A/N: Again, I apologize for the wait. But between school and other matters, I'm proud to actually have finished this (long) chapter. I cannot cut out anything (though I already deleted a small but unnecessary scene), nor split this into 2 chapters. Hopefully, its length is justified, and everything is realistic given the circumstances, especially Azusa's character and her perceptions of others.

Some people seem to like the song suggestions, so here are the tracks I listened to while writing this, in no particular order: Beethoven's "Tempest" again, Schumann's "Kinderszenen" and "Kreisleriana", Tchaikovsky's "Seasons", and Chopin's "Raindrop".

Also, I accidentally reread the prologue. Who wrote that A/N? D: Coffee is dangerous.

Disclaimer: I don't own K-on

Thanks to ghikiJ for her beta :3

Thanks to Athyra-senpai, MuTe-san, YukiHirasawa-san for the fanarts!


~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~

Dyad 10 – Entrust

~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~

"Oh good, I finally found you. Bah, stupid me, I should've checked your house first instead of going to your school and get crowded by fans, ha ha ha…"

Suzuki Jun's forceful chuckles trailed off as Azusa turned around without giving her another glance. The black-haired girl's mind was stuck in limbo, unable to grasp the current situation let alone register her friend's presence at her house. She limped towards the couch and crawled onto the soft cushion, comforted by the leftover warmth under her thick blanket. Her disheveled, long tresses pooled rather pleasantly around her neck and shielded her from the unnatural coldness permeating the empty house. Indeed, it was freezing in spite of the bright, afternoon sunlight seeping through the curtains.

Garnet eyes blinked contemplatively at the passing thought. There appeared to be a dissonance, did it not? The temperature did not seem to match the time of the day and she was usually out of her house at this hour too.

Azusa took a deep breath and exhaled slowly in attempts to gather in her clattered thoughts. She was home alone because her parents were working and she did not attend classes today. Satisfied by the simple explanation her floating mind provided, she returned her gaze to the television and willed her attention to stay on the program. Although, why was her focus interrupted in the first place?

"Oi, Azusa…uh…" Jun shuffled awkwardly as she glanced between the couch and the curled up occupant, who then turned to stare at her with a bewildered yet detached expression. The russet-haired girl scratched her cheek and decided to remain standing. "Did I…wake you up or something? Erm, you look kinda pale… how are you feeling-?"

"…huh? I wasn't sleeping. I was-" Azusa mumbled vaguely and gestured at the soundless television. How did her friend enter? Was she still dreaming?

The tired girl exhaled shakily and rubbed her temples. She just let Jun inside moments ago, how could she not remember? No, this fact was hovering somewhere in her mind and she just failed to capture it since she deemed it as trivial.

"So, why are you here, Jun?"

"Oh, I just want to check up on you…"

"Why?" Jun must have a busy schedule, being a celebrity and all. What would warrant her to drive here using her valuable free time?

"Why? Geez, you haven't been answering my texts or calls, so I just thought maybe something happened to you after…uh…"

"After what…? What are you talking about?" The black-haired girl tried to remember where she put her cellphone, but she could not trudge up enough effort to do so because her mind was so blank. "Oh I...must have misplaced my phone, sorry..."

"Oh naw, it's okay! So, I've been thinking…well, the news and all those magazines said you passed Mio-san's contest with the highest score but I don't trust them! Er, I mean, I believe that you did pass it with flying colors but," Jun chuckled nervously and tried to catch Azusa's eyes, "what happened there? I didn't see you return to the stage and your classmates said you haven't been going to school…"

The mention of a familiar name sent rippling waves in the swirl of her memories and jolted her awareness. She had not thought of HTT, the contest or the band members since that day. She could barely recall falling asleep within the comforting warmth of Mio's jacket and embrace. When she woke up, she found herself on her bed. From her parents' description, the bassist brought her back and gave some convincing reasons that it would be best for Azusa to take a few days off from school. Naturally, the Nakanos were not pleased but they consented since arrangements were made so their daughter's academic progress would not be compromised.

Azusa did not fully remember what her parents said, for she blocked out their conversation in favor of falling into the refuge of dreamless sleep. After that, the days went by sluggishly and she did any routines on autopilot. She could not recall if her parents asked her any questions concerning the contest or school.

Why was everything such a blur? Why did she lack the ability to care any longer? Frustrated, she dug a little deeper into the recesses of her mind. Jun probably found her really strange right now. Azusa giggled wryly. Perhaps her friend even thought she was drunk-

The black-haired girl sat up abruptly and clutched at the hems of the blanket like a lifeline. The world around her regained its clarity and became anchored to reality once more. A surge of unknown terror was making her nauseous in spite of her valiant attempts to fight it down. She did not want to remember, not now, not when there was company.

"A-Azusa?" Though unnerved, Jun spoke firmly without missing a beat, "HTT…the band did something to you, am I right? Ritsu-san must have-"

"No-!" Azusa's throat clamped up at the name as vivid images relentlessly bombarded her mind. Dismayed at her outburst, she swallowed painfully and tried to keep her voice steady even though her stomach churned in queasiness. "Nothing happened, really."

Her pathetic attempt at dismissing the issue only made Jun even more suspicious. "You are probably the most composed person I know, Azusa, so something huge definitely happened to rattle you like this, I just know it!"

The petite girl shrunk against the backrest of the couch. Indeed, something horrid did happen yet her mind refused to completely acknowledge it. However, her omnipresent rationality asserted that no matter how much she denied it, everything she saw, heard and experienced was real.

Mugi's gentle smile brightened by an innocent twinkle of her blue eyes…

Ritsu's agonized sob jaded by the crazed glint of her amber eyes…

Mio's understanding whisper reinforced by the calm glimmer of her grey eyes…

And Yui, where was she? Where were her signature non-smile and stormy brown eyes…?

"I'm right, aren't I?" Jun's voice became frantic, "Tell me, Azusa, tell me what's going on-"

"Stop asking! I already told you nothing happened!" Garnet eyes blazed and glared wildly at her friend.

With her harsh breathing reverberating loudly in her ears, Azusa appraised the russet-haired girl in utter suspicion. She was mildly surprised at her lack of remorse when she saw Jun's hurt frown. It was her friend's fault anyways. She should not be so nosy. She should have sensed Azusa's unwillingness to elaborate and backed off.

Whatever happened to the simple word of 'no'? Why did people continue to persevere after such refusal and rejection? Why won't people understand?

"I won't let anything separate us, Mio…"
"No-"
"Please stop-"

"Stop it!" Azusa cried hoarsely as she pulled the blanket tighter around her shivering form, even though the meager gesture did nothing to ward off the terrible cold.

Though startled by her violent reaction, Jun bit her lips and tentatively sat down on the armrest a comfortable distance away from her. The black-haired girl cringed and clenched her eyes shut, only to snap them open immediately because of the memories that stained her mind. Cornered like a helpless critter, she glanced at her friend and frightfully searched those grim magenta eyes for deceit.

She only found genuine concern. Jun did not say anything and simply held Azusa's cautious gaze.

"I'm your friend, Azusa. Come on, talk to me."

The russet-haired girl's concerned tone only increased this unreasonable fear brewing in her throat. She was afraid, so terrified that if she were to open her mouth and reveal the truth, she would shatter beyond repair. Her eyes began to burn painfully as her nails dug into her shoulder as if to stall the onslaught of tears.

"Azusa-" Her friend reached for her hand but instinctively, she knocked the offending appendage away.

"Don't touch me!"

Stunned, Jun gaped at Azusa in silence. Mistrust and anger eroded her rising panic, changing her pitiful whimpers into venomous growls.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

Her friend was saying something, her brows furrowed in concern but Azusa's perception wilted in her mind while her instincts screamed in warning. Paranoia grew like an unstoppable weed as its desperate vice blurred facts and nightmares into existence.

"I'm not going to do anything to you," Jun said slowly, this time keeping her hands on her lap. "I just want to know what's wrong-"

"There is nothing wrong with me! I'm still the same!" The black-haired girl snapped heatedly and averted her eyes in rage. Her own words echoed mockingly in her head like a hopeless attempt to reassure her shaky cognizance.

She didn't change, right? She was still Nakano Azusa, wasn't she?

She swallowed a hitched whimper and dared to meet her friend's gaze, ready to defend her well being once more.

However, she felt something fracture at Jun's baffled, almost scared expression.

Judgment. Condemnation. Pity.

Yes, that must be it. She was being judged!

She was too weak to shield herself. She was condemned for breaking and being unable to pick up the pieces. She was being pitied for being so pathetic!

"Leave me alone! I told you I'm fine, Jun!"

Hands clenched into fists, the russet-haired girl sighed wearily and moved away from the couch. "I'll let it go for now, Azusa, but you're clearly…" she trailed off and scratched her curly tresses, "Anyways, HTT is bad for you. Y-You shouldn't join the band. You can still back out, y'know."

The black-haired girl perked at this wonderful suggestion. It would be the end of this torment, wouldn't it? She could rejoin the monotonous stream of daily life once more. It may be dull but it would be stable at least. The pain in her mind would cease and she would regain peace.

How about the ache in her chest though? Could she truly let go and pretend nothing ever happened, that she never went to the concert on that fateful day, caught the strawberry and faced the band members on that glamorous stage?

Azusa relaxed slightly and stretched her legs out from under the blanket. She could not severe her connection with Hirasawa Yui just yet. Not her, not the rest of HTT and certainly not the promise she made to the kindred spirit she met at the hospital.

"Give them their sense of self back, Azusa-san. I can't watch over Yui, and the rest of the band are in far too deep to do anything about her. Can I trust you to do that for me?"

No, not even the serene stranger with a bright smile, someone she practically knew nothing about.

"Hello! Are you here to look at the flowers too?"
"Wow, it's really pretty."
"I've never seen you around here before! Are you okay though? This wing of the hospital is usually reserved for patients with terminal illness."

"…I don't have a choice," the black-haired girl murmured, "I can't back out anymore."

"What do you mean?"

Running away would mean denying everything that had every happened until now. If she surrendered, she would be belittling and dismissing the emotions she felt. Forgetting the rape could not wash away the taint on her no matter how much she wished it.

No, she was in this too far already.

"I will not give up, Jun," Azusa said quietly, "Don't worry, I'll be ready for the last contest. This is just a minor setback," she giggled humorlessly at her own wording, "the pressure just got a little overwhelming, that's all. I'm sorry for snapping at you."

"It's okay, I understand how pressure can be bad sometimes. That's why I'll watch over you!" Jun held up a fist resolutely and tried to grin to ease the tension. "I won't let whoever hurt you do the same thing again."

The black-haired girl met her friend's warm gaze with a blank expression. Not too long ago, similar words were uttered by someone she thought she trusted. She could still hear them echoing in her apathetic mind, followed by a flash of sincere amber that darkened into sheer savagery.

"Sure," she spoke lightly, though she did not know what she meant. After all, she no longer understood the values of spoken words.

"Alright! Well, I have to go now," Jun groaned irritably after glancing at her watch, "but I'll come back and check on you as soon as I can, okay?"

"Sure," Azusa said again.


"That drunk drummer seemed to have done quite a number on the Nakano girl."

"Oh, you knew exactly what happened, Suzuki-san?"

"No, but between my daughter's words and bits of information here and there, anyone with a brain can deduce what happened, Takotu. It just so happens that someone had the foresight to remove any surveillance footage in the hallways."

"There were none in the room?"

"None. These tapes could have been such good blackmail material too."

"That damn Kotobuki girl…"

"Without actual evidence, it would be pointless to spread rumors, at least not at this stage. So, I trust you have already talked to the Nakanos?"

"Yes. They behaved exactly as expected, Suzuki-san."

"Very well."

The two men stood up from their seats and shook their hands in a usual confirmation of their deal. After they left the room, Suzuki walked down the hallways in an opposite direction while Takotu moved towards the elevator, feeling bold and smug.

It won't be long until that band of snooty girls fall under his complete control. Never again would he have to endure the whimsical commands of these silly adolescents.

The producer hummed to himself and planned to kick back with a bottle of beer for the rest of the day, like a self-pat on the back. For once, plans were going accordingly and he could almost taste his imminent triumph and regain the authority he should have since the beginning.

When the chime signified the elevator's arrival, he smiled in good humor to greet the occupants but his lips promptly froze after the doors slid open.

Kotobuki Tsumugi was standing beside Yamanaka Sawako, whose glasses seemed to have taken a sharp glint upon noticing his presence.

"Good evening," the blonde keyboardist greeted amiably and took a leisure step closer to the manager to give him space.

Takotu nodded and stepped inside, trying to appear as normal as possible. The bespectacled woman then exchanged a few words with him but the professional conversation felt like she was prodding him somehow.

By the time the elevator reached his floor, he was already a nervous wreck even though he kept his expression as neutral as he could. Unable to withstand the oppressive aura any longer, he eagerly stepped out of the confined space without glancing back.

"Producer-san."

Takotu breathed heavily and turned around.

The blonde heiress was gracefully wiping at her shawl with the back of her hand, her delicate fingers picking up loose strings and discarding them to the floor in an elegant, fluid movement.

"You are but a mere pawn, and pawns do not look back."

Their eyes met again. Takotu felt a trickle of sweat on his neck, his body freezing out of instinctual fear. He was an adult, a knowledgeable man in society and the producer of the freaking Houkago Teatime.

Yet this inexperienced little girl dared to treat him this way, and he could not fight back at all.

Even though he was immensely relieved to see the elevator door closing shut, the cool smile of Kotobuki Tsumugi continued to burn behind his eyelids.


"It's dinner time, Azusa."

Her mother's standoffish call roused her from her daydream, even though she was not sure what she was thinking about. She glanced at her untouched guitar on its stand and quickly looked away, afraid a simple gaze would soil the wonderful instrument. She had not played the Mustang for days but, in spite of the unnatural silence of her room, she was glad not to have persisted.

She did not want to hear the notes that would cry under her touch. Even a sweet melody would sound like a cacophonous wail because of her jarring feelings.

The song would be a complete and utter lie.

And so, she refused to defile her beloved guitar. The girl who was worthy enough to play the Mustang was not quite here, not anymore.

A hysterical giggle left her lips as the chorus of Tokimeki Sugar echoed mockingly in her head.

The black-haired girl quietly closed the door to her room and crept down the stairs. She was still shaken by her reaction to Jun's concern, but the incident earlier the day brought a paralyzing revelation to her.

Now Azusa truly understood why none of the band members were willing to talk. Something similar must have happened to them in the past, possibly caused by a friend or close confidante. The resulting fear was so encompassing that they were denied of their former individualities, and new but pitiful imitations took place to protect their fragile egos.

The young girl wondered if she could construct a façade strong enough in time for the last contest. Will she be ready to face Ritsu again so soon?

Dinner proceeded in its usual monotony as the Nakano patriarch exchanged political issues with his wife and shared stories about his business associates with his daughter. Azusa idly picked up a single tofu square from the okazu plate with her chopstick and nibbled on it, followed by some scoops of rice and a sip of miso soup to swallow parched mixture. The food tasted just as bland as the colors of the walls, she decided. Grey and lifeless, there was nothing welcoming about the house she lived in for eighteen years. It was interesting how she never held any opinions for her mother's cooking, the mediocre decorations in their house or even the dull quality of her father's droning voice. Everything was automatically accepted and finalized in her mind because she was not allowed to think negatively of her dictated life.

Now, all she wanted to do was finish her dinner and return to the safety of her room, where the darkness would help her to turn a blind eye to the tedium of this household.

To her mild annoyance, however, her father asked her to remain in the dining room after she helped her mother wash the dishes. In spite of the dissent she harbored moments ago, Azusa kneeled down at her cushion like the ever obedient daughter.

When her mother took her seat beside him, directly opposite of her, she felt a tremor of unease tickling her spine.

"How are you feeling, Azusa? You seem to be much better than you were yesterday," Mr. Nakano began, his posture rigid and brimmed with authority.

"I'm fine, father, thank you for asking," she replied stiffly and kept her expression neutral as his keen eyes glanced over her face for any hidden emotion. Her hands became clammy on her lap under such heavy scrutiny. The severity of the atmosphere stamped out vestiges of her rebellious thoughts and screamed at her to be submissive. Even her floating mind seemed to scramble for foothold so her behavior would be as impeccable as possible. She understood that this was no trivial conversation like the ones they had at dinner.

"Good. That girl…Akiyama Mio, was it? She explained to us that the contest had been especially tiresome, and that the public pressure became too overwhelming. We followed her advice and allowed you to stay away from school for two days in a row, Azusa, so you can regain your composure."

"I'm grateful for these two days of rest, Father. I assure you I will be fine enough to return to school tomorrow," she spoke without any hesitation, even though she felt otherwise. Why was her father curious in knowing about her welfare? The man's reason for striking up conversations with her had always been about school and the like, never about her personal affairs.

"We've been too busy to ask you directly, Azusa, but your father and I are wondering how things are between you and Tainaka-kun," her mother asked smoothly. "You see, we haven't been able to get in contact with him for some time now. Did you two have a fight?"

The black-haired girl could not help but smile at the irony. She was expecting this particular topic to come up, yet the older woman's question made her bitterly giddy. To counter the bubbling fear at the thought of the drummer, she clung to her amusement and smiled wider, which her parents mistook as an affectionate gesture.

"It's touching to see you thinking fondly of him," the Nakano matriarch nodded in approval, "We are glad to know that things are going well between you and your boyfriend."

Azusa's smile left her. "He's not my boyfriend."

Her mother stiffened while her father narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean?"

The black-haired girl surprised herself with that outburst and almost fumbled for some excuse, yet an alleviating sense of elation was egging her to continue. "Rit- Rikkun and I broke up," she stated calmly.

She did not know why she uttered those words out of everything she could have said instead. All she could feel was this delightful pleasure at finally dropping this charade, as well as seeing their astonished expressions.

"Azusa, when did this happen?" Her father's cool tone contrasted sharply against his irate scowl.

"Two days ago."

"What was the reason for this break-up?" Her mother was not as composed as he was, for the volume of her voice grew with each word. "It's a silly matter, isn't it? Surely it can be resolved, why don't you give him a call and try to work things out?"

Azusa coolly stared at the older woman. "No, it's over."

Somewhere in the depth of her mind, she knew that this issue was not the only thing that was over.

The Nakano matriarch was livid. "You will not brush away this matter, Azusa. Your father and I have already informed many of our friends and associates that you and Tainaka-kun will marry in the future."

Azusa barely suppressed a bitter chortle before it left her throat. Ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous! Her parents did not know much about this fake relationship between her and 'Rikkun', yet already told unrelated people about their impending marriage in spite of the short period of time they've 'dated'? Shouldn't her parents be more concerned about their daughter's feelings rather than about having a rich in-law? Would they even care what really happened to her?

How would they react, if they know what Ritsu did-?

The black-haired girl gritted her teeth as sheer resentment erupted in her chest. The poisonous sentiment trickled through her memories and reminded how indifferent her parents were in treating her as an individual. From her interest with playing the guitar to the car accident that scraped her knee, they viewed every event as inconsequential as long as her role as their trophy daughter was unaffected. Was that all she was to them? For whose sake did she try her best? Did they honestly think she'd be happy if she followed their instructions like some kind of perfect doll?

Garnet eyes coldly glared at the two strangers sitting in front of her. She was never close to her parents but it was only now she understood how disconnected she was to them.

"Did Akiyama Mio have something to do with this?" Her father, who had been quiet, suddenly cut through her mother's tirades.

"What do you mean?" Disconcerted at the change of topic, Azusa pressed her lips into a grim line. She did not like the disgusted gleam in his eyes.

"I remember our brunch with Tainaka-kun weeks ago," he spoke lowly, "he assured us that… those kinds of behaviors are just rumors. But that band infected you, didn't they? His cousin, that Akiyama girl, and the others…"

The black-haired girl froze. Where did he hear about this? While she was still reeling from shock, he continued with a barely controlled voice. "Did you commit such …vulgar acts as well? Is that your reason for breaking up with Tainaka-kun, a perfectly respectable young man?"

Her father's offensive insinuations finally sank into her mind. Though filled with anger, Azusa only giggled aloud. She found this interrogation utterly hilarious and pointless, especially the way her parents flared at her nonchalance. They demanded for an explanation but she laughed even harder in spite of their warning tones.

"I knew it!" The Nakano patriarch slammed his palm on the table but the teenager barely took notice. "It's unacceptable…it's sick!"

"You filthy girl, you really d-did things with that band?" Her mother stuttered, appalled and revolted.

Instead of making her distraught with these derogatory accusations, she only felt infinitely angry. Sick? Filthy? For the first time in her life, she found people she honestly cared about in spite of the short time she's known them. Unlike the imprinted attitudes she held for daily events, she felt a resonating connection with the band. The bond that pulled her to each member was more precious than anything she's ever experienced.

She also harbored strong, deep emotions for the brunette who invoked her passion through her music and her enigmatic persona. It was an unknown yet treasured sentiment she wished to protect at all cost.

Yet her parents denounced such a significant impact in her life like it was a filthy stain marring her perfect little shell.

As if it meant nothing.

Not her joy, not their sadness, not her pain…

"So what of it?" Azusa stood up from her seat and yelled like she had never yelled before. "So what if they're lesbians? Stop insulting my friends!"

Though momentarily stunned by her defiance, her father growled in admonition, "Sit down, Azusa. I'll overlook your disrespect for now. We have much to discuss."

"You will withdraw from this silly contest immediately," her mother hissed prudishly, "you mustn't be corrupted any further."

The black-haired girl remained standing as her anger escalated. "You understand nothing about me! Ha, all those sickening dinner-matches were the real corruption! You think being rich is perfection, don't you?"

"Hold your tongue, Azusa!" Her father stood up as well and towered over her but she felt no fear. "Those potential suitors have bright futures, stable jobs and broad connections! If Tainaka-kun hasn't come along-"

The mention of that fake alias sent her into hysterical laughter. "You…don't… know anything about…him either! Hehe, it just takes some display of wealth, doesn't it? Mother was so busy fawning over that shiny convertible-"

She heard the deafening slap before she felt the actual pain. The older woman heaved in rage while the man sternly glanced between them. The consequent silence rang loudly in this stifling space, even more so than the stunned girl's galloping heart beats.

Azusa gingerly touched her stinging cheek but kept her blank gaze on the two adults. While she felt remorse at her impertinent attitude, she mostly felt liberated at being able to stand up to her parents and voiced her real opinions for once. Whether they listened or not was a different matter, but at least she tried.

Of course, she understood the consequences of her disobedience as well.

"Apologize for your insolence, Azusa," her mother said quietly.

"No," she smiled.

"Excuse me?"

"I said, no."

Before either of her parents could react, the black-haired girl ran out of the dining room. She fervently slid open the tatami doors and ignored their furious calls, hastening her pace when she heard thudding steps pursuit. She dashed out of the Nakano residence even as they shouted that they would drag her back.

Once she was a fair distance away, immersed in the fresh night air, she giggled at her triumph. Her parents would not come after her, not in person anyways. They were every bit as stubborn and prideful as she was, so they would definitely simmer and wait for her to return instead of calling for outside intervention such as the police.

Azusa giggled again. How little they knew her! She will not return and grovel, not when she finally broke away from her leash.

However, there was always a price for freedom.

Her eyes darkened as she pondered about her next move. She had impulsively left without bringing anything with her. Clad in only a sweater, sweatpants and sandals, she was extra conscious of the chilly night air and the fact she was penniless. Also, she was practically homeless now, because she had nowhere to go. She could not contact anyone without her phone, not that she had any friends who could help her in this dire situation.

There was Jun, but Azusa was frightened by how much she actually relied on the russet-haired girl. The mere possibility of being turned down or ignored was too much to bear. After all, she vehemently turned away her friend earlier even though Jun was only trying to help.

She brushed through her long black tresses and warily searched her surroundings. At least, with her disheveled appearance, she should not be recognized by anyone, especially if she kept away from the lamplights.

Now, where could she go?

"…they…threw you out?"
"Yup, just like that. Mugi took me in until Sawa-chan scouted us…"

Azusa jolted at recalling what Ritsu said about her parents disowning her. Would this happen to her as well? Just how did the drummer deal with this? Even though she still shivered a little, the story enabled her to picture the older girl without feeling that encompassing fear.

Just who would be willing to take her in though? Azusa chuckled dryly, struck by a surge of loneliness. She did not have anyone, did she?

While she pondered about her possible destinations, she was startled to find herself standing in front of a familiar bookstore. She must have wandered here instinctively, for this was her last thread of hope. Frantic eyes then quickly searched for a certain Harley and gleamed in relief as she approached the black bike.

Subconsciously, she was seeking HTT even though the band was responsible for disrupting her life in the first place. She chuckled despondently as she patted the vehicle's seats. Even if she could go back in time, she would gladly let the players inaugurate her into their colorful world again, in spite of the steep prices she must pay.

She belonged to them. No, she belonged with them.

Her heart skipped a beat when she saw a tall figure leaving the bookstore. The disguised bassist did not say anything as calm grey eyes took in her appearance.

Azusa opened her mouth to greet the older girl yet she could only muster a hitched sob.

Sighing, Mio cupped her red cheek and caressed away the phantom pain. "You don't need to say anything, Azusa."

The raven-haired bassist then climbed onto the Harley and stared at her expectantly. The smaller girl hastily got seated and wrapped her arms securely around the biker. Mio's warmth was irrefutably comforting and chased away Azusa's urge to cry.

"Take me…home, Mio-senpai."

The bassist truly understood her. Instead of speeding down the road that led to the Nakano residence, she drove in the direction of HTT's hotel.


"Hey."

"Why are you here," the expressionless girl spoke monotonously as if it was a self-murmur rather than an actual question.

"I have nowhere else to go," Ritsu chuckled hollowly and stood at the entrance of the moderate-sized apartment, waiting for either acceptance or rejection.

Wakaouji Ichigo merely stared for a while before taking a step back in a silent invitation.

The tawny-haired girl grinned weakly as she trudged past the choreographer and slumped down onto the couch in the living room, as if walking this short distance took all of her strength. Ichigo closed the door with a quiet click and approached the weary drummer, who flinched when manicured fingers ghosted over her forearm.

"I'm a fucking animal."

Ritsu's threatening snarl did not deter the curly-haired girl from her slow, almost bored caresses. "Do not tell me something foolish like 'Let's be friends first', Tainaka. You chose to come here for a reason, did you not?"

A shaking hand caught hers and gently yet firmly pushed it away. "I can't and won't, Ichigo. You don't want to be like Himeko."

"Tachibana and I are different," the choreographer said flatly. She examined her nails in terse silence for a moment before staring back down to dull amber. "No matter what excuses you made, you still came here."

When the drummer did not respond, Ichigo grasped her by the collars and languidly sat down on her stomach.

"Ichigo…"

The auburn-haired girl's expression did not change as she leaned down, causing curly strands to brush by Ritsu's cheeks in a seductive touch. Yet just before their lips met, Ichigo paused and tilted her head in contemplation.

After a tense moment of appraisal, she got off the drummer and merely sat down beside her.

"What's with you, Tainaka?"

Ritsu only rolled to her side facing the cushions and loosely draped her arm over her face.

"Are you crying?"

Only silence answered.

"Alright, you may stay. I'll just pretend you're not here."


"Ano…I couldn't find the hairdryer in the bathroom…"

"Come here, Azusa, I have it."

The petite teenager half-heartedly rubbed the soft towel against her wet tresses one more time before walking towards the couch, where the bassist was waiting with the apparatus in one hand and a comb in the other. Mio smiled at her encouragingly, which prompted Azusa to return the gesture as she sat down on the floor and leaned back against the former.

After the bassist drove her back to the hotel, she was ushered to the older girl's spacious bathroom and given a change of clothes. Though puzzled, Azusa decided to follow her suggestion to take a long, relaxing bath in the pool-like tub. Mio, however, did not join her as she expected, which made her feel guilty for suspecting her hostess. Repulsed at herself, she repeatedly rinsed her tired body with hot water and bathed long enough until her skin became puckered.

Once she decided she was clean enough, she left the bathtub feeling lighter than ever with the privacy that was granted to her. Under the vigilant protection of those plushies guarding the marchen-like room, she put on a simple pajama that was slightly too large for her frame, as it belonged to the bassist. Although she did not want to leave the safe wonderland, her damp tresses bothered her enough that she decided to venture out to look for a hairdryer.

While Mio dried her long strands and massaged her scalp, Azusa reached out for a plateful of chocolate caramel coins on the coffee table. She quite enjoyed the way the bassist's calloused but gentle fingers brushed through her hair. It felt different than Yui's playful administrations but pleasantly so. Closing her eyes, she nibbled on the snack and relished in its sweetness as well as the comforting strokes on her head.

"I thought you'd be more skittish, Azusa," the raven-haired girl murmured in wonderment. "After…"

Azusa understood her unspoken question but no reply came to mind. She should be more cautious, shouldn't she? Her trust was terribly trampled yet here she was, relaxed under the renowned Dangerous Queen's touch and accepted it instead of rejecting it like she did to Jun.

What made the bassist different from the drummer, the keyboardist, or even Jun? The younger girl had seen each of their vulnerable but true selves. There was nothing that guaranteed Mio would not hurt her like Ritsu did. So where did this inexplicable trust came from?

"Then again, you're not me," the raven-haired bassist chuckled quietly, "You're strong."

What happened to you back then, Mio-senpai? Azusa wanted to ask, but she was reminded of her exchange with the russet-haired girl once again and swallowed her question. This sense of understanding between her and the older girl must be the reason for her trust.

It was the empathetic bond forged between two people who suffered similar torments.

She rested her cheek against Mio's knee and mumbled. "I'm not strong, not at all. I don't know what to do anymore…"

Indeed, she had no idea how to proceed after this. She was certain she would be allowed to stay with the band members here, over night at the very least. However, how should she act? She was fortunate that the other three were absent at the moment but she knew that, even with the bassist's calming presence, there was no way she could deal with them with her current mindset.

When she was in the bathtub earlier, she also reminisced her fight with her parents. Nakano Azusa did not regret her actions but she doubted her ability to shoulder the consequences. Should words spread, her parents would surely be ashamed enough to disown her like Ritsu's parents did. However, she was an important pawn for them to use as well. Surely, she would not be discarded easily?

Either her parents really called the authorities to force her back home and strip her of her individuality, or she must face the horrifying aspect of supporting herself all alone.

Azusa did not know which option she preferred.

"Having the courage to admit you're confused," Mio spoke evenly as she leaned forward to place the comb and hairdryer onto the coffee table, "shows you're strong."

The younger girl breathed in her alluring perfume and felt oddly comforted by the seductive fragrance. When the bassist offered her lap, she did not fluster like she would have done weeks ago. Instead, she simply lied down on her soft thighs and smiled at the hand stroking her hair. After feeling Mio's raw emotions during the contest, Azusa became unaffected by the sexual charm that gave the vocalist the power to reign over her subjects. Her maternal empathy reached the smaller girl deeper than her sensuality.

And so Azusa viewed the Queen in a completely different light now. Though mature and wise, Mio remained childishly innocent and perceptively gentle. Was this how she was like a year ago, back in high school?

Who broke you, Mio-senpai? The younger girl did not know how to label the bassist though, for the words 'guardian' and 'older sister' were forever tainted to her.

Perhaps 'pillar' would suffice?

"I can't say this enough, Azusa," Mio laughed softly as she continued caressing the smaller girl's hair in a rhythmic pace. "You're just like a kitten. Curious, innocent and full of thoughts."

Azusa laughed dryly. "Then I'm a homeless kitten."

"You're not," the bassist chided with a gentle tap to her cheek. "You're here now, aren't you?"

Touched by the older girl's simple yet deep answer, she curled and nuzzled her stomach. Chuckling, Mio indulged in her rather childlike behavior and began to stroke her shoulders. The tranquil silence and coaxing pats almost lulled her into sleep, but she was pulled from her trance when her pillar made an intriguing comment.

"You and Yui are really alike."

Blinking dazedly, Azusa turned and looked up at the bassist, whose expression wavered a little as if she hadn't meant to speak aloud. Her distant eyes flickered to life as she elaborated under the younger girl's inquisitive gaze.

"Yui was a homeless puppy too, lost but full of thoughts. I still remember the time I first saw her at the teacher's office, on the first day of school. She was so nervous and clumsy that she dropped a whole stack of papers! It was endearing though, the way she acted. Nodoka…a friend of ours back in high school, was the one who suggested her to check out the clubs. She met Yui in front of the bulletin boards and noticed how confused she was. Nodoka encouraged her to visit whichever club that intrigues her the most. And so," Mio's voice softened, "Yui came to the light music club."

Azusa looked away from her melancholic smile. However, her nostalgic tone was filled with affection rather than sadness as she went on.

"Funny how Yui only found the music room because she claimed she smelled food. She was such a puppy, wasn't she? Ritsu, that baka, sneaked up behind her, scared her, and sort of dragged her into our club," she paused and glanced at the smaller girl on her lap to make sure she could bear hearing about the drummer. Azusa nodded and smiled faintly when the bassist brushed away a strand of her bangs.

"Yui was tense, very tense…suspicious of us even, from the way she stared at us. I can't blame her though. We were quite desperate for a new member after all, because we cannot form a club with just three people. Ritsu was very forward, and I would even say Yui was frightened of her at first. Of course, Mugi broke the spell by offering her treats and, just like that, she opened up to us. I would say she was like a bribed puppy," Mio chuckled in fond remembrance, "I practically saw a tail wagging when she wolfed down those cookies."

Azusa giggled at the mental image of the brunette acting like an eager stray warming up to its caretakers. Narrated by the bassist's soothing voice, this light-hearted tale was dampening the darkness that always clung to the HTT members like a leech. Even though their personalities seemed so different, the younger girl was able to visualize the story with ease. The lullaby-quality of this story captivated her weary mind into a wonderful dreamland.

"Yui told us she'd never played or owned an electric guitar, so we all worked part-time jobs to buy her one. She was reluctant to accept our money but we managed to convince her by saying it was for the club. Initially, she had trouble working with the amp, effects unit and other electronic devices. After she became familiar with them and played in front of us for the first time…"

The bassist trailed off, causing Azusa to blink at her quizzically. The wistful, awestruck glint in those grey eyes reminded the younger girl of the way she looked at brunette too.

Fascination. Even after years, Mio was still enthralled by the enigma that was Yui.

"It was truly amazing. While the riff itself was not complicated, the way she fused the music with herself was nothing like we had ever seen or heard. I was speechless, Mugi had stars in her eyes, and Ritsu fired countless questions at Yui, convinced she's played guitar for years. She only smiled at us, though. Back then, we didn't know she's played the acoustic guitar because she never said anything about it…either way, she really warmed up to us after that. She loved her guitar very much and even named it Gitah. She said it was the first present she's ever gotten from friends and so she will treasure it with everything she had."

Azusa thought about the red acoustic guitar in the brunette's room and realized she actually never saw the electric one outside of concerts. Where did Yui keep it then?

"I remember how excited she was about our first training camp. At first, she was anxious to be away from home, but soon enough she was dragging everyone to play at the beach. Well, Ritsu and her. Those two got along really well," Mio sounded exasperated and doting at the same time, "They really caused a lot of ruckus. Certainly, they were fun but they could be annoying too. Yui was always by Ritsu's side and she sometimes even imitated her actions and words. That baka's really protective of her…well, we all are."

The younger girl remembered the one time she saw the band speaking to the producer in the conference room, and how the three sprang to the brunette's defense like her loyal subjects.

"Yes…even now, Yui is our source of happiness, the glue that bonded our band together."

In spite of such positive proclamation, Azusa couldn't help but shiver at the sinister edge in Mio's voice. Nevertheless, the meaning of bassist's words was easy to understand.

Hirasawa Yui will always be HTT's guitarist and ultimately, the one who entwined all of them.

The younger girl frowned, troubled by the many facets of the band members and the stories they shared. Mugi and Mio's conflicted sentiments about their pasts matched and, while she has yet to hear Ritsu's side, she was certain it would be similar to theirs. They all loved the brunette yet at the same time, there was malice interlaced with that powerful emotion.

Azusa recalled the dangerous theory she formulated during Jun's visit and shuddered. It was impossible, right? Even though she had experienced the blunt of Yui's vehement emotions, she still doubted the guitarist would force anyone…

Then again, the younger girl never imagined Ritsu was capable of such assault either.

"Just what did she do to you…?" she breathed shakily, "To the others too?"

"You care a great deal for Yui, don't you?" Mio's expression was unreadable.

"Of course I do-"

"Then don't let our views influence yours, Azusa. Let her tell you," the raven-haired girl said simply. "How you feel for her belongs to you, and you only."

Azusa placed her tiny hand on top of Mio's in the midst of a caress to stop it. "I'm scared of facing her, Mio-senpai. Not just her, Mugi-senpai and R-Ritsu-senpai too…"

"I can understand that," the bassist squeezed her hand once before pulling away. "Ritsu definitely won't be coming anywhere near you, so you don't have to worry about that idiot. As for Mugi…I will talk to her. You just keep on believing in her," a confident smile graced her features, "It's Mugi. She can do no wrong."

"Do you trust me?"
"I trust you."
"Thank you, Azusa-chan. I believe in you…"

Those spoken words no longer meant anything to the younger girl, but she would like to keep her faith in the blonde's kind smile like Mio did.

"But Yui…there is nothing I can do," the bassist whispered and coaxed her to sit up. "You have to talk to her. Don't keep everything inside."

Pulled away from such a comfortable position, Azusa rubbed her eyes and blinked tiredly before she realized someone just entered the suite.

"Yui, I've left some dinner on the table. Do you want me to heat it up for you?" Mio stood up from the couch to greet the brunette, whose eyes flickered between her and the younger girl.

"Thanks, Mio-chan, but I'm not hungry," the guitarist tugged her ponytail out of its tie and gave her bandmate a small smile. She was wearing her usual disguise but, in spite of her tired visage, her breathing was too even to have just returned from jogging.

The bassist seemed to be taken aback by her answer, but she nodded and sent Azusa a meaningful look. The latter swallowed hard and took a deep breath at the prompt. Smiling, Mio gave her a gentle push towards Yui and retreated to her room.

Even though the air was immediately filled with awkward silence, the smaller girl could still feel the warmth of her pillar's hand on her back. She bravely met the brunette's eyes and began, "Y-Yui-senpai, I…"

"Azusa, let's go to my room, then we can talk, ne?" Yui held out her hand invitingly. She took it without any hesitation, even though the lack of nickname unnerved her greatly.

Yet instead of letting herself be pulled along, Azusa led the guitarist down the hallway in steady strides.


"Captain! You look like a girl!"

"Yui-san, what's that supposed to mean?"

"Dawww, you should keep wearing that fake hair extension! Buchou is pretty~!"

"Trees shouldn't talk!"

Mio rubbed her brows in exasperation, feeling her patience stretched thin by the guitarist and drummer's loud antics. It was stressful enough practicing for this stupid play without those two goofing around.

"Ne, Mio-chan?"

"Hmm? What is it, Mugi?"

"That scene on the balcony," the blonde only smiled at the black-haired girl's blush, "why didn't you just kiss Ricchan?"

"W-w-w-what are y-you t-talking about?" Stammering, the Romeo actress backed away from the scriptwriter and covered her face as if she could smother the flames blazing on her cheeks.

Mugi gently pulled her hands and squeezed them. "Mio-chan."

Under the encouraging tone, the black-haired girl glanced at those clear blue eyes and relented. "I'm scared, Mugi. I don't want to ruin our friendship. Ritsu and I…we've been together for so long that the thought of not having her by my side is just too much."

"I see," the blonde closed her eyes as if she was in deep thoughts. Mio blinked at her friend quizzically, wondering what could be going on in the mysterious girl's mind.

"You should confess, Mio-chan."

Blue orbs were bright with serenity.

"Ricchan's the only one who can make you happy."

Upon hearing those words so full of conviction, Mio felt strength flowing into her and the fear ebbing away. Mugi really knew how to cheer her up no matter what the circumstances. The black-haired girl found herself smiling as she tightened their entwined hands.

"A-alright. It's our last year in high school after all. After the concert, I will confess."


"What happened…Azunyan? Did Mio-chan bring you here?"

The black-haired girl was reluctant to let go of Yui, but she also felt compelled to withdraw her hand as quickly as possible, that she was not worthy enough to even touch the brunette. Hearing that familiar nickname, however, eased her enough that she was able to walk towards the bed instead of fleeing from the room.

"Yes, I…I asked her to," she sat down on the soft mattress and folded her hands in her lap with a quivering sigh. She looked to see Yui's enquiring stare, which made her look down hastily.

"…I see," the brunette murmured contemplatively when Azusa pursed her lip and did not elaborate. Instead of pursuing the subject, she closed the door before approaching the pile of clothes on top of a chair.

The younger girl wrung her hands nervously, surprised by how much harder it seemed to speak to the guitarist than the bassist. Articulating feelings was similar to walking across a stage that was under the scrutiny of a grand audience. Every single detail was judged critically, yet the assessment was not known to the performer, who may stumble, stutter or even fall from anxiety and fear.

While she breathed evenly in attempts to gather her composure, Yui changed out of her jogging outfit into simple attire. Azusa could not help but stare at her flawless skin, wondering how her own body would appear in comparison. The brunette must know about what happened to her, right? But if she didn't, would she be able to tell just from looking at her? Sighing, the black-haired girl drew her legs to her chest, hugging them tightly for comfort.

Could anyone tell if they saw her body? Were there any visible marks? She'd scrubbed her skin hard enough to know it was visibly clean, but what if she was blind to any taints and had failed to remove them?

"Azunyan…"

The hesitation in Yui's voice drew her out of her dark trance and made her lift her chin off her knees. When the brunette gingerly touched her face, she tensed in apprehension and almost caused the cautious hand to retract. But after she nuzzled it and tentatively tugged at the sleeve, the guitarist cupped her cheek more certainly and ghosted her thumb across the Azusa's lips.

Yui let out a soft giggle, her usually veiled eyes glimmering in relief at the acceptance of her touch. The tinkering sound made the black-haired girl smile against her fingers, which grazed the corner of those curved lips one more time before pulling away. The brunette then sat down beside her, far enough to respect her personal space but within arms' reach to hug her.

This subtle yet considerate gesture helped Azusa take the first step across the metaphorical stage. She began to talk about the fight between her parents, finding it difficult to express her feelings and repeat those offensive words, yet she was able to persevere until the end thanks to the brunette's encouraging nods every now and then.

"They judged you and the others…based on superficial facts," Azusa exhaled despairingly, her tone devolving into trembling whimpers. "Just because they don't agree with something doesn't mean it's wrong. It's… cruel of them to do that."

"That's not the case, Azunyan," Yui whispered distantly, "In the end, they just want to do what they think is best for their daughter…"

Though intrigued by the guitarist's faraway gaze, the black-haired girl bristled vehemently at her lack of reaction. "So what my parents said about HTT… that was justified? I should just do whatever they want me to do… is that what you mean?"

"No," Yui did not seem to be bothered by her venomous flare. "That's still your decision."

Confused and slightly ashamed of her outburst, Azusa turned away and shook her head. "My decision, huh…"

"You're upset right now, Azunyan, but I know that you don't hate your parents."

"I don't," she said truthfully, "but I don't know to do after this, Yui-senpai. I'd prefer to make up with them but it's clear what they think of this, of my involvement with the band, and everything else. What can I do?" Her voice cracked a little as fear started to pierce through her composure again, "I don't want to be afraid anymore but…even now, I'm still scared you would… reject me… because of…"

She swallowed painfully but words refused to leave her throat anymore. She felt the brunette's hand on her shoulder but she refused to turn around, unable to face those brown eyes. What kind of expression would she have right now?

"I want to… heal you, Azunyan, but I have no idea how," Yui's voice was just as brittle as hers, "I've always been the one who brought pain to others, but I really want to help you, somehow. I've been so deaf… or rather, I refused to listen to any of them. And now…" She trailed off and cleared her throat a few times.

Azusa's heart constricted at how fragile she seemed. The guitarist had always been mysterious, indomitable and unreachable, but now she was acting like a sinner trying to atone. Her harsh and vicious edge was gone, yet it was still full of spikes that were unable to retract because she did not know how to do so.

"You, Mugi-chan, Mio-chan and Ricchan…"

The pity and guilt in the brunette's voice angered her so much that sympathy moments ago evaporated rapidly. "What about her?" She shrugged Yui's hand off her shoulder, "Why do you feel sorry for her? She…to me…she…even when I …"

"I know. It was more than terrible… that I really understand… but Ricchan, please don't hate Ricchan, Azunyan. What she did was wrong but it wasn't completely her fault-"

"How could you stand up for her?" Azusa hissed bitterly and whirled around to glare at the brunette, whose expression was grim with remorse.

"Ricchan is Ricchan. That has never changed."

"What-?" While perplexed and incensed, she was taken aback by how sorrowful the guitarist sounded. "I don't understand… I-I know you both get along, you even seem close, especially after everything I've heard about the two of you, but there are times I thought you hate each other…"

"I don't hate her," Yui said sadly, "Not her, not any of them. Houkago Teatime… the band is very important to me, even though the things I did can't be undone, I..."

They stared at each other almost helplessly, both unable to articulate their thoughts into coherent words. Azusa narrowed her eyes and struggled to maintain her guard, untrusting of Yui's words. The brunette must have hurt the others terribly that their dynamics morphed and escalated into this endless spiral.

But most importantly, why did she do it? If she truly cared for her friends like she claimed, how could she ever hurt them without feeling regret, until now?

"Thank you for telling me about your parents though, Azunyan. I'm happy… no, I'm honored that you would share such private thoughts with me. After everything you've gone through, you still trust me…" Yui exhaled and smiled weakly, "you still allow me to be near you."

Yes, trust is much harder than it sounds. No one will trust me if I don't trust them first, especially someone like Yui-senpai.

Azusa felt drained of spirit when she heard her own innocent voice swirling through her bitterness. She knew nothing back then, that was the only way she could have ever held such gullible perspective and naivety.

But that was over.

She had entered the wolf's den and survived, though not unscathed. Now, she must conquer the territory before she can even think about the option of leaving it. There was only one way to communicate between them, wasn't there?

"Hold me," the black-haired girl commanded abruptly.

Yui blinked at her, no doubt surprised by the authority infused in her tone. Elated by this sense of control, she curtly spoke again. "Hug me."

"Okay," the brunette complied with the order with a childish chirp. When her arms carefully wrapped around her, Azusa fought against her instinct to regain personal space and forced herself to rest her chin on the guitarist's shoulder. Remnants of brewing trepidation persisted, yet the warmth and safety she provided made the black-haired girl even bolder.

Mio-senpai told her she was strong. She could do this. She just had to try harder to forget the past and focus on the present before her sense of self shattered.

"Kiss me."

Uncertain, Yui only grazed her lips against Azusa's in a feather-like touch. But when the latter bashfully seized her lower lip, she deepened the gentle kiss like an innocent teenager trying it for the first time.

Such an absurd musing made Azusa smile in good humor as she pulled away. The tingly, pleasant feeling remained on her lips yet she wanted more, something fierce enough that to overpower the fear that still lurked in the corner of her cognizance.

"Again…"

The brunette tenderly held her cheek this time and placed a firmer kiss upon her slightly open mouth.

"More…"

Yui flicked her tongue over Azusa's lips, coaxing them to part further before licking one corner of her mouth almost playfully. When their tongues began their fiery dance of lucid strokes, she moaned softly and grasped the brunette shirt just so she had something to hold onto. Her eyes fluttered close and tugged a little harder as if she could close their distance even more.

The guitarist broke away momentarily and eased away the black-haired girl's hands before pulling off her shirt in a fluid motion. Slightly breathless from their heated kiss, Azusa blushed but boldly leaned forward to run her palms up Yui's waist. She giggled mischievously and relished in the brunette's tremors as she slid her hands up her spine to unclasp her bra.

Instead of teasing her like she expected, Yui simply smiled and brushed through her obsidian tresses in a reassuring pace. Garnet eyes scrutinized twinkling brown orbs, searching for any signs of rejection. However, there were only understanding and determination in the brunette's gaze as she nuzzled Azusa's nose and pecked her lips.

The younger girl shared another passionate kiss with Yui before pressing her cheek gingerly against her heart, entranced by its quickened beats. She languidly licked the cleavage and nudged the guitarist, who moved backwards to lie down more comfortably on the bed.

Swallowing hard, Azusa hovered above Yui and regarded her through half-lidded eyes. She looked so cute and actually flushed when the black-haired girl caressed her nakedness with a hungry stare.

She licked her lips in anticipation as she cupped the brunette's breasts with inexperienced yet eager hands. The hitched gasps encouraged Azusa to pepper chaste kisses over her milky skin and massaged the contours harder. Smiling, Yui slipped an arm around her shoulder and ran her fingers through the obsidian strands that formed a glossy curtain over her body. Her touches were so achingly gentle that the black-haired girl's thoughts were solely focused on this addicting ardor between them.

Nothing else mattered but pleasure.

Azusa then noticed the brunette's hesitant hand clutching the hem of her overly large shirt. Sighing shakily, she buried her nose in the crook of Yui's neck and requested briskly.

"Undress me."

The guitarist was obviously concerned but the black-haired girl kissed her aggressively to erase any doubt or unspoken questions. Even now, Azusa could still hear her own helpless cries echoing amidst their heated gasps, the dark memories of her rape clawing up her back in relentless pursue.

Growling, she nipped Yui's bottom lip and grabbed her hand to guide it under the loose top. Usually deft hands were now clumsy as they struggled to pull off the shirt, and Azusa thought she felt tremors from the brunette's calloused fingers as they glided across her skin.

Was it because their touches were no longer fueled by blind lust? Or was it because Yui wanted to avoid hurting her at all cost?

Instead of feeling the liberating sensation she expected once her top was off, the black-haired girl shuddered and regretted exposing herself so impulsively. The shroud of power faded as paranoia sank its vice into her mind again.

"I look h-horrible, don't I?" She mewled fearfully and felt colder than ever, "See, I'm so dirty-"

Yui grasped her nape and pulled her down into fiery kisses that restored the warmth back to her limbs. They panted into each other's mouths as they sought to quench their partners' qualms. Azusa pressed her body tightly against the brunette's to feel more of this wonderful warmth that soothed her stormy mind. The latter reciprocated the gesture by rubbing her thigh against her leg and slightly arching against her.

"…You're an angel, Azunyan," Yui breathed quietly. "Don't listen to your mind. Whatever images you see, whatever things you hear, they're all filthy lies."

"But they happened," the black-haired girl pushed herself up by resting her elbows on each side of the brunette's body. "They're real… What's real then, if they're not? What am I supposed to believe in?"

Yui gently slipped off Azusa's bra and wrapped an arm around her waist before shifting down to kiss her breasts, earning quivering moans through her tender strokes. "I'm in no position to say anything because I don't have anything here," she murmured and pulled the younger girl's hand to her chest, right against her heart. "But I know you do. A big, warm heart. That's what you should believe in, Azunyan. Your heart."

Shivering from the hot whispers fanning across her skin, Azusa closed her eyes to feel the powerful heart beat beneath their entwined hands. "I believe in it, Yui-senpai. And...it tells me that…" she slid her knuckles up the brunette's neck with her free hand until it cupped her cheek like it was her treasure. "You're all I have."

Yui's eyes widened at the proclamation, clearly stunned by the intensity of those words. Slowly, she trailed affectionate kisses up the petite girl's arm and whispered shakily against her neck. "How… how do you do this?"

"What do you mean-?" She pulled away only to see the brunette's eyes were brimming with tears.

"Don't say something like that… I'm not dependable…I can't even… my own sister… my friends…"

"Tell me," Azusa kissed away the wet tracks on her cheek with utmost care, "let me know more about you."

"I'm… supposed to be helping you," Yui chuckled wryly. "Yet you're still… you always…"

"Last time, I felt your anger, Yui-senpai and now… I c-can relate to that. I've felt it, so I know there are more," the black-haired girl smiled softly, "you can still feel the pain."

The brunette's eyes darkened a shade. "There's only one way I know how to project my feelings, Azusa, you know that. But I can't do that to you now-"

"Tell me."

Yui tightened their embrace and kissed her gently at first, still trying to hold back, but their caresses gradually grew in fervor after she rolled them over. Azusa reciprocated just as fervently, enthralled by the tender yet passionate movements they shared. The terror from her rape clashed with this breathtaking sensation, almost as if her taint was being washed away. There was nothing to be scared of, not of something so pure. She initiated this intimate exchange of her own free will after all.

As Yui's movements became more aggressive and uncontrolled, Azusa tried to return the ferocity by biting down on her shoulder as she greedily sucked on her neck. Gasping erratically, she lapped at the reddened skin while the brunette hungrily nibbled at her earlobe.

However, when her legs were pried open by an impatient hand, she winced and hissed sharply as it rubbed against her core. She felt the tug on her pants as well as the chilly terror that followed. Clenching her eyes only intensified the assault of those memories and all she could feel was the phantom agony that had penetrated her being.

"Nnnggh-! N-No!"

She pushed Yui off her with all her strength and immediately curled up, trembling as she struggled to calm down. How had this spiraled out of control so quickly? Wasn't her fear already controlled and conquered? Why won't it leave her alone? She chose to comfort the brunette knowing perfectly well what it would lead to, so where did this utter reluctance came from? A part of her just wanted to hide in seclusion while the other yearned to drown in pleasure.

Azusa whimpered and clutched at her head.

"Take your time and rest, Azunyan."

The black-haired girl sat up abruptly to see that Yui has already gotten dressed. She was breathing heavily, her eyes shaded by her long bangs but an indiscernible smile was visible on her flushed face.

Even though the lonesome figure was still standing by the bed, so close, Azusa felt had never felt the guitarist was so out of reach than this moment.

"W-wait," she crawled desperately towards Yui but couldn't bring herself to reach for the latter's arm. She already vowed to take in everything, that this was just a momentary lapse. She just needed to try even harder. "D-don't go…"

"No," the brunette spoke quietly, "I can't do that to you anymore. I need to… think, yes. I want to right my wrongs. I don't want to make even more mistakes."

"B-but-"

Yui smiled and moved as if to touch the shivering girl, but she dropped her arm by her side when she saw the frightened gleam in her eyes. "Go to sleep… Azusa-chan."

Azusa's hands remained uselessly immobile as the guitarist left the bedside and walked towards the door. Her body refused to move even when she noticed Yui stealthily taking a bottle of pills on her way out.

When the door clicked close, a surge of despair flooded the black-haired girl. She slumped sideways and buried her face into the pillow. Terrible shudders racked her small frame as her breathless sobs escalated into keening cries.

She couldn't do this, even though she claimed she could.

Not when her mind was still this fragile.

How could I reach out to them, when I couldn't even reach myself?

Azusa did not know how long it took for her to control her breathing, but her body ached in tremendous pain when she sluggishly sat up and put her clothes back on. Her eyes were unexpectedly dry as she blinked at the empty room, feeling just as hollow and bare as her surrounding.

An unbidden image then flashed in her vision, an otherworldly wonderland of plushies that beckoned for her to join it.

The black-haired girl mechanically walked out of this false sanctuary and quickened her pace at the illusions of the dim hallways closing on her. This simple stretch and turn seemed like a cruel labyrinth littered with vicious pebbles determined to chase her away. However, as battered as she was, her garnet eyes were blankly resolute when she finally reached the closed door.

She knocked on it firmly, beseeching that this last refuge won't shut her out too.

"Azusa-?" Mio looked like she just woke up from a nap, yet her unfocused gaze quickly sharpened as she carefully looked over the younger girl.

Wordlessly, the bassist cradled Azusa in her arms and kissed the top of her head. This caring gesture almost brought a renewal of breathless sobs but she slowly blinked them away after a warm hand cupped her cheek.

"Do not cry, Azusa. You're not me," Mio's thumb gently caressed her skin. Austere grey eyes were veiled by sheen of wetness. "You must be strong. You can't give up yet."

The younger girl swallowed thickly, "I-I know… but I-"

"Don't worry, I'll be here to help you," the bassist murmured tearfully while stroking her hair, "because I'm the only one who understands you. You have the potential…the strength to overcome this. It's still too soon so don't be discouraged. You're just a kitten right now, Azusa. All you need is more experience, so you can protect yourself."

Drained, broken and vanquished, Azusa entrusted her anchorless mind to the compassionate embrace. Mio was shedding tears for her so she must pull her act together, even if it was just for the older girl's sake. She could do this, she could still be the savior she vowed to become. She refused to sink into the spiral of fear and self-loathing. After all, her pillar will be here to support and guide her. She's made her choice.

"Yes, only you understand me," Azusa lifelessly slumped against her.

Mio smiled.


A/N: So, the tables have turned and a new hand is dealt.

The chapter is mostly in Azusa's POV, but it's inevitable given the situation… I hope everything is presented reasonably. Some events were already foreshadowed in the past chapters, especially the confrontation between Azusa and her parents.

No comment on the band members, especially Yui and Mio :3

Anyways, as usual, criticism or any other feedback is welcome

Background Info:

Azusa's parents – reminders that they are a very traditional family.

Okazu literally means sidedish, served to accompany rice. People should be familiar with this term, due to "Gohan wa Okazu"

Some thoughts on Yui and Mio – their interaction/bond is hardest to portray out of all possible pairs because we don't get to see them interact as much in canon. And when they do, it's quite different each time. I distinctively remember it was heavily YuiMio in the first few episodes of first season, then it was completely gone (especially after the even more frequent Mitsu and YuiAzu interactions). Although, Yui still called Mio first, out of everyone, when Ui got a flu in canon, season2…

Anyways, the bond between them will be quite important in this story, since it's the beginning of everything after all. Then again, all the bonds are crucial, for it's what K-on is all about.