I've got to thank msfcatlover yet again for chapter ideas. You know what you did. I also have to thank Lord of the Storms 28, for ideas for the future of this fic. You'll see them eventually, especially cause they're so awesome I couldn't say no.


"CHICKEN NUGGETS!" Link screamed as he woke up. Navi promptly tried to knock him unconscious, but failed for some reason.

"…Why am I wearing a tiara?" asked Kasuto, taking off said tiara.

"Because you're becoming like…Link…NO!" Navi screamed. "YOU'RE THE ONLY REMOTELY SANE PERSON HERE! I REJECT YOU BEING INSANE!"

"I reject," said Kasuto.

"…What?"

"I reject your rejection of my sanity. I was already insane." Navi flew over to the nearest wall and began banging her head on it. She finally stopped when she was too dizzy to fly and collapsed to the floor.

Navi turned around and saw what Link and Kasuto had been doing the entire time she had been attempting self-inflicted insanity: having a drinking contest.

"No, Kash, you gotsh to do it like thish," Link slurred. He tipped his bottle back, but most of the beer that came out landed on his face. Kasuto smiled.

"Oh, thatsh how you do it!" Kasuto flipped his bottle upside-down when it was over his head, but this time most of it landed in his mouth.

"Fuck you allsh!" Link cried, raising a fist halfway in the air before collapsing. Kasuto didn't last much longer.E ONLY REMOTELY

(Ten seconds pass)

"First Aid!" Raine called out. Link and Kasuto felt their alcohol leaving them and sat up.

"Where'd all the beer go?" asked Kasuto. Raine simply pointed behind them, where they had…basically, they had done a number one and number two at the same time from it, which created a huge mess in the middle of Lord Jabu-Jabu's mouth. Kasuto sighed and reached for the hem of his pants.

(Censored for nudity, not gay sex for once)

"Why the hell did you two do that?" shrieked Navi after uncovering her eyes. "I'm a virgin!"

"Wanna change that, dearie?" a passing Octorock asked. Navi cut its head off. The Octorock died. Navi smiled again.

"Well, I feel so unscarred after killing, let's move on!"

Raine nodded. "Yes, let's!"

"Quiet, you're just a cameo," said Navi. "DEATH TO THE CAMEO!"


The group was standing about ten feet away from the last time we left them, staring at something on the wall.

"Why is there a cow head there?" asked Link, staring at said cow head (rhyme!).

"…I don't know…" answered Navi, also just staring.

"If we knew why there was a cow head there, then all the questions humanity has on the universe would be answered simultaneously," stated Kasuto. Navi gasped.

"Kasuto! That was actually…smart!"

"What?" Navi sighed.

"You know what, nevermind. I still want to know why there's a cow head inside a fish. And speaking of fish…"

(in another room)

Ruto sat in the middle of Lord Jabu-abu's stomach.

"…I don't believe it. They fucking ditched me." Ruto shrugged. "Oh well. More Doritos for me."

(back with the group)

Navi turned to Link. "Have you noticed that every single dungeon we've been in, there's been a mouth that we had to go in?" Link gasped dramatically.

"You're right!"

"Of course I am."

"It must be a sign!" continued Link, ignoring her, "the sign of the cross!"

Everyone stared at him.

"Dude, that wasn't even close to funny," remarked Kasuto.

Link shrugged. "Sue me."

The Lawyerskullwalltulla coughed. "Do you require a lawyer, sir Kasuto?"

Kasuto pulled out a shotgun. "NO! NOW GET OFF MY LAWN!"

Lawyerskullwallyulla sighed. "Sir Kasuto, we're not even standing on a lawn. And even if we were, (how disturbing that would be…) you don't own this fish!"

"I DON'T CARE!"

There was much blood spilt.


"Ugh," Kasuto groaned as he stumbled into the next room. "Why'd you stab us, too?"

"Um… No reason," said Navi quickly, dropping her stack of notes on how to sabotage the party into the pit next to them. It hit an Octorock hiding underwater, knocking it out. The Octorock eventually and tragically drowned when it was trapped underwater underneath a giant rock. "Can we move on? Before I stab someone again?"

Link pressed a switch implanted in the door, which trigged a complex series of mechanics, grinding gears against each other until they produced a spark. The spark traveled down a prelaid path set down the middle of the inside of the door, until it reached a small set of logs. The logs burst into flames when the spark ignited, which caused a sprinkler system to go off, putting the fire out. The water from the sprinklers traveled down a small path until it collected in a small basin attached to a weight, which was attached to a pulley system connected to the top of the door. As the water collected, the weight was pulled further and further up.

In other words, the door opened, bitches.

In the center of the room was an annoying naked blue fish thing eating nachos, who was ignoring them. They walked over to her gangster-style. She still ignored them. Navi whipped Link and Kasuto into running around in circles while on fire, screaming their heads off. She ignored them even more. Navi pulled the pin out of a miniature grenade and threw it into Ruto's ear. Ruto's head exploded, but she was (somehow) still alive.

"I give up!" cried Navi, throwing her hands into the air. "You can just save your own ass, you cocksucking bitch, because we're not saving it for you!"

Ruto pouted. "I'm not a….whatever you said!"

"Cucksucking bitch."

"Yeah, that."

"You're an airhead, aren't you?"

"What's an airhead?"

Navi sighed. "Nevermind, you just answered my question."

Ruto pouted again. The pout looked really creepy on someone with nearly see-through skin. "Nooo! Tell me!"

"No."

"Fine then." She sat on the floor with her legs folded. "I will use my awesome Fishgirl Zora powers to make you carry me around until you tell me!" Ruto snapped her fingers.

"I…Don't feel any different," stated Navi. "You sure that worked?"

Ruto moaned loudly as Kasuto picked her up-bridal style. "Oh, that feels too good! More! MORE!"


"No…more…" Link groaned as he carried Ruto into a new room. The mutant fishgirl in question moaned for what was probably the four millionth time since they had picked her up. And they had only found her about five minutes ago.

"More! Make me your bitch! I need more!"

Navi pulled out something she liked to call Mr. Stabby and used it. There was much pain for the unfortunate (snort) Ruto.

It was then that Link did something very unfortunate. He stepped on a pair of jaws that was sticking out of the floor. With a very painful electric shock, a giant electric eel came sliding out of the fat that made up Lord Jabu-Jabu.

"Great, I have to save Link...Again!" cried Navi. "WHY? WHY?"

"Because I love everything about these two," answered Ruto, who had mysteriously recovered from a fatal stab to the head.

Navi stared at her. "…That didn't make any sense whatsoever." Then she remembered what fanfiction she was a part of. "…Fuck you all."

"We love you too, Navi!" said Ruto cheerfully.

Navi flew over to Jabu-Jabu's intestine's wall and pulled her head back.


Link sat up and rubbed his ass. "What just happened?"

Navi sighed. Being the only voice of reason could be tiring sometimes. "We just went into a room in which we needed Ruto for some stupid reason," here Ruto waved, "met a giant tentacle hell-bent on killing us, respawned, got ice cream, went back into the giant fish, met the murdering tentacle again, ran around in circles screaming, and eventually got thrown out for making too much noise. Happy now Link?"

"No! I will never support the system!" screamed Link. He got up and started running around in circles screaming random crap. Kasuto shrugged and joined him. Navi facepalmed silently.

"We're doomed."


Okay, I cut it off here because writing the full dungeon was taking too long, and it's been a little while since I updated this. Anyway, the next chapter'll be longer, I promise! Scout's honor! Even though I'm not a scout...

Yes, there were cow heads in the game. They were just in OoT: Master Quest. Now you can't flame me for inaccuracy! Of course, the fact that you flamers waited this long mystifies me. I thought there were more of you.