Chapter 11:
Disclaimer: I own nothing related to the WWE, TNA, HWA or CZW. I only own the OCs.
This is a story that I've never told
I gotta get this off my chest to let it go
I need to take back the light inside you stole
You're a criminal
And you steal like you're a pro
"Have you told them yet?"
"It's not exactly something that's easily brought up in conversation," Allie sighed heavily into the phone. That wasn't really true. She had been given multiple opportunities to tell them, but she just couldn't bring herself to break down that wall. She had protected herself for so long, that now it was a struggle to even face the reality that she ultimately wanted to tell them. That scared her.
She had never wanted to tell anyone before. Yes, people knew, but only very few and that was because she had been practically forced into it or had let it slip during a drunken binge. But the boys? They were different. She felt she owed it to them for some reason. Even though it wasn't a crucial element to their working relationship, it still felt like she was hiding something from them. And in truth, she was. She was hiding a part of herself.
"Do you ever plan on telling them, Al?"
"I want to, Sami," she responded, her voice filled with worry and hesitation. "I just don't know what they'll think of me after."
"Hey," Sami said, almost snapping at her, "how many times do I have to tell you that none of that was your fault?"
"Trusting the wrong people and letting my guard down was my fault," she huffed out. "And falling in love... Yea that was definitely my fault."
"How the hell were you suppose to know-," Sami stopped, cutting himself off before his frustration got the better of him. He sighed before continuing, his voice calmer, "Look, Al. You really should tell them. They know so much already and they haven't abandoned you. I think you need to give them a little bit more credit. I know these guys. I know them like I know you. They're good guys and you should give them a chance to prove that."
"I know your right."
"If things with those two assholes are getting worse then I think they should know." Sami was always her voice of reason. He didn't sugar coat and had no problem telling her when she was being an idiot. "If you can't tell all of them at the same time, maybe try telling one at a time."
Allie paused a moment before continuing. She had been thinking about telling one in particular, mostly due to his constant unintentional involvement. "I've been thinking about telling Jon. He always seems to be the one caught in the middle. I feel like he deserves to know, mostly for that reason."
"Then talk to him, Al," Sami encouraged. "He comes off as a hard ass and a dick, but Jon's a pretty good listener and an understanding guy. And, it seems like he's becoming pretty protective of you from what I've heard."
Over the last couple weeks leading up to Wrestlemania, Jon and Allie seemed to have constant run-ins with Cena and Orton. He always stayed close to her and had no problem standing up for her, even though the two of them still seemed to constantly be at each other's throats. The fights with Randy and John hadn't been as physical, but their constant belittling and badgering had been more and more hurtful. Jon, on more than one occasion had walked away from the situations with a busted lip or a black eye after losing his cool. He at least deserved to know why he was defending her.
"I'll try."
All the pain and the truth
I wear like a battle wound
So ashamed, so confused
I was broken, and bruised
Out of the ashes, I'm burning like a fire
You can save your apologies; you're nothing but a liar
I've got shame, 'I've got scars
That I will never show
I'm a survivor
In more ways than you know
"Stop stressing, Jon," she said, sitting on the turnbuckle behind him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him back against her, "You're tense as hell. It's just like any other match," she gripped his chin in her palm and turned his head towards her, placing a gentle kiss to his temple, "Remember, ice cold. You'll do great, just like you always do." It was the day of Wrestlemania and the butterflies had finally started to set in for Jon. He never got nervous anymore, but this was different. This is the night every wrestler hopes to someday live and he couldn't believe it was real. His dreams were coming true and a lot of that had to do with the woman he was currently leaning into. They had come out to the ring to take it all in before the stadium was filled with the screams and excitement of the WWE Universe.
"Why do you have so much faith in us? In me?" He said turning to face her, blue eyes meeting blue eyes. Their bodies still close together, with her hands resting on his shoulders and his resting on the ropes on either side of her thighs. "No one has ever believed in me, or had as much faith in me, as you do. Why is that?"
"I hand picked all three of you. Why wouldn't I have faith in you?" She smiled at him. "I thought you would've understood after I got you guys this slot at Wrestlemania, that you three are a rare breed. I have never seen anyone with your athleticism and drive, that also had a pure love and passion for this business... except Colby and Joe." She moved her arms up around his neck and pulled him closer. "I picked you three for that reason. I may have come up with the outline for this whole concept; the gimmick, the clothes, the name, and the wrestlers, but you three made it what it is. I gave you the materials and you ran with it. There is no one else out there that could have made this as successful as you three have. And it hasn't gone to your heads. You're still as humble and appreciative of this opportunity as you were the day I sent talent relations to sign you."
Jon smirked at her for a second, before speaking again, "I don't get it. I- I guess I don't get you," he chuckled, making her smile, "I've been a complete ass to you and you treat me just like everyone else. I've never met anyone who's as forgiving as you. How are you able to just forgive and forget what people do to you?"
She chuckled at him, "I wouldn't go so far as to say, I forgive and forget easily. That's easy to tell from the way I respond sometimes. You haven't been a complete ass, Jon. You've had your white knight moments as well. I haven't been a saint during our time together thus far. I'm not very even tempered. I get angry and I hold grudges, but for some reason..." She trailed off, looking down and shaking her head, as if brushing off the rest of her statement.
"But for some reason, what?" Jon pressed, wanting to hear what she was going to say. He moved his right hand to her thigh that was sitting right next to it, giving it a gentle squeeze. She sighed heavily, as if trying to summon the courage. She returned her sapphire orbs to his oceanic ones, a rare, small encouraging smile on his lips.
"No matter how hard I try, or how much I may want to," she began, but was unable to maintain eye contact, dropping her gaze again, before finishing, "I just... I can't seem to stay mad at you."
"I guess that's what I don't get. You don't stay pissed at me," Jon smirked, squeezing her thighs lightly, "but you're unwilling to forgive Cena and Orton for whatever bullshit they put you through and you've known them longer. Why?"
"Because those two..." She huffed annoyed, "they have... they are... Uuuugggh," Jon tried to stifle a laugh. She was so cute when she got frustrated. "They piss me off. I've had enough of their bullshit to last me a lifetime. They are beyond forgiveness. They lost their chance to be what I hoped they would be."
"What did you hope they would be?" Jon looked at her confused. Had she loved them in some way? Allie raised her blue eyes to meet his. He could see the tears forming in her eyes, deepening his worry. He slide his arms around her waist and she rested her hands on his biceps.
"'Sometimes people put up walls, not to keep others out, but to see who is strong enough to break them down'." Allie sniffled lightly, as a tear slid down her cheek. Jon leaned forward and kissed her cheek and catching the tear.
"They weren't strong enough to break them down?" Jon whispered against her cheek. Allie shook her head gently.
"They're the reason the walls were put up in the first place. And no one has ever been strong enough to break them down," she whispered back at him.
"What did they do to you, Allie?" Jon looked at her with worried eyes.
"They... They pretended to be in love with me."
There's a part of me I can't get back
A little girl grew up too fast
All it took was once; I'll never be the same
Now I'm taking back my life today
Nothing left that you can say
Cause you were never gonna take the blame anyway
Allie was now sitting on the mat, up against the turnbuckle with Jon right beside her. Their legs were somewhat intertwined as she leaned against him, while he softly massaged her right hand in between the fingers of both of his. He sat quietly and patiently, waiting for her to begin her story. He really didn't know what to expect, but it certainly hadn't been what she slowly told him.
"We were all good friends. At least I thought we were anyway. I was the first diva since Chyna that was allowed to step into the ring with the boys. And I was good. I don't say that to be cocky and arrogant, but I was. I was trained well and only trained with men. I learned to take rough bumps, because they weren't going to go easy on me and they sure as hell wouldn't let me be a mediocre athlete. I gave as much as I received. I was better than a lot of the guys and I was mostly hated because of it." Jon agreed quietly. He remembered watching her on tv. She had been incredible and was easily better than a lot of the male talent. He sat and listened, not wanting to interrupt her while she had gained the courage to finally reveal her secrets.
"I had been working a lot with John and Randy and we seemed to form a pretty close friendship. Then feelings started to get involved." She sighed heavily, almost painfully, before continuing. "They both told me they had feelings for me, but I couldn't choose between them at the time. So, I spent time with both of them, which they both knew about. I wanted time to figure out who I wanted to be with. I didn't want to make the wrong decision. After a couple months I thought I had a strong connection with both, but my heart seemed to steer me towards John." She thought she felt Jon's body tense slightly beside her, but he continued to say nothing as he continued the movement of his fingers across her hand.
"During that time, the three of us had been working a rivalry on screen. Randy was champion and John and I both wanted to be. The rivalry was going over really well with the crowd and it gave us all a really big push, but the crowd and the company seemed to be pushing for me more. On screen we were bitter, fierce enemies, but backstage I was growing closer and closer to both of them, while falling in love with John." The force of his fingers seemed to deepen slightly as she spoke, but she chose to ignore it as she leaned further into him, seeking comfort as her story darkened.
"The night of our big match at the Elimination Chamber, I had made the decision to tell them I had chosen John. I couldn't continue to string Randy along, while I knew that I wanted John. I didn't tell them my plan, because I didn't want it to affect our match. Earlier in the night, they each had pulled me aside separately and told me that they had fallen in love with me and that they needed me to make a decision soon. I only confirmed that I would and that I was sorry for making them both wait for so long, but I just wanted to make the right choice. Hearing Randy tell me he loved me actually made me hurt for him, because I would be breaking his heart. I felt like the worst person in the world." Sensing her tension, Jon continued to hold her hand in his right, while he wrapped his left arm around her and slowly ran his fingers up and down the length of her arm. Her head now rested right below his chin, her ear rested against his chest, listening to the steady sound of his heart beat.
"The match was going great and the crowd was loving it. We were in a no DQ match and I was set up to win. My excitement had caused an adrenaline rush that I used in order to have one of the greatest matches of my life. Then, everything change with an overly aggressive clothesline over the top rope from John." That time, she did feel tension in his body, as he anticipated what was about to happen. He remembered the match. He remembered what had happened next. He squeezed his eyes shut and swallowed harshly. He knew this wouldn't be easy to hear.
"Randy had met me outside the ring and ripped the padding off the barricade. He picked me up and threw me hard into it. It hurt, but I just kind of thought the adrenaline from the match caused him to get carried away. I was wrong. John came outside the ring and picked me up by my hair and threw me into the stairs, before they both threw me back into the ring. I was surrounded by kendo sticks, chairs, tables, ladders, a sledge hammer, and a lot of things I can't even remember. I was in a daze and struggled to stand up. When I finally got to my feet, I was immediately knocked back down by a hard blow to the back of my head with a chair. I remember clutching the back of my head as I heard them both taunting from beside me. 'Did you really think we cared about you?' 'You're nothing. You really thought you were in our league?' 'You're a fucking slut and no one could ever love you.' 'Women don't belong in our division. There's no fucking way we'd let a woman have a man's title.' 'We've had you from the beginning. We never wanted you.' 'Stupid bitch. You belong in the women's division.' 'Now you're going to see what it really means to be in a man's world.'" Allie's voice had changed as she spoke about the hurtful words. Sadness and tears filled her voice and Jon pulled her closer to comfort her as his body filled with rage.
"They had jumped script during the biggest match of my career to 'teach me a lesson'. I was put through three tables, the announcers table, beaten with chairs, punched, kicked, thrown into uncovered turnbuckles and anything else they could find. I blacked out at one point, while they continued to brutalize me. I remember waking up to the murmurs of the crowd, trying to get my bearings, when I realized I was laying on the base of the stairs."
"I could hear officials and producers screaming at them to stop. They had brought the stairs in the ring and laid me on top. I couldn't move my body. I thought my entire body had given out, only to realize later that Randy had been laying across me to hold me down. I looked above me and saw John standing with both of his arms drawn up over his head. Then, with this look of utter disgust on his face and spewing out, 'We love you, baby', he swung his arms down and crushed my knee with a sledge hammer. All I remember was hearing this loud, pain-filled, heartbroken scream, before I blacked out again. Mark told me later, that the scream had been my own."
"I woke up two days later, with a torn shoulder, a broken wrist, a busted eye socket, broken and bruised ribs, stitches in my head, a broken and torn knee, and worst of all a broken heart. I remember Mark sitting next to me when I woke up. He couldn't even speak. He was so pissed off and emotionally destroyed. He felt so helpless, just watching what happened to me and being unable to stop it. He, Glenn and a few others had been physically restrained by other wrestlers, who shared John and Randy's opinion, from going out to help me."
"When he told me the repercussions for what they had done to me, I didn't say anything. I couldn't say anything. They had been given a slap on the hand. Fined. They had fined them each $75,000, for jumping script. It was covered up. They played it off as scripted. That Jon and Randy had joined forces to eliminate a common enemy in me. It didn't matter who had the title as long as it wasn't me. Behind the scenes, everyone was told that I had wanted some time off and that was how they had decided to write me out. When Mark demanded an explanation, they said they had lost one big player in me and they couldn't afford to lose two more." Allie could feel Jon's body literally shaking with rage, but he still refused to speak. He didn't know what he would lash out with and couldn't bring himself to chance scaring her.
"These two men, that I had grown to care so much for, one I had grown to love, destroyed me in every way possible. I had been broken. Physically, emotionally, and mentally broken. They had pretended to love me in order to manipulate and destroy me, because they didn't believe a woman belonged in a man's world. I had been tricked into believing them and suffered deeply for my naïveté. So, I disappeared. It took two years, for the physical damage to heal and for me to be able to step back into a ring."
"I had tried the Indies for a very brief time, before I realized I couldn't handle it emotionally and mentally yet. I had been more damaged than I thought." Her thoughts of the Indies brought back the memory of the photo LeeAnne had shown her. The little girl and her words bounced around in Allie's head for a moment. 'No one will ever forget how you made them feel.' Jon slowly and carefully removed himself from his entanglement with her, before slipping out of the ring. Allie's heart clenched and she began to cry silently, when Jon left the ring. He was leaving. She sat up, bringing her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs, as she cried into them.
She was startled when she heard loud bangs and crashes mixed with gruff, angry expletives. She raised her head and through blurry eyes, watched as Jon kicked and punched the ring stairs repeatedly. He was like a wild man, as he screamed and cursed to such an extreme that Allie couldn't understand him. After what seemed like an eternity of rage-filled aggression, Jon's kicks became less, the punches became double fisted pounds, and the swearing became angry grumbles, as his hostility wore down. Running both hands through his hair, Jon turning around and met the teary, sapphire gaze that watched him. Sighing heavily, Jon slowly climbed back into the ring and kneeled in front of her drawn up legs.
Jon leaned his forehead softly against her's, getting her to meet his eyes again. "I swear to you the first chance I get they will know what it's like to truly suffer. I can understand your hesitance with telling people about the trauma you've been through. I'm sorry you had to suffer for so long. Joe and Colby will want to know. We can tell them together if you want." He watched as she slowly nodded, keeping her head against his. He then wrapped his left arm snugly around her, bringing her towards him and pressing their bodies against each other, while his right hand moved to the back of her neck, threading his fingers in her hair. He gave her a small genuine smile and murmured softly to her, "You said that no one has ever been strong enough to break down your walls." Allie sniffled, but nodded her head slightly, keeping her eyes locked on his. Licking his lips, he whispered softly to her, "I am."
Now I'm a warrior
I've got thicker skin
I'm a warrior
I'm stronger than I've ever been
And my armor, is made of steel, you can't get in
I'm a warrior
And you can never hurt me again
A/N: Ok, so this chapter was more difficult to write than I thought it would be. Please let me know what you think! Hope you guys enjoyed it and that it was worth the write.
Song: Demi Lovato 'Warrior'
