B's Last Words

Epilogue: Saying "I love you"

He loved me.

It's been 3 years since the day I killed him. 3 agonizing years, years that were filled with sleepless nights and tearful silences. There isn't any way to undo what has been done. It's forever engraved in history. Forever marked as the day the once-greatest detective on earth killed his backup; killed his B. Every day, I look at myself in the mirror and think 'I've been devoting my life to stopping bad people from doing bad things, but now I am nothing more than a bad person myself. I've contradicted myself. I thought I was justice, I thought I was good, but apparently I'm not a very good judge of character. I'm bad. I'm corrupt. I'm evil'

My hand moves to my shoulder subconsciously, it was the last place he touched me. He wanted to mark me forever, mark me his own, and he succeeded, in more ways than he will ever know. It wasn't until he was gone that I realized I missed him.

I traced the scar on my arm. Again and again, I trace my B. I trace what's left of him.

I hadn't gone to jail for my actions, it was deemed self defense. I got his body cremated, threw him a nice funeral, there was a gorgeous ceremony afterwards. I had some of his ashes pressed into a tiny diamond; it was then put on a gold band. It hasn't left my ring finger since. I sprinkled the last of his ashes in a field somewhere in the country side. I go to visit every Sunday. A magnificent garden has sprouted there thanks to the fertile soil. Fertile with the body of the man I murdered. I tend that garden every time I visit, making sure I won't kill that too. I placed a bench in the center of the garden, a quiet place for me to sit and talk with him. I bring him Jam sometimes, but mostly I just bring him letters. Letters that I wrote on sleepless nights, in tear filled moments of silence. Letters I write to him, telling him just how much I regret doing what I did. Letters I write to him, wishing and hoping that we can still be friends.

He changed my life forever, I can't go anywhere without seeing something that reminds me of him. Hearing something that reminds me of him. Smelling something that reminds me of him. Touching something that reminds me of him. Tasting something that reminds me of him.

I can't eat jam anymore.

I can't eat strawberries anymore.

I can't eat anymore.

I miss him.

I… love him.