Chapter Eleven
For a long time after she awakened, Hotaru did not move. Instead, she lay on her bed, still and silent, and filled with regret. Her fists clenched tightly as she remembered everything she'd done and she had to fight back tears because if she cried then her parents would come and she didn't know if she could face them yet.
She needed to be calm and for a moment, she was tempted to embrace the emptiness, the vast and terrible silence that lingered just beneath her skin, but she shoved the thought aside. That silence, that emptiness, it wasn't her. It couldn't be her. Slowly, her breathing evened out and she forced herself to think of what she would do next.
Clearly, she couldn't stay in bed forever. Eventually, she'd have to face the others, even if she didn't know quite what she was going to say or if they'd even really forgive her. And could she blame them if they didn't? It took a big heart to forgive someone after they'd done they're best to kill you. Despite herself, she laughed quietly, and if there was a slightly hysterical edge to it, she chose to ignore it.
Unbidden, her stomach grumbled and she remembered just how long it had been since she had eaten something. She could go down for food now. It was the middle of the night and everyone else was probably asleep. Besides, there was something so normal about creeping downstairs for a midnight snack.
As quietly as she could, she crept out of her room. She paused for a second and listened. The house was silent save for the familiar, semi-somnolent whispers that she'd come to know over the years. She made her way toward the kitchen and then froze. Setsuna was at the dining table, her head pillowed on her arms. The smell of alcohol was unmistakable and as Hotaru stopped and stared – Setsuna never got drunk – the older woman shifted in her sleep and turned slightly towards her.
Hotaru swallowed thickly. The tracks of only recently dried tears were clear despite the dim lighting. Setsuna had been up almost the whole night and she'd probably spent most of it crying. Unable to help herself now, Hotaru walked over to the sleeping woman and wrapped her arms around her.
"Huh." Setsuna started awake violently and lashed out, but Hotaru shifted with a grace she didn't know she had and the blow went wide. "Let go of me!"
"Shhh." Hotaru tightened her embrace. "Just… shhh…"
Setsuna froze and turned her head. Crimson met violet and held for what felt like forever. "Hotaru?" she whispered softly. "What are you doing?"
"I'm sorry." Hotaru eyes burned and she willed herself not to cry. She'd cried enough. "I'm really, really sorry." She looked at Setsuna for some sign of acknowledgement but the older woman's gaze was suddenly inscrutable, her emotions hidden behind a veil that Hotaru had never really been able to breach but now so desperately wanted to. "I…"
And then Hotaru couldn't speak because Setsuna had buried her face in her neck and was weeping softly. The purple haired girl trembled. What was she supposed to do? Setsuna wasn't supposed to cry – she never cried. Slowly, hesitantly, Hotaru brought one hand up and began to run her fingers through Setsuna's hair.
"It's okay," she whispered. "It's okay."
Setsuna chuckled brokenly and Hotaru shivered. "No, Hotaru, it's not." Setsuna pulled away but made no move to wipe away her tears. "You're starting to remember and I'm afraid that once you do, nothing will ever be the same again."
"Why?" Hotaru asked. "What am I going to remember that's so bad?"
"Do you really want to know?" Setsuna's voice was almost devoid of emotion.
Hotaru paused for a long moment and then nodded firmly. "I need to know. I… I can't have what happened before happen again." She shivered. "But I'm scared. I remember what I did to Haruka-papa and… and…" She trailed off and looked away, utterly ashamed.
"If you want to know then you're going to have to ask her." Setsuna didn't need to say who 'her' was. They both knew. Saturn.
"But what if she takes over again? What if this time I can't stop and I don't just hurt one of you what if I… kill one of you?" Just saying the words made Hotaru want to retch.
Setsuna smiled sadly. "If you've started remembering then there really isn't any going back. One way or another, you're going to have to face her because whether you like it or not, the two of you are simply different facets of the same being. The two of you are one."
"Could you, maybe, talk to me first?" Hotaru asked. "I mean you knew her, right? Maybe you could tell me a bit about her and then maybe I wouldn't be so afraid." The last few words were little more than a whisper.
"She didn't talk about her past much." Setsuna seemed to be looking at her, but Hotaru couldn't help but wonder if it was Saturn she saw. "But what she did mention wasn't pleasant. I don't think she ever wanted anyone else to know just what had made her who she was."
"Is there anything else you can tell me?" Hotaru pleaded.
Setsuna sighed. "Can we move to the living room?"
Hotaru nodded. It didn't escape her notice that Setsuna chose to sprawl across one of the couches, her eyes on the ceiling and her face hidden in shadow.
"I remember the first time I met her," Setsuna began and she laughed softly. "You have to realise that just like everyone else, I'd been raised on stories of her cruel and merciless nature. She wasn't… wasn't kind or gentle… but she wasn't cruel or merciless either. I think," and here Setsuna's voice turned wistful. "I think I anything she was very, very sad."
X X X
"What are you going to tell your crew?"
The words caught Pluto off guard and she was thankful that the small transport they were on was currently on autopilot. She turned and looked at Saturn carefully. The other woman's voice seemed to hold a faint hint of genuine curiosity, although her expression gave little away. "What would you like me to tell them?"
Saturn shifted in her seat and Pluto could have sworn that for just a moment the hum of the engines died down and they were travelling in utter silence. "That wasn't what I asked, Pluto."
Pluto turned away, wondering if it would be wise to tell Saturn just how the citizens of the Empire viewed her. Still, the frankness of Saturn's question was telling. She seemed to know that everyone feared her, which meant that lying to her would not only be pointless, but probably offensive, as well. "They're going to be scared of you. To them you're nothing less than the harbinger of the apocalypse."
"So that much remains the same," Saturn murmured softly before she raised her voice a fraction. "But you, Pluto, are you scared of me?"
Pluto frowned. Was she scared of Saturn? It would be completely logical if she were. The other woman could level planets with her power and had actually done so at least once. But Saturn didn't seem like the ravening engine of destruction that all the stories had made her out to be. No, Pluto thought as she looked at Saturn out of the corner of her eye, if anything she actually seemed a little lonely.
"No," Pluto said quietly. "I don't think I'm scared of you. I should be, but I'm not."
"You're honest," Saturn said softly. "Unlike your predecessor."
Pluto's brows furrowed. She'd almost forgotten just how old Saturn really was. "The crew might be scared of you, but they understand that we need you. Can I trust you not to do anything to them?"
As soon as the words left her mouth, Pluto wished she could take them back. Something that might have been hurt flashed in Saturn's impenetrable purple eyes but before Pluto could be sure of what she'd seen, the emotion was gone, replaced by cold steel. "I am not a monster."
"I'm sorry." Pluto ran one hand through her hair and sighed. "I didn't mean for the words to come out that way. I just…"
Saturn's eyes drifted shut and for a moment she seemed lost in memory. "You just want them to be safe."
"Yes," Pluto said. "That's all."
"So long as they keep their distance, Pluto, you crew has nothing to fear from me."
Pluto nodded gratefully as she took over the autopilot to guide them into the docking bay of her command ship. "Thank you. I mean it."
Saturn said nothing, but her eyes seemed to lose a little of their hardness.
A few minutes later, the doors of the transport opened and Pluto stepped out into the docking bay. There were several members of the crew there eager to know how things had gone after they'd lost contact with her, along with the usual crowd of engineers and maintenance workers. She stopped their questions with two words.
"She's here."
And just like that, Saturn stepped out of the transport. Instantly all activity in the docking bay stopped and an awed and terrified hush descended. Several people even dropped to their knees in supplication, as though afraid that Saturn would strike them down where they stood. If the stares and silence bothered Saturn, she gave no sign. Instead her gaze swept over everything with an almost frightening intensity as though she were cataloguing each and every single object in the docking bay. Pluto couldn't help but wonder what sort of upbringing could give rise to such behaviour.
"Where are my quarters?" Saturn asked.
No one said a word and Pluto saw an engineer make the sign against evil. Saturn must have seen it too, for her eyes narrowed a fraction and the silence that enveloped the docking bay began to hold a hint of the unnatural. Pluto shot the engineer a glare and cursed inwardly. She needed to get Saturn out of the docking bay before anyone did anything else to offend her, or worse, said something stupid.
"Lieutenant," Pluto said loudly, her gaze snapping to one of her officers. "Have the quarters next to mine prepared for Lady Saturn." She paused and looked sternly around the docking bay. "The rest of you, get back to work. We leave for the Moon immediately."
As activity resumed in the docking bay, Pluto turned back to Saturn. "My apologies if they offended you."
Saturn met her gaze evenly. "At least they didn't throw any stones."
Pluto paused. Was that a joke? No, Saturn's voice had been too calm and her eyes had held that look again, almost as if she were remembering something she'd prefer to forget. She swallowed nervously and then spoke. "Did they really throw stones?"
"Only sometimes," Saturn said. "Now where are my quarters? I would like to be alone."
After Pluto took Saturn to her quarters, it was several hours before she saw her again. In the end, it was the angry klaxon of alarms that drew the dark-haired senshi from her solitude.
"What are those alarms?" Saturn asked, following Pluto toward the command deck of the ship.
"I'm not sure yet, but we've most likely been spotted by the enemy." Pluto was careful to keep her expression neutral despite the surge of worry she felt inside. The demons were growing more confident if they were willing to stage raids this close to the inner planets.
"Are your ships capable of fighting?" Saturn's gaze was devoid of emotion.
Pluto shook her head. "Most of my ships are reconnaissance craft. I thought it best not to bring a fleet of heavily armed ships to your planet."
Saturn's lips tightened. "You know your history well. I destroyed the last fleet that tried to threaten me."
Pluto nodded curtly. They were now on the command deck and she let her eyes move quickly over the large display at the centre of the area. "What have our sensors detected?"
The reply came swiftly. "We've got multiple enemy contacts. The demons have spotted us and are closing fast."
"Can we outrun them?" Pluto asked.
"We're already going at maximum speed. If they continue to close at the current rate, I estimate that they will be within attack range in roughly ten minutes." A shiver seemed to run through the officer as he spoke.
"Are there any Imperial ships nearby? What of the Jovian Fleet?" One of the other officers asked. "We could call for help."
"No." Pluto shook her head. Not only was the Jovian Fleet probably little more than space debris by now, but the odds of any ships being close enough to help them before the demons reached them were practically nil. She bit her lip gently. They could turn and fight, but they would lose unless she herself entered the fray and if there were any more demonic ships en-route she could easily find herself overwhelmed. She could of course retreat to the Gates of Time with Saturn and herself, but that would mean abandoning the rest of her forces and that was something she refused to do. Another option would be to order some of her ships to stand and fight, buying the others sufficient time to escape. It was the logical thing to do, but her gut clenched at the thought of sacrificing so many of her own.
Suddenly she felt Saturn's hand on her shoulder. She flinched but Saturn held her still and Pluto was struck by how oddly reassuring the gesture was for Saturn's hold on her was firm, yet gentle.
"Tell your ships to stop." Saturn's eyes glittered dangerously.
"What?" Pluto stuttered.
" If all of your ships stop, then the demons will come and then they will all die."
"What are you planning?"
Saturn tilted her head to one side. "I thought it would be obvious." Her eyes drifted to the display, which showed the rapidly approaching demonic ships and her expression was at once mournful and hungry. "I'm going to kill them all."
X X X
Author's Notes
As always, I neither own Sailor Moon, nor am I making a dime off this piece of fiction.
First of all, I make no excuses about my long absence. Real life has been making it difficult for me to work on any fanfiction and I've managed to misplace some of my fanfiction files, although I'm still hopeful of finding them (this is what I get for splitting work between a desktop and a laptop… grargh).
In any case, I thought that it was about time to resolve the situation between Hotaru and Setsuna (at least partially) and I wanted to go into their first meeting in more detail. For Pluto, it's not going to be easy moving past everything she's been told about Saturn. She might be very intelligent, but Saturn is the Lunar Empire's equivalent of the boogieman. As for Saturn, well, it looks like she'll actually have to deal with other people for the time being, and by that I mean, in a way that doesn't involve annihilating them.
As always, get in touch. I welcome your reviews and comments.
Oh, and another thing, I do want to finish this fic. I know the pain of having people not finish things that I want to read, and I don't want to do that to others. That said, I can't promise to update every day or anything crazy like that. However I will do my best to get an update out each week.
