Thanks to a tumblr resource collection blog, I finally found an explanation for why he's named Kaworu. It's fairly common knowledge that Nagisa can mean 'of the shore' or 'messenger,' but it's not actually a matter of writing it with different kanji: if you seperate out the parts of a kanji in Nagisa, you get those meaning messenger. So it's not a pun based on similar sound from an alternate spelling, but rather the meaning is already spelled out in the name, obvious to anyone who takes a good look at it.
Kaworu is also a character-based code, but it's a letter substitution code. One of the very basic ways of encoding something, one I played with as a child, is to move every letter up one in the alphabet: A is replaced by B, B with C, and so on. So angel would become bohfm.
Why they use the 'wo' in Kaworu instead of spelling it Kaoru, a common name, has puzzled a lot of people. However, take the Japanese word 'owari' and move the letters o-wa-ri each up one in the katakana alphabet, and you get Ka-wo-ru.
The entire name 'Kaworu Nagisa' is nothing but a childishly simple code for 'the final messenger.'
This has two implications, the first being that SEELE wasn't even bothering to try to fool Gendo (which I think is already obvious from his appearance, as I've said before) & the other being that instead of having a unique and eccentric first name that would indicate he had some input into his human identity (or someone at SEELE gave a damn about naming him anything other than Tabris), it was very clearly concieved as nothing more than a code name. That makes sense: they certainly wouldn't have wanted him to become invested in a human identity, nor start to think of himself as Kaworu instead of Tabris. Since Kaworu refuses to end the world, a first name meaning 'End' is... Yeah.
However, in this 'verse, where Kaworu is doing his own disguising and identity-making, it ends up being very appropriate that it's a childish code because he was a child when he came up with it: he created that identity to study music years before he met Shinji, when he was at the age when that kind of hidden message seems clever. And, after all, if his name says what he is, then he isn't lying to anyone when he says, "I'm Kaworu Nagisa." Because he might as well be saying, "I'm the Final Messenger."
He was dressed like Kaworu, even if that wasn't what he'd worn when Kaji escaped with him. Everything at Kaworu's address had been confiscated by the Intelligence Division. Shinji doubted this was what he wore at home, and it definitely wasn't what Tabris wore when he fought Misato or appeared in public as Tabris. So had he bought these, or had them bought for him, specially?
He was dressed like Kaworu, but his hair and skin were so pale, tinged with that grey and picking up the hue of the lights overhead. Maybe he'd look more human at sunrise or sunset, with all the reds and yellows giving him some color.
He almost looked like Kaworu's ghost, except he smiled and Shinji didn't know whether to say, "Sorry to make you wait so long," or, "Welcome back." Something lost and precious had returned to him, what was lost had been found, except Kaworu might still decide to leave again. Shinji might mess up and make him leave, so the relief was still mingled with worry.
That was when he accepted that Kaworu hadn't been a lie, that Tabris really was Kaworu, because if that wasn't so Kaworu didn't exist, Shinji couldn't get him back and that just wasn't an option. Even if Kaji was lost to Misato, Shinji couldn't give up when his, his partner was right in front of him. He just had to figure out how to make him stay. Stay Shinji's Kaworu.
"Excuse me: Is there a book or some other way I could learn to apply makeup like you did?" Rei asked before Shinji could think of what to say. "My experiments were not very successful." Partially because she'd tried caking on more and more so it stopped looking odd on her skin instead of blending, but then it just looked even odder.
"He's still wearing a little," Misato told Rei and Shinji, nodding. "He looks different and it's not just that usually when we fought he was glowing." There were hints of color here and there. "He doesn't look this much more human than you do, Rei." Tabris looked at her apologetically, but Misato spread her hands. "You're talking to someone who was a media darling at an age when I had horrible acne. Believe me, I know about using makeup in order to not look terrible," as opposed to trying to be prettier than she really was, or for vanity. "But we go back a ways, don't we? It's these two you should think about. Shinji deserves the truth and Rei already thinks she's the ugly duckling without her brother being so much prettier than she is."
"I didn't want Shinji to react to me with fear." Or distaste.
"You're nervous, Kaworu," Shinji told him, blushing. "I've never seen you nervous before. I think that it doesn't suit you, but it does make you seem more human?" Even if he wasn't, at least he cared about what Shinji thought about him enough to worry. Enough to feel pain at the thought of rejection. Of being alone?
Or of losing Shinji?
Kaworu smiled back, so grateful for Shinji's smile and those words, and Shinji was somehow certain that if Kaworu could, he would be blushing. Were his cheeks slightly more blue-gray, flushed with blood that wasn't quite human? Even if studying their bodies had shown that humans and angels were genetically very close.
"I would like to play with you again, Shinji, before the end," the angel said. "I would like that very much."
"Yeah, about that," Misato interrupted. "The end, I mean."
"If you are talking about SEELE's treachery, that my union with Lilith would only resurrect Adam, I already know. The assassin was one of Gendo's followers, and he was killed before he even got out of the building. Fortunately, the guard only shot him in the chest." Leaving the brain intact when Kaworu, Tabris, was an angel.
Shinji felt a little sick, remembering what happened to Touji, but this was Kaworu.
"The assassin was told he should go to that guard for help escaping from Sanctuary to reach Gendo's stronghold. The guard thought our counterintelligence head thought that Kaji was too much of a risk, even after verifying that Kaji really had been our agent from the beginning." That he wasn't making it up, but really had been a spy even before he met Misato. "Our counterintelligence head wrote a letter of apology to me for targeting one of my own, and then killed himself a little more effectively. The timing of that didn't match up, and I realized I should go to the one who knows most about everything SEELE does."
"Lorenz? You're handing over Lorenz to us?" This wasn't worth Kaji's life, but even knowing that, Misato couldn't help but grin.
"His body," Tabris said, firmly but apologetically. "I can't give you his soul. His Holiness Keel was the true center of SEELE. He possessed knowledge of so many things no other single Lilim knew. At first, it was so that no other would bear the guilt of knowing what their actions would contribute to, what had to happen in the future. Then it was power," and when even kind Tabris admitted that? "He wished for instrumentality more than complementation. I needed to verify that if I merged with Lilith, the souls of the Lilim truly would cease to exist as themselves. Lorenz Keel's body is alive. His soul is no more. His knowledge is mine. I have already informed the full Council of this," including the representatives of the new members, not just the Committee. "For now, I will be taking Lorenz's place as leader of SEELE. They will not move on Tokyo-3 or the UN until a decision is reached or without my approval."
It was a shock to her to hear that Tabris actually had done what she'd feared he would do to her for years, because in the end she had come to believe that he didn't have it in him. But they were all growing up, weren't they? And that brought things called responsibilities with it.
Keel must have believed that Tabris wouldn't do it either. That he would get away with killing Kaji, because even though he and Gendo were the obvious suspects once the possibility of UN involvement was ruled out, he was more than wily enough to make sure it couldn't be traced back to him. What power on earth had the power to hold him accountable for anything, except for Tabris? The UN had tried and failed for years.
Had he finally experienced the same nightmare he'd inflicted on the world? What had he said, to drive Tabris to accept and take advantage of the dark side of his own power? Respect was the combination of fear and love, and Tabris had hated being feared. Not wanted to do anything to confirm the world's belief that he was a monster. Yet he'd given Kaji shelter, and maybe it was Tabris her husband had believed in, or wanted to, not SEELE? One among so many others that the angel was responsible for, who believed in him.
Keel would never have forgotten that the angel was an angel. But she could see him being foolish enough to fail to see that the angel was no longer a child trying to be loved. He was someone aware that he was loved, someone with people to protect. People Keel had used him to protect, groomed him to protect.
A man like that made few miscalculations, but she could see him failing to realize, up until the end, what it really meant that the angel cared.
"Because they need you to die to follow SEELE's complementation recipe," Misato told him, even if he really had absorbed Keel, who must have known. She didn't doubt that Tabris was willing to do it if he was willing to kill. She doubted he would accept the rest.
"I know that, now. I would not hesitate to die to end the pain of the Lilim, but first the ritual must be studied and confirmed to work as the traditions say it does." After Keel lied when he told the world that Tabris could grant them complementation and godhood? "Second, my death and Eva 01 are not the only keys to the ritual. As crafted, it cannot take place without the Third Child."
"Are you really okay with driving Shinji insane?" Ritsuko asked, folding her arms.
Shinji stared at her and Rei frowned deeply at the thought.
"I am certain that Shinji's heart would recover, but that isn't the only reason he is necessary. The Third Child is the only being capable of killing me," Tabris told her, smiling. "That is why our meeting was fated. I was born to meet him, and become willing to die by his hand."
"Wait, Kaworu…" No!
"So, neither the UN nor SEELE can afford for Shinji to die. Without him, you cannot stop me. Without him, there will be no paradise, no Promised Day." Kaworu smiled at him reassuringly. "I don't need the future to dream of happiness the way Lilim do, Shinji. I am happy with only this: that you have accepted me. That I take away enough of your painful loneliness that you would feel pain if you lost me. It brings me great joy."
Seeing him smile like that, all Shinji could think of was that if Kaworu glowed a bit, the way he did during official appearances and all the footage of him battling Misato, then Shinji really would have to believe that he was an angel. "You're too kind," Shinji said, and while that was a compliment it was also a bad thing, because, "Someone as good as you are should live." The world would be better off for it.
"Well, it is up to you," Kaworu told him. "My fate is in your hands, but you Lilim… You suffer so, Shinji. I get so many letters from those who have suffered greatly, who yearn for complementation." He looked up at Shinji's sister. "Do not say that life is pain, Misato. These people do not deserve to die. They do not deserve this pain any more than you did."
"We will have this conversation again later," again and again until he listened, "But I'm willing to trade music sessions with Shinji for make-up lessons for Rei."
Kaworu was surprised. "It isn't a hardship to spend time with my sister. I let her be taken into your care so that she would be safe. So she would have a home that would bring her happiness. If she wishes to walk among the Lilim and be treated as one of them, I will be happy to spend as much time as it takes to show her what I've learned."
"Sorry," Misato said. "I guess I'm just so used to having to stand up for Rei."
"Are you happy, sister?" Kaworu asked her now. "The two of us are the same, and we are not. Do you suffer as the Lilim do?" Since her soul was Lilith's instead of one born from Adam?
Rei did not respond immediately, and Ritsuko knew her well enough to see that she was trying to choose her words carefully, probably to avoid implying that Ritsuko and Misato weren't adequate. "I have a home, but I would like to make friends among my peers."
"Lilim your own age." Or at least the age she seemed: Rei was only half Shinji's age. Lilith was billions of years old. "I will do all I can to help you."
Kaworu did seem different, Shinji thought, and it wasn't just the coloring. "So this is how Tabris talks to people?" More benevolent than familiar?
It made his friend look happy, that Shinji noticed the difference. "I'm sorry, Shinji. I suppose I was falling back on formality because there was business to discuss." And he was a little nervous. "Can you stay long?" Kaworu asked hopefully.
Shinji looked at Misato. "I can, and Ritsuko can, but we can't have two out of three pilots out of Tokyo-3 for very long," she told Tabris. "Asuka's on call, but Rei has the night shift because she sleeps at the base anyway."
"I wish I could come with you," Kaworu said. Glancing at Shinji, he mentioned that, "I have a cello and a violin here, although they aren't yours, I know. I've already given the ambassador instructions," on the flight over, "so we could see how out of practice we are, or… What is Rei to you?"
It took Shinji a second to think of that, because now instead of looking like an abomination, Rei looked like Kaworu. "My niece?" Because Misato was his big sis, she and Ritsuko were Sisters and Ritsuko had adopted Rei.
Ritsuko put her hand on Rei's shoulder. She'd had an unrequited crush on Misato for quite awhile when she was a teenager, so she knew how that felt.
Kaworu looked relieved. "Do you want to come up to my rooms while I show her a few things until she has to go?"
"That sounds fine," Shinji said, not really registering that he'd be watching someone put makeup on someone else.
"Do you mind if I come too?" Ritsuko asked, because she wasn't letting her daughter out of her sight, not in SEELE territory, not around people with diplomatic immunity who might want Rei dead.
Kaworu shook his head. "No, I'm glad." That she wanted to protect Rei. "This way."
"That," Ritsuko said when Kaworu opened one of the double doors leading to the bathroom, "is a bathtub." She wanted a few hours alone with it, some bubble bath, the latest scientific journals and a few sponges.
"Wow, it's big enough to be a public bath, Kaworu," was Shinji's reaction, although the closest he'd ever come to those was the bath in NERV's pilot-only locker room.
"It has massage jets," Ritsuko said somewhat longingly. Too many hours, too much stress: she could really use a back massage.
Rei thought it was a pity it wasn't big enough to swim laps in, but didn't say anything. The others agreed it was strangely big instead of unfortunately small, and she didn't want to be the odd one out.
"It was put in for me." White marble and all – whoever designed these rooms had managed to pick colors that highlighted but flattered Tabris' alien complexion. "I like baths. They're very relaxing, aren't they?"
All of them nodded, Ritsuko the most firmly, as Tabris walked past the bathtub to the table with the three large mirrors to reflect the person who sat in the stool from different angles. "Sit here, Rei."
She looked at Ritsuko first, but did, watching Tabris in the mirrors as he came up behind her and began pulling out different drawers. "Nothing I use is water soluble, so if you want to wear it home I'll give you a bottle of solvent so you can take it off later." When it started to wear off. "Since you aren't in as much danger as I was when I was learning, I'll find you normal versions of the colors you like so it won't be as much trouble to fix mistakes."
"Thank you," she said, a little surprised by his assumption that of course he would give her what she needed, but then he did have the resources of a country, so she couldn't refuse because it was too much trouble.
It was a little strange to feel someone touch her, not Ritsuko's hugs or a medical examination but tilting her face one way or another, looking into her eyes, pulling her hair up to show her how it could look. It was an examination, but there was nothing clinical about it, no surprise or revulsion. Physicians knew the human body, and even the pediatrician Ritsuko found who liked Rei couldn't help how all the wrongnesses about Rei's body jumped out at her, worried her because she was trained to notice such deviations from the norm and figure out what sickness caused them, how much danger her patient was in if those signs were there. She didn't see Rei as an enemy, but the signs she was an angel still alarmed her. Kaworu, though, wasn't surprised by how she looked at all, and even seemed to approve of some things he noticed, from the way he hummed. Like he didn't think there was anything wrong with her, like he knew that she could be pretty.
Her… brother. They were the same kind of being, weren't they? So the proof she was alien that bothered humans would only prove that she was like him, instead of bothering him the way it did Shinji?
Kaworu rested his hands on his shoulders after he put a few different colors of various things out on the table and began to explain how it worked. She already knew what all of them were called and what they were supposed to be used for, but she hadn't really understood about undertones, how colors appeared different depending on the lighting and what she was wearing, all these complicated things. "It sounds like chemistry." All the reactions.
"That's part of it, yes," Kaworu told her. "And color addition, color subtraction, color theory… It's an art just as much as music is. Lilim have schools that teach this." Noticing that she was a little overwhelmed, after reassuring her that he didn't expect her to find it simple by assuring her that everyone required training he asked her, "Do you want me to choose the foundation and basics for you this time, and I'll explain a little more while I put them on?"
She nodded, relieved but making notes of what to study. Science, science she could do, and she'd already learned a bit about light and pigments, even all of the fashion things about winters had gone over her head.
Her brother's hands were gentle and his red eyes were kind, not cold as so many described hers. When he wasn't explaining things patiently he hummed.
This wasn't quite what she had hoped for from Shinji, but she still liked this, she decided. Rei hadn't known it would be possible to put her hair up until it was as long as Ritsuko's. Kaworu wasn't going further down with the different powders and solutions than the middle of her neck, so it bothered her a little to see the division between the face that was beginning to look healthy and human and the pallid, alien skin beneath it. Was this what it was like for humans to see her standing next to another human, the contrast making her nature painfully obvious?
At least his grey hair was humanly possible, even if not at his age, unlike her pale blue, she thought, and tried not to feel jealous. He was friends again with Shinji now too, and although she was relieved that Shinji didn't hate all abominations now, had accepted him back since it meant there was hope for her, she wished Shinji had met her first as a fellow Lilim instead of a creepy little girl who didn't know to blink.
"You feel like Grandmother," she told him.
"Grandmother?"
"My Eva. Grandma Naoko. Misato brought me in with her my first time, to introduce me. She was Ritsuko's mother." Naoko walked her through fighting and other things in the Eva, was protective of Rei and said that as her grandmother it was her job to spoil her, although she had to ask Ritsuko to do the actual buying of things.
"Ah." How nice, to have a grandmother. His smile made her feel lucky, just a bit. "Hmm. Maybe I've gone about this wrong."
"What do you mean?"
"You don't need to disguise yourself: the Lilim know how you look, that you fight for them. Instead of making you look like a Lilim, I should have thought of how to make you beautiful." He crouched down to look over her shoulder at the mirror, eyes level with hers, and she noticed that his were closer to a true red than the color of LCL. "I wish my hair was your color. Such a pretty pale blue: it would be a shame to dye it. That was what made me realize that I shouldn't." One arm wrapped around her from behind, to hug her. "Blue lace agate… I'm sorry for wasting your time like this: let me wash this off and I'll do what I can, properly this time, before you have to go."
