Chapter Eleven
I lay awake in my bed, curled up in a ball. I am sobbing quietly, but I it is all I can hear. No Pirates, making loud noises while making their breakfast. No twins talking in spanish or Anala telling Carlos no second breakfast. I can't hear Luke laughing with Natalie or music as the Ticks dance around in the Stereo Room.
It is just my sobs I hear. Nothing remotely comforting. I have ignored my phone and the amount of times it has buzzed. I have ignored all the calls and all the messages. I just want to be alone.
I wish last night and the night before hadn't happened. I wish I had just helped Luke get money in other ways. I wish I was with the Pirates now. I wish I had Danny by my side, stroking my hair and mumuring loving words to me.
But I messed up.
I lost my family. I lost my bg brother. I lost my crew. I lost my passion. I lost myself. But what kills me inside the most...
I lost Danny.
I lost the man I fell in love with because I wanted to do some good. I wanted to help people. I wanted nothing more than to help Luke keep the Pirates off the street. I wanted to stay and dance, laugh, eat with them. I lost the man I loved because I went to the one person I hate the most in this world.
Julian.
I hate him for what he did. What he had me do. What he took from me. I hate him for being who is he is. I hate him for his looks and his personality. I hate him for his crew and his way of doing things. I hate every single little thing about him that I wish I could tear his head off.
But I hate someone more than him. And its me.
