A/N: Wow! I think this is the shortest amount of time that has passed between updates to this fic. As I promised, Hoedown makes its long awaited appearance in this fanfic - I hope you, the reader, really enjoy it. Sadly, only a couple of chapters are left before this is done, but hopefully I'll be able to start on the sequals as soon as possible. So enjoy this chapter!
Disclaimer: Don't own LWD or WLIIA...blah, blah, blah...please don't sue...blah, blah, blah...
Now, on with the show!
Drew: Alright, welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway: Life With Derek Edition". Alright, we think we're ready for some more games. That is, if Derek's done laughing uncontrollably.
(Derek gives a thumbs up)
Derek: I would've been fine if you didn't have me acting like a stripper right in front of my stepmom and stepsister.
Colin: Well, how do you explain the last line you sung to your stepmom and girlfriend? (Casey clears her throat loudly) Sorry, stepsister.
Ryan: It's okay, Colin. I think we established how they felt in Scenes From A Hat.
Derek (laughing and shaking his head): It was like a runaway train, I couldn't stop!
Clive: Okay, I think we need to move on before we get Derek started again.
Drew: Good idea. On to our next game – Multiple Personalities. This game will be for Wayne, Ryan, and George.
George: Yes! (runs up on stage. Wayne and Ryan join him)
Drew: They are going to act out a scene involving three items. Each item has a different personality to it, and whoever is holding that item must act out that certain personality. If you don't mind, pass these out (George grabs the items and pass them out. Ryan winds up with a small gas can, Wayne end up with a road map, and George hangs on to a flashlight). Our scene is – a car breaks down in the forest in the middle of the night. Now, whoever has the gas can is Richard Simmons (audience laughs as Ryan shakes his head). Whoever's holding the map is John Wayne, and whoever's holding the flashlight is Scooby Doo.
George (Scooby Doo): Ruuh-ohhh! (walks over to Ryan) Why are we driving a car in the forest?
Ryan (Richard Simmons): We don't need to go find gas! Let's push that car (acts like he's pushing the car) and push it, and push it, and push, two and three.
Wayne (John Wayne): Howdy pilgrim. It appears someone's…got a flat.
George (Scooby Doo): Are gonna help?
(George and Wayne switch the map and flashlight)
Wayne (Scooby Doo): Ruh - ha. Re-he-he-he-he-he.
Ryan (Richard Simmons): Well, we should just push the care and sweat, sweat, sweat! Let's look at the map and see where we're going!
George (John Wayne): Well, alright.
(George and Ryan swap the map and gas can)
George (Richard Simmons): I know where we're going. We're going on the road to thinness! (starts jumping up and down and moving his arms) C'mon everybody!
Wayne (Scooby Doo): I know where we should go. There's a gas station this way. (points off to his right)
Ryan (John Wayne): Well, Scooby's right. According to this map, we should go this way. (staggers in the direction Wayne was pointing to, doing his John Wayne walk)
(Wayne and George swap the gas can and flashlight)
Wayne (Richard Simmons): Quick everybody. The gas station is just this way. Last time I tried to go to the gas station, they had to airlift me out of bed. But now, we can do it! (starts jumping around and waving his arms) Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Can you feel it?!
(George runs over next to Ryan, cowering and muttering)
George (Scooby Doo): That's bad!
Ryan (John Wayne): I agree with you Scooby. Fancy dance moves make me…nervous as well
Wayne (Richard Simmons): You're only nervous because you're afraid of filling up your inner gas tank! But I'm here to help you, don't you know?!
Ryan (John Wayne): Maybe he's right.
George (Scooby Doo): You take the flashlight.
(George and Ryan swap the flashlight and map)
Ryan (Scooby Doo): R-okay. (panicking) I don't wanna go down the road!
Wayne (Richard Simmons): He's afraid of the dark. He's so afraid of the dark.
George (John Wayne): You calm down, sissy boy.
(George quickly passes of the map to Ryan)
Ryan (John Wayne/Scooby Doo): R-alright, ret's ro! (staggers off in his John Wayne walk)
BUZZ!
(Guys return the items to the desk. Wayne and Ryan go back to their seats, while George rejoins his family)
Drew: 1000 points to John Wayne Brady. Man of a 1000 faces.
Wayne: I'm a big John Wayne fan.
Drew: Hey, I was as good as any of Colin's expressions. So, what the hell?
(Colin gives Drew a weird look)
George: Hey, what about my points?
Nora: Yeah, I think George did a really good job.
(Edwin lets out a slight gag. Lizzie catches it and elbows him in the side)
Drew: Alright, I'll give you 2,000 points out of Derek's point total.
Derek: Hey! I worked hard for those points!
Casey: Quit your crying you big baby.
(Guys laugh as Derek gives Casey an evil look)
Drew: Okay Clive, what is our next game?
Clive: Our next game is called "Hats" and it will be for everyone, including the MacDonald-Venturi family. In this game, they will divide up into two groups, using these boxes of hats, must go back and forth and make up as many examples as possible of the world's worst dating service videos starting with Colin and Ryan's group.
(A/N: Groups are divided up just like they were in SFAH a couple of chapters back)
Ryan (wearing a fighter pilot's helmet): Care to come sit in my cockpit.
BUZZ!
Derek (wearing a metal mask and holding a staff with a skull on it): Let me be the gatekeeper to your portals of joy.
BUZZ!
Lizzie (wearing a moose head hat): I just got out of a bad relationship with a flying squirrel.
BUZZ!
Wayne (wearing a hairpiece that resemble Don King's hairdo): You and me, on a date, January 12th, in Madison Square Garden!
BUZZ!
Casey (holding a hazmat helmet): Maybe I'm a little overprotective.
BUZZ!
Edwin (wearing a Mountie hat): Want to mount a Mountie?
BUZZ!
Colin (wearing a white had with a stick of dynamite sticking off the top): I promise you this is the only thing that will go off prematurely.
BUZZ!
George (wearing a giant fish head): I…(starts laughing uncontrollably. After a moment he gets up and takes the fish head off) I have a giant fish head on. I'm 45 **bleep** years old.
(guys burst out laughing at George's comment)
BUZZ!
Nora (wearing a chef's hat): Hey, if I can keep a soufflé up for hours…
BUZZ!
Marti (wearing a leprechaun mask): You'll be after me Lucky Charms.
BUZZ!
Casey (wearing silver hair): C'mon, it's time to high-ho Silver.
BUZZ!
George (holding a foam Toronto Maple Leafs finger): And this is just my finger.
BUZZ!
Colin (wearing a Viking helmet): C'mon, I'm horny!
BUZZ!
Edwin (wearing a rabbit mask): I hope you want a big family.
BUZZ!
Lizzie (wearing a miner's helmet): I'd like to go out for a few drinks with you, but I'm a miner.
BUZZ!
Derek (wearing a horse mask): How would you like to ride a winner?
BUZZ!
Ryan (holding a noose around his neck): It's true. I'm well hung.
BUZZ!
Wayne (hold a white female mannequin head in front of his face): Hi, I'm Michael Jackson.
BUZZ! Buzz! Buzz!
(everyone puts the hats and props back in the boxes. Wayne, Derek, Ryan, and Colin return the boxes and stools to the desk, while the M/V crowd return to their seats)
Clive: That was amazing. 1000 points each to the guys for that game.
Drew: And to keep up with gender equity in America, 2000 points each for the girls for their fine performance.
(Nora, Casey, Lizzie, and Marti clap and let out a squeal. Guys look around and act confused)
Clive: Of course, 'Whose Line' wouldn't be the show that it is without this next game.
Drew: How right you are Clive. Now on to our favorite game in the whole wide world – HOEDOWN!
Ryan: Crap! I mean, yah! (rolls his eyes)
Drew: In this special hoedown, it will be the guys, and they will be joined by Casey, George, Nora, and Marti.
Clive: Of course, we can't forget the help of the lovely Laura Hall on the piano.
Drew: And the topic for this hoedown will be Life With Derek fanfics. Now, for this hoedown, Wayne will start first, followed by Derek, Casey, George, Nora, Marti, Colin, and Ryan. So, whenever you're ready, let's hear the 'Life With Derek fanfics' Hoedown…
(Music starts. Audience starts to clap with the music)
Wayne (singing): Yee-Hah!
Life With Derek fanfics really are the bomb
They have something for the kids and even for your mom
Some are fairly innocent, others can get quite kinky
My favorite fics are the ones with Casey and Derek getting freaky
(everyone cracks up at Wayne's last line. Casey and Derek give him the evil eye as he starts dancing)
Derek (singing):
Fanfics about us really are the best
I'll admit, happy endings are better than the rest
Others are depressing and don't end so well
Just remember folks, I still have to Casey hell
Casey (toward Derek, sarcastically): Ha, ha, ha.
(Wayne and Derek do an elbow swing together)
Casey (singing):
Fanfics about us can be quite cute
Other fics, however, make me want to puke
I've got one problem – besides Derek – to get off my chest
Why do I have to get up here and sing with the rest?
(Drew gives Casey a thumbs up)
George (singing):
I've got a secret to tell all of you
Fanfic writers think I'm dumber than dog poo
I noticed Derek and Casey dancing on my wedding day
I could see the 'Dasey' pairing from a mile away
(Derek and Casey do an elbow swing together, while Wayne and George dance in place)
Nora (singing):
Fanfic writers, I admit, really amaze me
Seeing the obvious things that Disney won't let be
Having the kids dating, I really can't resent
But please, writers, please…
I'm too young to be a grandparent
(Nora and George dance together)
Marti (singing):
I love reading stories about my family
Most of them are funny, the way they should be
You'd think my favorites have me being a grown lady
But I really like the ones where Smerek and Casey have a baby
(guys all laugh at Marti, while the M/V family stare at Marti in disbelief)
Colin (singing in his normal talking way):
Life With Derek fanfics really make me frown
Don't get me wrong, they're the best in town
This one involving 'Whose Line' really is the best
Because Wayne, Ryan, and I are all hung the best
(Derek and George crack up. Nora and Casey give Colin the evil eye, while Wayne runs over and gives him a quick high five)
Ryan (singing):
I once read a fanfic, it was a really short bit
For a Life With Derek story, it really was the pits
A fat naked guy's appearance made the story scary
Yep, you guessed it – that guy was Drew Carey
Everyone (singing): That guy was Drew Carey!!!
(music stops)
BUZZ!
Drew: 1000 points to Wayne and Colin, 2000 points to the MacDonald-Venturis for surviving their first hoedown.
Ryan: Hey, what about me?
Clive: I'll give you 1000 points for not using me in the last bit like you used to back in England.
Drew (interrupting): And minus 2000 points to Ryan for that slander. I happen to think me in my naked glory would enhance a fanfic.
Edwin: Uh, Lizzie and I have a question regarding Drew's statement…
Lizzie: Yeah…how young is too young to start drinking?
(Everyone laughs at Lizzie and Edwin's antics)
Drew: That's a matter of personal choice. Hey, stick around because we're going to find out who the winner is right after this!
-Commercial-
Hope you guys enjoyed - especially all of you that have been awaiting the hoedown. As you can tell, I referenced a couple of common themes from LWD fics and still kept some of the original WLIIA goodness in it as well.
Don't forget to read and review.
- the OD
