Chapter 11 Coming Undone
A/n: JSYK, I'm aiming for 15 chapters...hopefully...we'll see how it all plays out.
I dedicate this chapter to all the authors in the fandom...I know how excruciating it was to post my first chapter from my first story...so I applaud you all for putting yourselves out there.
I just sat there, stunned for a few minutes, as John collected himself. He finally sat up, let out a long breath and turned towards me, holding my notebook up in the air.
"Your writing is pure genius." He breathed out, a smile broke out across his face.
"Wha...What?" I stuttered in disbelief at what he'd just said.
"Bella, what you've written...there are no words to describe how it moved me. Touched me. I've got at least three songs running through my head to the words from your soul." John said with a twinkle in his eyes, smile on his lips and giddy little laugh coming from his throat.
"No, John...just no. Those are my private thoughts, my personal feelings." I pleaded with him.
"Bella, stuff this is good is what legacy hits are made out of. You have to let me use it. I'll give you the proper credit for it. I'll make sure that your name is on the final production. But there is no way you are getting off this bus without giving me permission to use those words in a song." He waved my notebook in the air again, cocked his head to the side and smiled at me.
I sighed and closed my eyes. "John, I can't. I just simply can't do that."
He didn't understand how personal what I'd written was to me. John had no clue what those words had meant to me and to Edward.
"Why not, Bella? This is your time to shine. This is what your contribution to the world is. Your words...well, people need to hear them. I need to sing them. They are meant to be heard." John's voice was full of determination to persuade me.
"John, those words, what I let you read...they mean the world to me. It was one of those magical moments that last a lifetime in your memories. I'm just not sure that is how I'm meant to make my mark on the world, making myself that vulnerable." I could feel the anxiety start to creep in and my lungs start to tighten.
"Okay, so we'll start with just the poem, then, alright? Let me write it out, sing a few bars to you so you can hear it for yourself." John demanded as he pulled his own notebook and pen from his backpack.
I watched, in fear, as he opened my notebook back up to the pages I'd let him read. He copied my poem and I felt myself shaking.
Dammit, Bella. Stop this. You want to be a writer. You will eventually have people reading your work. This is one of the those defining moments in life that you've been seeking, so suck it up.
"John?" I hesitantly said.
"Hold on, almost done." He hastily replied.
"John, please stop. Look at me. Please." I tried to sound stern but felt like I sounded scared.
"Bella...come on, just give me..." I cut him off before he could finish.
"Fine, John. Use the poem." I acquiesced.
