I know. It's been a while. Sorry, real life trouble cut me from inspiration. The whole chapter could be subtited "about thinking we have no choice". Where the guest angel still has to wait and infuriates Lilith trying to be nice. Where Amenadiel plays the big brother and Trixie's suggesting she would like to be a big sis too.
Chapter 11: Awful truth and white lies
"Stop drooling in front of it like puppies, boys, that's really annoying. Besides, I think you have your own version of this, Lucifer."
Mazikeen was pouting and glaring daggers towards the celestial brothers. They weren't fast enough to guess what she was talking about – implying Lucifer had his own version of an angelic grace; so she tilted her bored head right towards Amenadiel's stomach. Without a clue, he patted his belly for two seconds, then she glared more, taking out from God-knows-where one of her pointy curved blades in her impatient fist, and the black angel understood finally her point.
Between them, this unsettling memory remained: the moment she chose to cure him from a deadly wound with a feather of Lucifer. To be true, she had intended to keep it, in case Lucifer would be dying himself, because he was just acting foolishly around Chloe (not that things had much changed on that plane though). That was meant to be thoughtful and prepared for a worst-case scenario. Funny how things never turned Maze wanted them to. The first angel to be on the verge of dying right on this couch was... the big brother. Sometimes, she was having second thoughts, believing she had wasted the precious feather on such a poor subject, sometimes not. Especially when said sulky Angel of Time, was able to freeze it again and allowed her to carry her only human friend to the nearest hospital.
"She means a feather of yours, Luci." clarified the bald angel. In some odd way, that day, he had been saved by the two people he expected the least to volunteer for.
Lucifer clenched his jaws, inwardly debating. Does his new friend was worth of it?
After all, sacrificing his feathers was costing him quite a bunch of his so-called eternity… He never spoke about it. No one knew. Covering the whole thing with "mortals shouldn't see the divine in all its glory" was far enough. But old Greeks were right; every divine gift had a price. The more precious and valuable was the gift, the heavier was the price tag… What would have he become if someone had known his feathers had the power to cure anything, even recent death, by shortening his own life? Not because he was an archangel, but because he was originally meant to be the Angel of Unconditional Love, universally acknowledged to be a potent healer... Better than this old Raffie, for the record. [1]
The Devil was saved by the bell when his telephone rang once. He read the message before repocketing the device. With a murderous look on his face and oozing jealousy, he announced:
"I'm sorry but all this will have to wait! Chloe is injured at the hospital and Pierce saved her. Again. I must go. Mazikeen, with me. Those who did this to her will probably want to finish the job and must be stopped before they have a chance."
Unaware of a relationship everyone took great care not to mention in front of her, Lilith shrugged and tried to stop him by a desperate grasp. "Lucifer, wait. You can't leave me now. Who cares about a mortal being wounded? They're fragile. You can't protect them from this flaw."
Mazikeen let a slow sensuous smile of victory enlighten her traits and followed Lucifer in tow, practically purring: "Very wrong guess, Mother."
Under the puzzled gaze of the three remaining angels, the hellish dynamic duo left using the lift instead of flying. Yet, when they were alone inside the golden cabin, Lucifer punched the wall, leaving the mark of his knuckles imprinted on the metal.
"Feeling better?" asked casually Maze.
"Not yet. But soon, thanks to your skills."
"Anytime."
.
.°.
In Lucifer's silent penthouse, Lilith was brooding inside while the two other angels were talking quietly on the balcony, pretending she was invisible. For a second, she asked herself if she had cloaked without realizing it, but the answer was no. She tried to lure them by getting rid of Castiel's duster but they were obviously avoiding to look at her, updating on boring genealogic issues she really didn't care about, gossiping about being a fallen angel on Earth, about their Father and His absence.
She shrugged and went to the place Lucifer was keeping clothes to choose a new dress.
The truth was she was fed up being left behind. She was fed up with all the things she could not understand in this world. So many rules. So many forbidden things. And coming from Lucifer! That was insane! Where was his old rebel vibe? When did he start caring about humans, treating them nearly as equals?
She took a dress and threw it over the bed, hesitating to cover her blessed nakedness. She looked at the sheets with a burning anticipation.
Yesterday her body was radiant and glorious, and tonight it was pitiful and sore. Yesterday, Lucifer was unaware of the births and their brutality. At least, she believed he was unaware, which was unfortunately, not true. That was one of the secret reasons he launched the rebellion against His Father.
Two nights ago, Lucifer and her were right here, on this bed. Already half naked, nipping playfully between sweet kisses, he had murmured in her neck some nonsensical warning. You can't kill innocent people while you're here, Lilith.
She had waited few seconds, enough for the information to actually hit her brain, a bit overwhelmed by the tantalizing shockwaves Lucifer was creating in her lower belly. "Oh really, or what?" she had breathed in a slightly high pitch.
Or I will have to punish you.
You don't tend to believe anyone making that kind of promises with such a mischievous eye above such devoted and skillful lips. She had shaken her head. "You don't want to harm me; I know that… Plus, those are Father orders, my love: the sinners will suffer from their sin… Do I force them to worship my body? No. Do I create the small impure creatures born from their unfaithfulness to their sacred wows? No..."
She had stopped any talking activity when his adventurous hands had started to roam every piece of her skin… Impatiently, she had pulled him and clang to his shoulders, opening widely her legs and guiding him to align perfectly. Moaning softly all along, he had plunged into her depths, again and again, for an hour, maybe two; both had lost the sense of time.
Later, when she had opened her eyes, hearing his short breath, she saw tiny drops of sweat making his forefront's little hair begin to curl adorably. Her fingers played with his dark locks and she kissed his temple. She could never have enough of him, of his warmth. Having him nested in her eager core, that's how she felt complete and a whole. When he wasn't, she was feeling cold and empty, a foul taste of ashes on her tongue. He was hers. The simple thought made her giddy. Whatever she had tried to do to forget him when he was cast out, nothing worked. His arms, his gifted tongue, the light of his wings over his shoulders, his giving hips and moves, all of him was still ironed in her flesh, millennia after.
And now she had finally found him here, what did he dare to whisper, the nose in her quivering surrendering bosom?
You may be unaware of the fact but, yes, you do force us to worship your body.
Instantly, she had frozen under him, a pushing palm resting on his sculpted torso to see his eyes, glazed with crazy lust and bliss. And something else she couldn't decipher that made him more than handsome. Something odd and rare, granting him a bit of… majesty.
Us?
What was he saying?
That he wasn't making love because he wanted to, but because he thought he had no choice?
Like any sensitive woman, she had felt slapped in the face at the thought he could be just yielding to the oldest attraction of the universe... without actually feeling anything for her. It couldn't be. He had always been The One. The only one to stand for her against his Father because he loved her more than everything...
With a tremor in her voice, she had asked if she had crushed everything between them when she had taken other lovers after his brutal departure to Hell.
I didn't say that.
For a moment yet, he had pinned her hard on the bed and covered her mouth with his claiming fierce lips. They were restless and proud altogether, admitting their need, their hunger... Pleasure, endless pleasure washed over her so soon. Bathed in his incredible light coming from the shield of his wings, she had climaxed again screaming his name, with literal stars in her eyes.
Later, she had cocooned him in her own wings and whispered a question that had such an unexpected outcome: "Do you still want to be mine forever and never leave me?"
Rolling over his back, the Devil had blanched a little under his stubble, a single tear in the corner of his jet black eye, breathing greedily long gulps of air, because he was more exhausted than he never would admit.
I wish I could.
And now, the eyes of her mind still on these memories, Lilith was still wondering. What kind of answer was that?
A sort of yes, yet feeling like a dreadful no.
.
Boiling inside, she came back into the living room in great need of answers and stopped at the balcony's threshold. The familiar strangers were still chatting with low voices, listening and smiling; their bodies were showing they had a certain amount of trust now in the way they were casually sat. In less than fifteen minutes the Rightful Amenadiel had accepted the newcomer.
To be honest, Lilith felt this Castiel was somehow pleasant. His presence was light (no pun intended) and he was friendly. Maybe that was his own power? Being accepted anywhere?
She couldn't know how much the supposed angel of friendliness always considered himself as a an outcast, and his opinion much shared by his family.
She hailed the angels rudely: "Hey, you two, don't you want to tell me who's this Chloe? Why is Lucifer going to see her? I had a very harsh night giving birth. I expected to give and receive some comfort…"
Both of them stood all a sudden from their chair, flustered. Even Castiel. It was a bit unnerving to see a notorious stranger like him, knowing something about Lucifer she didn't… She nodded to encourage them. "You can tell. If there's something important, I think I want to know…"
They stilled and exchanged bizarre worried glances.
That's how she knew, at last. It felt as if a cold clawed hand had ripped her heart, as if a beast was feasting upon her lungs. That look they had was pity. Pity for her because she had been blind, and foolish. No man has ever dared to look at her like this. Except Adam, maybe and that's why she hated him among other things….
She ground her teeth before commenting. "If you could see your faces…"
"I'm more concerned with yours" Castiel replied bluntly. "You look as if you wanted to ruin the world. Believe me; I know that one very well. My brother Michael had it all the time."
She considered with a calm curiosity. "So did he?"
"Not yet. Not if I can do something against it. I already stopped him once and I'm really upset I have to do it again."
"Well, be at peace. I do not want to rip the world. Killing what ties Samael here would suffice!"
With no warning, Amenadiel walked towards her. Face to face, threatening and towering above her because she was quite petite, he was making her feel, unexpectedly, like a little girl. Something she had never been.
"Listen to me carefully, half breed." he began coldly. "My mother was a Goddess far above your grade. She tried to play this card and failed miserably. Don't smile because you hated Her and think She deserved it. Just think about who She was for Lucifer and that he has thrown Her in an empty universe forever, to protect this world and the people.
Do you think you have the slightest chance to make him do something he doesn't want? Good luck with that! I've been here with him for months and months. He's changed. I didn't like him before, and honestly, I can't tell it's really improving, but he is different. It's a fact Hell has ruined him maybe beyond repair. Worse, being rejected got him used to Free Will so much he only listen his desires. Now, he's spinning like a whirlwind; no one can rule him anymore, not even Father, because he won't obey to Someone that had basically told him he was no more to be considered as His son. Why would he still care?
But, as far as I hate to recognize it, there's however one tiny little hope – just one – to save my brother's soul, to break his armor of selfishness he had to built, and it has nothing to do with family. Don't think you'll be thanked and welcomed if you tear it from him... If you want my opinion – and even if you don't – he could ruin his chances himself, being his foolish self and not used to human deep relationships. But let him do that all alone, and don't give him any reason to release his wrath over you. You would regret it. One of our brothers and my mother learnt it the harsh way."
Still standing, she blinked at him, her lips pinched. "You know, I don't like you either. You don't need to talk to me as if I was stupid; I can understand things…"
She crossed her arms and started to voice out what she had thought and rethought for hours. "What you say is this mortal female is important to him. But how she could be more important than me? I am his true designated love since… well… ever! I understand he had always been playing with mortals, because he felt alone and bitter. I understand because I did the same. But it's over now. I escaped and found him."
Lilith's archbrow matched her knowing smile. "I doubt she can give him what he needs, the way he needs, and as often… For what I saw, she's already ageing and will become less and less attractive in just a few years. She's not of our kin; she can't lull him to sleep with her non-existent wings… I don't understand how he could fool himself: sooner than he thinks, he'll lose her and he knows it. Why would he endure that kind of loss for an ephemeral being? That's not like him to be so stupid!"
The big black angel answered with a bit of mixed feelings to his sister: "Because he is in love with her. He caught human feelings living here permanently. Those are… powerful. We tend to underestimate them."
"Human feelings? Is it a kind of sickness?
Castiel couldn't help but having a short laugh hearing this one, because he thought that was simply cute. And he also knew at last why his human friends were always teasing him for being unaware of something obvious.
Lilith reacted very quickly: "And… You there, what are you finding so funny? Is being in love so much different from loving?"
The guest angel raised his hands in a mocking sign of surrender, and yet answered nicely: "I've been told it's a question human philosophers are still debating for ages."
Lilith walked back and forth for a while, frowning deeply, to the point Amenadiel thought secretly she was looking a bit like Mazikeen.
From what the hybrid was guessing, she had an unknown human rival. Nobody told her. Neither Mazikeen, neither Samael himself… The whole concept was coming to her as a shock. Of course, the Devil had shown early a clear rebellious streak. But him loving (or being in love with, whatever that may mean) a mortal? That was beyond tolerating them, or finding them funny and nice for distraction. Beyond listening to them and treating them as equals...
"Is God the same in your universe? Could He be able to trick Lucifer that way into making him praise creatures he used to despise before? To humiliate him or teach him some "lesson" to prove His point?"
It was the first time Castiel noticed she wasn't using "Father" (or Lucifer's sarcastic Dear Old Dad) referring to Him, but always God.
The cautious rasped voice of the stranger angel came out. "In my universe, Lucifer is so spoiled, so evil, I have ceased to believe he could be redeemed. You can't count on him; he would gladly betray and murder you for being naive enough to believe in him… I went there too many times. It's a mistake I swore not to make anymore. I don't know if my Father has still hopes… But regarding to your Lucifer, I can't tell. From where I stand, you seem all far nicer than we are!"
Amenadiel's demeanor darkened suddenly as he turned back and uttered bitterly: "Hey, I'm sorry to crash your delusion but we are not nice! She's a cold-blooded baby killer and she ate two men she had lured on purpose. She was about to do the same to you, for the record. I manipulated a demon to spy for me and a lost soul in Hell to kill my brother so he would return to his own plane. Uriel pulled the destiny strings to kill the Detective, because he thought he could gain my Father's favor in doing my own job I failed to achieve… My mother was threatening the whole planet without concern to solve her personal issues. Watch who you call "nice" here!"
The soft lips of Castiel rounded for few seconds. "You have… a mother?! Oh, forget my question, I have an aunt nobody knew about…" He displayed a sad sheepish smile. "Does the proverbial road of Hell is known here too? I know I don't look like very impressive but few years ago, I also started a rebellion to take over Paradise and ate billions of Purgatory souls to become... the new God… But anyway, my point was more to say you are not evil on a daily basis, even if you did wrong things, you made them because you thought you had no choice, or misjudge your orders."
That's when an angry protest came from Lilith, her balled fists at her waist now covered with a black fit dress. "I don't think so! How could I misjudge anything when God asked me to submit my sex every day to Adam's degrading urges? How could I misjudge when He said if I refused to bend, I would have to kill all impure children as a punishment. Who made my body this lustful and inspiring sins? Me? How could I misjudge when He talked of endless murders as consequences of MY stubbornness instead of seeing HIS own mistake?... I didn't like Adam. He wasn't treating me right, like a thing he would just own and use, because God had told him it was ok for me to be his plaything! Well, that wasn't OK for ME and nobody cared."
She was yelling now, trembling as anger was flowing through her, yet crying and throwing her arms around her, in a heart-wrenching attempt of protection. Castiel had quite a sense of preservation regarding to women: he wanted to help but didn't dare to approach.
Amenadiel groaned. "Yet, that was your high purpose to be the mother of all mankind. Since you can understand things, you could have guessed questioning this would only lead to trouble!…''
"Stop being your hypocritical self, Firstborn! she snapped with despise. "You and I were the first of our kind among angels. As far as we know, YOU could have been the Angel having constantly a big dick in his ass and no right to complain about it, since it was decided by your beloved Father, notoriously known in the Bible YOU wrote, as tending to sacrifice firstborns as expendable!''
Amenadiel went gray, obviously fighting against fury, in the slight twitch of his jaws. "You're taking this too far, Lilith, and you don't realize what you are saying."
Lilith had abandoned the white complexion glamour she was wearing for Lucifer and unconsciously turned back to her very first old self. The dark skinned tattooed petite beauty that Pierce was also seeing. It was mere instinct, not really a conscious move. She was aware she could win over Amenadiel if he was seduced by her look. However, he was actually resisting well.
Intently looking at his feet, Castiel couldn't help but hear their argument. He was seriously considering to teleport to Lebanon Kansas, right where the Bunker was in his world. Everything would be better, even a futile trip to an empty place. Anything to avoid the fact Amenadiel was saying to leave his ass out of the equation. And Lilith's petulant 'how convenient, isn't it?' – underlying he was avoiding unpleasant subjects she had to struggle with, and if his literal ass had been at stake, maybe he would have understood better why she was reacting… In his opinion, local celestials seemed to have an unusual high tolerance for casual evocations of sex, asses, naked breasts and various other things Castiel had rather never speak about... Having called Michael "Assbutt" once couldn't be used against him because he had done it more or less by mistake [2]... Distracted as he was, he didn't see coming the final ruthless blow Amenadiel sent, proving somehow he was right about the whole 'not being so nice'...
"Shut up! How can you call me hypocritical? I witnessed what you did to Samael when he was young. He was an innocent child. He was kind and full of love. You took him from us and you used him exactly the same way you claimed Adam was 'mistreating' you! For your sexual needs; that's all. Dare say you don't think he's nothing but 'yours'! Dare say you don't think to kill the one threatening your supposed title of property on him! And above all, dare say you're not aware he's having sex with you because he hopes his all-too-debated stamina will keep you satisfied, so you won't eat other mortals and unleash other monsters!…''
Amenadiel was practically roaring at the end. Lilith opened widely her eyes and her mouth. She blinked with tears and put a shaking hand over her full soft trembling lips. And then, she cloaked her shame and vanished into the air, unable to bear the awful truth that had just been told in front of her.
.
.°.
Anxious after a long trip from his parents' living fifteen kilometers from there, after having difficulties to park near a hospital he never went before and because he couldn't find a doctor to say something about the medical state of his ex-wife, Dan entered in Chloe's hospital room in quite a state of nervousness. Trixie was with him and she flew to her mother, currently resting eyes closed, half sat in her bed.
"Mommy!" predictably screamed the girl.
"Easy, easy, Monkey, let her breathe!"
When Chloe received her in her bed, the sorry eyes of the two detectives met above their child, cautious not to say much while Trixie was here.
"Mommy, are you alright?"
"Yes, Pumpkin, I'm quite well. I hit my head and everybody was frightened because there was a bit of blood, but it's nothing but a scratch indeed…"
"Careful, there", smiled Dan with relief, hands in his pocket. "You're starting to talk like your consultant. Where is he, while we're at it? I thought his mission was to protect you against... tripping over your feet…"
Trixie darted suspicious eyes at him and he managed to look like a very innocent father. Soon this game would be over with her, yet. But he wouldn't want to think it now.
Not after those few hours at his parents... The whole idea had been a huge mistake. They had told him they were missing their grand-daughter but used the time to blame him about the divorce, using every catholic argument to sustain their point of view. Marriage was a lifetime engagement (according to his mother) and he was really stupid to have let slip such a beauty from his hands (according to his father)... Dan didn't need a reminder of what had horribly gone wrong in his love life due to his bad choices. He was hoping just something good could come out from trying to date the impressive Charlotte Richards and that he could be granted a second chance…
He stopped thinking of this and focused on Chloe that was answering him.
"Lucifer had family business too, I think… I'm terribly sorry you had to come back from your week-end at your parents… Ella panicked a bit. I thought she would warn a police patrol at the precinct; not you being outside the town!"
"No problem, really. I'm glad she did."
"May I eat your jelly, Mommy, if you don't want it?"
Dan sighed and explained they left without wasting a minute and had no diner. He buried his hand in his pocket and picked a five dollar banknote. Trixie took it with a big great smile. "There's a machine just the other side of the corridor. Go and buy something but don't wander off… Let the door open so I can watch over you."
.
The brunette little girl didn't protest too much, too happy to be able to choose anything she wanted. She opened the door and walked carefully in front of the big machine, marveling at the flashy colors of the treats behind the glass. On the higher shelf, some enticing M&M's were smiling to her but she was too small to be able to press the button. She turned to see if someone could help or if she could find something to climb on, and soon she recognized a familiar tall and brooding figure, sat on a plastic chair.
"Hi, Lucifer!"
"Hello, child." he responded absentmindedly.
"You don't go and see Mommy? She's fine, you know!"
"I would prefer not. Not when you're here with Detective D… dad."
"Why? Look, my hands are very clean. Your clothes are safe…" she added with a small knowing smile.
Not caring about his haughty nod, she moved closer to take a seat next to him. Her little skinny legs were beating in the air according a rapid tempo. Thirty seconds later, she asked: "Is there something wrong, Lucifer? You don't say anything funny. Are you in a bad mood?"
"Indeed, I am."
"Well, in that case, I saw a pack of Cool Ranch Puffs over there… If you gave me two dollars and fifty cents more, I could buy one and share it with you to cheer you up…"
On hearing this offer, Lucifer snapped from his brooding and turned towards her. Elbows on his knees to be at her eye level, he was considering her small frame with curiosity, while giving her ten dollars out of his wallet. "Deal. Take two. How do you know I like potato chips?"
"As you already know, I like chocolate cake veeeery much. To be even, I asked Mom and Dad what you were eating at the precinct, when you are not stealing my sandwiches…"
"Well, well, always surprising me, Beatrice. And what did those little tattletales said about my tastes?"
Trixie grinned mischievously, happy to share that moment with her funny adult friend. "Dad said you also steal all his puddings on purpose, and Mommy talked about Cool Ranch Puffs. She also adds you eat like a child when you're not 'boozing up'. I don't know what it means but I think it's bad, because she's making her Mommy-doesn't-like-it frown."
"Her usual face when it comes to me..."
Trixie went to the machine and came back, opening the potato chips bag and holding it between them, so he could have some. She added thoughtfully: "Don't worry, Lucifer. Mommy still likes you very much."
The Devil let out a derisive snort and Trixie made a weird amused smile at his silent admission; quite proud, as always, when he was being honest with her, not giving a single crap to the fact she was a child and needed to be "spared". She pouted hesitantly. "Is that why you bought a book to learn how to be a boyfriend?"
"What now? Who's gossiping about me? Do you have a name?"
"Maze. But she was quite shocked."
"Well… For your information, this appalling volume about courtship is full of nonsensical rubbish… Usually, I just have to show up and that's it..."
She glanced in the corridor to see if someone was coming and asked in a conspiratorial tone. "You know Mommy is very serious. You should show you are too if you want her to listen. Does the book explain how to propose?"
Lucifer nearly choked on a traitorous bunch of salted chip. "Are you kidding me?"
"No. It's easy to do. I can tell you. All you need is a small box with a shiny ring, be on one knee, and look at her like the cat of Shrek and say "please, pretty please". It works all the time… Or… you could give her a baby! If you do, she'd marry you. Plus, I could have a little brother or sister. It's a win-win. What do you think?"
Lucifer was opening his mouth to answer something he shouldn't, when he saw Dan's head at the door wearing an upset face, and stopped. The police detective went out and took his daughter by the hand to make her stand behind him. Trixie looked at the open bag of crisps, delighted by the golden petals, and then reluctantly offered it to Lucifer, thinking probably he could need it more.
"What are you talking about with my daughter?"
All smiles, Lucifer winked before launching a provocative: "Procreation, I guess…"
"What? Are you crazy? She's nine, you perv! Trixie, go to your mother while I lecture him with words I don't want you to hear!"
The little one made sad puppy eyes mouthing at the Devil a silent "I'm sorry" and he flashed her one of his signature grin, probably conveying the proper amount of "I can manage" vibe, because she obeyed and went to see her mom.
.
Dan pulled the door a little and talked low with a concerned look. He didn't know why but Lucifer seemed oddly knackered. "Is that true?"
"Daniel, I've told you countless times I don't lie. But you don't need to panic. Beatrice just asked me if I wanted to give a baby to the Detective, in order to be a big sister, which is obviously a no. If you hadn't interrupted, I could have disabused her, explaining I'm unable to father when mortals are involved."
"Jeez! God exists and He is wise!" muttered playfully Dan. "But that's not the point. I wanted to ask why you let Chloe being hurt! I thought things were clear between you and me. Your part is to protect her on the field! Where were you? And why did Lieutenant Pierce have to intervene? He will sack her in no time for ineptitude!"
Lucifer managed to look genuinely sorry. "I wouldn't let him do this. I was with Lilith. Not long after you left us at Lux, she had a miscarriage. We were alone in the outskirts, and that was… bloody ugly, to say the least."
"I… I am sorry… I didn't know. Is she all right?"
"Yes, yes… but I'm concerned about the Detective's safety now. I sent Maze on the tracks of those guys who attacked her but I was waiting Miss Lopez for more information about them."
"She'll come back soon, she had a phone call from some priest, I think…"
From the room, Chloe raised her voice. "Lucifer, I can hear you're there. Could I speak with you a moment, please?"
.
(tbc)
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Author's notes
[1] Archangel Raphael is known to be the angel of healing, among other things.
[2] If you don't know the real Castiel of Supernatural, he's used to say weird sentences, making expressions of his own, mostly trying to copy his friends and failing. This one is seen as pretty typical and part of what fan love about him.
