Chapter Ten: The Mourning of Ashitaka
Moro ran. She heard the blood pulsing through her body.
She tried not to think about it.
She had murdered Ashitaka-sama, her mentor, her friend…her father.
Moro had murdered her own father.
"I caused all this, Moro-chan. It's fitting that I should pay for it." You were a good man. Tears threatened to spill over again. You didn't deserve this. Moro heard screams coming from the village. She ran faster.
She came to the edge of the village, panting for breath she had run so hard. Surrounding Tatara was a body of water. Without hesitation, Moro jumped in and started swimming.
Ashitaka-sama had taught her how to swim. Besides archery and swordsmanship, Moro remembered that learning how to swim was her first lesson. "Let the water go with you." Ashitaka-sama's voice whispered in her mind. "Be one with it. Trust it. Then you can swim." It was as if he was alive again, here with her. It was as if she was twelve years old, the age Moro was when she began her apprenticeship with him.
Ashitaka-sama…Otosan… How could Moro had not known that he was her father? It was obvious enough. She had not inherited her archery skills from Kouroku or Toki. Her sense with animals was the same. Moro thought back to her nickname, Okami Ko. Fitting, since I'm named after a wolf god, Moro thought. The skills she had inherited as a warrior were not from Kouroku or Toki. Instead, they were from her mentor himself.
She thought of her mother, the Mononoke-hime, San. The mother she had never known abandoned her because she believed she was weak. Despite this, Moro could see that her okasan loved Ashitaka-sama, and her sons, Moro's brothers, very much. A lump caught in Moro's throat. How would she tell them that their father and husband was dead?
Moro was now out of the water. She shook herself dry, and looked back. Tatara looked the same as ever. It was the same as ever, a small village with sturdy houses with vegetable gardens. There was thin smoke coming from the fires that the villagers made. Moro wondered if they now knew that Ashitaka-sama, or Akuma, was dead. "If you kill me, a criminal, then no would bother to look for you." Was that true? Or would they search for her?
Moro looked back at the village she had considered her home the last time, and began walking towards the forest.
Moro tread wearily through the forest as she walked. It was uncannily silent. The kodama were nowhere to be seen, and there seemed to be a somber hush over the forest as well. Are they mourning for Ashitaka-sama? Moro thought. A feeling of guilt and sadness overcame Moro, and that was when she finally let go. She let the tears flow that she held inside her for so long.
Moro wasn't certain when she stopped crying. When she did, she saw a familiar face, etched with grief.
It was Nago. Moro breathed in surprise. He and his brother Okkoto were images of each other, down to the very smile that they rarely showed. Like their father, Ashitaka-sama. Nago was holding out his short sword – similar to Ashitaka-sama's – unsteadily. Does he know? Moro wondered, standing up to full height. Does he know that I killed his – I mean, our father?
"You're Moro, my otosan's apprentice." Nago's voice was calm and free of any emotion. He turned swiftly to the other direction. "Come with me."
Moro could easily catch up with Nago. Then he stopped. "My father's dead, isn't he?"
Now Nago's voice was overcome with emotion. Now his voice shook as he spoke. The emotion, unmistakably, was grief. Moro didn't know what to say, so she nodded silently.
"How did you know?" Moro asked when she found her voice.
Nago now looked at her. She was shocked at how tired he appeared. "Okkoto was accused of killing that woman, Eboshi." His voice tightened with rage as he spoke her name. "My father pleaded to take his own life than my brother's. And so they did." Nago sighed, sadness etched on his face.
Then they began walking again.
Moro and Nago were close where the Mononoke-hime lived when Moro heard a low howl coming from the trees. She started.
"They're mourning for Ashitaka," Nago simply stated. Moro listened closely. Wolves, she thought. Their howls were mixed with mourning and anger. They're mourning for him too. A stab of guilt hit her stomach. What have I done?
"Where is your mother?" Moro asked. She had to keep her voice from betraying the raw guilt that she felt.
"She's on the island where we used to meet with our father." Okkoto stood next to his brother, suddenly appearing from the trees. Quietly, he added, "She's taking it very hard."
The siblings sat in silence. Then, as Moro became accustomed to the sounds of the forest, she heard a single voice singing.
"In the moonlight I felt your heart
quiver like a bow string's pulse
in the moon's pale light
you looked at me
Nobody knows your heart
when the sun has gone I see you
beautiful and haunting but cold
like the blade of a knife so sharp so sweet
nobody knows your heart
All of your sorrow, grief and pain
locked away in the forest of the night
Your secret heart belongs to the world
of the things that sigh in the dark
of the things that cry in the dark."
The voice abruptly stopped, faltering with the last verse. Moro could feel wetness coming down her cheeks. It was then that she realized she was crying.
"Moro, Nago, we should she see her." Okkoto broke the silence. He stepped forward, wading into the water. Moro and Nago followed him.
"Okasan?" Okkoto called. San had his back to him and would not respond.
"Okasan?" Now Nago spoke. His voice covered the grief that Moro had witnessed earlier. Nago called again. "Okasan?"
San turned around to face them. Like her sons, her face was etched with tiredness and grief. There was a sense of defeat surrounding her that Moro had never seen before, even when Ashitaka-sama – no, her father, was near death. It was only when San saw Moro did she react.
"You human!" she spat. Moro stepped back. San stood up to her full height and ran towards her, the crystal dagger in her hand.
They spared a couple of times before they broke apart. Okkoto and Nago stared at both of them. "What's going on, Okasan?" Nago asked. Okkoto waited quietly.
"I smelled his blood on her." San was now calm, although her eyes betrayed her rage. "Do see the blood on her body and sword, Okkoto and Nago? She killed him. She killed your father."
Nago's eyes narrowed and he pulled out his short sword. Okkoto seethed in rage.
"Ashitaka-sama wanted me to kill him. He wanted me to find his sister, and he said the only way I could do that was to kill him." Moro forced to keep her voice calm.
"You're no better than Eboshi." Okkoto snarled. "You killed my father!"
"Our father, you mean." Moro countered. "You and Nago were not the only children of Ashitaka and San." Nago and Okkoto stopped, staring at her. San stiffened. "I was born to them as well. Our mother believed I was weak, and she ordered our father to kill me." Moro had their attention. "He didn't. Instead, he watched over me in Tatara as I was raised by Kamiguchi Toki and her husband. He wanted me to kill him, because it was the only way to achieve peace. That's what he believed." Moro stepped forward. "I need someone to go with me to find Kaya, our father's sister. I cannot do it alone."
