Sorry for the wait guys, I just had tons of school work. I don't understand anything the math teacher says and I have to catch up on my own & other shit. Always remember you can have bonus information about the story's progress on my main profile page. u/4503212/TheOriginOfBliss
Erica sighted loudly as she rolled over on my sofa. She released another "Can we go now?" as she sat up, looking straight at me.
I was readjusting the straps of my top and didn't hear her at first, but when she came right next to me and yelled another "Can we go now?" right in my ear, I had to give her attention.
"No", I uttered. "Look, Erica, maybe you can go ahead of me and wait there."
Erica let herself plummet to the ground and rolled her eyes. "If I do that, I'll be sure to wait for you until fucking midnight or something. Why are you so cautious about your outfit, anyway?"
"Because there's gonna be people and people are going to look at me", I answered in a mocking way.
"You don't care about people, usually. This time, you care about something else." She sat down on the wooden floor and winked at me. "I don't think he's going to stare at your outfit and judge it, Amanda. Put on something simple and let's go."
I looked at her, and then glanced in the mirror at the puffy white tank top and tight white skirt I was currently wearing. Erica was right: it was too much. I just walked into that party looking like this and it would be obvious that I'm secretly trying to impress someone. In fact, I had decided I won't even try to impress him. I had to wait and fully recover from my previous heartache before starting any new relationship. I had to think, and get to know him better.
"You're right", I said as I almost ripped off my clothes, remaining in my lacy underwear within seconds. "To hell with looking fancy and classy and whatever." I grabbed my old light blue jeans and a large Beatles t-shirt, completing the look with the Converse sneakers I usually wore to concerts.
"There's the good old Amanda", Erica grunted, still lying on the floor. She slowly got up and brushed some
imaginary dust off her black jeans. "Let's get out of here."
"Wait!", I almost yelled on a panicked tone. "What about makeup?"
Erica brought her hands to her red hair, letting me know that she was perfectly ready to rip it off. She was just going to yell my name when I raised a conciliating hand and laughed. "Kidding. Let's go."
The studio wasn't too far from my home. In fact, it was right next to an old art gallery where I had once exposed a series of paintings about nature. I remember it alright. It was a sunny morning, and I had somehow managed to carry all 20 paintings by myself. It was a relief that I had done them on small canvases.
The street had come alive with the sounds of music coming out of nightclubs and car drivers eager to get back home from their evening shifts. The sidewalks were crowded, mainly with people my age or maybe just a little older. When we finally arrived at the studio, the crowd at the front door was so big that I had to grab Erica's hand to avoid getting lost.
When we finally managed to get inside, I realised how slow I had been. The guys were getting ready to take the
stage, and the crowd inside was so big that it was impossible to get anywhere near the stage. Erica and I found a place at the back of the room.
I looked onstage, trying to find Matt. When his head finally popped up from behind an amplifier, I tried making eye contact with him, but it was impossible. I was at the far back of the room, and I was short. Plus, right now, I was ready to bet that everyone in the room was trying to make eye contact with the frontman. I didn't stand a chance.
Erica was right. I should've hurried up.
Suddenly, I noticed Matt was looking for someone as well. I blushed a little when the thought that I might be the one he's searching crossed my mind, but I didn't try to grab his attention. If I made a sign and it turned out I wasn't the one he's looking for, it would be just plain awkward.
He finally resigned and turned around, facing Dom. They exchanged a couple of words, and then Matt quickly
introduced the band and started playing the riff to Plug in Baby.
Usually, I would've jumped with the crowd. Besides, this was one of my favorite songs off Origin of Symmetry. But we were right at the back, and my stomach was starting to ache for some reason. I groaned as I hit the table
behind me and sat down on it. Erica immediately sat down next to me, just as if she were experiencing the same need to disappear underground and never resurface.
I started questioning myself on what Matt might tell me if we talked tonight. I had seen him twice, and I already
understood who he really was. He wasn't the shy guy on camera. Well, sometimes he did act like the shy guy on
camera, but there was another side of him that the medias and the music channels and the interviewers had failed to show the world. He was also a determined man who didn't give up.
Twice, I had acted like I didn't want to engage in anything. And yet, I was sure that he'd still go after me tonight. I
could bet on anything that he'd slip a flirty message into our conversation, or maybe even check out if I'm up for a kiss.
And suddenly, at the mention of the world "kiss", I started wondering how it would feel like to kiss him. First off, it
would be weird to kiss the frontman of my favorite band. It's the same feeling as hearing from your teachers about an amazing student, and then meeting that one student in person as you walk down the school halls. It's like bumping into some kind of god. So many people have told you about how special and unique he is, and suddenly you've got him standing in front of you, and you're in awe because you think, "This is the guy everyone talks about." And you start feeling intimidated by him because you get the impression he's superior.
It's the same thing with Matt. When I met him at that party, I felt exactly like that. I had, standing right before me,
the guitar god, the piano master, the frontman of my favorite band. When he started flirting with me, I felt like God himself had descended from Heaven to propose to me.
I slipped away from my train of thoughts when Erica poked me in the side with her elbow. I looked at her,
questioning her actions. She simply pointed to a gap at the side of the crowd, and nodded her head in the stage's direction. She was asking me to go with her nearer the front of the stage. Before I could even say no to her, before I could tell her that I was trying to think, she grabbed my hand and started walking.
I didn't say anything, though. She would've never had heard me over the music. Plus, this was my only chance of making eye contact with Matt and showing him that I'm here, that I've accepted his invitation, that I hadn't given up on our... friendship. If that's what it was.
Once we reached the front of the stage, though, I didn't try to make him look at me. I just stayed calmly on the side as they started their second song of their set, which was Citizen Erased. But after a brief moment, Matt started scanning the crowd again. I shrunk to the side of the stage, not wishing to get noticed by his burning gaze, but he was quicker. His eyes met mine in a second and I felt a lightning bolt jolt throughout my entire body, electrifying every part of me. His lips formed a smile and I forced myself to smile back.
Once his eyes trailed off of me and on the strings of his guitar again, though, I quickly drew back. One look had
been enough to make me unstable. I already felt a million butterflies swarming inside of me, taking over my
stomach. I stepped back with a grunt, hitting the brick wall behind me, and I stayed glued to that wall for the rest of the song.
The crowd erupted with cheers as Matt hit the last chord of the song, and I sketched a quick smile when he looked over at me. He slowly approached the microphone and cupped it with both his hands, visibly wanting to say something. He opened his mouth, and closed it. The crowd slowly got a little more silent. Matt looked over at Chris and I heard a muffled "I can't do this".
Chris rolled his eyes, looking exasperated. I frowned a little, trying to remember the last time I had seen the band's bassist look like that. Usually, he was overly patient. After a moment, he walked over to Matt, snatched the microphone away from him and spoke for the crowd:
"So we were supposed to do Dark Shines, but Matt had a last moment decision because he's nuts over a girl that's standing in the crowd as we speak", Chris muttered. "I'm sure everyone here will recognize the song."
Matt blushed to the root of his hair and looked utterly mortified. Chris just walked away to his side of the stage.
Erica looked at me in confusion. I felt my face grow hot with embarrassment. After what seemed like an eternity,
Matt finally hit the first chord of the song in a very awkward way.
I suddenly felt bad as everyone around me "Aaah'ed" and "Oooh'ed", instantly recognizing the song. I had never
heard it before. It sounded simple, sweet, melodic... I waited for the words, hoping that I'd guess the song before it ended.
Matt finally walked over to the microphone, looking at a distant point in the crowd. I suddenly felt my heart rise and get stuck in my throat. He was looking at someone. His face was bright red and his eyes were shiny and he was looking at someone... other than me. I felt a pang of jealousy but had to hold it back. Of course, he was. How in the world did I ever dare to hope that a guy like him would ever be attracted to a girl like me? I felt my face grow hot once again as I heard the first words of the song escape from his lips:
Babe, tomorrow's so far away
There's something I just have to say
I don't think I can hide what I'm feelin' inside
Another day, knowin' I love you
And I, I'm getting too close again
I don't want to see it end
If I tell you tonight will you turn out the light
And walk away knowin' I love you?
Oh, so he actually loved her. Well, good for her. It must feel amazing. I wiped a single, lonely tear away from my left eye as I took a couple of clumsy backwards steps, but I suddenly froze into place as I heard the guitar get louder and the first words of the chorus:
I'm gonna take you by surprise and make you realize,
I turned around and faced him, eager to hear what the chorus held for this mysterious beautiful girl in the crowd that he loved so much. Just so I know. But as I heard the next word come out of his mouth, my jaw dropped and my hands flew to my mouth.
Did he just sing my name? I must've heard him wrong. I kept looking at the stage, listening for the rest of the
chorus.
I'm gonna tell you right away, I can't wait another day,
Amanda
Fuck me. He said Amanda.
I'm gonna say it like a man and make you understand
Amanda
There was a short pause, and the whole thing almost felt like slow motion. His hand gingerly grazed the strings,
and his gaze was drawn upon me as he sang a quiet "I love you".
He frowned for a moment and took in every detail as he kept singing,
And I feel like today's the day (while he took in my gaping mouth)
I'm lookin' for the words to say (while he looked at my hand, which was now resting somewhere on my left shoulder)
Do you wanna be free, are you ready for me (at this point he was smiling)
To feel this way
I don't wanna lose you
He drew back from the microphone and looked at me.
So, it may be too soon, I know
The feeling takes so long to grow
If I tell you today will you turn me away
And let me go?
I don't wanna lose you
He started playing a guitar solo that sounded like the chorus, and I wanted to listen to it, but I couldn't. My knees grew weaker and I felt like fainting. I rubbed my forehead with my left hand, trying to prevent it from happening, and tried to find the bathroom as quickly as I could. When the plain, black lady sign came before my eyes, I gladly ran for it and pushed the door. I found a free cabin and locked myself inside as I tried to breathe in and out.
I had fainted before, and I wasn't too eager to repeat the experience. It had been many years ago, when I had to
briefly introduce a play that a group of students from my school had set up. I got on stage, and before I could even start my speech I freaked out at the enormous amount of people standing there, before me, and fainted without a word. Obviously, my classmates were mad at me and the meaner ones even called me "the fainter" for a couple of months.
But for now, my previous experiences weren't important. I had to find out the meaning behind what had happened out there, on the dancefloor. Up until now, I had thought Matt just wanted to get laid. But there was a stronger meaning behind the lyrics of that song.
I noticed the music had stopped. By now, he was surely offstage, looking everywhere for me, asking himself how
and when and where I had disappeared. I couldn't go out there yet, though. Not while I was sure I'd faint again.
I suddenly heard someone come into the washroom. Two girls for sure, because I had only heard two voices. I
frowned a little, trying to remember where I had hear them before.
"Do you honestly think he was referring to her?", one of them said on an almost outraged tone.
"Well, they were together last time we met!", the other voice snapped.
"Yeah, but he can't possibly like a girl like her!", the first voice argued.
"Well, I don't think so either, but still... it's possible, you know!"
There was a short silence, and one of the girls sighed deeply before talking again:
"Then what the fuck does he see in Amanda?", the first voice asked.
My eyes widened as I finally recognized the voice and I had to clamp my hands over my mouth to avoid gasping in surprise. It was Jane's! And the other voice belonged undoubtedly to Kathy! What business did they have following me around like that? Okay, they could've been at the other party because they knew people in town who had invited them, but what the fuck were they doing at this concert, given the fact that they didn't even like Muse?
I briefly put an end to my thoughts when Kathy's voice finally answered Jane. "I have no idea. She seems to be
pretty daft, at least from my point of view."
"And short. And she only listens to boring music. I mean, who likes the Smiths anymore?"
"I don't know", Kathy said. "Maybe he does."
A few giggled were exchanged, and the bathroom door was slammed.
I cautiously opened the cabin door, poking my head outside. They were gone. I smiled to myself thinking about the way they saw me, the way they thought I was. Daft? I had gotten that before. Short? It was a reality I had learned to accept. Boring music? Those were the exact words people used to describe the music that was too complex for them to understand and like.
I quickly fixed my hair in the mirror, pushing away their words. If they thought they had me cornered with their
supposedly hurtful insults, they were pretty much wrong. I confidently got back on the dance floor, ready to go talk to Matt. I could do it. Go talk to him, ask about what the whole song thing meant. I walked towards the front of the stage, sure that I'd find him there, when a strong hand gripped my shoulder.
I turned around, wondering who it might be, and felt my face grow hot, then cold, then hot again, as I noticed the
most striking feature that the person's face bore.
A pair of electric blue eyes, starting at me with the happiest expression they had to offer.
(For those wondering, the song is 'Amanda' by Boston.)
