Disclaimer: Pshaw. Disclaimers are for people who haven't stayed up all night writing you thirty-five hundred words of porn.

(a/n: Hey, it only took me like a week and a half to update this time! (Let's not talk about how sad it is that I now consider that an accomplishment…) Yeah, so remember that time-consuming job I spoke of? Well, I sort of got fired from it. Which would mean faster updates if I wasn't so busy wallowing miserably on my sofa watching Hannah Montana reruns in my bathrobe and eating Easy Mac…

Anyway, if that subtle little disclaimer, the most fitting chapter title ever, and the crazed jig of fangirlosity I am presently dancing around a rather dismayed Paranoid Android weren't enough to clue you in, THIS ENTIRE CHAPTER IS SMUT.

Which means that I don't have to say anything clever because you've already stopped reading my silly little a/n in favor of the sweaty man-relations going on below it, haven't you? Well, really! What if I was going to say something VERY VERY IMPORTANT that you have now missed totally because you couldn't take five measly little seconds to finish the a/n that I have slaved away on? BUT YOU JUST WOULDN'T LISTEN, WOULD YOU?

Which is all right, really, because I've got nothing to say. Enjoy your smut.)


Chapter 11: Finally

When you want something so much

It's drawing trouble on your life

And when you've found something so good

It's hard to focus on what's right

-- The Frames


Draco was experiencing some difficulty in getting Harry's tongue out of his mouth long enough to say hello.

"You came," he said into Harry's shoulder, hugging the smaller boy tightly as the kiss broke.

"I'd be mad not to. God, I've never missed anyone so much in my life…" He nuzzled contentedly against Draco's neck, breathing in the familiar scent of his skin with a tiny sigh.

"I thought you'd be angry."

"I was. Still am, a bit. That's why I didn't write you back. Thought you should have to…I dunno…stew in it, like I did."

Draco laughed. "It worked. Easily the worst holiday I've ever had."

"Sorry," said Harry seriously. "I shouldn't've—but I was just so—and you—"

"Stop talking," Draco said, kissing him in such a way that Harry couldn't remember what he'd been trying to say in the first place. "You're not making sense anyway."

"You don't…" mumbled Harry, his breath catching slightly as Draco nipped gently at his neck, "…want to…er…talk…about…"

A bed popped quietly into existence a few feet to their left.

"…apparently not."

Hands pressed firmly at his shoulders, directing him toward the bed, but retreated instantly as Draco's eyes met his own. "Unless you don't want to?" he said levelly.

Harry wrapped his arms around Draco's neck, crushing his mouth against the other boy's and falling back on the mattress. "You know what I want."

Draco grinned, chuckling minutely and closing fingers around the part of Harry already straining for his touch. "Well, I think this gives me a general idea."

"Nngh…hang on…I've still got half my clothes on…"

"Not the important half."

"Ah! Draco! Wait, wai—"

"Oh, just be quiet for once. I'm not going to stop and you know it."

Harry lifted one hand, covering his eyes with it, and bit down hard on the shirtsleeve still clinging to the other, saying nothing.

"I missed you, you know that?" Draco breathed, pulling aside the collar of his shirt to plant a light kiss on his neck. "I couldn't even let myself think about you, I missed you so much."

Harry tried for something like, "Well, it was your bright idea to begin with, arsehole," and managed only a desperate groan as Draco's hand tightened around him.

"I didn't think it would be like that."

"Mm…D-Draco…I…ah…is this really the…ah! Th-The right time f-for—?"

Draco's eyes locked on his as Harry squirmed against him. "Well, I've got your attention, haven't I?"

Some heavy and very embarrassing panting was about as close to words as he could manage at this point.

"Anyway, it was awf—ah, already? Honestly, Potter, you've really got to work on your endurance," he chided, licking obscenely at his fingertips while Harry turned several impressive shades of scarlet at once.

"Shut up! I-It's been a while and I wasn't ready!" Harry growled, rolling over to bury his face in the pillows.

"You were a little too ready, if you ask me."

"Yeah, well, I'm not asking you," he mumbled into the pillow. "Wanker."

Draco leaned over him, kissing the back of the neck with a small grin. "Oh, come on. I'm only teasing."

"And that makes you less of a wanker, does it?"

He caught Harry's shoulder in a gentle but firm grip and flipped him over onto his back with one hand. "I love you."

Harry flushed slightly. "That's not a—a get out of jail free card, you know!"

"It's what?"

"A get out of—you know, like in Monopoly?"

Draco blinked at him. "What?"

"Monopoly. You've never played—of course you haven't. It's this muggle board game that gets really annoying after about two hours and in it there are these cards and if you have one then you can get out of prison without paying."

"Are all muggle board games about prison?"

"It's not about prison, it—look, you're sort of missing the point here, Draco."

"You have a point?"

"I mean you can't just tell me you love me every time you do something stupid and expect me to—"

Draco kissed him hard on the mouth, almost aggressively. "Yes I can, because now you're a wanker for not saying it back."

Harry made to push him away and Draco caught both of his hands in one of his own and held them against the headboard. "Well, I'm not going to say it now," snapped Harry stubbornly.

"This is very damaging to my ego, Potter."

"Good. Needs to be deflated anyway."

"Say it."

"No!"

"Say it or I'm going to tickle you."

"What are you, eleven? No!"

Draco pouted attractively at him. "Hmm. So you want a more adult method of persuasion, then?"

"Wha—Draco, no! Really, don't, I'm not ready yet, we just—mm!"

The protest was abruptly cut off by Draco kissing him forcefully on the mouth.

"Shh. There are only three words I want to hear from you right now, Potter."

"Stop it, arsehole!"

"Not those ones, I'm afraid," said Draco, forcing Harry back against the mattress with one hand flat against his stomach. "Try again."

"I mean it!"

"Oh, you're not very good at this…" he purred, sliding down Harry's body and licking delicately at the meeting of his thighs. Harry shuddered.

"You're…such…a…"

"Really, you're not even trying now…"

Harry's head snapped back, his spine arching, and Draco's fingers locked in a tight circle around Harry's base, freezing his climax before it could even begin.

"Now, what do you want to say to me, Potter?"

"…I…"

"Yes?"

"…I…"

"Potter, I'm getting impatient…" said Draco coolly, swirling his tongue absently around the head and pushing Harry even further over the edge.

"…I…love you, all right? God, I love you, you stupid, evil bastard, and I am going to kill—nngh!"

"There," said Draco with a sweetness that made Harry want to hit him right in his unnecessarily handsome face, one arm snaking around Harry's still heaving chest to hug him tightly. "Didn't kill you, did it?"

"The only person getting killed around here is going to be you, Malfoy," growled Harry in annoyance. "Learn a little bloody self-control, will you?

"No," said Draco seriously, kissing Harry's shoulder. "I probably won't."

"You're an arse," Harry said flatly. "But I do love you."

Draco grinned, but tensed slightly as small, deft fingers pressed against his thigh. "What are you doing?"

"Your turn," said Harry simply. "You can't just do all you want to me and expect me not to have a go at—"

Draco caught his wrist exactly like he had the last five or so times Harry had tried this. "Potter, how many fucking times do I have to tell you? We. Are. Not. Doing. That."

Harry slid as far away from Draco as the bed would allow, hugging his knees and scowling. "So. It's still like that, then?" he asked in a voice quiet with utter misery.

"Don't give me that look," said Draco in a far gentler (and slightly guilty) tone, "I can't stand it when you look at me like that."

"It's supposed to be different now!" said Harry in exasperation. "You said you loved me!"

"And I meant it, but Potter, you don't understand—"

"No, Draco, I don't understand at all! If you love me so bloody much then why won't you have sex with me?!"

"You…" Draco turned his head sideways, ice-blonde hair obscuring his face as a dark expression crossed it. "…really want to know?

"No, I'm just asking to make light conversation. Yes I want to know!"

Draco sighed, and was silent for a long moment. "…you've got the right, I suppose," he said finally in a tone which made Harry wonder whether he had any right at all. "Well. I was thirteen when I first worked out I didn't have much interest in girls. Somehow I got it into my head that my parents would be happy about it. Or at least glad they had a son who trusted them enough to tell them who he was, that sort of…of stupid thing…" He laughed humorlessly. "Oh, bright idea that was. 'Don't be ridiculous'. That's what Father said. And Mother just sat next to him. Drinking. And staring at me."

Harry uncurled from his ball to lie next to Draco, head resting on his bare chest. "They didn't believe you?"

"I don't know. Mother probably wasn't even paying attention. And Father…" Draco sighed. "He's not a bad person. He's just…dense. He kept telling me that I wasn't, that I was his son, to stop being stupid...most of it didn't make much sense." His eyes stayed trained on the ceiling. "Eventually I just sort of…took off. Not the best idea, I'll admit, but I was so angry…"

Harry was very quickly finding he did not like the way this story was going one infinitesimal bit. "…why was it a bad idea?" he asked, hoping very hard that the answer had something to do with his parents grounding him for breaking curfew.

"I'm getting to that. Anyway, I just sort of wandered outside for a bit. Got lost—Yes, Potter I got lost on my own property. We've got a lot of fucking money, all right?—and ended up…well, I don't know where exactly. In the woods somewhere. And there were these muggle teenagers, drinking and stuff and...and I thought 'isn't this just the perfect way to get back at my dad…'"

Harry swallowed thickly but didn't interrupt.

"I'd never ever spoken to a muggle before. But I thought, 'well, they're on my lawn, essentially, and they're only muggles...' And one of them, this older boy, two maybe three years older than we are now, saw me looking. And he smiled at me, and asked me if I was lost. And I told him he was on my lawn."

"He sounds like a wanker," said Harry grumpily. Draco laughed.

"He sort of…touched my shoulder, like this," Draco said, touching Harry's to demonstrate the action, "and said, 'I think this boy needs a drink…'" He closed his eyes, taking a deep, pained breath. "I don't remember everything that happened after that. The next thing I remember clearly was that boy—ugh, I can't even remember his name now!—he had my hand, and he was…pulling me through the woods…I was falling all over the place…and then he sort of dropped me, on the ground. I asked him where we were, I think, and he told me I was beautiful. And I told him that girls were beautiful, I was handsome…and he laughed…"

Harry's hands closed slowly into fists. He remained silent.

"It…it was all right at first. When he was kissing me and holding me and everything…I even sort of liked it, I think…but then he had his trousers down and…" He sighed. "I must've told him to stop million times, out loud, in my head, screaming probably…and it hurt…Merlin, you can't even imagine how much…and when it was over and I tried to ask him why he hit me. Told me he wasn't a…a faggot like me and he left me there."

Small drops of blood collected in Harry's palms where his fingernails where biting into them.

"I passed out for a while, then. And when I woke up, I put my clothes back on, went home, apologized to my father and I've never mentioned any of it to anyone until today."

Ah, thought Harry dully. So this is what it feels like to have someone I want to murder more than Voldemort.

"So. That's why…you…you can't ask me to do that someone I love, Potter. I can't…I could never hurt you like that and you've got to stop trying to make me—"

"What are you talking about?" said Harry severely. "That—that was rape, Draco, you can't honestly think it would be that same if you—"

The look Draco gave him was heartbreak incarnate.

"Oh dear god, that's exactly what you think, isn't it?"

"Let's not talk about this anymore, Potter…"

"No! We are going to talk about it! Draco, I love you, it wouldn't be anything like that between us, you idiot!"

"It would! You don't know, you're a virgin, you don't know what it feels like—"

"Draco, I had the cruciatus curse put on me by Voldemort himself about four times last year and even if sleeping with you hurt as bad as that did I'd still want to do it."

"Potter…"

"And it's not just that! You won't even let me touch you! That doesn't hurt me at all!"

"You said it yourself," Draco said soberly, "I've got no self-control. If you did something like that to me, I might…" He sighed deeply, closing his eyes again. "I don't want to hurt you."

Harry sat up with a knee on either side of Draco's hips and kissed him hotly on the mouth. "Don't worry. You won't."

Draco groaned, trying instantly to fight the pleasure that built as Harry's body ground against his own. "Potter, don't!"

"Draco, please. You need this. I need this."

Sitting up, he planted his hands on Harry's hips, forcing them down against his own. "That doesn't hurt?" he asked angrily.

"No, idiot. You'd have to actually put it in for it to hurt."

"That's what you want? You want me to hurt you?"

"If that's what it takes."

Draco answered only with a low, animal growl as Harry began to toy with the growing hardness pressed against him. "You don't like it?" he asked huskily. Draco growled again.

"You know I do. Stop it."

"Draco." All movement stopped and he held the other boy's face in his hands so their eyes were locked on one another. "I swear if I don't like it I'll stop you."

"And what if I don't want to stop?" Draco demanded.

"You will anyway. You love me. And I trust you. So please…" The growling turned to something more along the lines of a purr as Harry kissed him. "…don't make me wait anymore."

Draco sighed. "If I'm hurting you even a little, you've got to promise me you'll—"

"I know, I know!"

"…all right."

He barely managed the sentence before Harry had hold of him, stroking with inexpert but effective hands at the hard shaft until Draco cried out. "Ah…easy! Not so fast…if you keep that up I won't be able to do anything."

Harry's movements slowed but didn't stop. "Like this?" he asked, brow furrowed with concentration, somehow only managing to increase the agonizing pleasure.

Draco flung his head back. "Merlin! Aha…only if you want me to finish before I even touch you, Potter…look, stop that," he said kindly, pushing Harry flat on his back. "I really don't need any help getting aroused at this point."

"S-Sorry," he stammered as Draco kissed his neck fiercely. "I don't really know what I'm doing…"

"Relax," Draco breathed soothingly. "It'll be even worse if you're tense. Does this hurt?"

Harry was sure his entire body blushed. "Mmm…Ah! St-stop! Wh-Why are you—don't touch me there!"

Unflinching grey eyes locked on his own. "Because it hurts or because you're embarrassed?"

Harry clawed at Draco's back, but the invading touch remained. "It's…not that…it feels…you know…but it's weird!"

"And putting this there wouldn't be?"

"I…didn't ask you to…Draco!"

"What did I say about relaxing, Potter?" said Draco lightly. "If you don't like it, I'll stop, but otherwise…" Harry gasped loudly as a second finger entered him.

"D-Draco…I c-can't take much more of this…

"No?"

Harry groaned, twisting desperately on the tangled mass of sheets. "Please…just do it…"

Grimacing slightly, Draco leaned over him, his eyes never leaving Harry's. "You're sure about this?"

"Please!"

Harry inhaled sharply as the head nudged against his entrance.

"Potter?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine, come on…"

He gasped for air as Draco pushed inside him, thrusting forward with a pained expression. "Are you all right?"

"It…ah…it hurts a little," he said, true to his word, "…but don't stop or anything, okay? I'm..f-fine…"

Draco remained utterly stationary. "Is it all right if I move?"

Harry nodded curtly, not trusting himself to open his mouth.

He pulled back slightly only to sink slowly in again while Harry panted and squirmed beneath him. "Is this okay?"

"Draco…please, stop being so…careful about it! It's not any good if you're worried the whole time! Just…ah!"

The sparks of sharp pain that had been flaring through his body were instantly blotted out by maddening pleasure as Draco rammed forward with about ten times his previous intensity. "Sorry!" he said immediately. "That was an accident, I—"

"Mm…do that again…"

"But doesn't it hurt when I—?"

Impatient, Harry wrapped his arms around Draco's shoulders and forced their bodies closer together. "It hurts more when you hold back like that! Don't make me ask again, Draco, just…please…"

He lost the capability to form words as Draco kissed his neck with sudden ferocity, gripping his hips to force himself further inside. "Like this?"

"Yes." His voice was a high, pleading whine. "God, Draco…" His nails dug deep into the blonde's shoulder, raising thin red lines in the flesh of his back as he withdrew again.

"Potter," he said in a harsh whisper as he surged forward again, "I don't think I can last like this much longer…"

Harry could find no words to answer him, instead kissing him desperately on the mouth, his back arching and his legs locking around Draco's hip to draw him in further as the first wrenching spasms of climax ripped through him.

Exhaling a muffled gasp into Harry's shoulder, Draco thrust into him a final time, unable to hold back as Harry's muscles tightened suddenly around him.

"There," mocked Harry with a weak little laugh, smoothing Draco's sweat-soaked hair with a satiated smile. "Didn't kill you, did it?"

"Are you hurt?" asked Draco moodily.

"Bit sore," Harry admitted, testing whatever muscles Draco wasn't laying on and finding most of them ached slightly. "Nothing to stop me wanting to do that all the bloody time, though."

"Don't exaggerate."

"I'm not. That was…" he kissed the top of Draco's head, grinning widely. "…perfect."

Draco snorted. "Go to sleep, Potter. Obviously fornicating makes you mental."

"You make me mental. And I want to do it again."

"Now?"

"Now. Later. Forever."

"I'm tired…"

"I love you."

Draco planted one hand behind Harry's head, supporting himself with it so their eyes were level. "That's not a get out of jail free card, you know," he said, smirking as he pressed his mouth to Harry's.


(a further a/n: (shifty eyes) Okay. I can explain that. See, I was just going to write a normal sex scene, right? And then the bookstore near my house had a sale and I sort of bought eight really dirty yaoi mangas and read them all in a row and then sort of ended up writing like…thirty-five hundred words of unspeakable filthiness that make me feel uncomfortable about myself both as a writer and as a human being.

yeah, I'm gonna go hide in a puddle of shame somewhere now.

P.S.

NO I DO NOT HAVE A RAPE FIXATION.

P.P.S.

REALLY! I DON'T! STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!)