Be My Escape
His first name was never uttered from those lips without the familiar 'Potter' attached to it. Hearing it now, unguarded, was too much for Harry. Then that moan he made, Merlin that moan. He had never heard anything more tantalizing. His fantasies of the other man never included how good he'd actually sound, but Harry knew now it would be something that'd never leave his mind.
Another moan escaped his lips, this one louder with a slight whine. He watched as Malfoy moved in his sleep, his chest rising and falling quickly. The covers slipped, exposing a bare thigh. His night gown had hiked up. Harry gulped as his heart thudded on. He knew what he was doing was bordering on wrong, but somehow he couldn't seem to look away.
Shifting in his sleep again, Malfoy's hair was sprawled across his pillow in a way Harry had imagined he would look. He wanted so much to run his hands through that soft hair, and before he knew it, he was reaching. His hand was just about to make contact, then Malfoy gasped, his eyes flying open. Harry jerked back quickly, tripping over the bedside table.
Automatically, Malfoy bolted up in the bed looking around frantically. "Is…is someone there?"
Harry silently cursed his clumsiness beneath the cloak. Part of him had wanted to watch Malfoy more and now he had lost his opportunity. He had turned in the bed and draped his legs off the side, his face scrunching up and searching the darkness. "I know you're here. I heard you," Malfoy said. "I'll call the nurse if you don't show yourself," he threatened a second later.
Sighing, Harry tugged the cloak off. Malfoy's eyes flashed in his direction, widening. "Please don't, Malfoy. I only want to talk to you," he whispered.
"I already told you that I didn't erase your memories. What else do you want?" Malfoy glared at him intensely before continuing, "You have no proof I did it. And if you want to bring me in, I'll have you talk to my lawyer first." He huffed, crossing his arms across his chest.
Harry took a step closer, Malfoy responded by turning and backing up into the bed. His back was now pressed against the headboard, eying Harry carefully. Suddenly feeling very guilty Harry croaked out, "Listen, I owe you an apology. I never intended-"
"Oh stop with the pity party. I don't need to hear it," Malfoy interrupted.
"Right…well, ok." Harry frowned, looking down at his shoes. He was having a hard time finding the next words he wanted to say. The silence filled the room, thick and heavy. The only sound Harry was even aware of was the pounding of his heart as he managed to whisper, "Malfoy…do you really think it's all in my head? Did we…were we…"
Malfoy's breath hitched and he looked away from Harry, hoping he hadn't noticed. Harry had, however. Grey eyes looked past him at a picture on the wall and he mumbled out, "Not in your wildest dreams, Potter."
His evasion drew up the courage Harry needed to say what he needed to. "They're not dreams," he argued. "I wake up not remembering them because of the memory charm. The charm is blocking the images from my mind. I can catch bits and pieces, but I need to know what happened. Please tell me," Harry pleaded.
"Potter…just…stop." Malfoy's voice was quiet, and Harry watched as his Adam's apple twitched, his jaw clenched tight.
"We kissed…I just know we did. And I…well, I'm sure I liked it. In fact," Harry paused, taking the last step to the bed. His legs pressed against the bed frame and he leaned over Malfoy. From deep within he summoned up that foolish Gryffindor courage and confessed, "I think I'd really like to do it again."
Malfoy inhaled sharply, closing his eyes. It took him several seconds to respond, as if he was counting silently to remain calm. Then his eyes fluttered open again and met Harry's gaze. In barely above a whisper he said, "You don't mean that."
Harry's eyes searched his, trying to find what was hidden beneath the surface. "I can't seem to get you out of my mind. First it was the dreams and now it's during the day. I want to know what happened between us. I feel like something isn't quite right…that something was missing. Why won't you tell me?"
Malfoy bit his lip, holding back a noise deep in his throat. Harry's eyes flickered, watching those lips in wonder. If only he could close the distance between them. If only he could kiss away the worries that Malfoy so clearly was overcome with. Then he released his lips from his teeth and said softly, "Potter, I can't."
"What? Why not?" Harry pouted, and his eyes moved from Malfoy's mouth down to his neck. The burn that was there was nothing more than a pink mark now. "Does it have to do with the burns?"
"No." He shook his head, a strand of white blonde falling down to his cheek. Harry stared at the lock of hair in fascination. Malfoy's eyes, on the other hand, were downcast and staring at the bed sheets and refusing to meet Harry's.
He tried a different approach, more direct and Gryffindor in nature. "Are you afraid I'll reject you? That I'll say you're sick and I don't like you that way? That I'm not gay?" Frowning, Harry asked again, "Malfoy, why won't you tell me? What are you so afraid of?"
His grey eyes snapped up to meet Harry's and without missing a beat he confirmed, "You did all that before, and you'll do it again. You left. You'd do it again if I give in."
Harry's heart swelled, threatening to burst forth from his chest. "Malfoy…I wouldn't…"
"Just…stop, ok?" Malfoy sighed and Harry felt his breath brush against his face. "You said that before. You promised me you'd never leave. But you did…and then, a week later and I find out in the paper that you were engaged. It was as if nothing ever happened. What we had…was nothing."
"It wasn't nothing though, was it?" Harry cut in quickly. "I don't remember much of the dreams but I remember how I feel. We shared something. We could share something now. We could be-"
"No, we couldn't," he argued just as fast. "We lost that opportunity a long time ago. We're married now, we have our own children, our own lives. Plus you can't even bloody touch me without hurting me. How about you just take it for what it is, all right? It's a sign, Potter. We are doomed to fail."
"Scorpius doesn't seem to think that. He thinks I might have a chance to figure this all out. If I can find a way to break this curse without hurting you…"
"I don't appreciate you talking to my son about such things," Malfoy said crossly. "Leave him out of this. It is not his business and he is but a child."
Harry let out a nervous laugh. "Well that child of yours just kissed my son in front of the whole bloody school. He gave me the idea to come see you. I think he understands more about what's going on than what you realize." He paused and then moved from leaning over Malfoy and sat at the foot of the bed, the other man's feet a small distance away. "He just wants you happy. He thinks I could help with that." A smile reached his lips before it faltered with his next words: "So, about this curse…"
"It's not a curse. It's a commitment." Malfoy sighed sadly, slumping in his bed. "You want to know why you can't touch me? I'm married to Astoria. We are bonded together in a very traditional pure blood marriage contract. If either of us is unfaithful to the other the bond flares up and punishes the offender."
Harry felt lightheaded all of a sudden. "What?" he asked, dubiously. He had never heard of anything more absurd.
Rolling his eyes Malfoy said, "Of course you'd have no knowledge of medieval pure blood customs. The contract, or foedus, is put into effect by the head of house once their heir reaches adulthood. Heirs are matched with another pure blood family that is equal in wealth and status, usually before the child is even born. Astoria was my match right from the very beginning, and I her's."
Before Harry could respond to that, Malfoy continued: "Most pureblood families have arranged marriages but the ritual of the matrimonium foedus encantation is outdated at best. Families have not openly practiced bonded magic such as that in over 200 years. The tradition died as attitudes in marriage changed and divorce and premarital sex became more common and accepted."
"But if it's not as common now, then why you?" Harry asked curiously.
"I'm gay, Potter. It's the only way my father felt he could control me into doing his bidding. And it bloody well worked." He crossed his arms in front of his chest and his eyes became distant, as if he was thinking back to another time. "I wasn't going to follow through and have a child, so he forced me. It's really rather simple."
"It's really fucked up," Harry growled. Malfoy's eyes met his in surprise. "How could he do that to you? Couldn't you fight back? It was just a marriage bond…you didn't have to have sex with her, did you?" After the words left Harry's mouth, he worried he was prying too much. But really, Harry honestly wanted to know as much about this situation as he could. The more he knew, the better he could figure out how to solve this whole problem.
"That's the thing," Malfoy chuckled, maniacally. "While under the foedus I could not intentionally hurt the head of house. If I so much as tried to go against his wishes, the curse would backfire and harm myself. The only way I could seek vengeance for what he did was to produce an heir of my own. Once I had my own heir I would take his place as head of house and his protection would disappear."
Rubbing his chin thoughtfully Harry eyed him carefully, "So you're head of the Malfoy house now? Couldn't you just wave your hands and dissolve the marriage contract?"
Snorting, Malfoy shook his head. "Not that simple. It's a vow till death do us part. That is the only way the bond will go away. Either I die, or she. And Potter, yes, I'd like to be free from this. But, I love Astoria dearly. I could never kill her for my own selfish gain."
"Right…of course," Harry resigned. Could that really be the only way to get rid of the bond? Were they really as doomed as Malfoy thought? Just when Harry was starting to come to terms with the fact that he liked the bloke, he couldn't even do anything about it. He desperately wanted to reach over for Malfoy and push away any worries he might have. But he couldn't. He couldn't do anything.
Then another thought popped into Harry's mind. Something just didn't make sense. Perhaps if he could figure out why some men triggered it and others didn't, maybe Harry could find out a way to prevent himself from hurting Malfoy. "Wait, you're unfaithful all the time. Astoria said that you have your men, she has hers. So, why is it now flaring up? We haven't even done anything and I put you in here…" he trailed off sadly.
A small groan was heard from his side of the bed before Malfoy ran a hand through his rumpled blonde hair. "Potter…" His voice held an edge of uncertainty that intrigued Harry and without thinking he was moving in closer to hear his next words. "You are a threat to the bond. Other men that I have been with were not. Casual sex is just animalistic urges and the bond recognizes that. But the moment there is something more, the bond's defenses go up."
Harry's head was swimming. His pulse was racing from the words something more and Harry knew exactly what he meant by that. Even though he couldn't remember the history of that mystery year, he still recalled that feeling of absolute happiness once he woke up. Those feelings were intense and if Harry really did share such an emotional connection with the other man, then yes, Malfoy's marriage would feel threatened.
"You should really get going," Malfoy mumbled. Harry looked up from his unconscious staring at the bed sheets to gaze at him. "The nurse does her rounds in a few minutes."
Sullenly Harry said, "Ok." He couldn't help the feeling of disappointment coursing through him. Thinking back to before he got here, Harry had hoped they would have kissed and made up by now. Things were never easy, were they? He didn't want to leave. He wanted to stay here all night talking to the elusive man before him. He had been trying to find out more and more, and just when he was getting answers he had to leave? Perhaps he could just put on the cloak while the nurse was here.
It must have been a few minutes that Harry didn't make a move because Malfoy said, "Potter, did you hear what I just said?"
He exhaled loudly then nodded. "Can I see you again?" Harry blurted out boldly.
His grey eyes flickered into an unknown emotion that Harry hadn't seen before. But before he could wonder about it, Malfoy's gaze fell and a frown was on his lips. "I don't think that's such a good idea." Harry was about to argue to the point of shamelessly begging, but thankfully the other man added, "But I guess I can't stop you if you come here again. And knowing you, you'll probably show up anyway even if I tell you not to."
Harry's lips twitched upwards into a small smile, "You're right." Malfoy snorted in amusement and Harry felt his stomach flutter. He wondered what it would sound like to hear an actual laugh from the other man. He recalled his condescending sneers directed at Harry in school. What would a carefree chuckle sound like that wasn't the result of Harry's misfortune? He wanted to find out.
They both heard the nurse enter the room next door and Harry's heart thumped. Malfoy met his eyes anxiously and Harry jumped off the bed. He walked over to retrieve his cloak and held it loosely in his hands. Turning back to Malfoy, he grinned. "I'll see you tomorrow."
Harry stalled in putting on the cloak as Malfoy called out, "Hey Potter?"
Tilting his head curiously he let out a small, "Yes?"
The other man eyed Harry critically for a minute, almost as if he was debating silently in his head. He looked him up and down, his eyes resting for a longer moment on his chest and then up to his face. A second went by before a small smile broke his face. Harry's heart lodged somewhere in his throat, then he heard him say barely above a whisper, "Nice sweater."
A flush started to creep up Harry's cheeks without his consent. "You like it?" he asked a little too hopefully. God, perhaps getting out of here was a good idea. He was starting to act like a love struck school girl.
"Of course," Malfoy said, his smile not fading. "After all, I did give it to you."
Harry's stomach did the funny fluttering thing again. This sweater was suddenly his most favorite article of clothing. He'd make sure he'd never lose it the way he lost Draco. But he'd get him back. He had to. "I wish I could remember that," he said downcast.
"I wish for a lot of things," Malfoy said honestly, his gaze looking out the window. The moonlight had soaked into the room and bathed the man in an ethereal glow. He looked absolutely stunning and Harry ached for him. Without thinking, he took the few steps back to the bed and leaned over Malfoy again.
Malfoy's gaze darted up to meet his eyes once more. His eyes searched Harry's eagerly as Harry moved even closer. He stood over him for what seemed like an eternity, their lips but a mere inch away from the other. The distance was so small-but for both, it seemed like miles apart. "I wish I could kiss you," whispered Harry, his breath caressing Malfoy's face and lips.
"God, Harry," gasped out Malfoy. Harry's eyes were fixed on those luscious lips, so it took him a second to see the stray tear that trailed down the man's cheek. "You'll…you'll be the death of me, I swear."
It took all of Harry's willpower to keep himself from climbing into the bed with Malfoy right at that very second and kiss the life out of him. But then that particular literal thought is what kept Harry rooted to where he was, hovering just barely along the precious border between them. "I'm…going to fix this," he muttered. "I'm not going to lose you again," he promised.
The rattling of a hospital cart outside their door broke the moment. Harry gave Malfoy a quick look of yearning before he donned on the cloak and vanished from sight. Malfoy wiped the stray tear from his face, his hand shaking. The nurse walked in a minute later and approached him, new bandages held in her nimble hands. "Are you all right, Mr. Malfoy?" she asked curiously.
"Yes," Malfoy responded morosely.
She gestured for him to strip and Malfoy took off the hospital gown. In any other time Harry would have loved the opportunity to spy on Malfoy and his state of undress. Somehow this didn't feel right though, and Harry averted his gaze just as he caught a glimpse of his linen-covered chest. He could hear her taking off his bandages and wrapping new ones around him. "Are you sure? Your heart rate is pretty erratic right now…"
"Huh?" Malfoy asked. "Oh, right. No, I just woke from a dream," he explained.
"A nightmare?" the nurse prodded.
"No," Harry could hear the smile in his voice. "It was a fantasy."
That night Harry had a fantasy of his own. He was back in that hospital room with Draco and doing what Harry so desperately wanted to do earlier. Kissing fervently, Draco moaned. The incredible sound filled Harry's ears and drove him forward. He lifted the hospital gown off Draco's head.
With his pale chest exposed, Harry looked on. Instead of the bandages though, there was the familiar slashes of the Sectusempra spell. He felt cold, as if someone just dunked him in a bath of ice water. The scars were scabbed and still red, as if just recently sealed up. Harry unconsciously traced his fingers over the sensitive area. Draco whimpered from the touch.
"I'm sorry," he uttered, bending down to kiss the wounds. His lips brushed his chest gently and warmth seemed to spread from the contact. Draco made another moan, louder this time, as if wordlessly urging Harry on. Harry continued the kisses, moving down from his collar bone to his nipple, ribs, then lingering where it ended at his hip. He ran his hands up Draco's chest, licking the delectable skin.
His fingers could no longer feel the scratches. Harry backed away, looking down. The slashes across his chest were fading, healing. There was still a faint lash that Harry had missed with his lips. He bent down and kissed it and watched in wonder as the scar vanished, leaving Draco's skin as flawless as ever. The man sighed happily underneath him. Satisfied at his work, Harry grinned triumphantly.
"Please, Harry," whispered Draco. Harry read his mind and leaned forward, meeting his lips again. They melted into the kiss, pressing closer to each other. Bare chest against bare chest, Harry could feel Draco's heart matching the beats to his own. And as connected as they were, it wasn't enough. For a brief few horrible seconds, he had to lift himself off the other man in order to shuck out of his trousers. Hurriedly, he pulled his pants down and did the same with Draco's own.
Their body's met eagerly again. In a hot and hungry kiss, Harry felt his world spinning-both literally and figuratively. He opened his eyes, withdrawing from Draco's swollen lips, and looked around at their new surroundings. They were on the beach-the same spot Harry had seen earlier. Draco's back was in the sand, his calves laying against the damp bank. The waves of the ocean tickled both of their feet gently.
Harry was on top of him, settled in between Draco's legs. Unlike the calm of the waves, their next movements were rushed as Harry pushed against Draco fervently. The sound of the sea carried on, but louder was the beautiful song of Draco's moans of pure pleasure, as Harry ground his hips into him. He was vaguely aware of the smell of the salty breeze however Draco's own scent was even more overpowering. He smelled of cedar, leather, and the familiar aroma was intoxicating. Harry kissed him again, plunging his tongue through Draco's parted lips. Never had he tasted anything more incredible, smelled something so sweetly, nor felt more on fire. Draco ignited each one of Harry's senses and he was losing control very quickly.
The heat between them was rising, their lengths throbbed as they brushed. Draco was meeting Harry's hips now, the slap of their skin drowning out the sound of waves meeting the shoreline. Harry had to break the kiss, his breath coming out ragged. Draco was panting underneath him, his hot air lingering with Harry's. "God, Harry…I'm going to…" he gasped out, helplessly.
Those breathless words urged Harry on. Quickening his pace, he grinded harder into the other man and after one, two, three shameless thrusts they both came, calling out for the other. Draco wrapped his arms around Harry's back, pulling him closer as they rode out the remaining sensations. Their breathing slowed, humming to the beat of the ocean waves. Harry sighed happily, smiling against Draco's neck. And just when he was completely relaxed in Draco's embrace, Harry woke up.
He groaned against the mattress, feeling his release drying against his stomach and the bed sheets. Reaching for his wand on the bedside table, he waved a quick cleaning charm. He slipped on his glasses and looked at the wand in his hand and smiled. Draco's wand. He had set the wand right next to Harry's own last night before bed, and he had cast the spell not even noticing the difference.
It was oddly intimate. Witches and wizards used wands that weren't theirs all the time (Harry should know, from all the cases he had to oversee on stolen wands). Wands were fickle however, and they always seemed to have a preference to their rightful owner. Sure, you could claim the wand for yourself-but rarely wands performed to the caliber of their original master. Wands chose the wizard, after all.
Draco's wand responded the same way Harry's own had. Perhaps after killing Voldemort, the wand would forever be imprinted on Harry. Or maybe the connection ran deeper. Maybe the wand chose Harry much in the same way the wand's owner had. He grinned at the notion, running his fingers fondly over the hawthorn wood.
"HARRY!" someone shouted from downstairs. He flew up and out of bed frantically, slipping some quick clothes on. Racing down the stairs he saw Hermione standing in front of the Floo in the living room. Her eyes met his in distress. "Oh, Harry. Please tell me what's going on!" She wailed, walking over to meet Harry halfway.
"What?" Harry asked, confused. He hadn't the faintest idea what she was talking about. There were lots of things going on, and he honestly didn't know where to begin or what she had in mind.
"Mum told us Ginny came back to the Burrow yesterday. She's holed herself up in her old bedroom and is an absolute wreck. She said there'd been a fight. Harry, are you all right? What's going on?"
The guilt had somehow left Harry's mind the minute he started thinking about Malfoy yesterday. But now the feeling was back again, only intensified to a whole other degree. God, he was a horrible husband-and really, just a horrible person in general. How could he do this to her?
"Er…well, yeah. We had a fight. I told her…well…" The words failed from his lips. It was too hard to say and frankly he couldn't believe he even told Ginny what he had.
"Does she know about the memories?" she asked, concerned. "Harry, that was something that happened years ago. You can't control the dreams or your wandering mind while you sleep. Malfoy's in the past…surely she'll come around," Hermione offered, hoping to cheer him up.
Her words cut deeper into him. This was awful. "No, Hermione. I'm afraid that's not it…"
Brown eyes widened in shock. "Harry! Did you…cheat on her?" she asked in disbelief.
"No!" Harry said all too quickly. But then he thought further and said, "Er, well not really. It's complicated."
Crossing her arms, she raised an eyebrow. "Go on," she said sternly.
Gulping down his nerves, he rubbed a hand through his black locks. "Right…well. I may have called her Malfoy during sex…"
She gaped at him, taking a step back. The seconds ticked by in stunned silence. Harry frowned, ashamed, and looked down at his bare feet. He heard her slump on the couch, and a moment later she said, "Wow."
"I know," Harry said feebly, rooted to where he stood in the living room. He braced for the rant that was sure to follow from her.
Hermione didn't say anything for awhile though. Seconds turned to minutes as she mulled over what was just said. At long last, she stood from the couch and made her way into the kitchen. Harry could hear her fumbling around in the cabinets. She came back into the living room, brandishing a bottle of wine. Motioning for Harry to join her, they both sat on the couch. She uncorked the bottle and said, "Right. Tell me from the beginning. Tell me everything."
Harry sighed in relief as she waved her wand and two glasses floated onto the coffee table, and for once, Harry didn't hold back.
This chapter took a little bit to get going just cause life wanted to get in the way. Anyway, hope ya'll like it. As usual, thanks again for the lovely beta and all of my new followers! I'm thrilled people are keeping track of this story and it encourages me. Also special thanks to the reviews from TigerTearz, VoldyIsAwesome, Meeca-Myiozaki , and brianlondon13. And yes, Brian, I do listen to a lot of Adele so no surprises there if this story reminds you of those songs. Hahaha.
See ya'll next week. Next chapter we get some typical Hermione advice. Maybe a bit more Drarry thrown in. ;)
