seems a good time as any."
Lexa nodded, and Clarke placed the zip-lock in the hole, as plainly as she could. Inside were five notebooks, full of scribbles and drawings. Quickly, they closed off the hole, hiding them completely.
"I hope they won't have to stay in there for too long." Clarke declared as she stood up.
Lexa picked up the shovel and cleaned her hand on her pants.
"We can only hope the next Clarke or Lexa will remember."
Clarke nodded and took her girlfriend's hand, leading her away and out of the park.
