Yeah, yeah, yeah, another chapter. I did not plan this one out, but when I was done writing it I had a plan for the next one. A lot happens here, and you might not like the internal struggles that Jim and Pam are having. Too bad, I control where this story goes! Hehe...
I cannot even begin to tell you guys how much I love all of your reviews! They make my day and are basically what keep me from forgetting this story.
bingbangboom714: Yeah, I thought that Pam should have someone like her sister, and a fellow mother to bond with. And hey, don't worry abou making you're reviews different. You have reviewed, like, every chapter of this story, and that is totally awesome. So no matter how your reviews look, they are most definitely not obnoxious.
2honest4myowngood: Yeah, I decided to go all out with the fluffiness, and I tried really hard to show Pam's transformation. I figured that it had to have happened, since she's a mother and all...
JimPamJAM: Yeah, I know. I just imagined him with an adorable little girl with his eyes and smile, and the chapter wrote itself. Jim's just an awesome character to write.
Lindsay: Yeah, I pretty much cranked up the sweet factor. And don't worry, I have every intention of finishing it as awesome and soon as possible. It's easier now that I'm feeling better.
enaena: I couldn't imagine Jim choosing to ignore the fact he's got an adorable little girl with his DNA. I am also so happy that you think I'm doing well with these chapters, I try really hard so it means a lot. In the next few chapters, Pam's support group become a huge part of the story, so just you wait...
Swingflip: Yes, yes, yes, I completely filled that chapter with cuteness, because that's what you do when you have Jim and his daughter. And about Jim and Pam getting together, don't worry, I'm workin' on it!
dancer288: I know, who doesn't love that thought of Jim and Elle? I really try to show how Sherri is as a person and as a friend of Pam's, and I'm glad you got that. She seems like she has a 'take charge' personality.
XOAnnaCullenOX: I'm glad you thought it was adorable, I was anxious to show Jim interacting with his daughter and was so happy you guys liked it, mostly because the Jim/Elle dynamic should be one of the highlights of this story.
luannlockhart: I like Sherri too, and I'm sooo happy you had little mental pictures of this chapter! It was my mental pictures that inspired that whole duck scene, and Elle freaking out every time a dog passed them.
Mrs. Fitzgerald: I was happy to be able to write Jim as a daddy, and I really hope you continue to enjoy my updates! I put a lot of effort into these, so hearing that you enjoyed it makes me smile=]
ilovepeterpetrelli: Yeah, writing these and seeing the little mental scenes in my head make my day too! I'm glad that chapter ten made you happy.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
She watched from the doorway while he laid Ellie in her bed, pulling the light pink blanket up and murmuring softly to her until she stopped fidgeting. That shape of his bent form, hovering over the crib, made her feel light-headed. She wanted to sketch it, make sure it was down on paper so when he left she could re-live the moment. But tiny morsels of pure and absolute happiness couldn't be re-visited with a picture.
"Goodnight, sweetheart."
Pam closed her eyes for a second, letting the memory of that voice wash over her. It was nice to hear that voice.
He gently shut the door and walked towards the living room, Pam following.
"So, you had fun?" He looked up at her funny when she said that. Fun was an understatement. Ellie was beautiful, with a giggle that would someday match her mothers and even he knew that her smile was like his.
"Yeah. You could say that."
Pam laughed. "Good. I just want you to do what you want. If you want to stay involved with her life, than that's fine. And if you feel like you don't want to, then I guess I'll have to give her the 'why-you-don't-have-a-daddy' talk when she gets older."
Jim felt tears in his eyes when she said that. He didn't want Elle to have those questions when she got older. It wasn't fair.
"I want to stay involved. I'm not ready to keep her for a whole weekend alone, but I want to know her. I want her to know me."
Pam's eyes shined. "Exactly. I'm not sending her off every weekend to see someone she barely even knows, but still calls 'Dad'."
"Yeah."
"So, I had a great time. You should give me a call on Friday. We can get together next weekend, or any other time you want." Pam blinked quickly, holding back the flood of tears pushing their way from her eyes.
"Sounds good. And things that come up, you know, for Elle, like doctor appointments and stuff, I'll come. Just so you know." He smiled and grabbed his jacket. "Bye, Pam."
"Bye, Jim."
XXXX
Damn, he thought as he drove away from the apartment complex.
He didn't want to fall for her, not now. Not when he'd spent so long trying to forget her. He couldn't fall for her when he had a kid. He cranked an old song with lots of screaming and angry guitar riffs to calm his shaking fingers.
He was not falling into the trap of loving her ever again. Unless he wanted it all back, the depression, the disappointment, the earth-crumbling feeling of denial. Jim did not want it back. Not when he knew she didn't love him anymore.
XXXX
"Jesus," she said when she watched his car drive away.
She could not fall for him again. She would not do this.
She'd spent the time away from him forgetting the fact that he'd stolen her heart, with those clever quips and smiles. She wasn't going to let him throw her mind into disarray. Jim Halpert could not become her obsession, not when she knew that he didn't love her anymore.
The problem was, she'd never forgotten him, not when there was a living example of his existence that she'd given birth too.
So Pam did the one thing she knew wouldn't end up in a love-struck disaster. She called her sister.
XXXX
"Therapy Sister Carrie, at your service. How may I help you?" Pam couldn't help but giggle when her sister answered her phone.
"Hi."
"Well hello there, Pamela. What do you need to vent about tonight?" Carrie managed to talk like this without even the slightest laugh.
"Jim." Pam shook her head and managed to answer her questions without laughing anymore.
"Ah, Jim. What happened?"
Pam smiled when she heard her sister's voice become close to normal. "We spent the day together. So he could meet Elle and stuff."
"Are you serious? That's awesome! So does he just love Elle now?"
Pam gasped. "Of course he did. He loved when he first held her at Dunder-Mifflin." Carrie laughed at her sister's annoyance.
"I figured. So what's the problem?" She started to hum the Super Mario Brothers theme while Pam worked up the courage to tell her what was on her mind.
"I think I'm fallinginlovewithhim." Her cheeks were red and she was gracious that Carrie wasn't here in person, even though her sister probably knew that Pam was bright red.
"What did you say? Those last few words were kind of smashed together." Pam could hear the smirk in Carrie's voice.
"I said-" Pam paused and let her sister wait anxiously as punishment for not taking this more seriously, "-that I think that I'm. Um. Falling. In. Love. Withhim."
Carrie was silent on the other end.
Pam bit her lip and picked at her nails for a second, waiting for her sister's reply.
"Carrie? Say something."
Carrie sighed heavily. "Well of course you're in love with him. You have been in love with him for the past, like, four years, Pam."
Pam couldn't tell if her voice was sad or taunting. She decided it was both.
"No, I haven't!" She couldn't help but feel a little angry.
"Uh, yes you have. When you were with Roy, you got more excited over Jim. And when you, like, left that paper place, you never actually forgot about him. No matter how hard you tried. And please don't tell me that you actually managed to stop loving him when you had the kid."
Pam's face held pure fury at her sister's speech. "Don't say that. It's not true." Her blinking became rapid. Soon, her only thoughts were stopthetears stopthetears stopthetears.
"I'm sorry, Pam. I never thought I'd be the one to tell you this, but think about it. You are not with Roy. You have a kid, and if you are in love with the father, it's not like you should feel guilty now." Carrie sounded like she felt sorry, but Pam was too angry to pick up on any pity. She didn't want pity. She wanted to just feel right, for once.
"Whatever," she said as she hung up on her sister.
XXXX
"So what happened?" asked Jim's roommate, Mark. He'd told Mark the whole story as son as he'd gotten home from work. It had been him who convinced Jim to go straight to Pam's apartment to figure everything out.
"You can talk without worrying about the office finding out," he had said.
"It was fun. And Elle... she's, I don't know, perfect." He knew it sounded corny, but Mark didn't laugh.
"I'm sure that's how it was. What was Pam like?"
"Cool. She's a total mother now, it's weird. I just..." Jim trailed off, afraid to admit what he could barely even say to himself.
"What?" Mark looked curious, using the voice he'd used when Jim first told him that he had feelings for the engaged receptionist at work.
"I think I'm falling for her." Jim looked at the floor, focusing on the stain that Meredith had left when she spilled some tabasco sauce on the floor at his party that Michael had crashed.
"Wait, what?" Mark had fake astonishment in his voice. Jim looked up, annoyed.
"What do you mean by that?" he asked, irritated.
"Come on, Jim. Don't tell me that you haven't loved her for that past four years." Jim felt anger at his friend's words. How dare Mark act like Jim was an idiot!
"You don't get it. I just need to forget her, but now I have to call her about seeing Ellie again, and I can't forget her when I'm seeing her every weekend. But its not like I'm going to sacrifice seeing my daughter to forget about her." Jim felt a pain in his chest whenever he thought about the situation.
"So? Jim, it's not like she's engaged. And you guys have a kid together. How does that make it wrong to ask her out?" Jim shook his head, hating Mark's words because, well, they were true.
"I just don't know. She left, and she certainly doesn't love me anymore. And now we have the kid to consider."
Mark shook his head, hardly even able to believe what his friend was saying.
"Jim, are you completely and utterly losing it? I mean, really?"
Jim narrowed his eyebrows.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
Mark smiled at his agitated buddy.
"When Pam was this close to becoming Mrs. Roy Anderson, you told her that you were in love with her. And then, after she'd told you that she couldn't do this, that you misinterpreted your friendship with her, you went back, and you kissed her. You made love to her." Mark paused, letting the weight of his words sink in.
"So? Look at how well that worked out." His voice was sour, eyes distant. Mark sighed in an 'I really can't believe how dense you are' way.
"That odds were against you, and yet you did that. Because you loved her. And now that she is single and living with your kid, you think that you can give up."
Jim's head lowered, one lonely tear racing down his cheek.
"It's not that way," he said before getting up and walking to his bedroom, slamming the door once he got inside.
XXXX
"So, how is she doing?" The apartment was decorated with soft carpets, flowing fountains and you could always hear a steady stream of enya wafting from the speakers.
Carrie shrugged. "I don't know. She told Jim about the kid, they had an awesome day hanging out, and now she's scared because she's totally in love with him."
Sharon sighed. "So sad. Why is she so scared of love again?"
Carrie looked at her girlfriend of three years, Sharon. "I have no idea."
Sharon smiled. "It seems like you need to call this Jim Halpert." Carrie rolled her eyes.
"I'm not taking any ideas from someone who watches the show. Calling Jim won't get you your little 'Jam romance'."
Sharon shook her head."No, really. Just ask him, yes or no, if he still loves her. Then you have your answer."
Carrie started smiling. "Wait, that's a good idea. I should meet him in person. And, come on, of course he still loves her."
Sharon giggled. "Now you're on to something."
XXXX
Whew. Just a little spoiler, Carrie doesn't talk with Jim, she talks with someone else...
Anyways, the past three chapters have been around 2,000 words long (counting the story part only, not the review replies and stuff) and I have been pretty good about updates lately, so I am setting a ransom. Yep, I want 15 reviews. And if you aren't like a member of this site, than don't worry, I take anonymous reviews too. That's just the price you guys will have to pay if you want the next chapter. Sorry if you don't like it. Just don't flame, because that makes me feel less like writing and more like quitting this.
