A.N. - ...Happy New Year Bitches! I made 3 resolutions, and so far this is the only one I've managed to stick to. Yes, that's right! This story has been eating away at the back of my head since I started it and the guilt was driving me mad. I hate, hate HATE starting an "in progress" story because I'm deathly afraid of getting attached to the plot, only to find out it's been abandoned by the author or they update at a slower and slower pace until they kind of drift off. It drove me nuts that I was doing the same thing, so I resolved to just finish it all then post all at once. These next two chapters have actually been finished for at least half a year at this point. BUT, my computer crashed and one got deleted and had to be rewritten. Then, I decided to also go through the original story, Chaos, and re-edit/streamline it (i.e. make it make more sense and also not as blatantly obvious that it was a first fanfic ever written). As much as I hate re-reading that original story, several other fanfic author friends of mine have told me that readers mat still enjoy it, so I'll be posting "Chaos in Royston Vasey 2.0" in my Archive of Our Own account along with this one, so you can read it in it's original rocky state, here. Also...at the time of this posting, I haven't watched the new specials that premiered over the holidays, so they obviously won't have any intended influence here. This is still canon with the first three series and nothing else. ENJOY THE END!

In Royston Vasey Chp. 11

(week 19)

"Ross? Ross!" He whirled his head around to the passenger side door to see Sarah leaning in, waving her hand about to get his attention. "You coming in? Or have you changed your mind?"

Ross blinked himself out of his stupor and turned off the car. "Yeah, sorry, I was miles away." He unbuckled himself and joined Sarah as they marched towards the doctor's office.

"You've been thousands of miles away lately, Ross. Is this something I should be concerned about?"

Ross turned to get a good look at his beautiful, glowing Sarah. She was facing forward, one hand protectively on her belly, the other at her side but ready for action. She had become more acutely aware of her pregnancy-mandated clumsiness and was prepared at all times for a fall. "No, nothing you need to get your pretty little head in a tizzy for."

She hummed in response as he reached for the door, allowing her to go in ahead of him. He knew that she wouldn't leave well enough alone, but would wait for a more opportune time to force him to expound.

After checking in at the desk, they sat down on the painfully yellow and cheery waiting rooms seats, waiting for the nurse to call them. There were several other expectant couples in the sunshine and field painted room, all beaming and in their own little worlds. He wondered absentmindedly if any of those happy dads-to-be were going through their own private crises. His eyes wandered to his fidgeting hands, his sight glazing over until a much more delicate one creeped into view. The strong writer's fingers curled around his pencil pushing ones and squeezed.

"We're talking about this later." Sarah murmured as she stood and pulled him up along with her.

How long had he been staring at his hands? He hadn't even heard their names being called. The past two weeks had been driving him mad. He smiled every time he felt the baby move. He smiled whenever he woke up with Sarah in his arms, or under the sheets for that matter. And he smiled at each new addition to their house that brought it closer and closer to their desired ideal. But his trepidation at his upcoming fatherhood-ness was invading more and more of his brain activity. Of course Sarah had noticed. Sarah noticed everything. He was sure the only reason she had ignored it up until now, was because she had decided to allow him to work through it on his own. It was how he preferred to handle things. But he was failing. He also knew that she didn't like getting serious, and his behavior was forcing her hand.

Ross nodded and followed her to the exam room where she answered all the questions, even the ones aimed at Ross, and hopped into the chair.

"The doctor will be in shortly, dears" The nurse smiled as she finished the last of her notes on her clipboard.

"Good. I've had to piss like a racehorse for the past hour!" Sarah chuckled as the nurse raised a 'well, I never!' eyebrow and left the room.

She turned to Ross and motioned for him to sit in the swivel seat next to her. "Are you ready? Today's the day we're going to find out…if it cooperates that is." Sarah gently patted the top of her growing mound. "You hear that Sweat Pea? You be good for Mommy and Daddy today and open those legs wide." She giggled and nudged Ross' shoulder. "Bet there's only so many instances where a parent can say that to their child and get away with it!" She winked, but Ross only nodded back. 'Mommy and Daddy'. 'Daddy'. That was going to be him…

Sarah's face softened from joviality to concern as she placed a hand on his shoulder, "Ross..."

There may have been more to say but at that moment, the cheery Dr. Chinnery popped into the room.

"Well, well now…look who we have here? If it isn't our local celebrity author, Sarah Clarke! I had no idea you were up the tube!"

Ross jerked out of his trance quicker than a toad in a blender. "Aren't you the Veterinary?" He stood above Sarah, fully aware of the merry Vet's reputation.

"Normally I am, but Dr. Nesbit's out with the TB I'm afraid." He smiled as he squeezed a generous amount of gel onto his gloved hands.

"And they got the Vet?!" Ross' voice cracked, following the dubious animal doctor as he made his way over to the ultrasound machine.

"People still get TB?" the only response Ross had heard from Sarah since this walking catastrophe entered the room.

"I'm afraid so Miss Clarke, now if you wouldn't mind rolling up your shirt to just under your bust, we can begin." The Doctor sat in his seat as he switched the machine on with his non-gelled hand.

"Is it going to be cold this time?" She said as she rolled her shirt up.

"I'm afraid it is a bit." Chinnery winced in concern.

"Am I the only one questioning this?" Ross quipped, exasperated.

"It'll be fine, Ross." She reached over and grabbed his hand. "It's just an ultrasound. What can go wrong?"

"With him? The mind boggles." He responded under his breath as he sat and the happy Chinnery gently unloaded his dollop of gel to the center of Sarah's stomach.

"Expectant father jitters, yes?" Chinnery said towards Sarah as he brought the ultrasound transducer down to her gel and began to shift it around.

"Something like that." She returned the smile and pointedly clenched Ross' hand.

"And today's the big day, am I right? We're going to find out if that little squirrel in there has any nuts?" The blonde doctor chortled and Sarah joined in on the joke as well. Ross, however, refused to take his eyes off the doctor. The man had a dark cloud of misfortune and mishaps well known throughout Vasey, and if anyone could turn a simple ultrasound into a disastrous affair, it would be him.

The Doctor took note of Ross' sharp glare and cleared his throat. "Not to worry, Dad. I've performed many-a baby scan on many a patient. And if I may say…" He leaned down to Sarah, "She is much more pleasant a patient than the pigs and cows."

Sarah, fully enjoying the Doctor's humour and disposition, giggled "Look out, Ross…This one's a charmer!"

Ross was almost fuming at this point. Didn't Sarah realize the myriad of things that could go wrong at the hands of the Vet? He was about to open his mouth and tell him a thing or two, but the ever-oblivious Chinnery just kept plowing on as if everything was normal.

"Hmm…let's see…this looks like the top of the head, and here's a shoulder…" Sarah tugged on Ross' hand, obviously trying to communicate her desire for him to calm down. "…everything looks good on this end, why don't we see if we can put a gender specific pronoun on this bundle of joy, huh?" He raised an eyebrow and Sarah excitedly nodded. Even Ross let his suspicions go for a second. This was it.

"Here we've got the legs and arms crossed, typical position for a human there…" He winked at the entranced couple.

"So that means if I go here…." He brought the wand down further at a certain angle, trying to follow the baby's anatomy. "…and if I'm not mistaken…we've got a smooth surface. Congratulations, Miss. Clarke and Mr. Gaines, it's a girl."

A girl.

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Much to his deep shock and relief, the rest of the appointment went off without a hitch. Sarah shed a few tears of joy, Ross squeezed her hand and kissed her forehead, and the nurse returned to set up the next appointment. He couldn't shake the numbness though. He had a daughter on the way, his daughter. The rest of the day went by in a dreamlike fog that wasn't fully broken until later that evening. He honestly couldn't recall driving them home or eating dinner.

"This has to stop Ross."

"What?" Ross looked up from his dinner plate that had suddenly been cleared. When did he eat dinner?

"Whatever this is," She stood over him, motioning with her hands. "It has to stop. What is it? What's going on? Whatever it is, you can tell me." She knelt beside his chair and gently rubbed his thigh.

"It's nothing really. It's just something I have to figure out." He responded quietly, placing a hand atop hers in an attempt at reassurance. It was met with a loud sigh and her hand pulling away.

"It's not nothing." She huffed, trying to contain her anger as she gathered the rest of the plates and whisked them back to the kitchen. "You're beginning to scare me, Ross. You're just going through the motions, you have been for weeks now, and I want to know why. Is it something I've done?"

Ross jolted his head up, "No! God no! It's me it's all me. How could you think something like that?"

"What am I supposed to think Ross? I haven't been able to get two sentences together out of you in weeks." Having dispensed the dishes in the sink, Sarah moved towards the sitting room, knowing Ross would follow.

He found her with her knees clutched to her chest on the edge of the sofa. "I haven't meant to, honest." This time he knelt before her, clasping her knotted hands.

"Explain then. How is it not because of me? Don't think I didn't notice when this all started. You've been like this since that first kick." She looked at him hard. She knew. Just as he expected, she had been aware the whole time.

He sighed as he turned to sit on the floor, leaning against the couch, back to his Sarah. This was going to be hard, but it would be harder looking her in the eyes as he explained his pure and utter panic at the whole situation. "I don't have any friends…" He trailed, not sure where to go from there or why he even started there.

"You're going to have to get a little deeper than that, Ross." He felt her voice sting his ears.

"I'm nervous. I'm scared. I've got so many doubts. And the last thing I want is to dump them out on you." His confession was met with silence. He knew she was forcing him to have it all out. "I've never liked children."

He sighed again. "I hated them when I was younger and I hate them now. And they've never liked me either. I never saw myself as being a father. People always said that one day I would change my mind, but I never did. I never had the inclination."

He released all the tension in his shoulders as he finally resigned to having it all out. "Until now. From the minute you told me that I was going to be a father, the fears rushed in…but also something else. An excitement. It pushed away the doubts, I guess, but ever since that kick….I don't know…it all came back. Now I'm afraid, afraid that I might hate it…her, her when she comes. And if I don't, how about when she's ready for school? The other children? What if she befriends them? What if she doesn't? What if she grows up horrid like them? What if she grows up exactly like me? A friendless loner who only has someone by pure accident…" His emotional tirade was halted by sharp slap across the top of his head.

"You goddamned idiot!" Ross turned his head to see Sarah, red-faced and crying. "Why did you do this to yourself? Why did you do this to us?"

Ross, in a small panic at how upset he had made Sarah, who was emotionally fragile as it was, didn't know how to respond.

"For weeks I thought the worst! I thought you were having a midlife crisis! I thought you were getting cold feet and were going to leave us!" She clutched her belly through her bent knees. "I thought you were having an affair!" She brought a clenched fist to her eyes as she angrily tried to wipe away the tears. "Why didn't you just talk to me?"

By this time Ross had turned around on his knees and was facing Sarah again, trying to think of something, anything he could say to calm her down. He had been so wrapped up in his troubles that he hadn't realized the effect it had on her.

"I'm scared too! I wanted to talk to you, but you've been so gone, so out of it! I-I thought you were going to leave…" She said again as she sunk her head between her knees.

"I would never leave you…" he reached a hand past her legs and rested it on her belly. "Either of you."

He felt her hand slide atop of his and intertwined their fingers. "I just didn't want to unload all of that on you. I didn't want to cause you any more stress. I didn't realize…but I don't have any friends that I can go to. No one else to talk things out with." He leaned his head against her shin, praying that he was forgiven.

"I'm your friend, aren't I? You can always talk to me, about anything. Friends do that." He could still hear the tears in her voice, but Ross could tell that the crying had ceased.

"I know. You're my best friend, my only real friend." It was weird saying it out loud, but it was something he had known for a while. He didn't just love her, he laughed with her, he went on adventures with her, and he never got tired of being around her. "But I didn't think you would be very impartial…" Ross braced himself, he was taking a huge gamble trying to lighten the mood so soon, and it had been the truth after all.

"Yes, but Ross, we're in this together. And this isn't going to work if we can't talk our anxieties out." He felt her other hand, still wet from the tears she had wiped away, softly caress his reddish-black hair. "We're both afraid and we're both trying to figure this out as we go. Please promise you'll tell me anything and everything that bothers you or brings even the faintest uneasiness to your stomach about this."

"Promise you won't get angry?" Ross let his head fall into her lap, what little there was left from the baby taking over, and chanced a smile at her.

"You know I can't promise that" she giggled and Ross felt it radiate through her belly and against his head. "But I can promise to be as rational as my hormones will allow. Agreed?"

"Agreed." The weight he had been feeling seemed to lift somewhat. The problems were still there, but letting them out helped a great deal. He closed his eyes and sighed in relief.

A few beautiful moments of silence passed, as Ross sat with is head in Sarah's lap, before he realized that her hand was moving from his head to his collar, to his chest beneath.

"Sarah?" He opened his eyes to hers.

"Yes?" She responded in an almost dreamlike state, as her hand continued to move into his shirt.

"What are you doing?" Not that what she was doing was particularly unwanted or unwelcomed after his weeks long dirge of self-doubt. But he was never really sure what Sarah was playing at.

"We just had a fight." The words coming out in that same lilting fashion, "You drove me to tears." Her hand moved down to his stomach. "You stressed me out for days which isn't a healthy for an expectant mother and child…" She repositioned herself on the sofa to where her face was inches from his. "I think you had better say you're sorry." She smiled a wicked smile before gently nipping the end of his nose.

"I guess I should better start apologizing." Ross leaned forward and caught her lips, releasing all the tension he had let build up since that first kick.

"I'll say…" Sarah replied, breathlessly, once the kiss finally broke."…it might take you all night to earn my forgiveness."