Chapter 11

A/N: Sorry this update took a while. This chapter is quite a but longer than all the previous ones so hopefully that will make up for the delay.

Derek dragged himself into the hospital the next morning. Not because of Mark and Addison though, he was prepared for that. He was lucky to not have had much interaction with Addison yet, but Mark started getting on his nerves the moment he arrived. But it was because of Meredith. It wasn't Meredith herself, it was what he was going to have to do, what the chief had said to him. Knowing this was the only thing on his schedule today made that worse, because it meant he had to be around her all day, had to ignore her all day. Had to pretend like he barely knew her all day. And this time he was going to stick to that. Even if he didn't want to.

Walking into to thankfully empty attendings' lounge, Derek cherished his last few minutes of being alone. That time ended sooner than he expected though, as someone else had entered the room. When he turned to see who it was, he was met by the face of Dr. Webber. The very stern, serious face of Dr. Webber.

"You don't need to worry. I'm not going to talk to her today. Not unless it's related to the case."

Dr. Webber placed his hands on his hips, giving Derek a very bossy, superior face. It was one he had never seen before, not directed at him anyway.

"I want to believe you Derek, I really do, but I just don't know if I can. Not after what I walked in on yesterday. In all honesty, I'm thinking of bringing another intern onto the case." He said, a pained expression on his face as he said that last part. This filled Derek's stomach with butterflies, but not the normal kind. It worried him that Richard was thinking of kicking her off the case because of him. That wasn't fair, especially considering she hasn't done anything. This was all on him, even if he wasn't sure what all of this was.

As though the chief was reading his mind, he said, "I know that Dr. Grey hasn't done anything, and I'm not saying you have either. I just think it's best for the two of you to have some space right now. And I know this wouldn't be the best way, but it hasn't even been a week and I don't know what else to do."

Derek wanted to nod his head in understanding, so he at least didn't stand there and do nothing, but he couldn't. He didn't want to say the wrong thing either, but at this point, it was better than saying nothing.

"You can't do that. She deserves to be on this case. You and I both know that. Don't punish her because of me." He said in a bit of a pleading tone, though he didn't mean to. Sensing this, Dr. Webber raised his eyebrows and moved his arms to cross them over his chest. He looked like he wanted to say something, but when he spoke, it clearly wasn't that something.

"We'll see how things go today," he said, pausing before he continued his sentence. "Grey is a very good intern, and I like you two."

Derek didn't know what to say, so he just nodded. Richard hesitated, then spoke again. "But you need to know, that I will put someone else on the case if I have to."

Derek took a small step forward. "I just don't understand what this is all about. What's the big deal if they get the wrong idea about me and Meredith? Nothing is going on and it's not like the rest of the hospital will get the wrong idea because we always act the same way with each other."

Richard sighed, clearly frustrated with Derek's lack of understanding in this situation. "Derek I told you, it isn't about the rest of the hospital, it's about Sloane and Montgomery. I don't need them thinking that this is not a professional institution, which is what would happen if they saw you and Meredith together the way you normally are. The rest of the hospital has their theories, but our visiting doctors may talk about what they witnessed and say that Seattle Grace is not professional and that would reflect poorly on us."

Derek scoffed at Ricard's words, coming to a realization. He wasn't sure if this was entirely the reason for not wanting him to socialize with Meredith, but it was definitely a factor. "So this is all about you not wanting to lose the hospital's reputation?! Do you have any idea how ludicrous that sounds?! It is totally and utterly – "

"If I were you, I would choose my next words carefully, Dr. Shepherd."

This time, Derek shook his head. Richard knew what it meant, so he removed his arms from their place on his chest, turned and walked out the door.

It wasn't fair for Meredith to get kicked off the case, but Derek knew it would happen if he didn't listen to the chief. He thought over everything for a second, then took a deep breath – he needed to get to Grace's room.

Preparing himself for what he was going to have to do, Derek closed his eyes for a moment, then left the room as Dr. Webber did moments before.

~0~

Arriving at his destination, Derek was relieved to see that nobody else was there yet. This meant he had a few extra minutes to himself. He should have been using this time to go over his surgical plan, so that when they told Grace he would not only have it rehearsed, but he could make sense of it for her. But instead, he spent this time trying to figure out how he was going to deal with the Meredith situation. They were best friends, and he didn't want to lose that. They always told each other the truth and were never afraid to share their thoughts and feelings. And he was afraid that if he did what Richard had asked him to do, he might screw that up.

He couldn't think about it much longer though, because Mark and – surprisingly – Meredith came walking down the hall in his direction. Addison wasn't with them. It puzzled him why they were together without Addison, and wondered where Addison was, but didn't worry about it.

Showing up a few minutes later, Addison looked frazzled. She looked at Derek, then glanced over at Mark and Meredith, who were laughing. He didn't know what about, he hadn't paid them any attention.

Addison cleared her throat and the other two stopped to look at her. She was holding Grace's chart in her hands. She looked worried, and Meredith seemed to sense that too.

"Dr. Montgomery, what is it?" she asked like the good intern – and person – she was. Addison sighed and glanced at the door to Grace's room. When she looked back to them, her gaze lingered on Derek for a few seconds before moving back down to the chart.

"Grace seems to be in distress. It's not the baby and most of her vitals are normal. I ran some tests earlier this morning. I don't know if she's getting sick or if Frankie is causing pain or if she's just too stressed. I need to know what's going on before we do anything because I don't want her or the baby in any danger, but I also don't know if I want to proceed with anything if she's caught a virus."

Derek could tell from the look on her face and the tone of her voice that Addison didn't know what to do right now. She was right, it wasn't a good idea to leave the baby in there if it was too much stress on the mom's body but couldn't risk doing more damage by delivering her. Normally in a situation like this they would call someone in for another opinion, but Addison was that someone.

Only thinking about the case and not his actions, Derek reached out and placed a hand on Addison's upper arm. He squeezed gently in reassurance but wasn't sure if it helped. He offered her a light smile and she glanced over at him. "It'll be okay. We will figure something out. We'll call Dr. Webber down and see what he thinks, then we'll go from there."

It was an idea that made sense. But they didn't really have another option unless Addison could figure out what to do. She nodded, and Derek removed his hand from her arm, said "okay," then pulled out his pager for Dr. Webber to come for a consult. Looking around at his fellow doctors, Derek was somewhat shocked at the faces he saw. Addison still had a distraught expression and Mark looked as though a fire was beginning to burn behind his eyes. Meredith however, looked confused with a hint of sadness – scratch that, sad with a hint of confusion. It puzzled Derek, the look on her face.

Shrugging it off, Derek brought his attention back to his pager when it beeped. The chief had responded to his page saying that he would be up in a minute. Glancing back up at those around him, he felt uncomfortable when none of their expressions had changed. Hearing heavy footsteps from down the hall, Derek looked towards them, finding Dr. Webber speed-walking towards them. When he reached the huddled group, he stopped between Derek and Mark. He glanced around the circle of people he had just joined and placed his hands on his hips.

"What seems to be the problem?" he asked in an oddly cheerful tone. Rather than answering, Addison handed him Grace's chart. Taking it in one hand, he used the other to retrieve his glasses from his pocket. He slipped them on and adjusted the chart in his hands. Reading over it, he glanced up at Addison. He rose his eyebrows as if to ask if this was from this morning, and everyone stayed silent. This was all the confirmation he needed, and he flipped the chart shut, handing it back to Addison.

"What do you think we should do?" Meredith asked. Dr. Webber shifted his gaze to her and sighed.

"Well, from the looks of it I don't think she would be strong enough to undergo the surgery, and if she's weak the chances are that the baby is too."

"But we also can't wait too long." Derek said, Meredith's eyes moving to him. "The tumor could grow significantly in size and brutality. If we wait too long, it could become inoperable, or her larynx could be toast when we try to fix it, making it so she needs tubes and machines to breathe for the rest of her life."

Not taking her eyes off him, Meredith spoke in a hoarse, quiet voice. "So, it might come down to one or the other? The mom or the baby?" Her voice shook slightly as she said that last part, and Derek could tell she was trying not to cry. He wanted to reach out to her, give her hand a quick squeeze of reassurance, but he fought the urge.

Derek hated to say it, and he had to clear his throat first to keep his voice from cracking when he next spoke. He didn't know what else to say, so he simply said, "Yes" while giving a single nod of his head.

Meredith had crossed her arms, holding each elbow with the opposite hand. She glanced back at Dr. Webber, who had a fallen look on his face. They all knew this could happen. It wasn't common in pregnancy, but when the baby is sick, it can take its toll on the mother. And right now, that's what it was doing.

The five of them looked around at each other, everyone's faces holding a frown, a grimace, a lip bite. Addison, being Grace and Frankie's doctor, she had to make the decision right now. Derek looked at her and knew she didn't want to. But he could see on her face that she knew she had to.

"Okay, um. I guess we'll wait a few days and see how she does. I'll run some more tests and maybe put her on some antibiotics to be safe. Depending on the lab results I might put her on something to slow her heart rate a bit and something to help with the anxiety. I don't want to give her too much painkillers because if I do and something happens she might not be able to feel it." Everyone nodded in agreement and she kept talking. "I'm gonna go in and talk to her then let you all know what I'm going to do. I'll also let you know if I need you, but it isn't very likely that I will."

She gave them a light smile, though it was clearly fake. Turning into Grace's room, she left the others turned to the chief.

"For now, Sloane you can go help in the ER, you could be very useful down there. Shepherd, you can go check on your old patients and make sure the neuro department hasn't derailed."

Mark had already left, but Derek stayed where he was after receiving new instructions. The chief however, walked away without giving Meredith anywhere to go. It was clear to all of them that Addison wanted to be left with Grace, so she wasn't about to invade in there.

Looking to Derek, she dropped her arms to her sides. "I guess I'll tag along with you." she said, sounding a little happier than she had earlier. Though Richard was gone, his words from earlier echoed in Derek's head. As much as he wanted the company, he didn't want to risk anything.

"I think you could probably be more help in the pit. I'm not going to be doing much anyway." He said flatly, trying not to let on that he didn't want her coming with him. She didn't give anything about what she thought away with her expression, so he hoped she wasn't upset.

"Oh. Okay. I'll see you later, then." She said, taking off down the hallway. Watching her walk away, Derek knew he made the right decision, though he didn't like it. He wanted to go after her, to be able to explain what was going on and let her know that he wouldn't be acting this way if he had a choice – which he didn't.

Watching her walk away, Derek forced himself to turn around and walk down the hall, as she had. He moved slowly at first, trying to push away the urge he had to turn around and look after her until she was gone. But he knew that she was probably already out of sight, so he didn't bother. It hurt him to do that, and it felt like he was giving up. On her, on them, on himself.

~0~

Meredith didn't know where she was going, she just knew that she wanted to get away and do something. It hurt to hear Derek say he didn't want her coming with him. While he didn't say that outright, she knew that it was implied.

She willed herself not to turn around, not to look over he shoulder and see if he was still there, watching her walk away, or if he would be gone. Reaching the end of the hallway, she gave in to her thoughts and turned around. What she saw caused a burning sensation in her chest; Derek was speeding off down the hallway in the opposite direction. She thought – or hoped – that he would still be in the same place, watching her walk away. Instead he was walking away, as though what just happened meant nothing, as though he had no idea that his words on top of his actions hurt her more than they should have.

He slowed down for a moment and Meredith thought that maybe he was going to turn around and look after her the way she was watching him. But he didn't. He slowed for a few seconds before returning to his original pace without looking back in her direction.

Stuffing down the feelings of hurt, Meredith turned on her heel and went around the corner, shoving all thoughts of Derek's words and actions from the last day or two out of her mind as best as she could.

A/N: Sorry if the end wasn't very good. I hope the chapter was worth the wait though. I'll try to update asap. Love you guys for hanging on!