Chapter Eleven: Full Circle
Before long, silence had fallen on the TARDIS. Against all odds, the Doctor was sleeping peacefully in his room, dreaming of the woman asleep in his arms. In his dreams, nothing could spoil the joy that Clara – his Clara – had helped him discover. Unfortunately, the same could not quite be said for the real world.
As he awoke, he knew promptly that something was wrong. Clara's arms were still wrapped around him, but instead of lovingly embracing him as she had earlier in the night, she was now tightly clutching to him in a state of terror, tears streaming from her eyes. Horrified, the Doctor carefully moved so he could hold her face in his hands, hoping to wake her from the nightmare as gently as he could. "C-Clara?"
In between sobs, some of Clara's words became barely audible: "…don't…leave me…nuuuuuu-!"
Desperate, the Doctor planted a firm kiss on her forehead. "Clara! Clara, sweetie, wake up!"
Thanks to his efforts, Clara was soon aroused. Her eyes still flowed with tears as they shot open, and her mouth had to gasp before it could try to speak, but the worst was over now. Slowly, the horrific images left her mind as her rested her head on the body in front of her, knowing that it belonged to a man who would always protect her in the conscious world.
A solid two minutes of hugging and calming down ensued before either of the two spoke again. "So-so you were having a nightmare. Want to talk about it? I'm good with nightmares, I think, and definitely good with talking. Remember Henry XI?" He gave her a small nudge, desperate to see her smile again.
No longer sobbing, and having found the courage to speak, Clara slowly unburied her head from the Doctor's chest and brought it up to face him. "It was my mum. The nightmare, i-it was about my mum. It usually is, it just comes to me sometimes… the day she… y'know. I can't get over it, I just…"
As her voice faltered, the Doctor rocked the distraught Clara in his arms. "I know, I know. Not the sort of thing one gets over. But know that I'm here to help. Forever and always, if you'll let me. Agreed?"
Charmed as always by his kindness, his optimism and his utter devotion, Clara managed to hold a sad smile on her lips, and brought a hand up to caress the Doctor's cheek. "You always care so much... my Doctor. How do you do that, after all these years?"
Her Doctor continued to cuddle her, entirely unable to resist kissing her forehead once more. "Because of you". A wide smile and a short chuckle followed the blunt reply. "So…"
As soon as the syllable escaped his lips, Clara shook her head at him. "I know what you're thinking. Your head is buzzing with ways to make sure this doesn't happen again. And I know you'd never stop trying, but I don't think this is something you can fix, just something I have to live with. Sorry, love. Just… promise to cuddle me I need it, mm?"
Long after Clara went back to sleep, the sad man puzzled and puzzled, staring with his sad eyes and desperately wishing there was more he could do. His Clara in such distress was something he never wanted to see again. There had to be something he could do. And, well, there was one thing. And this was Clara, so he was going to do it. Against all common sense, against his timey-wimey instincts and with fear for the consequences, he was going to do it. Because it was Clara.
Slipping his coat back on and straightening his favourite bowtie, the Doctor briskly strolled into the console room and, taking a deep breath, brought the machine to life. He punched in the vital space-time coordinates, plotted a quick course, and set the TARDIS in motion.
He then set the TARDIS in motion again. And again. And again. But it was futile – the TARDIS didn't budge further than one light-second.
The Doctor knew his ship well enough to know immediately that nothing was wrong with her except her attitude. Well, maybe that was unfair – in reality, she was just being sensible. But right now, he didn't want sensible, he wanted to make Clara happy.
He laid his hands delicately on the console, almost as if he was pleading. "Come on, come on dear, please! Just one trip? For me?"
A brief metallic buzz filled the silence of the console room, quickly followed by a painfully familiar voice. "That's what you said on our first date… sweetie".
Filled with horror, the Doctor slowly and reluctantly turned around to stare down the TARDIS visual interface. The wily presence had manifested this time as the Doctor's one-time wife and romantic interest, Professor River Song, and was now staring him down with disapproval in her virtual eyes.
The Doctor had always listened to River, but this was not River, and he wasn't listening. He circled the centre column, vainly flicking other switches and dials that might set the TARDIS in motion.
Enjoying the power she held over the Doctor, the TARDIS followed close behind as he paced. "Oh my, is this the silent treatment? I've got to be honest, all these centuries I just assumed you weren't capable of it. I've heard you talk for hours on end. And I've heard you scream…"
The humourless Doctor turned to face her with a scowl. "This is happening, okay? I've thought it through, and I'm doing it, so just work".
The projection of River simply looked down and shook her head. "You never did anything so stupid for this one…"
"Yeah, yeah, because you never let me, remember? It was all flirt, flirt, flirt with her, and when I needed her most, it was all 'one psychopath per TARDIS!' Clara would never do that. I am sorry, but Clara-"
"Is just the latest in your long line of strays! Honestly, I knew you were sentimental and, yeah, a bit of an idiot, but really? Seriously? Doctor, Clara Oswald is-"
"The woman I love, and as unbelievable as it may seem, I'd expect you to respect that. Or at least, at the very, very least, I'd expect you to be CIVIL to her! And if you can't manage that, then at least let me go where I want to go, so I-"
"So you can what? Risk a paradox out of foolish sentiment?!"
One awkward silence later, the Doctor had reaffirmed his position. "You've never had a problem with that before. I know what I'm doing, I know this will work. Take me there".
Just for an instant, a small smile crept across the interface's virtual lips, just for an instant. In many ways, this was the madman she knew and loved. So passionate, so loving – oh, if only she weren't trapped inside this box. But she still wasn't prepared to yield for him.
"Okay, Doctor. Convince me. What makes this one different from me?"
"She's-"
As soon as he started to respond, quick as a flash, the TARDIS interface changed her features completely. She no longer appeared as River, but as the far younger and far more distraught looking Rose Tyler. "Or me? What makes her different from us?"
Only half believing his eyes, the Doctor's hearts reflexively broke at the cruel trick, and he remained silent.
The TARDIS changed her look again, taking the form of the first girl his eighth incarnation saw, Dr Grace Holloway. "Or me? Wasn't I special?"
The Doctor glanced away, not wanting the interface to see his fierce frown.
This time, the TARDIS changed to resemble a younger Sarah-Jane Smith, not a day older than when she first beheld the fourth Doctor. "We were best friends once upon a time. Don't you still think about me?"
Sneaking a look, the Doctor pouted, his eyes starting to wet.
The image evaporated once more, replaced by an image of the new Mrs Jo Jones, formerly Jo Grant. "Remember how heartbroken you were that night? Didn't that mean anything?"
As the Doctor began to tremble with emotion, he elected to turn his back, almost completely demoralised. Almost.
The TARDIS changed her form one last time, but with a difference – the Doctor could hear this one crying. "You left me behind, but you want her to stay. Why, Grandfather? Tell me!"
The Doctor stared blankly at a wall as the TARDIS, assured of her victory, morphed from Susan into the default form of Idris. Her display forced him to put the question to himself – why was Clara so special? Why was she, of all people, the Doctor wished he could spend the rest of his life with?
The answer came to him slowly, but decisively. He turned back around with a smile, now completely motivated. "Why? Well there are lots of reasons, of course! For example, remember when I first met her… for the second time? I was all Mr Grumpy Face and Scroogey McScroogerton, and she made me better. Without her, we'd still be in Victorian London right now".
The TARDIS shook her virtual head. "Wasn't the first time you've been mopey. Is that the best you can do?"
"Right, well, consider this – she's impossible! Or, she was!" The Doctor danced over to the scanner and retrieved images of Clara in both her 19th and 21st century incarnations. "Look at that, completely impossible. There was a time where I had no idea how she did it, and I didn't even care! You know how there's nothing I love more than solving a mystery? Well, as it turns out, there is".
Looking at the scanner, which felt somewhat like looking into a mirror, the TARDIS sighed. "More like you gave up until you solved it by accident. I remain unconvinced".
"She's beautiful, smart, fun, ridiculously caring, loves to travel and knows how to handle children. How is she not a match for me?"
"Blah, blah, blah. All the adjectives in the world aren't going to make me fly. I'll ask you one last time, Doctor, what makes Clara so special?"
The dreamy eyed Doctor suddenly squinted, as a dark grin grew across his face. He took slow, menacing steps towards the interface, and stared unblinking into its eyes. "One thing, since you asked. There's one thing above all else, and actually, your little trick just then makes it a lot easier to say, so thanks for that. Simply put, 'Sexy', you are going to make this journey and get used to having Clara around, because Clara Oswald is the only woman in my life that has ever come before you".
For a machine that had a lot to say, the TARDIS remained speechless for a long time. The interface stared into the Doctor's eyes as her telepathic circuits attempted to probe his mind. "You… wow, you really mean that, don't you?"
The Doctor nodded solemnly. Sometimes winning wasn't all that fun.
The interface vanished with a conflicted expression on its face. Before long, the centre column lit up a little brighter, indicating that it was now ready to work. An appreciative Doctor kissed his hand and laid it on the console, mouthing a simple and sincere 'thank you' to his faithful magic box before flying her towards their vital next destination.
"I hope I have this right. March 12th 2005, Lancashire, England, Earth…"
-Next Chapter: The Day Everything Began-
