We returned to the house silently, no one daring to speak even if we could find words to say. As we approached the smoldering pile of black ash that was one the Martin's beautiful home, Susan got up from the porch, it still being slightly intact, and ran over to us. She threw her arms around Gabriel. William stood in shock at the sight of his father and did not move. My brother sat silently on the porch and refused to look up. I walked over to him and Susan and took his hand and lifted her up with one arm the best I could. "Ben…?" I asked not bothering to finish because it was obvious what I would ask.
"We'll go to Charlotte's for now. Tend to the cut on Gabriel's neck while I ready the cart please." He answered blankly, staring off into the distance but at nothing particular. I set Susan down and let go of my brother's hand. Gabe began to unbutton his jacket and shirt collar.
I walked over to him and sighed. It was just a little nick but it was bleeding so I felt it needed tending. "We've got no bandages." He said. I reached down and tore a piece of my tattered apron off. "Sarah!" he exclaimed. I gave him a look that said 'shut up, I'm not in the mood'. He took the hint and shut his mouth.
"It's ruined anyway Gabriel and it doesn't matter," I started as I began to bandage him for the second time in the past 24 hours, "What matters is that we're all safe and no one is too badly hurt. Material items don't matter." I didn't really know why I said, or where the speech came from.
"You sound like my mother…." Gabriel trailed off. I glanced up at him quickly and then focused on the bandage. I sighed as I tied it off and then looked up at him for longer. I just shook my head sadly and laid my head on his chest. He instinctively wrapped his arms around me and rested his head on top of mine. My eyes were closed as if I was trying to block out the sadness all around us. We stood like that for a moment until we heard Ben call for us to get ready to go.
I did not ride on horseback with Gabriel this time. I took a seat solemnly in the cart and waited out the ride with most of the children leaning on me. Samuel hadn't spoken since he'd seen his father and it honestly worried me. He had this totally terrified look on his face the whole time, I worried that he may be scarred for the rest of his life because of today's events. I tried my best to comfort him but he would just turn away.
That evening we pulled up in front of Charlotte Selton's plantation home. She came out onto the porch with a smile but at the sight of us it faded and her hand flew to her mouth.
After the carriage had been taken she rushed us inside where we all bathed and changed into clothing. She lent me an old dress that was too small for her. I thanked her even though it was a bit small up top and squeezed my chest to no end. The only dress of mine that we'd been able to salvage was the dark blue one that Harry had had decked out like a continental's jacket. I suppose that was just luck of course. Soon after, Ben and Charlotte began putting the children to bed. Ben had already told her the events of the day and so she was careful to soothe each child as much as possible. I watched from the hallway as Nathan told his father eh was glad he'd killed the soldiers. Ben's face was one of terror but he hid it well. He turned to Samuel and was ready to say goodnight but Samuel simply turned away and covered his face. Ben was surprised and upset. He walked out of the room and sat on the stairs. Charlotte got to him before me.
I decided to go and find Gabriel. He hadn't changed out of his uniform and I hoped he had just been too caught up in helping to change and that was all. I didn't ask. "Hi Gabe…" I said tiredly sitting down next to him by the fire.
"Hi Sarah." He responded.
I fidgeted with the papers in my hands. "Um, Gabe…..I um…I salvaged this from your room…" I said. Handing him the drawing that I'd snatched off the wall in an attempt to save. He raised an eyebrow and took it curiously. He recognized a half second later and gave a full-on genuine smile. Just that was enough to make my heart leap. It was as if there was a golden glow about it, the way his lips curled up and created deep dimples. And, as I watched him, everything bad seemed to disappear. His happiness made me feel like a child again.
"Thank the lord….I'd thought I'd lost it." He spoke quietly but his voice was perky nonetheless. He looked the drawing over and over again and his smile only grew every time, until suddenly it disappeared. "I miss being that young and carefree.
"You still could be…" I mumbled.
He gave me a look and put his arm around my shoulders unexpectedly. I was slightly stunned but let him anyway. "Oh, Sarah, you know that isn't true…." He answered. I was in no mood to argue so I changed the subject.
"I also managed to save these." I said, holding up the packet of letters tied with red ribbon.
"What are they?" he asked.
"All of the letters you sent me….I couldn't bring myself to throw them away." I explained. He smiled once more and that magic golden glow encompassed us once more, if only for a moment. A silence fell over us and we looked into the fire and he still did not release my shoulders from his arm…but I needed it. It was so comforting to have him beside me. In my mind I prayed and prayed he wouldn't leave again. I wanted this moment to last at least until the war was over.
My prayer went unanswered. "Gabriel, perhaps you should change and get cleaned up as well." came Charlotte's voice from the doorway. We both looked back at her over our shoulders. Secretly, I was disappointed but did not say anything.
"Oh, right, in one moment, Aunt Charlotte." Gabe responded.
"There's a clean shirt and trousers laid out for you in yours and Thomas's room." She said and then left without another word.
Gabriel looked over at me once more, leaning back on his hands. We sort of just looked at each other, I'm not quite sure what he was thinking but the thoughts running through my mind were actually silent prayers of thanks that he was alive and safe and sitting beside me. I hadn't seen him in so long and it certainly was not a joyous reunion. I just wanted to grab his hand and never let go so that he may not leave me…though I'd never say it. Gabriel was first to speak. "Sarah you know I've gotta go back-" I knew it was coming and cut him off.
"I will not discuss the matter now." I informed him. He closed his mouth, gave a short nod, and turned to go and change. I bit my lip, still sitting on the wooden floor and staring off into the distance at nothing. All at once I snapped out of it and got up, just in time to see Ben walk in. I stood up and met him in the doorway. "Are you alright?" I asked.
He looked at me in silence for a moment then looked down. "I've honestly no idea." Is all he said. I took his hand kindly and gave him a reassuring squeeze then released it.
"The important thing is we're all safe." I said.
"Except Abigail…and the other workers….they were family, Sarah." He said.
I sighed. "I know they were." I looked down at the floor sadly, not really knowing what to say.
Ben broke the silence, "Have you spoken to Gabriel?" he asked.
"No, I would not let him. I hope he is not foolish enough to go back." I answered.
"Oh, he won't be. I'll forbid it." Ben said.
Yes because that worked so well last time, I thought but did not say. "Very well, but can we keep the fighting to a minimum? We don't need it right now." I said.
Ben nodded. "You're right. Now, get some rest. Thank you for your help." He said.
I smiled and began to walk out of the room but stopped myself and gave him a quick hug that I know he appreciated. When he'd given me a smile I returned it and headed up tot eh room Charlotte had prepared for me.
Before going to sleep I decided to sit down and read through all the letters, most of them making me cry all over again. I was glad no one was around to see me in this state. The stories Gabriel had told in them were heart breaking and I'd been upset by them the first time through but now…now was even worse. Now that I'd witnessed a tragedy of my own…it brought back pangs of terror and soon it was too much.
I held one letter, the one that I found was my favorite, to my chest and began to weep. I felt horribly weak for it but at the same time it felt good. I rarely got a chance to be feminine, ever. With all of my male friends, lack of a female authority figure, my time spent as a soldier, and then helping Ben take care of his family there was simply no time to ever be a silly, care-free young girl. I suppose I was not that young anymore….by my age most girls had already found a suitor….but I hadn't even tried. Never even once had I stopped to look.
That thought made me even sadder and more tears spilled from my eyes, adding to my silent weeping. It was then that a figure appeared in the doorway of the small attic bedroom. Freshly cleaned, wearing crisp, washed clothing. "Sarah?" the voice came. I did not look up. The person walked over and sat beside me, wrapping me tightly in their arms and pulling me to them. "Sarah? Whatever is the matter?" Gabriel asked calmly.
"Please don't go Gabriel! Please!" I begged. I was yelling now and that was not good that meant that my sobbing was no longer quiet and now I was in danger of shaming myself. If anyone besides Gabriel saw me crying I'd be labeled nothing more than an overly emotional female. However, that didn't matter to me at the moment. "You can't leave us again! You can't, Gabe! They've lost too much already! They need you! I need you!" I shouted.
"Shhhh…shhhh….easy now…." He said soothingly, "It'll be okay Sarah, It'll all be okay." He promised rocking me back and forth a little now. He rested his hand on my cheek and wiped away a tear. My crying quieted down a lot. I started to sniffle and quiver like a child. "What's that?" he asked, prying the tear dampened letter from my hands. He let go of me with one arm and unfolded the parchment. He read for a moment and then nodded. "Ah yes, I was feeling rather poetic that day." He said with his trademark goofy grin that normally melted me right down in an attempt to cheer me. It didn't work. I just hiccupped and buried my face in his chest. Giving in he slipped his hand under my legs and picked me up bridal style then laid me down on my bed. He placed the letter back with the rest and then sat on the edge. He pulled the covers up over me and sighed. "Good night." He said in a caring tone, brushing a strand of hair out of my face. "Will you be alright?" he asked. I hesitated but then nodded slowly. He gave me a small smile and blinked then began to get up.
Without thinking I grabbed his hand. "Gabriel wait!" I said. He turned around and was at my side immediately. "Don't go…not yet…not 'til I'm a sleep at least." I said. He studied me for a moment but soon a knowing look came over him and he lie down on top of the covers next to me. Quite improper I must say, but then again when have I ever been proper? What would one more offence change? And so, with Gabriel by my side everything felt right, even though it wasn't….it was pretty close…closer than it had been in nearly a year…and I was thankful for that…andI found myself drift off to sleep easily.
