Twilight not mine *sigh* but I still love the characters especially Jasper. He is special to me because he overcame adversity and came up on top with love and honor.
Warning: Not BETA'd and this is my way to learn how to write so please excuse grammar (I'm working on it especially by reading other ficts). I hope that as the story develops so do my skills. As always thanks for reading.
Broken Heart
Chapter 11
Uneasy Feelings
On the way back to the Cullen house/home I had a very uneasy feeling deep in my gut. I had no idea what is was about so I pushed it away and thought maybe it was me being nervous about coming between Edward and Jasper. But I felt so off. It was like the calm before the storm or the eye of a hurricane. It was like the pressure was building and the air was thick. It was hard to breathe and my body was jumpy and on edge. I really need this feeling to fucking go away. I need to get to Jazz so we could smoke and I could calm the fuck down.
As we pulled in the driveway the feeling was dulling slightly but it was still there. I could not figure out what the hell was wrong and why I felt so off and couldn't breathe right. I think maybe its just old demons. James is out of town so it couldn't be that. I pushed the feeling out of my mind the best I could. I searched the driveway but Emmett's jeep wasn't there. I knew they all went together so when I felt the little spark of hope when I saw Jazz's car, it quickly dissolved into want. I wanted him here I needed to see him to make things better. What the fuck it that I am really starting to depend on him too damn much! But oh how I just wanted to look into those crystal blues eyes with the yellow around the pupil so all these nerves would go away.
Edward came around and opened my door and helped me out of the car; I couldn't help the feeling of wanting it to be Jasper that helped me out. I sighed and went to sit on the porch steps. Edward looked at me with questioning eyes and I shook my head. He pleaded with me with his eyes to talk to him but I shook my head again. He sighed deeply and went inside. I took my phone out to text Jasper.
Hey! Where u at? –B
I didn't want to tell him just how much I needed to be with him right now because I was a chicken shit. Then my phone chimed in.
We r almost there. What's wrong darlin'? I can sense something is wrong. –J
I took a deep breathe and wrapped my arms around myself and typed in my phone again.
I really need u right now. IDK I just feel off….Please Jazzy I need u. I am so sorry…. –B
What r u sorry for? Did something happen! Did Edward do or say something to hurt you? I am really getting worried Bella talk to me. –J
NO! Jazzy, Edward didn't do anything or say anything to me. I just have a really weird feeling and I need u. I am sorry to b needy and not give u more of want u need… -B
Jesus Bella! How many times do I have to tell u? I don't care about me I only want to b here for u! Please understand! I will b right there in like 10mins, okay? –J
Hurry! –B
ALWAYS! –J
Not even ten minutes later I heard a car pulling up the driveway. I looked up to see the jeep pulling in, before I could even think about what I was doing I ran towards the jeep. I rushed to the passenger back seat where I could see Jasper sitting and I pulled his door open before he could put his hand on the handle. He pulled me into his waiting arms and I rested my head in the crook of his neck, while he rested his head on top of mine. He shifted his body pulling me away for a second to open his legs pulling me in between them so he could hold me tighter.
That was when the traitor tears stated to fall. Why was I crying? I didn't know. I only felt this crazy emotion and I just wanted to be in his arms. He pulled back slightly to look at my face and his brows furrowed.
"What's wrong, baby? Why are you crying? If he did something to you! I will not be held responsible for my actions!" I could hear the concern and anger in his voice.
I sighed and reined my emotions in so I could speak. "No Jasper, I promise Edward didn't do or say anything. I don't know I just got all emotional and irrational all of a sudden and I, I….just needed you, okay?"
"Any time, baby but what is wrong? Please talk to me. I cannot help unless you tell me what's bothering you? If you don't want to tell me at least speak with Rosalie. I cannot bear to see you like this!" All the anger had left his voice and I could hear the concern that was edging on desperation now.
"I am so sorry Jazz…I don't mean to upset you….but I really don't know what is wrong…I just feel off, okay?" I kept trailing off with every thought. Hell I sounded really insane to myself no wonder he was so concerned.
"Well if you're not feeling well…maybe we can wait to get your things…." He trailed of not wanting to say James' name.
"Oh no Jazz I want to get that over with. I promise! The sooner I get that over with the better." I tried to sound as stern as possible so he wouldn't try to talk me out of it.
He looked in my eyes for a few moments before sighing and saying "you're right! Let's get this over with so he will be out of your life for good!"
"Thanks for understanding Jazz. And I am so very sorry for getting all crazy and emotional….it's not fair to you for me to keep pushing and pulling you in all these directions and then not giving back. I really don't understand what my fucking problem is. I want to embrace this, this feeling between us…..but at the same time it scares the hell out of me. And then I realize that all I keep doing is hurting the people I love the most-"
At that point Jasper cut me off by gently placing his hand over my mouth. "NO! Isabella no! I do NOT want to hear you apologize for your feelings. I understand that you are scared and confused. I only want you to be happy and if it's not with me than I only hope that whoever you choose makes you happy. I don't want you to feel pressured at all. You can take all the time you need to come to terms with whatever you decide. I promise I will be here for you, even if it's just as friends. I DON'T want to lose you, okay? I should have been honest with you all those years ago and now I will wait and accept whatever you have to offer. I promise!" I saw a lonely tear fall from the corner of his eye but I ignored it so I wouldn't embarrass him.
"Thank you Jazz. Where did Rosie and Emmy bear go?" I quickly changed the subject and looked around confused.
"Oh they discreetly left us so we could talk. I think they knew something was upsetting you. And they are trying to keep Edward inside. I don't think he is too happy right now, judging by the glare he keeps giving me when he goes to the window." I could hear the amusement in Jasper's voice and I kind of wanted to punch him but he put up with my crazy emotions so I let it slip.
"What do you mean? He is not too happy with us." I said with mock confusion. I knew damn well Edward would be looking out the window. I caught him doing it before they showed up. But I wasn't thinking when I ran to Jasper and forgot all about it until Jazz pointed it out.
"Well he has been sneaking glances out the window but Emmett keeps pulling him away and I am sure Rosalie is giving him a piece of her mind as well. You know how Rosie gets." He said feeling a little ashamed of his amusement now. Good I am glad because I didn't want call him out on it.
"Fuck! I guess we better behave in front of him the rest of the evening, huh?" I said half-heartedly.
"Yeah if you think that's for the best…but I think he needs t-"I cut him off mid-sentence.
"DON'T! Jazz please don't rub this in his face." I said angrily.
"I am sorry baby, I really am I won't rub it in his face. I promise to behave…it's just so fucking hard…but I will do it for you…besides I know you aren't ready for.." He trailed off.
"Jazz?"
"Yes baby?" He asked distractedly while playing with a stray strand of my hair. I was still between his legs and my hands were resting on his thighs.
"Please don't call me baby in front of him either." I said with a sad smile.
"Oh I am sorry. Does it bother you that I called you baby? Because if it makes you uncomfortable I will stop." He said in a solemn tone.
"No Jazz it doesn't make me uncomfortable but I really want to have fun tonight and I don't want to upset Edward any more than we already have, okay?"
"Of course Bella I will try for you. I promise but I cannot guarantee I won't slip up but I will try my best." He said with a small smile.
I extracted myself from between his legs and took some deep calming breaths to prepare myself for what was waiting inside the house. Suddenly I felt heat on my back and then two strong arms wrap around my waist and a jolt of electricity surged throughout my body settling between my legs. I let out a moan as he leaned to my ear and whispered, "I am right here baby, never forget that." I moaned louder "never" I whispered and he placed an open mouth wet kiss at the base of my ear. Fuck I'm getting wet now.
I put my hands on his arms and pulled them away and turned to face him. I hugged him around his waist and rested my head on his chest inhaling his manly woodsy chest, I finally felt at ease and all my worries melted away. This was what scared me the most, I know I depend on him way too much to calm me and give me a feeling of peace. I moved my hands up his body towards his head and I pulled his ear to my lips.
"Jazzy dear we need to behave in front of Edward and give him time; I promised him we would." I whispered seductively in his ear and gave him a hot open mouth kiss on his neck. I pulled away from a very stunned and turned on Jasper (I could see the tent in his pants confirming his uncomfortable state) so I walked into the house.
My fears were confirmed when I walked into the house because Edward had an impressive scowl on his face and anger raging in his green eyes turning them the darkest forest green I have ever seen. I was fucking happy I that Jasper hadn't recovered enough to follow me in the house. Edward grabbed me by the hand and dragged me into his room which was on the second floor above mine. He led me in his room and shut his door and locked it. When he turned around I was surprised at what I saw. His eyes were no longer angry but hurt and threatening to spill tears.
"Why? Why, Bella? Please….don't do this….to me…I can't handle watching you with him….please…please….just give me some time…that's all I ask….please…." he was begging and pleading in between pauses and tears.
"Edward I am sorry but I just needed him…." I trailed off not wanting to hurt him any more than I already had.
"Look Edward I promise I'll try not to do that anymore today, okay? I was just really emotional for a minute and needed some comfort, okay?" I said sadly.
"Bella love that's what I am here for….." he trailed off again realizing he was breaking his promise to be just friends.
"Edward we can only be friends and as far as Jazz is concerned we are friends too but just slightly more….I am sorry but that is how it is." I said trying to keep the venom out of the words so I didn't sound too harsh or hurt him more.
"Alright I get it Bella but it doesn't make it any less hard. Just give me some time to adjust. Now let's get ready so we can go get your things, okay?" He said emotionless.
"One thing about that I want to warn you….I plan on riding with Jasper, okay?" I said sternly so he knew that it wasn't open for discussion.
I heard him mumble some incoherent words and I unlocked his door and gave him a sad smile as I walked out his door. He returned the sad smile and said he would be down in a few minutes.
As I approached the bottom of the steps I turned to see Jasper about to knock on my bedroom door.
"Hey! I'm right here." I said to get his attention.
"Oh! Hey Bells I just wanted to let you know that was bogus leaving me out there with my um issue…" He said humorlessly with a huge shit eating grin on his face, obviously he caught me looking.
I rolled my eyes and him and arched my eyebrow at him to let him know to behave.
"Is everyone almost ready, Jazzy?"
"Yes I think they are. All except Edward, do you know where he is?" Jasper questioned.
"Yes I just left his room he said he would be ready in a few minutes."
"Okay." Jasper replied.
I was glad he didn't question me about being up in Edward's room dealing with one crazy brother was enough. Fuck this we all need to smoke before we leave.
"Jazz roll us a blunt for before the trip, okay?" I said with a hopeful tone.
"Of course baby!" He said with a sly smirk.
I arched my eyebrow at him and he raised his hands palm forward saying "okay I'll behave."
We pulled up in front of my old home, the one I shared with James to say I was feeling nervous was an understatement. I didn't understand why because he was gone but I guess all the old memories and fears were getting the better of me. Jasper must have felt my nervousness because he held my hand and rubbed comforting circles on the top of it with his thumb.
I sighed and took a much needed deep breath preparing myself for gathering my things. I only hoped he didn't destroy or throw anything away. Jasper stepped out of the truck and came around to help me out. I turned and watched Rosalie, Emmett, and Edward exit the Jeep.
Edward was wearing a sad scowl and Rose nudged him and said something to him and his scowl turned into a tight line. I started to walk towards the door and up the stairs. The apartment was on the second level so I led the way. I pulled out my keys and put the key in the lock and opened the door slowly. I peeked my head in and all the lights were off. I stepped in with Jasper close on my heels and reached for the light and flicked the switch.
As the lights came on everyone walked into the living room and looked around. The floor plan was open and from the front door you could see the small living/dining room which contained a sectional black leather sofa with a 40 inch flat screen TV on a small glass entertainment center with stereo and some DVDs and games. On the side of the stereo sat the gaming systems. In between the entertainment center and sofa was a glass coffee table.
The room was just as I left it, everything in its place and surprisingly clean. The only thing missing was the picture of James and me at the beach all the other pictures of us and our friends and families were still on the wall. Behind the sofa was the dining room table and china cabinet with all my knick knacks and some more pictures of my dad and some of the Cullen's (excluding Edward).
I looked at everyone and seen they were looking around. I saw the shocked expressions they held realizing that I did care for them enough to have their pictures up even though they had left. Edward looked like he was going to cry when he seen that his picture was missing. I looked at him and said "it was too hard to see your face every day at James refused to let me put your pictures up any way."
Then I look towards the kitchen and saw that it too was very clean. Then I spotted the ultrasound on the fridge and almost broke down. Rose followed my gaze and rushed into the kitchen and took the ultrasound picture down and placed it on top of the fridge. I took a deep breath and look down the hallway which led to the bathroom guest room and finally at the end of the hall was the master bedroom complete with on suite bathroom and double walk in closets.
I told Rose to pack the contents of the china cabinet into boxes because everything in it was mine. I told the guys that the china cabinet was mine as well and I was taking that with. They asked what else was mine and I said mostly everything but I was leaving it because I could replace it all and besides I already had new game systems at home. I told Rose that whatever pictures she recognized as our friends and my family were mine and I would grab whatever she missed when I was done with my bedroom.
I left them in the living room and started to walk down the hall towards my bedroom. I had a very uneasy feeling as I approached the end of the hall. I shook my head and turned the knob. As I was about to enter the room I felt and hand on my shoulder and I jumped.
"I'm sorry Bella darlin'. Are you okay? You look very spooked. I am here for you and I will help you with your bedroom stuff if you want." Jasper said nervously.
I turned toward him holding my heart and nodded for him to come with me and help because all the memories of this hell hole were crashing down on me. He took my face in his hands and kissed my forehead and said "I'll always be here. Never forget that." I whispered back "NEVER!" With that I turned the knob and walked in the room followed by Jasper.
I tuned the switch on and the room lit up showing the cherry wood colored sleigh bed with black bedding and the cherry wood matching dressers and night stands. I looked around the room and spotted the beach picture sitting on my pillow. Jasper spotted it too and shook his head slightly. Yeah I thought to myself James is insane and obsessed.
On my dresser which was long and had a large mirror, there were more pictures of my friends and family from both Forks and Chicago. As I looked at the pictures I spotted the only picture containing Edward that I kept out. It was taken during the homecoming dance of my junior year (which was Jasper, Rose, and Emmett's senior year) we were all dressed up and all the girls were wearing blue dresses of varying styles and the boys were all wearing black suites with blue ties. Edward was on the far left with his arm wrapped around my waist, next to me was Jasper who was standing next to Alice with his hands on mine and her shoulders (he was wearing a shit eating grin because we had just danced much to Edward's displeasure), next to Alice was Emmett with his arms wrapped around Rose's waist. We all looked very happy except Edward he was sulking and the only reason James allowed this picture out was because he said I looked very beautiful and he could tell that Edward looked pissed. I never told him he was angry that Jasper and I had danced.
Jasper looked at the picture and I saw a gleam in his eye. He looked at me and pointed to the picture. I nodded confirming that I remembered as well why Edward looked upset. I also thought about how that night after the picture was taken Edward and I disappeared to the meadow before the after party where we had sex so he would stop sulking. After we were finished he kissed me and we went to the party and got wasted. We were so wasted that we fell asleep in his car and didn't return home until the next morning and Esme covered up for me with Charlie.
I chuckled slightly remembering how disappointed she was in all of us for coming home drunk and hung over but she said she would let it slip that one time. After that we were all very careful to make it home or spend the night with "friends" but really we got hotel rooms. I asked Jasper to go get me a few boxes from the truck so I could pack my cloths he left the room to retrieve them. I walked over to closet and stepped inside reaching for the light.
Two things happened I felt a hand cover my mouth and another wrap around my holding my arms down. I heard the closet door shut. Fuck I should have listen to the uneasy feelings I was having because here I was in the clutches of James once again. Even though I couldn't see him I knew it was him because I could smell his scent.
"So Isabella you finally decided to come home to me, huh?" He purred in my ear. "You kept me waiting for a very long time. Now this is what you're going to do! You are going to go out there and make them all leave or I will shoot them all in front of you. And I'll have my way with the pretty blonde in front of you. Do you understand?" He said in an ice cold tone.
I looked down and seen the gun in his hand that was holding my arms down. So I nodded.
"Good girl I knew you would see things my way. Now can you go out there and get rid of them or do I have to? Don't fuck with me! You know what I am capable of." His voice was very calm and menacing.
I didn't know what to do. I knew they were not going to leave no matter what I said.
"Listen Isabella I told you I loved you and I was never going to let you go. Why have you made me resort to such measures? All I want is our family we will make another baby. I told you I want us to be a family and I can't wait to put my seed inside you again. I promise to be more careful with our child this time. It kills me to think that I hurt our first baby but the next one I will be extra careful with." He was rambling on and sounding very insane and for once I didn't smell alcohol on him and this scared the shit out of me. He was acting to calm and that scared me more than when he acted absolutely insane and out of control. It meant that fucked up shit was going to happen. The last time he was this calm I ended up waking up in the hospital three days later. I made up some bullshit about being jumped and not remembering what happened and the doctors believed me because the head injury beside James knew how to act all loving and supportive in front of authorities.
"I am gonna take my hand away from your mouth now so you can answer some questions. DON'T FUCKING SCREAM! I will make you regret it! Do you understand?" He said with the same calm menacing voice. I nodded my head in affirmation.
He removed his hand from my mouth and I remained quiet as he instructed. I was trying to come up with a plan of escape the whole time. Maybe if I play along for a minute I could dial 911 on my cell and let the police hear. First I needed to get out of his arms.
"Good girl, Isabella I am so pleased that you are finally listening and not fighting me. So can you get rid of them or do I have too?" He was rubbing his free hand up and down my arms while still holding them down.
"Y-Yes….J-James I will ask them to leave…" I stuttered out.
"Good, now I don't want any funny business! Go out there and tell them to leave. Make up any excuse but get them out! Oh and you have 5 minutes before I come out and do it myself! Understand?" He said icily.
"Y-Yes I, I un-understand." Tears were threatening to spill but I held them in with all my might because if I shed one tear James would flip the fuck out; I knew from experience. All I could think about was how to help my family and if anything happened to my Jazz I would never forgive myself.
James took the hand that was rubbing my arms and moved it down my body touching and caressing until he reached my pussy and he held it possessively and said "MINE." I wanted to vomit and I shuddered at his touch but he took it as a pleasurable shudder and rubbed me slightly.
"I am glad you are coming to your senses. Now get rid of them before I lose my patience. Oh and if pretty boy is out there your better make sure he doesn't touch you because I will shoot him." He said through clenched teeth starting to lose his cool.
Then he took the gun and rubbed it along my face and mouth and then down towards my heart. I swallowed and tried to contain the tears and sob that threatened to come at any moment. I knew that as soon as I left this closet the others were going to know something was up. I only hoped I could get us all out of here unharmed. I was considering making a run for it. I figured he wouldn't follow me out there and I could just motion for all of them to leave and I would tell them to run and we could just take off together and come back with the police. But James must have sense this because as I started to take my leave he stopped me.
"You know what? I don't fucking trust you! I think you are gonna run for it! Maybe I should just go out there with you. You could tell them that we are meant to be together and make them leave. Besides I owe the pretty boy bitch of yours a black eye." He said through tightly clenched teeth.
A/N: I know sorry about the cliffy (he-he-he). But the chapter was getting long and I was in the wrong mood to finish. I would've probable killed Bella or someone special if I kept writing in this mood. Anyway next one should be up sooner than this one. I have no excuse unless you count reading fanficts. Until next time thanks for reading! Special shouts to reviewers and to those who added to favorites or alters, thank you. 3 ;-)
