Fandom: Death Note
Characters: L, Yagami Light, Amane Misa, R.Y.U.K., Rem, Watari, Matsuda Touta, Mikami Teru
Chapters:
11/?
Warnings/Ratings: Lack of coherency.
In A Nutshell: "We're in a room with a man who can change people into objects and you are going to tell me what is impossible?"
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, thankfully.

Upon waking, the first thing that Mikami Teru had chosen to say from all of the questions and other possible comments he had was, "Oh my god."

L, finding this statement a rather odd, and infinitely suspicious, choice amongst all of the questions and other possible comments the man must have had, replied, "You must have known that this would happen so please, do not act as if you are surprised."

Mikami shook his head frantically, correcting, "No, my god." He attempted to the best of his abilities to gesture towards Light using only his head with valiant effort but little to show for it, although L's confused face seemed a bit too contrived.

Light, also wearing a rather contrived look of confusion, said, "I've never seen this man before in my life, L. Really."

"Yes, you have."

"Oh? How would you know?"

"Well, you have seen him during our stakeout only one hour, thirty-two minutes, and twenty-five seconds ago, not to mention nearly every moment after that until this time."

"That doesn't cou-"

"You have also been in collusion with him for the past eight months."

"… Shit." R.Y.U.K. chuckled loudly from the ceiling and Light, rather desperate at this point to silence him, removed his shoe and chucked it rather forcefully at the back of the hulking figure's head, knocking him from his perch violently.

L, enjoying his triumph over Light probably too much, cleared his throat to regain the teen's attention. "Light-kun, would you prefer it if I presented to you my case jeans on you in order to collaboratively eradicate these instances of your public humiliation?"

Light, disliking the annoying if not well-deserved prodding, ignored L and instead examined R.Y.U.K.

"Misa thinks he's dead. Light maybe hit him too hard."

"God, I hope so. Rem, what's your evaluation?" Rem stood still, not responding. L, not feeling any particular attachment to the scientific experiment but preferring not to have things die in an area that may make him liable for a lawsuit, especially in this area, with a high-powered lawyer only meters away, sidled over to the presumed carcass and wondered how to go about the process of assuring his living state.

"It may be that whoever created him did not give him any form of a heart or pulse."

Light snorted. "L, that's impossible. Nothing can live without a pulse."

"We're in a room with a man who can change people into objects and you are going to tell me what is impossible?" Matsuda giggled, but was shot silent by the murderous glare from the addressed teen. L continued, "R.Y.U.K. has also obscured information about his origins previously, so there is no way to tell if he is not a robot and simply broken."

"Of course there is," the rasp came from the floor, "robots don't eat apples." R.Y.U.K. picked himself up from the floor and flew back into the rafters. "I can't say I won't hold a grudge, though, Light."

With R.Y.U.K.'s assertion of being alive, the young heroes turned back to their other and possibly more troublesome issue, the Objectifier.

"What is this?" Obviously, having been attacked by his former leader was quite the traumatizing experience. "Is this a place for reformed villains?"

"What makes you so sure that you're a villain?" Light was rather unhappy about what that would imply.

"Well, I've been caught for something, that's for sure. So, can I join your team now?"

Light was about to cheerily welcome the new member of their crime-fighting squad when L said, "No."

"What?!"

"I offer you my sincerest apologies, but I believe that we have all members we currently have need of."

As realization dawned on the face of the Objectifier, he became enraged. "No, I deserve this! I deserve to work with Kira-sama, unlike un-groomed scum like you! KIRA-SAMA! DO NOT WORRY! I WILL SAVE YOU FROM THIS TYRANNY!" Light's attempts to calm the man were futile, and eventually Mikami, in an impressive show of strength, roughly pushed him aside to aim for his true target. "OBJECTION!"

The result of this quite possibly copyrighted phrase was a blinding flash of light and when it subsided, Light looked up from the floor to find…


Because I am sincerely apologetic about the lack of updates.