Hi everyone, sorry its taken me ageeees to post a new chapter, and also sorry about spelling mistakes or anything on this one - its been rushed and ive had exam then work blahblahblah, anyways hope you all enjoy it and ill try get back into the writing swing soon!
Chapter 11 - Dusk
Shepard slept badly that night; she had finally drifted off into an exhausted state of sleep after tossing and turning from her worries. Her head ached from her thoughts, Anderson knew about Kaidan, and her father who sacrificed his courier for love. Once her eyes closed and breathing slowed as sleep beckoned her mind opened up to a nightmare. Once again she was in the dark, communicating with the Reaper as it stood dormant in dark space, the gigantic Reaper spanned out in front of her, a white light shining brightly behind it, the dark frame of the Reaper blackening out and a pair of deep red eyes boring into her. Her body was frozen in time marvelling in the monsters presence; suddenly she became aware as a hissing from behind her. She twisted to see what it was, but it was coming from her, her suit to be precise as Shepard realised she was in her atmospheric suit and oxygen was being leaked, she lifted her arms in anguish attempting desperately to block the breach as more and more oxygen escaped, her breathing became rushed, her head ached to a point of bursting, and her eyes felt pressured as tears erupted, so she shut them. Her face felt hot, too hot. But her throat and lungs no longer felt compressed. She opened her eyes as hot sweat dripped down her fore-head, in front of her stood a cottage, white picket fences, two stories, a beautiful house, a house that warmed her soul, except it was burning. The sky was grey as thick black smoke rose, screams of horror emerged from the smashing windows, which only released more flame and smoke. The voices of children crying out for their mother. She tried to run to help but her hands were bound Anderson stood behind her "Release me!" She begged. He stared at the house with a blank expression, his badges shining from the flames. The voices kept calling. "Anderson!" Shepard pleaded. She looked over her other shoulder, the members of the council were there, steady as ever. The cries became more desperate now, almost as though you could hear the pain of the flames burning through their flesh. They were unbearable to listen to the sounds of children being burnt alive. Shepard began struggling towards the house, but it was as if ropes were holding her back, no matter how hard she pulled she didn't move. "Release ME!" The screams became more hysteric. "ANDERSON!" She pleaded one last time then the screams stopped as the roof collapsed on those in the house. Hot tears erupted from Shepards eyes. "NOOOOOOOO!"
The Reaper voice spoke to her'Death is all that awaits you'.
Shepard burst up from her slumber, panting, her sheets drenched in sweat. As her breathing slowed she looked across to check the time - 3.30am. She began to shake, everything about that dream had felt so real.
She pulled her knees into her chest, cradling her body. The tears kept flowing as she sat in silence.
Kaidan woke up early morning, the effects of last night hitting him instantly. His head was pounding – worse than any biotic headache he had ever had. He slowly climbed out of bed, realising he was in his apartment, though not having a clue how he got there. As the sheets fell off of his body he realised he was half naked, hastily he turned back round to the bed to make sure no one else was in it – but it was empty. He let out a sigh of relief which he instantly regret as the slightest noise sent him into fits of pain. He stumbled towards the window clutching his head requesting bottled water from the autodispenser at his bedside. He downed the bottle and looked out over the citadel. His apartment was on the 38th floor, near to Alliance HQ in a quiet residential area, the people in apartments surrounding him were mostly families or couples, he knew quite a few of them, Mrs. Davis living next door brought him muffins sometimes and always commented on 'how handsome' he was. The other neighbours joked about it saying she was his girlfriend. It was a nice neighbourhood, it kept Kaidan together, reminded him of what he should protect when he lost his reason for living 2 years ago. The thought of Shepards death made his mood worse. That period had be soo difficult for him, the denial, the powerlessness, but now… now she was back, and seemingly indifferent. When he went to her he apologized, but there was still so much to be said. When he held her…
Left, right, right again, centre, bluff, then he moves – dead centre to meet him 'Crack'. The punch hit Garrus right in the jaw and he stumbled backwards from the impact he shook his head a few times trying to regain his focus and when he had the dance begun again.
They sparred for just over 30mins.
When both Shepard and Garrus were exhausted they headed over to the mess to get some food and water, Shepard once again had only a shake to suffice.
"So what happened?" Garrus begun, leaning on the fridge.
"What do you mean?" Shepard questioned, though already knowing full well what he meant.
"Shepard if I wasn't fully awake just before you could have killed me you know, those punches you were throwing were lethal! Did I piss you off? Cause you know I can do that sometimes, I don't realise I swear it – it's just this thing I seem to do with women… they get mad – I don't know why… I mean I'm fluent in the art of smooth talking but still…"
"-No Garrus I'm not mad at you" Sheppard begun, attempting to hide her humour.
"Oh, Phew… Cause for a second there… Well you know I was worried".
"Yeah I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry you, a lot has been happening and well… I guess I'm just tired".
"Tired! Hell if that's you tired… Don't ever spar with me when your in full form and mad.."
"I promise" Shepard laughed.
She watched as her Turian friend regained himself, Garrus was her right hand man, the person she could depend on after Kaidan left Garrus was there for her, in a way he helped pick up the pieces and build Shepard back together in ways Cerbarus could not, always reminding her of who she was and what she stood for. She couldn't imagine where she would be without her treasured friend.
Shepard looked up to face Garrus, when suddenly she felt herself trapped in a hug. The Turians long arms wrapped round her back and her face was smoushed into his chest, she felt her body compress in his grasp.
"Garrus?" She asked, though her voice came out muffeled as her lips pressed against his shirt.
"Yes?" He replied.
"What are you doing?"
"Giving you a hug" He answered dumbly.
"Why?"
"I was reading up on human interactions and found that a hug is a pleasant experience for human as it provides thermal stimulus and muscular compaction which you find pleasant".
For a long time Shepard was too shocked to say anything, the whole situation seemed surreal then finally she spoke.
"Garrus?"
"Yes?"
"Let me go".
"Okay…"
The two broke apart and with one awkward glance they headed in separate directions.
Kaidan spent most of the day lounging, the long sliding window that formed a wall of his apartment was open and the sounds of hovercars flooded into his room. His headache had died down enough for him to cope with the sound. He was glad today was his day off, he had planned to spend the day catching up with his notes on various cases he had done in the past months, a pile had been building up, he loved his job but the written side of it deterred him. He lifted up his data pad to get started on the lengthy task.
[New Message]
Shepard I enjoyed our talk last nigh-
Kaidan instantly lost his thought track, his was flooded with thoughts of Jane Shepard; her scent, look, taste, it all came back to him.
The beginning of a mail he starting writing the night he went to see him stared back at him on his data pad. Half way through writing it he wondered if it was the right thing to do, did he seem to childish, to clingy, she's off saving the galaxy and he's expecting her to still be thinking about him. He had told her how he felt, that he didn't want to let her go again, but he never stuck around to hear how she was feeling – maybe she moved on, maybe it just wasn't appropriate for her anymore. His confersation with Hannah came into his head. Janes father sacrificed his whole coureer for love but if Jane did that who else would stand up to the Reapers…
"Maybe it would be better if I just walked away…" He thought aloud.
The idea of it made him sick in his stomach and his thoughts bubble up with anger, he threw the datapad down on the other side of the couch in anguish. Running his hands through his hair wondering why it was so difficult. When he closed his eyes he saw her, the night before Ilos, naked on his bed, her body curved and toned – her hair soft and perfumed as he ran his fingers threw it, his hands cupping her face as her body pressed against his.
He blocked the memory before it overwhelmed him – He needed to get out the house. Kaidan tossed on some slacks then set out for an early evening jog.
The brisk evening air chilled the sweat on Kaidans brow as he jogged along the lake, the track was used by many but tonight seemed quite. He had been out for just over an hour without a break, his legs were beginning to tire and his throat ache with the dehydration of last night's drinks. He pulled to a stop just at the base of a bridge overpassing the lake. This was the route he usually took home, it his tired state he took a moment to watch the artificial light dull to fake a sunset. The light glistened on the lake and could almost pass as believable, but Kaidan had seen many a better sunset. He missed his family, the view from his parent's house, the lake where him and have father spent their days off on a boat with two rods and beer. He wanted to show it to Shepard – her whole childhood had been spent with the Alliance and in ships, he wanted to show her his childhood, English bay, his parents, and their house. He knew they'd like her, and maybe one day he could build a house on the lake for her where they could get old together and have kids.
His thoughts were interrupted by amber hair at the middle of the bridge, barely 100m from where he stood, the woman had not seen him in her state, she leant over the bridge as Kaidan thought he saw the glisten of tears escape her eyes. Snapping his thoughts of Shepard and Vancouver closed he jogged over. As he got closer he could hear the womans sobs.
"Hey there" He greeted in his casual charming manner.
The woman briskly rubbed her eyes before turning to face him, when she did they were red with dark rings under them he could tell she hadn't been sleeping.
She immediately looked guarded.
"Don't worry I'm no one weird, I'm with the Alliance – my names Kaidan – Kaidan Alenko".
The womans eyes finally unglazed and she saw him, colour immediately returned to her cheeks and paled face like she had just woken up.
"I… umm, I'm sorry I don't make habits of crying in public like this… Or crying at all for that matter… It's just…"
"That's okay, sometimes you just need to let it out you know"
She answered him with only a nod.
Kaidan gave the woman a once over, he was worried, that she hadn't just came out here for the scenery. She wasn't carrying a bag or anything, and she wore a plain white dress which clung delicately to her body. Her hair was just on her shoulders and her fringe semihiding her green eyes. He had seen woman like this before – woman that were left behind, who's families had die, or husbands left for battle, woman who felt there wasn't any choices left for them, but this one was different she didn't look so much as hopeless as terrified. Her timid reactions and racing eyes showed it.
"You know if it helps you can tell me about it? I know you don't know me and I don't know you but sometimes that's what helps, just talking about it."
The woman let out a raspy giggle, her voice dry from underuse.
The woman eased her body down and slid both her legs through the railing so they dangled over the bridge. Kaidan remained standing leaning on the railing.
"Your in the Alliance so I'm sure you understand what a chain of command implies – always following the orders from above excetera excetera, but commanding officers become so much more than that, they become people you trust implicitly, people you would do anything for… People you love."
Kaidans thoughts immediately drifted to Shepard.
"Are you also in the Alliance?"
"No, not the Alliance – similar but not the same".
Kaidan vaguely wondered who this woman was with, CSec perhaps – or a private corporation?
"Recently we did a mission, this mission was horrible, many people died – some ours some not, and these deaths they were not natural – there was screaming and crawling and fighting and so much death… The things I saw that day still haunt me I can't sleep, I barely eat, hell I look in the mirror and I hardly recognise myself. And soon my Commander is going to ask me to get back on the ship along with the rest of the crew and face this enemy again. And I can't… I just can't". Tears began welling up in the woman's eyes.
Kaidan watched wondering if he should put a hand on her shoulder or something, he had rarely seen people so fragile before.
"I would do anything for her, anything. Fight those who oppose her, plan with her, comfort her, and I would have loved her if she had let me. But I can't do this. If it were any other enemy – I would… I would…" The woman struggeled to get her words out through the emotion.
Kaidan caved and sat down beside her, a hand resting on the hand she was using to grip the bridge.
"Hey, it's okay… This commander of yours she sounds like an incredible woman, and to inspire such loyalty from you surely she must consider your own feelings. Tell her and she will understand. And don't think yourself a coward for it. People show bravery in different ways and you have been brave – you have been brave for so long, and now you need to rest. Okay".
The woman mouth curved slightly in a twitched smile and she rested her head on Kaidans shoulder. Both of them looked out over the Lake.
Kaidan wanted to meet this commander she spoke of, they way she described her made her sounds like Shepard – perhaps she would be willing to join the fight against the Reapers, but looking at the woman now who was so relaxed Kaidan didn't want to speak, he wanted to just let her rest.
"It getting late…" Finally the woman spoke out, Kaidan wasn't sure how much time had passed, he had completely spaced out looking over the lake and thinking about everything.
"Yeah" he ansered as the both arose.
"Thank you Kaidan, you were right that did help, and I will talk to my commander". The woman smiled at him, a familiar smile, kindness and the hint of desire.
"That's good, I'm just glad I could help"
"Yeah, so umm can I buy you a drink or something to repay you?" The desire in her eyes becoming all the more apparent.
"I'm sorry but there's someone I like and I umm, I don't… Yeah I'm sorry". Kaidan ansered awquardly.
"That's fine, plus I haven't given up on my commander quite yet, maybe I'll give it another go when I talk to her, tell her I'll be here when its all over" The woman said, smiling at the thought.
Kaidan smiled back.
"You take care"
"Yeah you too. Oh and my names Kelly – Kelly Chambers, just in case you ever change your mind on that drink!" The woman called back as she began walking away.
He smiled awkwardly again as she winked at him while she waved.
After that Kaidan rushed back to his apartment to wash of the sweat before he caught a cold.
Shepard sat in the com room as Liara discussed her ambassador plans with several of the crew members, Grunt grumbled replies to her questions with his standing as a member of the Urdnok clan, there next move was to have Wrex give them some more soilders and at the same time use there Turian contacts to get more ships. Liara remained patient with Grunt miniscule responces and Grunt flicked his Battlemaster looks every now and then almost seemingly to see if he had answered correctly or was checking for permission as the planned the engagement. Shepard felt almost maternal with the young Krogan.
[Bridge to Shepard]
"Shepard here"
[Sorry to interrupt but your going to need to get up her p]
Shepard looked around the room and concerned faces mimicked her own
"On my way!"
