I Am Become Death
The crash site looked like a bomb was detonated right in the middle of the forest. Metal and body parts were scattered all over the crater. The bodies that were intact, however, were nothing more than charred skeletons, no way to discern who was who. The only thing I was certain of was this, my mother was gone.
"Stay sharp." Bellamy ordered the other gunners he brought along with the search party. "Grounder retaliation for what happened on the bridge is coming, just a matter of when."
"Can you blame them?" Finn asked.
"No." Bellamy rebuked. "I blame you."
"Maybe if you didn't bring guns-" Finn started to say.
"If we didn't bring guns, we all would've been killed." Raven cut him off, looking at him with narrowed eyes.
"Why they're coming doesn't matter anymore. It's our job to be ready when they do." Bellamy reminded. "We're on our own now."
I clutched the ring dangling around my neck tightly, biting back the urge to break down. Bellamy walked up next to me, placing his hand on my shoulder. "There's nothing left." I muttered, shaking my head, my hair blowing in the wind. "And with the fire from the explosion, I can't even tell which of these bodies is hers."
"Hey." Bellamy whispered, wrapping me in his arms, his chin on the back of my head. "I'm so sorry." he kissed the top of my head. "I'm here for you."
I leaned back into him, taking a deep breath and exhaling, "Thanks." I replied, looking up at him. I turned around so I was facing him and wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face in his shoulder. His arms tightened around my back in response. I breathed a sigh and pulled away, wiping the moisture from my eyes. "Okay."
"You sure you're okay?" Bellamy asked. "You don't have to be here."
"Yes I do." I nodded, watching Clarke as she looked around the area. "She may still be angry about yesterday, but we're all each other has now." She looked up and our eyes met for a moment, before she turned away and checked out the ship's rockets.
"Yeah, she still hates me." I noted, tucking my hair behind my ear. "Can't blame her though, I did go behind her back."
"You were just doing what you thought was best for her." Bellamy reminded, pulling me close, smoothing out my wind-blown hair.
I licked my lips and nodded, "I know that, but in Clarke's mind, I didn't fully trust her." I sighed. "We're supposed to be the person the other trusts, no questions asked."
"Clarke will come around." Bellamy assured, rubbing my upper back.
"Fire in the hole!" Raven announced, getting everyone's attention. She tossed a small stone over the wreckage and a small explosion occurred. "We need to clear the area."
My eyes widened in shock. Bellamy cleared his throat, "Ok, then. We move in formation, no straggling, weapons hot!" he called. "We got to get back before dark."
We didn't return to camp until the next day, and we were in for a surprise when Sterling told us that Murphy was in the drop ship being guarded by Connor and Derek. Bellamy, Finn, Clarke, and I entered the drop ship, and I covered my mouth to suppress the gasp when I saw Murphy's condition. Others were in the ship as well
"Everyone but Connor and Derek out." Bellamy ordered. "Now!" everyone left.
"He claims he was with the Grounders." Derek informed.
"We caught him trying to sneak back into camp." Connor added.
"I wasn't sneaking." Murphy corrected. "I was running from the Grounders."
"Anyone see Grounders?" Bellamy asked. Both Derek and Connor shook their heads. "Well, in that case..." Bellamy held his rifle ready to shoot Murphy.
"Hey, what the hell is wrong with you?" Finn interjected.
"We were clear what would happen if he came back." Bellamy reminded.
"If he was with the Grounders, then he knows things that can help us." Finn argued.
"Help us?" Bellamy questioned. "We hanged banished him, and now we're gonna kill him. Get the hell out of my way."
Clarke stepped forward, kneeling next to Murphy. "Finn's right." she looked over her shoulder at me. "He's obviously hurt, Ray."
If I didn't help, that would only make her hate me further. So, I swallowed my emotions and knelt down beside her, looking up at Derek. "In the red bag under the table there's a small pen light, get it for me." I motioned to the table where my medical supplies was sitting, and Derek did as I asked.
Bellamy scoffed. "Rayleigh, think about Charlotte."
"I am thinking about her." I replied, glancing back at him, seeing his eyes burning with anger. "But what happened to Charlotte was as much our fault as his." Derek handed me the pen light and I shone it on his wounds.
"Well, he's not lying." Clarke sighed, showing me Murphy's hand.
"His fingernails were torn off." I noted, shining the light in Murphy's face, making him recoil. "He was probably kept somewhere dark, maybe underground. Some of these wounds look infected." I shook my head. "They tortured him."
"You and the Grounders should compare notes." I heard Finn mutter.
"The Grounders know we're at war." Bellamy reminded. "What did you tell them about us?"
Murphy looked past me and Clarke, right at Bellamy. "Everything."
I lowered my head, standing up. I ran my hands over my hair, turning to face Bellamy. "Once he's better, we find out what he knows, and then he's out of here, ok?" I proposed.
"What if he refuses to leave?" Bellamy questioned. "What do we do with him then?"
I looked back at Murphy. Despite his wounded state, what he did was still in play. I turned back to Bellamy. "Then you can kill him." I answered, exiting the ship and heading for my tent.
I leaned against the makeshift end table, feeling disoriented. My mouth suddenly felt dry and I reached for my canteen, gulping down some water. When I went to feel my cheeks, I felt something warm and wet underneath my eyes. I looked down at my fingers and saw blood. "Oh damn." I muttered, wiping the bloody tears with a cloth. I grabbed my small, black medical bag and exited my tent.
Derek sat by the fire pit and started coughing and his nose started to bleed. Then he suddenly collapsed, freaking out the group around him. "Get him in the drop ship, now!" I ordered, wiping my nose with my sleeve. I bolted for the ship, fighting the waves of dizziness hitting me with every step.
"Murphy!" I called, storming into the ship, and I saw him puke up a bloody substance. I ran over and knelt behind him. "Murphy, hey, look at me." I snapped my fingers, making him look at me. "I need you to tell me exactly how you escaped from the Grounders."
Clarke barged in, "Tell us what happened." she ordered.
"I don't know." Murphy replied. "I woke up, and they forgot to lock my cage. There was no one there, so I took off."
My shoulders sank as I shook my head, standing up. "They let you go." I deducted.
Clarke looked at me, "You thinkg this is for-" she was cut off when Bellamy burst into the ship.
"Bellamy, stay back." I halted, holding my arm out.
"Did he do something to you?" Bellamy asked, glarig at Murphy. "What the hell is this?"
"Biological warfare." I answered, as Derek and Connor walked into the ship.
"You were waiting for the Grounders to retaliate for the bridge? This is it." Clarke noted.
"Murphy's the weapon." I added, looking at the banished, beaten kid.
Bellamy's expression hardened as he glared at Murphy. "Is this your revenge, helping the Grounders kill us?" he accused.
I wiped some of the crusted blood from Murphy's facial wounds, fighting the dizzy spells. "I didn't know about this, ok, I swear." Murphy defended.
"Stop lying." Bellamy yelled. "When are they coming?"
"Murphy, think, all right? What can you tell us that's useful?" Clarke asked. "Did you hear anything?"
"They are vicious." Murphy muttered. "Cruel."
"You want to see vicious?" Bellamy threatened.
I stood up between him and Murphy. "Hey, don't." I halted. "Whatever this virus is, it spreads through contact."
Finn ran into the drop ship, asking for Clarke. "Finn, you shouldn't be in here." she scolded.
"No one should." I added, leaning against the ladder fighting the fatigue.
"I heard you were sick." Finn told Clarke. He looked around, "What is this?"
I shook my head. "By the symptoms I see so far," I started, looking at Finn and Bellamy, "my best diagnosis would be some kind of hemorrhagic fever. We just need to contain it before-" I was cut off when Derek rolled on his stomach and started retching. "before that happens." I slid past the two boys and knelt by Derek as his coughing ceased.
"What the hell is happening to him?" Connor asked.
Derek stopped coughing and his body laid still on the floor. "Is he?" Bellamy questioned, eyes wide.
I put two fingers to his neck and felt nothing. "He's dead." I announced, standing up. I wiped the blood running from my nose, reaching for a container of moonshine, turning back to the others. "Hold out your hands, both of you." I ordered, which they complied to. I dumped some of the alcohol onto their hands.
"What do we do Rayleigh?" Clarke asked, walking up to me.
"Quarantine, round up everyone who had contact with Murphy." I answered, turning to Bellamy and Finn. "Bring them here."
"And everyone they had contact with?" Bellamy questioned.
"Well, we have to start somewhere." I told him, walking over to Connor, who was laying in a corner. "Connor, who as with you when you found him?" I asked. "Who carried Murphy into camp? Think."
Connor coughed, wiping the blood from his nose. "The first one there was Octavia." he answered.
After hearing that Bellamy rushed out of the drop ship. I grabbed a stack of cloths from the red medical duffle and passed them out to everyone who was sick. I kept one over my mouth, fighting the symptoms.
"Ray, you shouldn't be in here either." Clarke noted, leaning against the wall by the table. "You'll get sick too."
If only she knew. I turned to look at her, noting the burst blood vessles under her eyes. "Someone has to take care of all of you." I reminded. "You can barely stand and keep your eyes open." I lightly pressed my hand to her forehead. "You're feaverish, lay down." I helped ease her to the floor.
"Rayleigh." Bellamy called, leading Octavia into the ship. "Is she sick too?"
"Give me a sec." I grabbed the pen light and motioned for Octavia to come towards me. I handed Bellamy a rag to cover his face so he wouldn't breath the air. Using the light I looked over Octavia, covering my nose and mouth with the cloth. "Okay." I sighed, lowering my pen light. "We're done. No visible signs of swelling or bleeding."
"So you're saying she doesn't have it?" Bellamy asked, lowering the cloth.
"I'm saying she doesn't have symptoms, but that could change." I answered. "We need to keep her here just in case." I leaned against the ladder leading to the upper leveles.
"No way." Bellamy rebuked. "Look at this place. She'll get sick just being here." he motioned to the crowd of people laying on the first level.
"Do you want to stop the spread, or not?" I questioned, meeting Bellamy's eyes. "I'll keep her on the third level with the people who aren't symptomatic yet."
"Think of it as a way to stop her from sneaking out again." Clarke added, joining us, barely standing straight.
"Screw you, Clarke." Octavia quipped.
I sighed. "I'll let you know if her condition changes." I promised Bellamy, walking with him out of the ship.
He nodded. "Are you sure you should be in here?" he asked me as we stood by the drawbridge. "Won't you get sick?"
I shook my head, hating that I was lying right to his face. "This virus is hitting Clarke like a freight train, she can't tend to all those people by herself." I pointed out. "I know what percautions to take to avoid getting sick. I'll be fine." I assured. "Go."
He kissed the side of my head before leaving. I pulled the cloth away and noticed a bloodstain. The dizziness and fatigue were only getting worse, but I pushed through, because if I went down, we were all screwed.
I leaned against the table, dumping more water from my canteen down my throat. I shrugged off my jacket and laid it down, catching my breath. Clarke moved to stand next to me, "I sent Octavia to get the cure." she told me.
I glanced at her, "Guess you read my mind." I replied. "I was gonna ask her the same thing, even though Bellamy wouldn't approve."
"If there is one, she'll get it." Clarke assured.
I took another rag and soaked it in the water bucket, wringing it out. "Here, put this on your forehead, it should help keep the feaver at bay." I advised.
"I know what to do." she replied, taking the cloth. "You weren't the only one who watched mom do her work." Clarke walked off, checking on the others who were sick.
Not far from me, Scarlet was laying on her back. The next second she lurched up and started coughing, blood comming from her mouth. Before I could get to her and help, she was already gone.
"Damnit." I cursed, rubbing my eyes with the knuckles of my thumbs. "That's two."
Two people carried Scarlet out of the ship and laid her body next to Derek's. I stood by the end of the draw bridge, shaking my head.
"All right, show's over!" Bellamy yelled. "Get back to your posts." He walked up to me, keeping a few inches between us. "You got enough food in there?" he asked. "And water?"
I nodded. "Yeah, we're good." I answered. "Although, some decent medicine might be nice." I chuckled. "I have some bark in my tent that could help with the fever. If you could mix it with some boiling water, that would be a big help."
Bellamy tucked some hair behind my ear, caressing my jawline. "I'll see what I can do, okay." he told me.
I nodded, "Great, thanks." I pulled away and walked back towards the drop ship.
"Octavia, you ok?" Bellamy called, making me stop in my tracks.
He started making his way to the ship, but Clarke stopped him. 'Bellamy, wait. She's not here." she informed. "I sent her to see Lincoln." I glanced between her and him, seeing the anger welling up. "If there's a cure, he has it. I didn't tell you because I knew you wouldn't let her go." Clarke added.
"If anything happens to her, you and me are gonna have problems." Bellamy threatened, heading to the gate.
"Bellamy." I called after him. "Bellamy!"
He didn't answer, but he did stop short of the gate. The people standing guard pulled their guns out and aimed them at one of the other kids, who was bleeding from his eyes. As he made his way inside the ship, Fox suddenly collapsed and coughed up blood, which spewed onto a couple others. Chaos erupted as guns were being pointed in all directions.
I ducked into the drop ship and grabbed Connor's gun, marching down the drawbridge and firing off a few rounds into the air. The chaos halted as everyone looked at me. "This is exactly what the Grounders want. Don't you see that?" I looked out at everyone. "They don't have to kill us if we kill each other first."
"They won't have to kill us if we all catch the virus." said one of the gunners, pointing his rifle at me. "Get back in the damn drop ship."
Bellamy took the front of the rifle and forced the end into the other guy's face, knocking him to the ground. He met my eyes. "Not to state the obvious, but your quarantine isn't working." he noted.
Clarke put her hand to her forehead before nearly collapsing onto the ground, but Finn caught her in time. He scooped her up and supported her. She looked at me, the skin around her eyes dark from the burst blood vessles. "Octavia will come back with a cure."
"There is no cure." Octavia announced as she walked back into camp, everyone looking at her. "But the Grounders don't use the sickness to kill."
"Really?" Bellamy challenged. "Tell that to them." he motioned to Derek's and Scarlet's bodies. "I warned you about seeing that Grounder again."
"Yeah? Well, I have a warning for you, too." Octavia replied, standing firm against her big brother. "The Grounders are coming! And they're attacking at first light." She shoved past Bellamy and helped Finn get Clarke back into the drop ship.
I ran my fingers over my hair, exhaling heavily. I found Raven, and looked directly at her, "How many bullets can you make by first light?" I asked.
"As many as possible." Raven answered.
I nodded and that's when everything started spinning. Weirdly enough, I heard my heartbeat in my ears and my legs gave out from under me. Before I was flat on the ground, I felt someone's arms around my upper back. Looking up I saw Bellamy staring down at me, worry in his eyes. "Ray, you okay?"
To answer his question, I rolled onto my stomach, supporting myself on my hands and knees, as I vomited up blood, heaving and gasping. I fell backwards into Bellamy's chest, panting.
"How long have you been sick?" Bellamy asked, supporting me. "Rayleigh."
I looked up into his eyes and swallowed. "Before Derek became symptomatic." I answered honestly, placing the cloth over my mouth as I coughed, blood soaking the rag.
Bellamy cradled me against him. "You've been sick all along and still you pushed yourself?" he questioned.
"Someone has to help them." I reminded. "Just because I'm down, doesn't mean I'm out." I sat up, gasping for breath before laying my head on Bellamy's shoulder.
"Okay, that's it. I'm getting you inside." Bellamy lifted me off the ground, holding me close. "From now on, you rest and let met worry about everyone else."
I kept one arm wrapped around his neck, while the one holding my bloody cloth remained on my stomach. "You need to save yourselves." I rebuked. "Just leave camp. Take anyone healthy enough with you."
"If you think that's even a possibility, you don't know me very well." Bellamy argued, touching his forehead to mine.
I gazed into those deep brown eyes that made my heart skip a beat. "I know you." I replied.
Bellamy smiled, "Then you'd know I'd never leave." he held me close as he ran into the drop ship, laying me on a pile of blankets by a hammock that Clarke was laying in.
He leaned against the ladder, shrugging his Guard's jacket off and draping it over my shoulders, brushing my hair to the side. I felt a cold, damp rag placed on my forehead and I sighed in relief, my eyes fluttering open.
"Clarke says they all need to stay hydrated." Octavia informed.
"Also make sure if they start coughing, roll them on their sides." I added, sitting up.
Bellamy handed me his open canteen. "Worry about yourself." he told me. "You're burning up."
I gulped down the water, sighing in relief. "It's my body's way of fighting the viral infection." I noted, leaning against him. "You should get out Bellamy." I advised, looking up at him, holding his hand that was on my shoulder. "Only one of us can die from this."
He shook his head, "You're not going to die." he stated, dabbing my forehead with the damp cloth. "You're not allowed to die, Rayleigh. We need you." I laid my head on his shoulder, panting.
"At this rate, when the Grounders get here, there won't be anyone left to fight back." I heard Murphy say.
"That's the point." Octavia replied.
"Then we slow them down." Finn threw out.
Bellamy moved and laid me down, replacing the cloth on my forehead. "Don't die on me Rayleigh." he whispered. I felt him kiss the top of my head, "I need you." and then everything fell silent around me.
When I came to, Octavia was kneeling next to me, dabbing a cold rag on my face. "Hey Ray." she said in a low voice.
I gave her a gentle smile, swallowing the lump in my throat. "Thanks Octavia." I replied, sitting up. "How's everyone doing?"
"So far no one else has died." she answered. "So that's good."
I nodded, grabbing my bloodied cloth and coughed into it, struggling to catch my breath. Octavia rubbed my back and handed me the canteen Bellamy left for me. "Here, drink." she offered.
After I caught my breath, I took a gulp of water, breathing heavily. "Damn, this virus is kicking my ass." I muttered.
"Just rest Ray." Octavia urged, helping me lay down. "Bellamy would never forgive me if I let you die."
I looked up and saw her smile, brushing my hair from my face. Someone called to make room and Octavia's head whipped to the drop ship entrance, and her eyes widened. "Bell." she muttered.
I handed her the canteen of water, "Here, give him this." I told her. "Take care of your brother." Octavia nodded and ran to Bellamy. I sighed heavily, feeling so fatigued that it was hard to keep my eyes open.
I turned my head and saw Clarke resting in the hammock, her chest rising and falling steadily. I reached up and took her hand, which stirred her awake. "How're you feeling?" I asked her, genuinely concerned.
"Better." she answered. "Octavia's right, the virus passes fast."
"Good." I sighed, taking deep, slow breaths. I squeezed her hand, "Look, I'm sorry about the bridge incident."
"Why did you ask Bellamy to bring guns and backup?" she asked, her eyes reflecting hurt and betrayal. "We're supposed to trust each other, no questions."
"I do trust you." I confirmed. "That goes without saying. It's the Grounders I don't trust." my eyes never wavered from hers. "I was looking out for you. Keeping my promise to dad and mom."
"Don't Ray." Clarke cut off, tears falling from her eyes. "Just, don't." she turned her head away from me, pulling her hand from mine and draping it over her chest.
I felt something warm run down my cheeks, I reached up to wipe it away and discovered they were more blood tears. The noises dulled around me and the fatigue took over once more.
The next time I woke up, people were entering the drop ship, rags covering their mouths and noses. "What the hell?" I muttered, looking around. I saw that Clarke wasn't in her bed and neither was Bellamy. I sat up and used the ladder to help me to my feet.
"Rayleigh." Bellamy called, maneuvering his way toward me. He caught me as I fell forward. "Hey Ray, talk to me. You feeling better?"
"Yeah, a little." I answered. "What's going on?" I asked.
"We're moving the rest of the camp to the upper levels of the drop ship." he replied. "Just in case Finn and Jasper fail at the bridge." He threw my arm around his shoulders and helped me out of the ship.
"You don't think they'll pull it off?" I questioned, leaning against him.
"Why, do you?" He looked down at me.
I shrugged. "I have faith they'll come through for us." I answered.
About two minutes after I said that, an explosion sounded in the distance. A huge dust cloud rose above the treeline, in the direction of the bridge.
"They did it." Clarke sighed.
I nodded, my lips curling into a smile. "I am become death, destroyer of worlds." I muttered. I glanced up at Bellamy, who raised an eyebrow. "It's Oppenheimer, the man who built the first-"
"I know who Oppenheimer is." Bellamy cut off.
"Right." I licked my lips, laying my head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around my back, pulling my close.
After Finn, Raven, Jasper, and Monty came back, people who were originally sick were slowly getting better. Raven, on the other hand, had caught the virus and resting the hammock. I decided it best that I continue to recover in my tent, then maybe I could give my body the rest it needed.
"Guess my faith was well placed." I chuckled as Bellamy laid me on my bed. "They pulled it off. That explosion should delay the Grounders' attacks for a few days."
Bellamy chuckled, shaking his head. "I agree with you on that, but right now, you just focus on kicking the rest of that virus from your system." he told me, brushing my hair from my face. "We need you back at one-hundred percent."
I met his eyes, "You do realize I helped my mom during that Strep outbreak a few years back. The both of us were recovering while we were treating others." I went to sit up, but Bellamy pushed me back down.
"Ray, if you would've held off any longer, the virus might've killed you." he sighed. "We need you to live. So, I'm not leaving this tent until you fall asleep." he draped a cold rag on my forehead.. "I need you to live, got it."
I nodded. "Yeah, I got it." I confirmed, looking up into his eyes. I reached up and cupped his cheek.
Bellamy leaned down and kissed me, his hand reaching behind my head and holding me up closer to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing back. I still held onto him as he pulled away, touching my forehead to his.
"We need to talk about Murphy." I threw out, meeting Bellamy's eyes. "He was right about the bridge."
"We'll see." Bellamy sighed, laying me back down "Octavia says the Mountain Men are pissed, whatever that means."
"I'd say it means we need as many soldiers as we can get." I interpreted, interlacing our fingers together.
"So, what?" he questioned, "We have pardon power now?"
"It's hard running things." I pointed out. "We give him a second chance, but one screw up and he's back out on his own."
"I'll keep an eye on him." Bellamy voted, kissing my knuckles. He caresses my forehead. "Get some rest Ray." he planted a kiss on my forehead.
"Night Bellamy." I replied, giving him a smile before closing my eyes. The exhaustion of fighting this virus finally took it's toll and I instantly drifted off to sleep.
