Chapter Eleven

Disclaimer: I do not own the Avengers.

They were supposed to have gone back to Asgard two hours ago but Thor just had to take Jane out to dinner and then when they had come back he had gotten sucked into a rowdy game of cards. Loki could have reminded him that it was long past time to leave but he didn't want to make it clear to everyone that Thor held the power to decide where he went. It wasn't like they had likely forgotten, he was sure, but there was still no reason to be so obvious about it.

Romanoff was the only other one not playing and she was sitting on the other side of the couch that Loki was on. Like him, she was reading but she seemed to be having far better success in ignoring the noise than he was. It wasn't like he hadn't been long-used to ignoring his…Thor and his friends when they were being loud but something about so many people who actively wanted to kill him being in the room was making it difficult for him to turn off his self-preservation instincts and just enjoy his book.

And then there was Romanoff herself. She was, as usual, completely ignoring him. He tried to think back to the last time she had spoken to him. Had it really been as long as when she had come to see him while he had been in that monster's cage? He was fairly confident that she didn't like him. Not only had he nearly conquered her precious planet but he had enslaved and threatened her boyfriend.

And yet…nothing. None of the Avengers actually sought him out (except Thor but he didn't count) but they had all spoken to him more than she had.

Suddenly, senselessly, this annoyed him. Who was she to act as though he didn't matter?

"Agent Romanoff," he spoke before he gave himself time to think better of it. Normally this was a trait that he would scoff at as he would associate it with Thor and his friends (Thor's not his. Definitely not his no matter what anyone else, even them, had to say about it) but he had been speaking and acting without thinking increasingly often since he had learned of his true parentage. Was that a frost giant trait? Perish the thought. At least Thor proved it wasn't solely a frost giant trait. And maybe that did explain how he had come to find himself in this predicament.

Romanoff turned limpid eyes on him. "Yes?"

"You've been awfully quiet," Loki told her, not quite sure how to broach the topic without actually broaching the topic.

"Have I?" Romanoff asked, uninterested. "I hadn't noticed."

"Such a lack of self-awareness," Loki said, shaking his head. "Careless for a master spy. Perhaps not surprising, however."

"Ah yes," Romanoff agreed. "All that red in my ledger. I know how much that interest you."

Loki shook his head. "Not so much that as the fact that you're so deeply in denial that you believe anything can make up for what you've done."

Romanoff shrugged. "Maybe it can and maybe it can't. It will make up for more than doing nothing or adding more red will do."

"Sentiment," Loki murmured.

"And just what," Romanoff asked him, "are you doing here if not trying to make up for what you've done?"

"That is a very good question," Loki replied. "I would suggest that you take it up with Thor."

Romanoff smiled thinly. "Oh, I have. He believes he's going to save you."

Loki looked away. "He believes a lot of things."

Romanoff stood up.

"And now you're leaving again," Loki remarked.

"I'm not running, if that's what you think," she said calmly. "I just have nothing to say."

And with that she walked away and left the room altogether.

She was infuriating. He really should have killed her.

Loki glanced briefly over at Thor just in time to see his elbow accidentally knocking Mjolnir off the table. Why was it even on the table? Only Thor would think that that was a good idea. Nobody else had their weapons out.

It was going to do a number on Stark's floor, even if it didn't travel through the floors and possibly kill someone which was always a possibility.

Rogers seemed to have the same thought as he winced and his hand shot out to catch the falling hammer. Not that that would do any good aside from perhaps breaking Rogers' hand. Loki wondered what would happen if Rogers tried to catch it palms up. Would it fall off of his hand or go straight through …

Rogers caught Mjolnir and placed it back on the table.

"Let's try to be a little more careful, shall we?" he asked mildly.

Thor was staring at him, eyes wide. His jaw worked a few times but he didn't say anything and eventually he gave up.

Rogers frowned. "Thor? Is something the matter?"

Thor just continued to sit there, unmoving.

"I'm going to guess that that's a 'yes'," Stark said.

"Maybe you should examine him, Bruce," Jane suggested.

"I know very little about Asgardian biology," Banner protested.

"No less than any of us," Barton pointed out.

"Well," Jane said, glancing his way. "Not all of us."

Everyone turned to look at Loki who was pointedly reading again.

Someone cleared their throat pointedly.

"Yes?" Loki asked politely, looking up.

"Your brother's kind of catatonic, mind taking a look?" Stark said, pretending to be polite himself.

He could, of course, ignore them. Thor would probably be fine and what concern of his was it what was wrong with him? All he would really be able to do was explain it to the others and that was even less important to him. Let them wait and wonder and worry for all he cared. But all of that sentiment and fussing over Thor would probably prove to be very annoying and there was a chance that this would prove to be, while still annoying, slightly less so.

Oh, but he did so love getting to make the best of a bad situation.

Loki sighed but stood up and walked over towards Thor. "Give him some room, he doesn't like to be crowded."

Reluctantly, they all moved back.

Loki would hardly call himself an expert on Asgardian biology either and there was little point in being one when all it took was a healing stone and the most lethal of wounds or diseases was nearly instantly cured but he would concede that he knew more than anyone else there. Despite, of course, not being technically an Asgardian.

Looking Thor over, Loki didn't see anything wrong with him despite the fact that he wasn't moving and was barely breathing. And it seemed like the cause was pretty clear, too. He wasn't entirely sure how to bring Thor out of this and hoped it wouldn't take too long (he wanted to leave) but if nothing else he'd come out of it in time. No one could be that self-indulgent forever. This would be so much easier if this were Volstagg or Fandral or even Sif who could be brought out of it by offering food, an attractive woman, or by him simply speaking.

"He'll be fine," Loki diagnosed.

"Wait, what do you mean 'he'll be fine'?" Jane demanded, wringing her hands.

"I would have thought that was obvious, even by Midgardian standards," Loki told her. "How else to put it…he will recover on his own."

Several of them looked like they were going to say something angrily so Potts stepped in. "Does this mean you know what's wrong with him?"

Loki nodded. "Yes."

"Can you…elaborate?" she requested.

Loki sighed. "Captain Rogers held Mjolnir."

Rogers drew back, surprised and a little horrified. "Me? Are you saying this is my fault?"

"As much as it is anyone's fault besides Thor for being so dramatic, yes," Loki said, not feeling particularly sympathetic.

"But…why? I mean, is that some wei-some Asgardian thing? No one else can touch their weapons?" Rogers asked, concerned.

Loki thought about it. "It is considered bad manners to take someone's weapon without their permission but not to this extent, no."

"Steve," Bruce said quietly. "The Hulk couldn't pick that hammer up."

Steve frowned and his eyes flickered. "What are you saying? I'm not stronger than the Hulk."

"I've tried lifting it, too," Stark offered. "That thing must weigh a ton. Well, several tons, actually, because when I'm suited up I can lift a ton."

"It's not about the weight," Loki explained. "I'm actually not sure how much it weighs."

"Then what is it?" Barton demanded.

"In the past, anyone could wield Mjolnir but only Thor did," Loki informed them. "But then when Thor was exiled, it was never intended to be permanent and Thor's father needed a way to judge whether he had learned his lesson and was ready to come home or not."

"Wouldn't he be your father, too?" Stark asked shrewdly. "Seeing as how you are brothers."

"My relationship to the man is inconsequential in this story," Loki said, a bit stiffly.

"What was Thor banished for, if you don't mind me asking?" Rogers inquired.

"Oh, I know!" Jane exclaimed. "Frost Giants – they're these species of, well, blue giants who hate Asgard – came to Asgard and tried to steal something. Thor wasn't supposed to take his friends and attack Jotunheim, their planet, but he did and they nearly went to war over it so his father cast him out."

"And I thought my dad was intense," Banner muttered. "He never tried to force me off the planet, though."

"The point is," Loki continued, "that he put an enchantment on the hammer so that only one worthy of it would be able to wield it. And, thus far, many people have tried but only Captain Rogers has been able to lift it. Aside from Thor, of course."

"Many people?" Barton repeated. "Including you?"

"I'm a sorcerer," Loki replied, not really answering the question. "What use have I for a giant hammer?"

"You tell me," Barton countered.

"Well, there goes my self-esteem," Banner said wryly.

"Mine's fine," Stark assured them.

Potts rolled her eyes. "A little too fine sometimes."

"You know you love me," Stark said, a tad smugly.

"And so…I can lift it," Rogers said again, sounding a lot more awed than he had before.

"Don't let it go to your head," Loki said coldly. "It's just a hammer."

"It's enough to make Thor catatonic," Rogers argued.

Loki shrugged. "Thor has always been dramatic."

Rogers turned to Thor. "Um…I'm sorry I picked up your hammer. I wasn't really aware that I wasn't supposed to have done that. And I don't…I'm not going to try to steal it. I know that it's your thing."

"As if you even could steal it," Loki scoffed.

"You're not really being very helpful right now, Loki," Rogers said, annoyed, still facing Thor.

"I told you what was going on," Loki reminded him, "not two minutes ago."

Rogers nodded. "Right. That was very helpful. But now you are not being helpful."

"Neither are you," Loki informed him.

Rogers drew back as if he'd been slapped. "What? But I'm trying to apologize."

"Oh, by all means! Apologize for being such a wonderful person that you're worthy of wielding Mjolnir. That will make you seem less perfect," Loki said, rolling his eyes.

Rogers stood his ground. "I'm not perfect."

"No need to convince me," Loki assured him.

"What are the qualities for being 'worthy' anyway?" Banner asked curiously.

"Wondering where you went wrong?" Loki asked absently. "I wouldn't think you'd need Mjolnir for that. To be perfectly honest, though, I do not know what it takes to be able to wield it. As I said, the enchantment is relatively recent and I was away much of the time since then. Thor might know."

"You could start comparing positive attributes," Jane suggested.

"Or the sheer, annoying number of them," Loki added.

Rogers took a deep breath. "I can't apologize for trying to be a good person and, furthermore, I won't. There is nothing to be sorry for about being deemed to be a good person. It's a little hard, then, to apologize for being able to lift a hammer that only the worthy can but I didn't mean to upset you and I clearly have."

With one final look and a self-justified nod, Rogers turned and left the room.

"Maybe the rest of you might want to give him a little privacy," Loki suggested. "I'm sure that when he recovers he won't appreciate everyone crowding him and it's likely to be pretty dull until then."

Banner, Potts, and Barton did leave but Stark and Jane stayed where they were.

"I don't want to leave him," Jane said softly.

Of course she didn't.

Loki glanced questioningly at Stark, who merely shrugged. "Hey, it's my tower. If Thor is going to be so rude as to be rendered catatonic here then the least that I can do is stay in the room if I so choose."

"And so your stubbornness wars with your best interest," Loki concluded.

Stark snorted. "From what I hear, that's hardly a trait that's unique to me."

Loki said nothing.

Stark was quiet for maybe five minutes before he couldn't help himself and had to keep talking. That was a highly irritating trait to have and one that Thor generally shared.

"You're right, this is incredibly boring," Stark told him.

"Are you planning on leaving then?" Loki asked but without much hope. If stubbornness could best acting in one's self-interest then it could be trusted to beat boredom, as well.

Stark shook his head. "Nah, I'm good."

"You could always rea-watch television," Loki suggested.

"I could," Stark agreed, not sounding particularly impressed with the suggestion. "So do you want to have a drinking contest?"

Loki frowned. "Do I want to have a what?"

"You know, a drinking contest," Stark repeated, waving his hands around. "The two of us drink the exact same things, usually as fast as we can, until one of us passes out. Or quits, I suppose, but you have to be pretty lame to quit."

"Or until someone dies of alcohol poisoning," Jane said disapprovingly.

Stark merely shrugged. "Well then they will most definitely have lost. I'm sure, as a Norse god, Loki will be fine and believe me when I tell you that I can handle my liquor."

Jane just shook her head at him.

"I am familiar with the concept," Loki said icily. "I'm just not sure why you wish to engage in one."

And he was. On Asgard such competitions were commonplace though he had never partaken in them. Part of it was the fact that he found the whole idea to be very childish and pointless and part of it was the fact he did not think that he would win. After all, he rarely drunk so he was already at a disadvantage and the more physical parts of life never came as easily to him as they did to Thor and to all of the other real Asgardians.

"Isn't it obvious? I think I can win," Stark said cockily. "And I want bragging rights on having drank a god under the table."

"I thought it was a demigod," Loki said curtly.

Stark shrugged. "Doesn't have the same ring to it."

"Why don't you ask Thor?" Loki asked him. "I'm sure he'd love to."

Stark looked pointedly at his still comatose…Thor.

"I didn't mean now," Loki said, irritably.

"I've seen your brother drink," Stark said simply as if that settled everything. It probably did. "So, how about it?"

"No," Loki refused.

Stark's eyebrows shot up. "And why not? Afraid you'll lose?"

As it happened, Loki was fairly certain that if he could withstand bullets then he could drink this insolent human under the table but he didn't care. It was stupid and he hated the taste of alcohol anyway and he had nothing to prove here. He wondered if that's when he should have known. He couldn't think of any other Asgardian who despised the taste the way he did. But then, he would never admit to it so perhaps others similar to himself refused to admit to it either.

"Hardly," Loki drawled.

"It can't be because of a question of the drink itself," Stark said confidently. "Not only is your brother very fond of my liquor, which means that it can't be too bad compared to Asgardian liquor, but I have a wide variety to choose from. It doesn't have to be cheap beer. In fact, I would be offended if it were and might refuse just on principle."

"And if I agreed on the condition that we only drink the cheapest and foulest-tasting of all beer – or maybe wine? What would you do then?" Loki inquired.

Stark looked honestly torn between his desire to try and beat Loki and his distaste for cheap low-quality alcohol. Eventually, his snobbery overcame his competitive urge and he sighed.

"You win this round," Stark conceded, his eyes flashing. "But I will be back!"

"No, I'll be back," Loki corrected. "You're the one that lives here."

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