Part 2, Chapter XI: A boy, a man, a wolf.

Disclaimer: I like to play pretend in the house Stephanie Meyer created but I really like to do renovations because I don't particularly like the finishes or the majority of the house (is that a witty enough way to say I don't own shit and think that the Twilight Universe has promise? Yeah, I think so).

Warning: This story contains Adult Content. Beware.

Summary: Charlie Swan went missing on the 12th of November 2005. They found no blood, and no body but the police had stopped looking. That's why I was coming back to Forks. I had to find my father. Follow Bella in this dark exploration of what the Twilight Universe could be when faced with the reality of wolves pretending to be boys, and monsters pretending to be high school students.


Missing Youth

by: brbbbe (Emily)


'Cause I've done some things that I can't speak
And I've tried to wash you away but you just won't leave
So won't you take a breath and dive in deep
'Cause I came here so you'd come for me

I'm begging you to keep on haunting
I'm begging you to keep on haunting me
I'm begging you to keep on haunting
I know you're gonna keep on haunting me

Halsey - Haunting


Previously:

Breathe, I told myself, trying to suppress the wolf inside me.

I was going to see Bella.

And I couldn't contain myself.


JACOB

The second time Bella had truly seen me, she looked at me with fear.

When I had been the wolf, she had looked at me with wonder. Stunted shock, and maybe even excitement, but there had been no fear in her eyes when I had imprinted. The second time, however, she had been agape with fear. Nervousness was steaming off her, rolling through the room where her own father had been taken.

I could still smell the stench of bleach and vinegar. It burnt my nostrils, even if the trail was weeks old. It hung in the room, heavier than the cloud cover above the tiny town of Forks. The room looked nothing like what it had been when Charlie had been taken – I could distinctly remember the carnage that the leech's had left when they had abducted Charlie Swan.

The wolf howled as I surveyed Bella's nervousness, but I knew then that my imprint was smart. She had every reason to be scared of me – she should be. We were monsters; shackled to a place of addiction and poverty, and to a body that transforms into an animal. I couldn't put her in danger, not like Sam had put Emily. No, I wouldn't allow that to happen.

I told her she shouldn't be here, and she had responded snarkily. Embry had been shocked by the sight of Bella – he had seen her too many times to count in my mind, and the woman that stood in front of us had grown up from that girl. And yet she still looked the same, her eyes still held the same warmth.

Snap out of it, Jacob, I told myself as my fingers trembled. Clenching my fists in an attempt to hide how my body yearned for her, how my wolf yearned for her, my words came out toxic. I didn't want her here, no matter how much my wolf may sing at the sight of Isabella Swan.

She shouldn't be here. She couldn't.

When I had first imprinted, fourteen and barely old enough to jack off without the fear I'd be caught, and a newly phased wolf to boot, I had adored the thought of imprinting. I had been a hopeless romantic, and Bella had walked into my yard – and right into my life – five days after my first phase. I was a boy, pretending to be a wolf, pretending to be a boy.

And then, just like that, she had left. With little to no care for my heart, or how it yearned for her, she went back to her life in Phoenix. I had been devastated; no, scratch that, I had been fucked up. The imprint was unlike anything I had ever experienced before – when I said she was gravity, I truly meant it. Without her near me, or close, I was barely holding onto this Earth. Without her, I became someone unlike the boy Jake Black was.

Without her, I had become Jacob Black – Alpha, Chief, and another fucked up native kid. Without her chocolate eyes to watch, I became nervous and irritable. Without her pink lips near, my wolf became a ball of anxiety and rage. Without the scent of strawberries and freesias to fill me, I had become everything they expected me to become.

I had once asked my Dad why a lot of the kids on the Rez became what the outsiders wanted them to become. I couldn't get why they became pill popping, beer drinking, crack snorting fuckers who dropped out of high school, bred, and lived on the Rez until one day their heart or liver gave out. He, in his infinite wisdom, had just informed me that life was hard sometimes.

What a crock of shit that was.

Imagine turning into a giant animal, a canine with lupine instincts that overwhelmed you at every second, and then to top it off, to imprint on a girl that lives thousands of miles away and doesn't even know you exist. A 'hard' life would be an easy one for me. I lived a life that could barely be considered fucked up; it was a life that belonged on animal planet.

I was a boy, pretending to be a man, when really I was a wolf.

When I was a kid, the same kid that looked at the others on the Rez with distain, I had promised myself I wouldn't become like the fuck ups of the reservation. I couldn't even keep that promise to myself. I was the leader of the fucked up brigade. I couldn't last a day without popping my dose of Xanax; fuck, I had to find a fucking dealer. I went through the pills too often, too much, that the bitch of a therapist I was going to had told me I should have a break.

When I had become the wolf, Sam had told me that the only way I could survive was by dropping out. And so drop out I did. I told myself, at the time, as the two weeks high kicked in, that this was a good thing. I didn't like school anyways – this way I could get a kick start on the garage and actually start my life.

It neared two years, and there was no garage.

How could there be when my entire life was the pack? I barely had enough time to fix the cars brought to me from people who wanted a cheap fix, let alone give the cars the attention they needed. I had once thought, after imprinting on Bella that my life would include her, but after Emily, I knew that my life didn't have a space for Bella Swan. Bella Swan deserved to be with someone who could get angry with her, and not explode into a giant dog. Bella Swan deserved to be with someone whose genetics wouldn't subject their children to a life of being trapped to the reservation.

Bella Swan deserved more than me.

Even if my wolf had chosen her.

I told myself that I just needed to see her. I needed to see how her chest rose and fell, or how her cheeks warmed with life. I wanted to see Bella warm with life, and safe. When I had first imprinted, I thought Bella being in Phoenix was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. Now, all I wanted for her was to go back to Arizona – far from the tiny corner of the Earth where the supernatural lurked.

I just needed to see her safe, and then I would leave – never to see her again. I could do that. I had to do that.

But then she recognized me.

"Jacob Black," She said, her eyes widening. "You're Jacob Black, aren't you?"

Her words were a dagger to my heart, and a treat to my wolf. He yapped and pranced, before settling. I felt like screaming – no, my wolf couldn't settle. My wolf had to constantly be alert. My wolf had to protect the tribe. I had to protect my tribe. I had to protect Bella.

Embry started talking about her hair, or some shit like that, while I stopped myself from collapsing on the floor. I just wanted to hold her; I wanted to inhale her scent, and hold her to my chest. I wanted to see her smile, and be so close to her that I could see the freckles on her cheeks. So, so beautiful. So fucking beautiful. Fuck, I wanted her.

Sam had given in to Emily. Sam had sentenced her to death. I couldn't do that. The Alpha couldn't be weak.

"It doesn't matter why she's here," I said, shutting Embry up from rambling. Taking a step forward, I felt a smile spread across my lips as I inhaled her scent. Strawberries and freesias. Fuck me if that wasn't the most beautiful smell I had ever smelt. Just say it, Jacob. Tell her to leave. "Just know, Isabella, that you won't find what you're looking for. Go back to Arizona, where you belong."

She flushed, and I almost came. "I'm not scared of you. You can't scare me."

"Good," I murmured, my finger trembling as I knew this was the last time I would see her. Touch her, the wolf begged me, violently shaking with anticipation. And then, ever so carefully, my russet finger came and brushed against her ivory skin – pushing a raven curl from her peach cheek. Fuck me.

"There are a lot scarier things than us in the forest."

As I walked away, and into the forest, I told myself to keep it together. But when we got into the shadows the forest provided, I collapsed on to my knees.

"Hey, Jakey, you're okay, you made it through," Jared said, hiking me up. "You're okay, man."

I could barely breathe. My wolf was screaming; it was clawing at me from the inside, screeching to get out. But I wouldn't let it – fuck him. Fuck the wolf. I wanted to grieve, and he could wait ten fucking minutes.

"So … beautiful," I got out, before I succumbed to darkness.

XXX

I dreamt of Bella Swan for a week.

I had barely slept in the past year, and I had gotten used to my barely there sleep schedule. I had gotten used to the sleepless nights, and the tossing and turning. I had gotten used to it a long time ago.

But this week, for the first time in a year, I slept. I properly slept. Like I could have been ran over by a fucking freight train and I would have still slept. And when I was in that world of unconsciousness, I saw her face. From her beautiful, flushed cheeks, to her wide chocolate eyes; she was all I could see and I didn't want to leave her again, even if that meant never waking.

The guys had taken my patrols for the first three days. Jared had claimed it was so I could get some sleep, but I knew the real reason – he didn't want the others seeing my fucked up, 'my life fucking sucks' thoughts. He could remember what I was like the last time, and so he was probably saving the others from their Alpha's fucked up life.

I popped a Xanax, waiting for my hands to stop trembling. I got like this when I didn't run. The adrenaline that coursed through me, ready for the kill, hyped me up way too much and there wasn't even a fucking vamp near by. I shook my head as I grabbed a bite of my sandwich, the turkey sub bland as I swallowed it.

"Morning, boss," Jared said as he rubbed the back of his neck, coming out of Rachel and Rebecca's old room – now officially the packs campground.

I gave a nod. "Morning, Jared. Patrol okay last night?"

"Fine," He said with a nod. "Those nomads haven't been back in a few weeks, not since Charlie."

I winced. "You can't ever mention his name to Bella, you know?"

Jared rolled his eyes. "Like I would be that fucking dense."

"She would hate me," I mumbled at the thought of Bella learning what happened to her own father. I could barely admit it to myself. "She should hate me. Maybe I should tell her – that'll get her to go back to Arizona."

Jared sighed. That was the thing about Jared; he didn't approve of my attitude towards my imprint. But he had Kim, and he wasn't the fucking Alpha. Every thought belonged to Kim, and while he did a good job as Beta, he wasn't as focused as an Alpha needed to be.

"Jake," Jared began.

"I don't need to fucking hear it, Jared," I spat, shaking my head as I grabbed my smokes. Dad had gotten over me smoking inside after the first month, and now he didn't really mention it anymore. I lit up, feeling the relief of smoke in my lungs. "It's my decision. I need to keep her safe."

"She'll be safer with you, Jake," He said with a shrug.

"That's what Sam said about Emily," I said. "And then he let a vampire bite her."

Jared flinched. "Sam wasn't born to be Alpha. He was too hyped up; he couldn't handle it. He was never meant to be a leader, Jake. He was never meant to have that power."

"But he did," I muttered. "And it didn't do him any good, in the end, did it? Look where he is."

"I know where he is, Jake," Jared snapped. "I had to fucking burry him."

"Oh, great," Quil said as he entered, the smile slipping from his lips, "we're talking about this then?"

"We," Jared motioned between us, "are talking about it. You can go fuck off, Ateara. What the fuck did I say about switching patrols without alerting Jake? You think you can just switch with Brady? He's been a wolf for three weeks, you fucking numb nutz."

"Hey, no need to be negative," Quil said as he stole the rest of my turkey sub. "I'll text Jake before I do it next time."

I sighed, glancing at him. "No next time, Quil. Brady's thirteen. When I tell him to patrol, he'll patrol, but every time someone wants a shift off doesn't mean he's your bitch."

"Sorry, boss," Quil said with a shrug.

"Just fucking think next time Quil," I snapped, exasperated and exhausted. "Those two leech's keep getting the hikers. They got Charlie because we got that blonde fucker of theirs. They're gonna come back, and that's why I want to extend our patrol to Bella Swan's house."

Quil snorted. "Fuck, Jake, you just lectured me on switching patrols for my own convenience and now you're wanting us to be Bella Swan's bitch?"

"Hey," Jared snapped. "Lay off him, okay? Bella Swan is pack. She's the Alpha's chosen. If you want to be stuck with morning shifts for the rest of the fucking week, then stop fucking speaking."

Quil shook his head. "Listen, Jake, Bella Swan is in Forks. It's neutral ground, but you think the Adams family are gonna want us sniffing around the town?"

"They can fucking deal," I snarled, slamming my fist down. "They fucked things up enough, they can let me protect my imprint."

Jared nodded. "I'll get on the boys about working out a patrol schedule for Bella's house."

"Thanks," I mumbled, before I glanced to Jared. "You hiding out from Kim?"

"Never," Jared said, a smile overcoming him. It was the smile of a man blindly in love. "She's up in Port Angeles for the day. Her Mom wanted her to have a day 'to herself'."

Quil scoffed. "Is she still trying to convinced Kim that you're a crack snorting abuser?"

Jared nodded, the smile escaping as he was confronted with reality once again. "Yep. She found me in Kim's room the other night, and called the cops on me. She said I was a predator. Fuck, Kim and I are the same fucking age!"

"Is that what the cops said?" I questioned.

"I hightailed it outta there before the cops came," He said with a shrug. "Although I guess I didn't exactly need to with Charlie no longer sniffing around."

"Jared," I warned, before I sighed. Guilt overcame me as I thought about Charlie Swan. Another failure as Alpha. Another failure as Chief. Another failure as wolf.

"The red headed bitch led us on a fucking chase," Jared said, noticing my guilt. "And the one with dreads fucked up Paul for two weeks to get to Charlie. How were we to know what was happening to Charlie?"

"We're supposed to protect humans," I snapped, shaking my head. "And we couldn't even protect one. It's fucking pathetic."

Even Quil had the decency to look ashamed. We all should have been, but at least the others had the relief of knowing they weren't the Alpha responsible. I had made the call to put Paul on Forks duty, and I had made the call to take Embry off. If I had just left Embry on with Paul, maybe they would have been able to protect Charlie from his fate.

Maybe.

"We can't save them all, Jake," Jared said as he put his hand on my shoulder, to which I shrugged off.

"I know. But we should have been able to save him."


Preview:

"She was here?" I asked my Dad, my voice sharp.

Dad looked up from a book, and gave a small nod. "Yes, son. She came by asking about Charlie."


A/N: IT'S NOT MONDAY! Sorry, I had friends over yesterday and I didn't have time to put up a chapter. Enjoy this one today! See you on Friday!