A/N: I don't really have a whole lot to say about this chapter, so I won't take up much of your time, other than to thank you for continuing to read (and review!) and to say that I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Meredith sighed as she leaned back in her spot on the lone bench in front of the hospital entrance, wrapping her arms around herself to fight off the Seattle chill that hung in the air.
"You're going to catch pneumonia sitting out here like this, you know," Molly commented as she sat down on one side of Meredith while Lexie settled in on the opposite side.
"I'm sorry you had to hear all of that," Meredith said quietly. "I didn't mean for it to come out like that. I guess I just didn't realize how angry I really was until I was face to face with him."
"You don't have to apologize, Meredith," Molly assured her.
"We should be apologizing," Lexie added.
"Why?" Meredith asked in confusion.
"I never understood it," Lexie said. "Why you wouldn't have anything to do with us, why you insisted that he had replaced you. None of it made any sense, and I resented you for feeling that way."
"We thought maybe there was something about us that you didn't like," Molly added. "I guess in a way we were angry with you for not wanting to know us, for rejecting us because you were upset with Dad. We didn't know, we had no idea it was that bad, Meredith…we didn't know."
"We were right to be angry, but it shouldn't have been at you," Lexie continued. "I mean, think about all the years we lost because of what he did…all the time we could have been together, all the memories we could have, but we don't, because he couldn't admit to Mom that he lied to her when he first met her. We shouldn't have been angry with you, Meredith."
"It isn't your fault," Meredith said, shaking her head as she let out another sigh. "Neither of you had any fault in this situation, guys. This one…it's taken me a long time to see it this way, but this one's all on Thatcher…and maybe in a way, my mother too, because God knows, even if she did offer joint custody, she didn't exactly make any of it easy for him."
"He had no excuse," Lexie said. "It's just strange…like he's two different people or something, because I really used to think he was a great guy…but the more I learn, the less I believe that."
"I used to think he'd come rescue me," Meredith admitted. "When I was growing up, I used to imagine that one day, I'd come home from school and there he'd be, waiting to take me away from everything. I always thought that if someone was to blame, it was my mother – that if there was a bad guy in the situation, it was her, not him. I wanted him to be the good guy."
"I think every little girl wants her father to be the hero," Molly said. "He was to me…even if it all turned out to be a sham."
"Don't let me do that," Meredith said. "Don't let me be the one that ruins all of that for you, Molly. Just because he wasn't there for me, it shouldn't take away from the fact that he was a good father to the two of you."
"He wasn't," Lexie said, drawing confused stares from Meredith and Molly. "No, look, I get it, he seemed great to us then, but if he was such a good father, he would have been a father to all three of us. If he really was a good father, he wouldn't have been able to just turn his back like that, not on any one of us. That man that Molly and I grew up with, he doesn't exist anymore…maybe he never did."
Meredith nodded in understanding, resting a hand on Lexie's forearm as her sister struggled to hold back her tears.
"It almost seems a little ironic," Molly said after a few moments, interrupting the awkward silence that had descended on the three of them.
"What does?" Meredith asked, turning to look at her youngest sister.
"I was just thinking about what you were telling us the other day," Molly said. "About the things you were learning about your mother."
"What about them?" Meredith asked.
"It's just, Dad was always supposed to be the good guy in the story," Molly said. "But the more we find out about what actually happened, about the things he actually did, the less he seems like that good guy we always thought. And then your mother, she was supposed to be the bad guy, right? The mean, tough one who couldn't be bothered to care? And yet, the more you find about her, the more it seems like maybe…well, okay, maybe she still doesn't seem like the good guy, but she definitely doesn't look like the bad guy anymore, either."
"Things are never what they seem, are they?" Meredith agreed with a small sarcastic chuckle. "You can never get too comfortable before the next curveball shoes up."
"You ready to go?" Derek asked, stepping out of his office late that afternoon to find Meredith leaning against the wall opposite his door.
"Yeah," she said wearily, slipping her hand into his as they headed down the hallway.
"Are you alright?" Derek asked in concern, not overlooking the exhaustion in her voice and the way her limp had become slightly more pronounced, as it did on the rare occasions when she exerted herself beyond what she was currently capable of.
"Yes…no…I don't know," Meredith admitted with a heavy sigh. "It's just been a really long day, that's all."
"Okay," Derek nodded, sensing that there was more to the story, but not questioning it as he gently guided his wife into the elevator.
"Did you get a chance to go up to the nursery?" Meredith asked, hoping to avoid the topic of her family at least until they reached the car.
"I did," Derek said. "You were right, Emma sure is a cutie. Not quite as cute as our kids will be, but…"
"Derek…" Meredith interrupted, a warning tone evident in her voice.
"Right, right, I know," Derek laughed. "Too much, too soon."
"We've only been married for a month," Meredith reminded him. "Can't you just enjoy being us for a while before we think about adding a baby into the mix?"
"Of course we can," Derek assured her. "You know I'm not trying to push, right? I don't want to do anything until you're ready…it just sort of slipped out."
"I know," Meredith sighed, leaning back against Derek's chest as he wrapped his arms around her. "I'm just tired, that's all…I shouldn't overreact like that."
"You want to talk about it?" Derek asked gently, pressing his lips into the top of Meredith's hair as the elevator slowly began to make its way to the ground floor. "Your day, that is?"
"I saw Thatcher again," Meredith admitted, slowly extracting herself from Derek's arms as the elevator doors chimed open and they both stepped out and began making their way to Derek's car.
"I take it that didn't go over so well," Derek surmised.
"I yelled," Meredith said. "I yelled a lot, he mumbled and Molly cried."
"Molly was there?" Derek asked in surprise.
"I didn't mean to do it in front of her," Meredith said defensively. "I never wanted to hurt her, or Lexie…I just wasn't thinking, Derek. I just knew I needed to talk to him, to get these things off of my chest, and then I just wasn't thinking about the fact that she was there, and that she didn't know that he walked away from me."
"How did she take it?" Derek asked, opening the car door for Meredith and pausing to help her in and wait for her answer.
"She was upset…she and Lexie both were," Meredith said hesitantly. "I don't really know how to describe it…it wasn't so much that they were angry at him as that they're just angry that it happened, that things could have been so different for me – for all of us, really – if he'd only just been honest with Susan instead of having to hide everything."
"Things could have been a lot different," Derek agreed as he made his way around the car and into the driver's seat, quickly revving the engine and guiding the car out of the parking lot toward their home.
"I'm not sure I'd want them to be," Meredith admitted thoughtfully, glancing over at Derek.
"You wouldn't?" he asked in surprise.
"I don't know," Meredith said. "Maybe I'd want some things to be different, because a lot of what I grew up with sucked. And yeah, my mother wasn't they type of mother Susan would have been, but she wanted me, Derek. My mother actually wanted me – maybe she even needed me in her life. Who knows what would have happened if she'd lost custody. Besides, if I'd grown up in a happy household, I never would have become that girl in the bar who takes home random strangers for one night stands."
"In which case, you would have had to seduce me in the hospital," Derek said with a sly grin. "Which would definitely not have been as easy."
"Um, you seduced me," Meredith corrected. "And what makes you think I would have even wanted to do anything when I wasn't drunk?"
"Ouch," Derek laughed, placing a hand over his heart in mock pain. "Either way, I guess I see where your coming from. Your mother may not have been a great parent, but she made you who you are today…and I wouldn't want to change anything about that."
Meredith groaned as she crumpled up another piece of paper, tossing it in annoyance at the trash can near the kitchen counter.
"Hey now, what did that poor piece of paper do to you?" Derek asked with a laugh as he walked into the kitchen, picking the misdirected paper off the floor and dropping it into the trash can, not missing the dozen or so other crumpled pages it landed on.
"I hate this," Meredith complained, tossing her pen down on the table and leaning back in her chair.
"What are you doing?" Derek asked, glancing over his shoulder as he reached into the cupboard for a glass.
"Attempting to write this stupid letter," Meredith grumbled. "And I say 'attempting' because it's been very unsuccessful so far."
"What's the problem?" Derek asked.
"Everything's a problem, Derek," Meredith said. "What the hell am I supposed to say? What do you usually say when you're writing to an aunt you didn't even know existed a few months ago?"
"I'm not sure that 'usually' really applies in this situation," Derek pointed out. "I hate to break it to you, Meredith, but this is one I probably can't help you with. Writing letters to long lost family members isn't exactly something most people will ever do."
"Yeah, well, I think I'm joining them," Meredith said in frustration. "Because at the moment, I'm not writing a letter to this lady. How am I supposed to write a coherent letter when I don't even know what it is I want to say to her? I can't even figure out how to start it."
"I'd suggest something along the lines of 'Dear Catherine,'" Derek suggested.
"So not helpful," Meredith said. "That's about the only part I have in most of those attempts."
"Well, what is it that you really want to say to her?" Derek asked. "Do you want to ask questions? Do you want her to call you? To write back?"
"I already told you, I don't know," Meredith snapped angrily, before sighing and leaning back heavily in the chair. "Part of me almost feels like it would be easier just to go there."
"You want to go see her?" Derek asked in surprise. "In Montana?"
"It's a stupid idea, right?" Meredith asked nervously. "I'd probably give the poor woman a heart attack or something, showing up unannounced like that. It's just, I don't know what to say to her, and my rambling looks ridiculous on paper, and I don't want her to think that I'm some delusional psycho or something…and I know I still won't know what to say if I see her, but at least then she'd be there to interrupt the rambling, and maybe she'd say something too and then…"
"Meredith, you're rambling," Derek interrupted with a laugh, pulling up a chair next to her and taking a seat. "And I don't think it's a stupid idea."
"You don't?" Meredith asked. "Really?"
"Mer, if you want to go to Montana to find your aunt, we'll go to Montana," Derek assured her.
"You'll go with me?" Meredith asked uncertainly.
"Of course I will," Derek said.
"That's one of those husband things, isn't it?" Meredith asked with a small smile. "Going along with the wild goose chase?"
"Well, I don't think it's a wild goose chase," Derek corrected. "But yeah, helping you find your family, I guess you could say that's one of those husband things."
"Okay," Meredith nodded, pausing for a moment. "When can we go?"
"Well, we're going to my mother's for Christmas in a week and a half," Derek said. "Do you think maybe it could wait until after that?"
"I think so," Meredith agreed. "Maybe that'll give me enough time to come up with something semi-coherent to say when I finally meet her."
"I'm sure Kathleen could help you with that," Derek said.
"No," Meredith insisted forcefully. "Derek, you cannot tell your family about this."
"Meredith, you know they won't judge," Derek reminded her. "My family adores you, probably more than me even. They'd be thrilled for you."
"I don't want a lot of people to know about this," Meredith said. "What if it all turns out to be nothing? What if this Catherine woman doesn't even want anything to do with me? I don't want to have to explain that to a thousand different people over and over, Derek."
"They're family, Meredith, they won't push," Derek said. "But if you don't want to tell anyone, we won't tell anyone."
"I know you think I'm being irrational," Meredith said with a sigh. "And that you think that when we get there I'll change my mind. You're just humoring me until your mother uses her freaky sixth-sense to figure out exactly what's going on…but thank you for humoring me."
"Just another husband thing," Derek said with a grin. "Now, when do you start doing wife things?"
"Oh, I think I've done more than a few wife things," Meredith said with a sly grin.
"Is that so, Mrs. Shepherd?" Derek asked mischievously, leaning across to kiss her.
"It is," Meredith nodded, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I think I could show you one or two more if you'd like."
"Oh, I think I'd like that," Derek agreed heartily. "I think I'd like that very much, Mrs. Shepherd."
