DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANY OF THIS, I'M NOT SPONSORED, ETC. The Sound of Silence-Simon and Garfunkle
CHAPTER TEN
Hello Darkness, my old friend.
Sans readied himself for the fight he knew all too well. Their laughter, their moves, their determination. He made sure that Paps' scarf was secure with his free hand, not caring if the kid saw his hand plate now. This was kill...or be killed.
I've come to talk with you again.
He sighed. Judging by the slightly crazed look in the kid's eyes, they weren't going to stop this any time soon. "hmm. that expression...that's the expression of someone who's died eleven times in a row. well, give or take. there's nuance to this stuff. don't think i'll be able to count very well from here. count for me, ok? we'll start from 12." He knew that Chara wouldn't enjoy any of his stabs at their frustration, which would just make his job harder. But he didn't care.
Because a vision softly creeping…
He shook his head as the kid steeled themselves and took those steps forward. "it's a beautiful day outside. birds are singing, flowers are blooming... on days like these-"
Left its seeds while I was sleeping…
Before his eyes, the child some part of him remembered as 'Frisk' changed. Brown hair lengthened and bled to black. Ruby irises shining brightly with hate shifted to become amber pools filled with impossible amounts of kindness and love. Lorilai stood before him, eye to eye, smiling softly in that way that made his heart melt.
And the vision that was planted in my brain…
She quickly and calmly closed the gap between them, his magic withdrawn at the sudden lack of danger. Her lips pressed gently against his teeth as she pulled him close, and he could feel tears threatening to show themselves due to the sheer relief of having her back. She gently pushed him back slightly, her hands on his shoulders as her lips quirked sharply upwards into a crooked grin. Familiar laughter filled his skull as her hand plunged into him, tearing his soul from his chest. "She's mine, Trashbag." Her fingers curled around the dimming light of his soul, the sound of her maddened giggling the last thing he heard as she crushed his soul into dust.
Still remains within the sound of silence.
0-0-0-0-0
Sans lurched forward, his magic flaring brightly as he woke from his nightmare. It had been nearly five months. While Lori had clearly made headway with helping Chara to resolve their issues, it evidently still wasn't enough to at least regain her dominance. While the child had become far more amiable, he wasn't sure whether they had become anywhere near trustworthy yet. Lori seemed to trust them enough, however...she basically had to.
His phone buzzed softly in his jacket pocket, and he pulled it out to glance at the notification. Sascha had reached out to him on social networking after he hadn't heard from Lori for two weeks, and was checking in yet again to see if she had managed to make any progress. Sans had explained the situation, and while Sascha had been less than thrilled, he understood the 'why' of it. Sans had asked him to keep things fairly under wraps, and, as far as he could tell, Sascha had been a man of his word.
Muffet had been keeping an eye on many locations, and one of the ones she had been more than happy to cover had been Sascha's shop. While not as eager, she had still agreed to also keep an eye on his apartment, and had promised to notify Sans of anything remotely out of the ordinary at either location, as well as with Lori. The message from Lori had been an indicator from him not just that she was safe, but that she still had Chara under control. And that had to be good enough for him for now.
After responding to Sascha, he sent a quick message to Muffet, nodding as she quickly replied with the answer that he had been anticipating; no change. He slipped his phone back into his pocket, slid on his shoes, and headed out the door to work.
0-0-0-0-0
Lori and Chara breathed in deeply, and exhaled calmly through their mouth. On Lori's suggestion, Chara had agreed to try mediation to try to harmonize them slightly better.
'We're out of synch. Our bond is like cling wrap draped over a pear or an apple. While it is sufficient in the immediate, it is insufficient in the long run,' she had said. Chara admitted that they weren't always...the most coordinated. They couldn't even access her monster magic, but…
From what Lori had said, they had managed to access her human magic. And they wanted it to stop.
It hurt. Not physically, per se. But the sheer level of emotional pain made their chest ache. Their soul burned with guilt.
"Lori…"
'Yes, Chara?'
"Why does it hurt?"
Hesitation. Lori pulled them into their mindscape and pulled them into a warm embrace just as Toriel had done with her not that long ago.
"What do you mean, Charmander? Has something dimmed your flame?"
They clung to her gently. "You remind me of Toriel."
Lori nodded. "Is that what hurts?"
"No...I still feel guilty. My heart hurts."
"Guilty for everything you did?" They nodded. "Asriel and Toriel have forgiven you. Frisk and Asgore have forgiven you. Undyne and Alphys...Muffet...Papyrus...Mettaton...everyone. Even Sans has mostly forgiven you. But there's one person left that you still have to ask for forgiveness."
Chara perked up, their eyes watery as they demanded that Lori tell them. Lori shook her head quietly, a small frown on her face. "I suppose it would be hard for you to realize, in a way. So determined to get revenge for the longest time, you're only now remembering how to ask for forgiveness."
Lori smoothed their hair and smiled sadly. "The person you forgot to ask for forgiveness is yourself."
Their eyes went wide, staring at her as though she had grown a second head. "I...have to forgive myself?"
Lori nodded. "Your determination to get revenge was so strong that you didn't stop to think about all of the ways that you could go about getting that revenge. It became so toxic to you that your determination actually started to become tainted. You began to hurt yourself in order to adhere to your unflinching desire to get your revenge. You failed to realize that the best way to get revenge on the humans who hurt you...was to keep living, being happy with people different than you. Something they could never be.
"People that would have been well within their rights to hate and fear you took you in. Raised you as one of their own. But you couldn't enjoy it, not really. Your revenge consumed you, and it lead to your death. And now here you are; just as fragmented as Asriel, with nobody to blame but yourself.
"The determined can end up hurting themselves and everyone around them to meet a goal. The perseverant can forget their limits and try to endure too much. The kind can let themselves get taken advantage of to a point where they lash out cruelly. The brave can grow cocky and reckless, and eventually either hurt themselves, sometimes irreparably, or worse. The patient can become lazy. The integrous can abandon their morals to uphold the morals of others, or even select few of their own. The just can take things too far, and remove true justice from an equation.
"It's part of being not just human, but a person. What's important and shows your true colours is whether or not you can come back from that. And I know you can. I believe in you."
Chara sighed and slipped out of their shared space. 'I'll leave you alone for now, if you want.'
"Please."
Forgiving...themselves? They had so many people that they hadn't ever forgiven, they...weren't sure if they had ever had to have really forgiven someone.
Maybe Sans wasn't the trashbag after all.
Sans! That was it! Sans had managed to forgive them after...everything. Maybe Sans could tell them how to forgive themselves.
"Can we make dinner and invite Sans over? Just Sans. I wanna talk to him."
'What time is it? I haven't seen a watch or a clock in...fuck knows how long.'
Chara went to the antique clock in the living room and stared at it for several long moments. "How...how do I do this?"
'Can you count well?'
"Mom said so."
'Can you count by fives?'
"You mean...like...5, 10, um...15?"
'Yep. Each tick mark on the side is the five. You read it to the right. The long hand tells the minutes. The short hand reads the big printed numbers to tell the hour.'
Chara paused and mumbled under their breath for several moments as they tried to follow Lori's explanation. "You mean...it's 4 uh...17, I guess?"
'Closer to 4:19, but yes. Good Job. We can do dinner instead of lunch. What do you want to make?'
"He likes burgers and fries, right?"
0-0-0-0-0
Sans stared at his phone screen, unsure of what to do. He was sure that his magic was flaring at the sheer shock of it all, ready to defend him, but...he wasn't sure if it was actually necessary. He had messaged Sascha to confirm that the translation he had gotten wasn't wrong...and it wasn't.
He read the message again, slowly.
[lore: deer sans, i have a kwest shun i have to ask you can you cum over fur dinner lori and i maid burgers and frys i need your help with sum thing]
[lore: neem haar vertrouwen. ik hou van je.]
Exhaling slowly to try to calm himself down, he stood up and got ready to leave. "i love you too, lore. i'll trust her, for you."
He scribbled down a note for Papyrus, and sent a quick text to let Muffet know of his plan before feeling for a weak spot. Finding one, he stepped through to the Void.
He didn't often take his time here. It felt wrong, despite feeling familiar. It wasn't darkness; it was nothingness, a pure absence of light, or anything else for that matter, save for a select few things. He felt his feet dragging slightly in hesitation, and sighed. How could he be anywhere near sure that he wasn't just walking into a trap? For all he knew, Chara had managed to tap into Lore's mind and learn dutch just to trick him.
He felt the familiar tugs of a rift, and knew he would be right about Lore's house, though he could never be sure if this was her pool, or her living room. Those two rifts traded places occasionally, and he had ended up fully clothed in her pool one too many times for his comfort. In the deep end.
Stepping through hesitantly, he was relieved to find himself in her living room, and alone. The smell through her house was amazing; clearly she had either had a hand in these or had taught Chara quite a lot about cooking. He couldn't really be sure which. She was a good teacher.
He shuffled quietly towards the kitchen where he heard a low conversation, not sure of what to expect. A knife in surprise when they hadn't heard him show up? Or had Chara gotten access to her magic? Ice, then? Or maybe she already knew, and-
He rounded the corner, and there she was. His Lori. Wait…
Lavender eyes. The blue trying to peek through the red.
"Lori said that you might like this." Their cheeks flared with a blush as they offered him a bottle of ketchup almost robotically. He glanced at the security seal. Still intact. He took it, cracked the seal, and took a drink.
"EW, LORI, YOU MEAN HE DRINKS IT? HE REALLY, ACTUALLY DRINKS IT?"
He blinked. "whadidja think i was doin all those times at grillbs'? i know you were in there when i took frisk, kid."
They shrugged. "Iunno, dumping it on your shoulder or something, I guess?"
He shrugged, giving a lazy smile. "guess not. you wanted help with something?"
Chara blinked. "You mean...you...actually, really came to help?"
He nodded. "you 'n lore asked me, kid. even if i wanted to, i couldn't turn ya down if she asked too."
They shuffled their feet nervously. "Do...you want to eat first? Lori taught me how to make burgers. She even let me taste some of that...that...wuss-stir-sure stuff all by itself. I don't know how something so nasty can make the burgers so tasty, but it does."
He shrugged. "sure thing, kid."
They jumped into action, plating food with youthful glee and taking various things to the table. He watched, taking stock of how her body had been faring under what was technically someone else's maintenance. She seemed relatively ok. While her nails hadn't been painted in an age and she had several impressively noticeable inches of roots in her bangs, she didn't seem to have lost or gained any weight; if anything, she had actually managed to stay roughly the same in fitness level. How Lori had managed to convince the kid to keep up with her fitness routine, he wasn't sure, and he was positive that the kid would have wanted to eat more junk food than Lori would normally let herself eat.
"you, ah...need any help with that stuff, kid?"
"Lori says that it's polite to serve houseguests."
He stared for a moment, then shrugged. They had almost everything set out anyway. It was when they pulled out a large jug out of the fridge that he started to question things.
"chocolate milk?"
Lavender eyes flickered to blue before they drifted to the floor with a saddened, pouty look. "Lori won't let me have caffeine. She says that I don't need it, even if I want it. I can't even sneak any. She says to not question her parenting."
'her parenting? is that what she's been doin'?' He shrugged. "okay, kid. i won't."
They slowly and cautiously poured their milk into their glass. Sitting down quietly, they looked up at Sans expectantly, waiting for him to follow suit across the table. He did, looking down at the food that they had put on his plate. While the presentation wasn't nearly as neat as Lori's was when she bothered serving plates instead of letting people serve themselves off of serving dishes put on the table, it didn't look half bad; the fries were a deep golden brown, the patty was seared on the edges and clearly juicy, and mostly centered on the bun, which had been lightly fried on the insides. The mushrooms and swiss didn't take up the whole burger, just like Lore knew he liked, and the onions were raw instead of cooked, again, like Lore knew he liked.
They had even set the squeeze bottle of ketchup next to his plate and brought him a fork.
He looked over at Chara, and caught them hastily looking away. Did they want to make sure that he thought it was okay?
"looks good, kid."
They beamed in his direction, clearly excited. "Really?! Lori let me do the whole thing by myself, just giving me directions sometimes! She always lets me measure and add the temmie flakes, but she let me do everything this time! She even told me how you like it when I asked."
He arched a brow bone. "what has you so wound up that you wanted to butter me up? what's the favor?"
They gently poked at their food, mumbling poutily. "'S not a favor."
He squirted a hefty amount of ketchup on his food, put the ketchup back, and picked up his fork. "what's the occasion then?"
"Sans...I know you don't like me. But you still forgave me. How?"
He practically choked. "what kind of question is that, kid?"
They groaned in frustration and flopped their head down to rest on their hands. "Lori says I have to forgive myself so I can move forward from everything that happened...everything I did. I don't know how."
"you tried asking her?"
"She says I have to figure it out on my own, that she can't help me, because only I can forgive me."
He shrugged and took another bite. "she's right. why'd ya call me in, then?"
They blinked in shock for a moment. "I figured you hated me, but you still forgave me. If anyone could give me tips on how to forgive me, I figured it would be you." They sighed. "I just want the dreams to stop."
That piqued his interest. "dreams, kid?"
They shook their head sadly. "You can't help. I asked Lori and she said that it's her human magic affecting me. I tried, even with her help, and I still can't get at her monster magic."
"...what kind of dreams?"
They shuddered. "Everything I did...everything I could do in the future...and in the end, I'm all alone. Even Lori was gone."
Sans grunted in surprise. "huh...guess you've really grown attached to her, haven't ya, kid?" They nodded.
"She reminds me of Mom."
"ya mean…?"
"Toriel, yeah." They nodded sadly.
He hated to admit it, but he actually felt bad for the kid. They wanted to move forward. "mind if I take a look at your soul, kid?"
They shrugged. Either they trusted him...or they didn't care. He called it forward gently, and stared in amazement. He knew what Chara's red sheen used to look like. But now?
The taint was almost completely gone.
"has lore been healing you or something?"
They perked up. "What? Why?"
He pointed. "i know what you used to look like. pretty well, actually. i still have nightmares about it sometimes." They cringed. "But your tainted determination...i don't really wanna phrase it like this kid, but it's like it's been purified." They stared in amazement.
"I...I don't know…"
"can I talk to lori?" He flinched as they pouted in his direction.
"Why? So you can try to convince her to try to get rid of me, or overpower me or something?"
He shook his head. "i just wanna ask her about your soul, kid. and believe me." He sighed, smiling fondly. "she ain't the kind of person that would do those things. i know her. the possibility would have occurred to her. but if she hasn't, then she won't."
Chara sighed sadly. "Okay, Sans." Closing their eyes and focusing for a few moments, they let Lori drift to the surface. When her eyes opened, there wasn't a single trace of purple or red remaining.
"Hey, Vertibae."
He fought back the tears that threatened to make themselves known. "hey."
She smiled. "It's good to see you, Sans. What did you want to ask? And since I already heard, no, I haven't been healing their soul to remove the taint these past few months. I'm not sure green magic can work like that, and even if I had wanted to try, I can't access any of my magic when I'm stuck on the inside. Only Chara can. And they can't manage to use any of Blooky's magic, even when they do manage to touch it."
"it's so good to see you too, lore." He sighed, trying to regain his composure. "do you know what's been happening to the taint, then? has it just spread to you?"
Lori paused in thought, seemingly evaluating the occurrences of the past few months. "It's probably the council and emotional health that I've been offering them. Taint is something that my family had a good bit of experience with in the past, and so I know about it a bit more than others might. It's easiest to see in determination, but it can happen with any trait. I figure emotional health is just as important for monsters to maintain, if not moreso. When you know what you're dealing with...reversing corruption of a trait can actually be halfway simple."
He stared in shock. She knew more about this aspect of soul health than most monster doctors did. What else did she know?
She hesitated. "I'll...take that look as meaning that that isn't common knowledge to monsters?"
"no, it ain't. and most humans didn't know shit about souls before we managed to get out of the Underground...so, how do you?"
Lori shrugged. "Spirit, soul, vital essence, aura...whatever you want to call it, most humans aren't strangers to the general concept. But humans are pretty big on quantifiable evidence. If we cannot see, smell, taste, touch, or hear it, we don't like to believe that it exists. I, for one, am not convinced on the existence of a deity. But I was raised by pagans from a long line of pagans. Nature and life have always been sacred to my family, and I was raised with these values. Trained, a human such as myself can perceive auras...the faint glow our souls give off when contained within our bodies. With faith and a trained eye, it's perceivable. But it is not, and cannot be seen by those that don't believe in it's existence. Less of a problem now, but before monsters came back to the world, no one could call forth a visible soul. No quantifiable proof."
She picked up a fry and took a bite, closing her eyes to savor it. "This is the first thing i've tasted in five months. I can see what Chara does, I can hear what Chara does...but I can't taste, smell, or touch what they do. I must admit, they really wanted to impress you to try to make you hate them a little less so they might get the answer they seek. This is pretty damn good food."
Sans cringed as her eyes flickered purple for a several moments, growing distant. "I suppose not." She turned to him again, smiling sadly. "Chara believes you have your answer, and I agree. You came here to see them, not me. I should go, and let you two talk." His smile fell.
"when will i see you again?"
Lori shrugged. "Not too long, I hope. I have a hypothesis I'd like to test soon, but you never know. Things might work out differently. You're patient. Wait for me a bit longer. I promise, I'll come back."
"i waited this long, lore. i'll keep waiting."
0-0-0-0-0
His minion shrunk back at his presence, and it was good; everyone should know their place. Their plans had been going smoothly thus far, though he had to admit that Lorilai's sudden entrance into seclusion frustrated him. Her soul had been flickering with worry and fear so delightfully.
He sighed and began barking orders as was the norm, calling for the underling responsible for informing the rest of the organization about upcoming plans. Pinching the fold of skin between his brows in frustration, he listened the frantic scrabbling of the whelp that could only be described as his "secretary". While they had not yet proven themselves worthy enough yet to be given monster magic, they still had their uses.
"Y-yes, Master Erik?"
"Let everyone else know that we move soon. The congregation will be held in three days time to discuss the details of this attack."
