"Where the fuck is Kimmy?" Jamie furiously questioned the Italian owner of the strip club they were in. All three girls stood in front of the counter, having very similar pissed-off expressions on their faces. Phil, Stu, Alan, and Eric all stood behind them, looking very nervous of what was about to go down.

"I'm not telling you." Italian dude snapped back, looking more annoyed by each passing second.

"He's not telling us." Connie sighed, as if that was their last hope. Jamie glared at her in the corner of her eye.

"Really? Like we didn't know that." Jamie snapped before turning back to face the curly-haired Italian. "Listen here, Casanova." Italian dude looked at her, very annoyed. "I've been through a fucking cat fights that involved black people and baseball bats, nigga. I'll fucking beat your ass like they do in Chicago if you don't tell us where your little slut is."

"I'm not telling you shit until Paige, my babe, does her fucking job and gets her ass back up there to make me money, bitch!" Italian dude argued with Jamie.

"You heard the man!" Eric grinned, pointing up to the stage and gesturing to Paige. "Get your ass up there, Paige!"

Paige glared at her boyfriend. "Eric… I am a lady. Not a porn-star. I am not going to give this perverted man the satisfaction of stripping down and shaking my… behind… on stage like that. No way. I refuse to do that."

Jamie leaned on her hand, looking bored as fuck. "Paige, just get your fucking ass up there and shake it for the man! I wanna find this Kimmy bitch, so just fucking do it already and get it over with!"

Phil immediately butted into the conversation. "Hey, fuck you, man! For the last fucking time, Paige is not going up there and that's final! You know what, fuck this! Let's go!" Phil turned around to leave before Jamie spoke up.

"No! Fuck you, Phil! I wanna find Kimmy and strangle the shit out of her for touching my man!" Jamie argued angrily while placing her hands on her hips; Stu looked very scared at the moment.

"Whoa! Whoa!" Italian dude held up his hands, shaking his curly head furiously. "No strangling the shit out of my strippers! Can't you read the fucking sign?" He gestured to a wall that had a sign that clearly stated "Do not strangle the strippers! They will bite." Everyone looked at the sign.

Paige sighed. "Guys, how badly do we need this information?"

Jamie stared at her. "Do you want to find out who fucked your boyfriend?"

Paige looked at Jamie and then to Eric, who in return, gave her an innocent look. She thought about it for a moment.

"You know, you don't have to do this if you don't want to." Phil told her. Paige sighed and looked down at the floor.

"I'm not a little girl anymore," she murmured, quietly. Shocking everybody, Paige suddenly strutted for the pole that was awaiting for her.

"Daaamn," Jamie commented, "she got bigger balls than you," she looked at Stu who gave her a glare, in return.

"Shit. This about to get real in da club." Eric remarked, clearly excited that Paige was actually going to strip.

"Don't comment. It's not cool when you try to talk like a nigga." Jamie said, shaking her head at him.

"Jamie, you're not black." Stu told her, annoyance laced in his voice. "Stop acting like you are."

"Shut up, you white nigga." Jamie smiled sweetly at him before handing the Italian dude her iPod she pulled out of her bra. "Play the sexiest track you can find on here!"

The Italian dude grinned, nodding. He placed her iPod on a speaker and started playing "I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world. Life in plastic, it's fantastic!" Everyone had a what-the-fuck expression.

Except Connie when she started to randomly dance, also singing along in a horrible voice.

"No, Connie. Don't. You'll catch swine flu if you enjoy this song."

"Really, Jamie?" Paige questioned from the stage. "You still have this terrible song?"

"Dude, what the fuck!" Jamie snapped at Italian dude. "I said play a sexy track, not something that your mother would listen to!"

"Ooohhh. Okay!" Italian dude grinned like an idiot and switched to a different track. Once they heard the upbeat music playing, Jamie smiled.

"Perfect." She commented. Toxic by Britney Spears blasted on the speakers.

"Oh God," Paige groaned as she stood by the terrifying pole.

"Oh yes," Jamie grinned evilly.

"Baby, can't you see? I'm calling. A guy like you should wear a warning. It's dangerous. I'm fallin'."

"Strip, bitch!" Jamie hollered out when Paige only stood there, looking like she was going to throw up all over the stage. That definitely would've killed the mood.

"C'mon, Paige." Connie called out, encouraging. "Just pretend you're really, really drunk. Like what you did last night."

"I don't remember anything from last night!" Paige yelled at her.

"Shake yo ass, watch yourself! Shake yo ass, show me what you workin' with!" Jamie sang out and started laughing at the redness on Paige's face.

"This is so fucked up," Phil murmured.

"This isn't fucked up; it's hot." Eric grinned.

"I'm really uncomfortable with this whole thing," Stu said, looking downright embarrassed.

Jamie snorted. "Don't lie to me; I know you're secretly enjoying this as much as I am."

Stu gave her a look. "You're enjoying this?"

Jamie shrugged. "Yeah, can't you see my lady boner through my pants?"

"No." Stu crossed his arms.

"Fuck you, Four Eyes, and just watch the fucking show. Jeez." Jamie rolled her eyes as Stu gave her a disbelieving look.

Paige hesitantly gripped the pole in both hands and released a deep sigh while closing her eyes.

After a moment, she opened them and leaned against the pole in the sexiest way as possible. Slowly, she moved her hips along to the beat of the music and began circling the pole a bit. Dramatically, she gripped her long Hawaiian skirt and slowly began to untie it.

Phil's eyes widened.

"Oh shit…" Connie commented as she grabbed her video camera and began to record Paige.

"Too high. Can't come down. Losing my head. Spinning 'round and 'round. Do you feel me now?"

Finally, Paige fully untied her skirt and flung it across the room; resulting it to landing on Alan's head as he was feeding the little monkey a banana. She was wearing white lacy underwear that made Phil's eyes widen even more if it were possible.

"With a taste of your lips. I'm on a ride. You're toxic I'm slipping under. With a taste of a poison paradise. I'm addicted to you. Don't you know that you're toxic? And I love what you do. Don't you know that you're toxic?"

Paige worked up the courage to strip off her top, leaving her clad in her matching white-lace bra.

Phil's jaw dropped.

Eric grinned like a pervert.

Stu's eyes widened.

Alan smiled as if this were so fascinating.

Connie continued her recording session.

Jamie gave her an encouraging thumbs up.

Italian dude grew a noticeable boner.

Other strippers looked jealous.

Paige, trying to ignore everyone else, continued spinning around the pole, while flipping her crazy red hair around her face and began to sing along with the song.

"It's getting late, to give you up I took a sip from my devils cup slowly it's taking over me." she sang along with the song.

She flipped her hair wildly and slowly dragging her feet across the room she walked up to the group and found a pole closer and pushed the striper of the pole and began to grip tight and spinning her back at the pole and ever so slowly crouched on the floor and sang. Making Phil watch her every move, with his mouth wide open drooling a bit.

"Too high can't come down It's in the air and it's all around can you feel me now?"

When the song nearly ended, Jamie came close to the stage in front of Paige and started to shuffle dollar bills onto the stage where Paige continually danced.

After the song was over, Paige was blushing so much but they couldn't even tell because of the bright pink lights that were beaming on them.

Everyone, including the strippers, clapped for her. Paige looked down in embarrassment and hurriedly put her clothes back on.

"Aww, don't put your clothes back on!" Eric whined.

"Shut up!" Paige growled as she awkwardly shrugged her clothing back on while hopping down from the icky stage. "I'm pretty sure I just caught an STD." She commented in disgust.

"Yeah probably." Connie shrugged. "You were grinding up the fucking stage."

"Paige, I think you just got me pregnant." Jamie smiled while Paige gave her a weird look.

"Paige, I didn't know you could dance like that!" Alan commented, grinning like a fool.

"Thanks, Alan," Paige blushed a bit more.

"That was the sexiest performance I've ever seen, babe," Eric grinned before quickly kissing her on the lips while Phil looked away.

"Okay now," Jamie said as she turned back to the Italian dude. "You've successfully driven Paige into a fucking stripper. Now, where is this Kimmy bitch?"


"Which one of you is Kimmy?" Jamie burst through the dressing room and looked around.

The gang followed in cautiously behind her.

When nobody claimed to be the person who they were looking for; Jamie repeated, "Dumb bitches, I repeat, which one of you is Kimmy?"

A pretty young woman raised her hand, "I'm Kimmy."

"Fantastic." Jamie pretended a fake smile and casually strode over to Kimmy before surprising everyone as she landed a punch directly on Kimmy's nose. The stripper cried out in shock as Jamie tackled her to the floor, scratching, pulling hair, kicking, punching, and throwing nasty insults.

"Somebody get this American bitch off me!" Kimmy cried out as all the strippers only stood there, doing absolutely nothing.

Immediately, Stu and Phil went to grab Jamie from beating the stripper.

"Release! Release! Release!" Stu continually yelled down at Jamie as he struggled to get a good grip on the crazy woman attacking the stripper.

"And this is the bitch you want to spend the rest of your life with?" Eric commented coolly from behind them. Paige slapped his shoulder.

"Jamie, let go off Kimmy!" Phil ordered as he fought to get Jamie off.

"I wish I had some popcorn. This is so much better than watching Spongebob." Connie remarked, smiling.

"I love Spongebob," Alan grinned at her.

"This is why I love you," Connie said, placing her hand on Alan's shoulder.

"Aww," Paige crooned at the couple.

"Eww," Eric grimaced at the couple.

"Jamie, release! Release! Baby, I said release! Fuck!" Stu shouted, frustrated.

"You're lucky I don't have a fucking chainsaw! I will cut you up like in Texas Chainsaw Massacre!" Jamie yelled at the stripper.

"Jamie, that's very brutal and violent." Paige grimaced.

"Die, bitch! Die!" Jamie tried digging her fingers into Kimmy's throat and tried choking her.

"Stu, control your little monster. She's about to spend the rest of her life in a fucking Thai prison!" Phil told him, still trying to pull Jamie away.

"Jamie, if you get off her, I'll give you a Ryan Gosling poster…" Paige tried, pulling a hopeful smile.

Immediately, Jamie stopped choking the stripper and turned to look at Paige, excitement on her face. "Ryan Gosling?"

"Shirtless," Paige added with a smirk.

"I'm up!" Jamie stood up, nearly knocking Phil and Stu over.


"Of course, I remember him," Kimmy grumbled angrily, holding an icepack to her temple. Her nose was still bloody and there were scratch marks visible on her skin.

After Jamie calmed down, they all started interrogating the stripper with questions.

"He was buying shots for everyone. Nice kid. His parents must be so proud." Kimmy continued.

"Yeah, you have no idea." Stu mumbled.

Phil, who was sitting on a chair, asked, "Okay, so do you remember if he left with us?"

"Yeah, you were all leaving together but you almost forgot this one here. Right, superstar?" Kimmy stroked Eric's knee. Eric looked at her confused, not understanding what she meant. Paige eyed Kimmy angrily.

"Whoa, what's happening?" Connie looked back and forth between Eric and Kimmy.

"This one was following me around like a little lost puppy." Kimmy laughed. "All night. Saying how he fall in love with me, asked me to marry him."

"What?" Paige growled as Eric shrunk in his seat.

"I didn't know Eric was such a womanizer," Alan commented.

"We didn't get married, right?" Eric questioned warily, making Paige turn her hateful eyes towards him.

"Of course not." Kimmy answered. Eric sighed in relief. But Paige still looked extremely pissed-off. As did Phil. If he were lucky enough to have Paige, drunk or not, he would never ever cheat on her like that.

"We just had some fun in the chardonnay room," Kimmy continued casually. Everyone looked at her curiously except Paige who was turning seriously angry at this point.

"What… what happens in the chardonnay room?" Jamie couldn't resist in asking.

"Let's just stay on track here," Stu tried saying but everyone ignored him.

"Oh, you know, dance for him, he tickle me, we have sex." Kimmy said, rather bluntly.

Paige slowly looked at Eric and said in a quiet voice, "I can't believe you." With that, she got up from her seat and walked out of the dressing room, leaving a stunned Eric in his seat.

"Fuck," he cursed softly.

Phil sighed and got up from his seat to go after her.

"Wow…" Connie said.

"That is so disgusting…" Jamie grimaced.

"It wasn't disgusting." Kimmy replied, moving toward Eric. "It was so beautiful, so special. You should've seen him." She fumbled with Eric's hair and he only moved his head away, looking extremely pissed-off. "He was so sexy."

"Okay, ew." Jamie blanched.

"Seriously, ew." Stu added, also looking disgusted.

"The way Eric moved his body around. I had to slow down so I didn't drop my load too quickly." She walked to her closet. Everyone stopped and looked at her.

"Load…?" Jamie asked.

"What load?" Eric widened his eyes.

She turned back to him and said, "Oh, you know, my sperms."

"Your English is off." Stu said to her. "I think you mean his sperms. Where would your sperm come from?"

"From my balls." She answered bluntly.

Eric straightened up. "Wait-what the fuck-what?"

"Wait, what?" Connie asked as she looked Kimmy up and down.

"This is gonna be interesting…" Jamie commented.

"Are you…?" Stu didn't finish his sentence.

Kimmy removed her robe and spoke, "Hey, you're in Bangkok, sweetie. There's a reason they don't call it Bangcunt." She turned around and they were all shocked that she didn't have a woman's private part.

"Holy fuck!" Eric fell off his chair.

"Shit…" Stu cursed as he leaned all the way back in his chair in shock.

"Mother fucker," Connie grimaced.

"Those are the ugliest balls I've ever seen," Jamie then covered her eyes. "That is so gross. Please, cover them up! Cover them up!"


"Paige! Wait!" Phil followed her out of the building as she continued to walk, so angry and sad at the same time to where she started crying.

Phil jogged up to her. "Hey, are you okay?" It was a stupid question, but he didn't really know what else to say. There was nothing he could really say.

Only thing he could think of; her boyfriend is a sleazy pig.

"No, I'm not," Paige turned around to face him as she began to cry even more. "I hate to admit it, Phil. But you were right. You were right about Eric all along; about him being an arrogant son-of-a-bitch, sleazy pig, jerk, asshole—"

"Oh, Paige." Phil frowned. "I'm… sorry…"

"Don't be…" Paige sniffled. "It was my fault for being the oblivious one. I should've known…"

"C'mere," Phil said gently as he pulled her into his arms and held her as she cried deeply into his shoulder.

"I'm sorry you had to find out this way," he whispered into her hair as he held her and said nothing afterwards.


"I don't get it." Alan looked confused. "Is this a magic show?"

"C'mon, Eric, it was beautiful!" Kimmy praised Eric who looked like he was going to pass out. "We climaxed at the same time!"

"Oh God…" Eric moaned, placing his hands on his face.

"How the fuck does that work?" Jamie questioned.

"I shoot my load into him, he shoot his load onto the floor." Kimmy explained, casually.

Connie gagged.

"Okay, ew." Jamie turned around, disgusted.

"This is too much," Stu commented.

"Wait a fucking second!" Eric widened his eyes. "You mean you shot your load into my… oh fuck!"

Jamie laughed. "How funny. He got fucked in the ass. I'm not so sorry for you, Eric."

"Fuck you, Jamie!" Eric screamed at her, furiously.

"Don't fuck me, fuck her!" Jamie pointed to Kimmy. "You obviously enjoyed that routine last night!"

"We both enjoyed it." Kimmy winked at Eric.

"Someone kill me now…" Eric murmured, growing paler.

"I volunteer as tribute!" Jamie raised her hand.