A/N: Sorry for the delay. Here's a filler chapter I guess you could say


Olivia stood in the middle of the kitchen. Her house was a sea of blue. Cops and medical examiners flowed in and out of the room and the apartment. She wanted nothing more than to go into the bedroom with her kids and wrap her arms around them and never let them go. She felt the warmth of a body standing next to her and it broke her out of her daze.

"Olivia, we've gotta take you downtown" Fin's voice was low as if what he'd just said was a secret.

She looked at him as if his head had grown 10x its actual size. The only thing that was going through her mind was her kids. She knew that Fin was doing what he was supposed to but right now, Olivia Benson the detective was out the door and Olivia Benson the mother was present and wanted nothing more than to go upstairs and take her babies into her arms and pray that this was all just some horrible nightmare.

"Liv?" Fin called her but she was still in a trance. "Olivia!" Her eyes snapped back up to look at the man in front of her. Fin placed his hand on her shoulder "Liv, why don't you get the kids and meet us down at the station."

Slowly she nodded her head and turned towards the stairs. Her mind was swooning. Melinda was wheeling Trevor's body out to the M.E's van and in passing gave Olivia a sort of confused look. She's have to get used to that because until she told them what the real story was, no one would understand why the perfect couple ended up…not so perfect.


She took the steps two at a time. Once she reached the top, she took out her cell phone and opened up a new text message. I need you. Meet me at the station ASAP read the text. She pressed send and didn't bother waiting for a reply.

Standing outside the door marked C&J, she breathed out a breath she wasn't aware she was holding. A tear slipped from her eye and onto her sweatshirt. Olivia, put your thinking cap on and get your shit together because you've got two kids in there who need to see you strong. She tried her best to fix her disheveled appearance. With one more deep inhale and exhale, she reached into her pocket and retrieved the key. Once it was unlocked she placed her other hand on the door knob and turned it slowly.


Much to Olivia's surprise, when she opened the door, her kids were nowhere in sight. She panicked. Did they leave the room? Could they have seen me shoot Trevor? She didn't have time to let her mind wander on what could have happened. She had to focus on the here and now and find her kids. Well, if you were a scared kid, where would you hide? Her question prompted her to look in the first and only place she used to hide when she was younger, the closet. She walked over to the double doors and pulled them open. She heard gasping and if asked, she wouldn't be able to tell whether it was her or them who made the noise.

Sitting on the floor of the closet, Calvin and Jazlyn shook and tried to hide behind some toys that were placed in there in a hurry when asked to clean their room. Olivia dropped down to her knees and shoved every and anything that was in the way of her getting to the kids.

Once they realized who it was, Olivia's arms were nowhere big enough for the two bodies that crashed into her. A mixture of tears and sighs of relief echoed through the small space.

"Mommy!"

The name caught Olivia off guard. She was used to being called mom but she was told by her kids that "mommy" was for babies and they were too old for that. But now, in this moment, they were her babies and they needed their mommy.

She sat against the wall and held the two whimpering kids close. "I'm here guys." She rubbed their backs and kissed their foreheads. "Mommy's here"

Jazz was the first one to sit straight. Her eyes were red and puffy, a dead giveaway that she was crying but if asked, she'd deny it. She reached above her and pulled off her neon orange headphones. Calvin followed suit. When everyone had regained their composure, Olivia smiled.

"Mom, what's going on?" Calvin was sitting next to Olivia and his head leaned on her shoulder while Jazlyn's did the same on the other side.

Deep breath Olivia. You can do this. You've gotta tell them sometime. "Well, good news is that Trevor won't be hurting you guys anymore." Much to her surprise, there was no reaction so she continued. Liv, you got this. Just spit it out for goodness sakes. "And….Trevor and I…we got into a fight and well I had to protect my family and…." She trailed off trying to avoid the inevitable. Just say it!

"Is my pops dead?" Jazlyn's eyes looked up at Olivia with mixed emotions.

The words cut Olivia with unexpected force. Through this whole ordeal, she seemed to have forgotten that yes, Trevor had done the unthinkable but he was still this little girl's father in her eyes. She'd seen it plenty of times when she was at work. Kids sometimes felt that the abuse, whatever form it was, was a form of love.

Pulling both children closer, she opened her mouth to speak but what she was about to say forced reality to set in. "Yes Jazzy, your father did not make it. He's dead." She tilted her head back and let out a sob. She was prepared for some sort of outburst but all she felt were the chubby fingers of the little girl wiping away her tears.

"It's okay Liv. I know my pops was a sick jerk and ain't mad he's dead. I just wish he couldda been normal and we all couldda been happy togetha." The little girl sat up and placed a kiss on Olivia's cheek.

Had she known that the girl was going to take it so surprisingly well, she would have just came out and said it. She smiled a little but then frowned when she realized that she hadn't heard much from her son.

"Cal, you okay?" The question was stupid she realized after she asked it. No he's not okay you dummy. You just killed the only man in his life that he thought he could love and trust.

"This is all my fault. I should have told you what he was doing but he said he would hurt you if me or Jaz said anything. I'm so sorry mommy." Sobs shook the boy's body and momentarily, Olivia pulled him into her lap and smothered him with kisses and comforting words.

"I know this is going to be hard on you two and I promise that no matter what happens, I will always be here for you. If ever you need me for anything, just let me know. What Trevor did to you guys was not now nor will it ever be okay. I know that it must have been confusing for you guys because I always tell you that if someone is hurting you, you can always go to an adult for help but in this case, it was a grown-up who was doing bad things to you. Just know that you guys are perfect and I love you more than anything."

They sat there for a couple more minutes until Olivia felt her butt going numb. "Guy's, we have to go down to the precinct for a little while so why don't you grab your backpacks and your game thingy." She chuckled and watched as the two kids stood and went to their beds.

"Mom, its called a DSi duuuhhhh." Both kids said almost in unison.

"Yeah yeah, you know what I mean." Olivia sat there for an extra minute and thought about all that was too come. Before she knew it, she was broken out of her daydream.

"Mom, we're ready."

When Olivia looked up, both kids were standing in front of her.

"Okay, let's go."


hours had pasted since they arrived at the police station. Olivia gave her statement first. She wrote it once when she first got there and then she stated it so that it could be recorded and then she rewrote it before Munch told her she was done.

Olivia stood in the middle of the floor at the precinct. She stared blankly at the captain's door where inside, he met with quite a few lawyers and IAB. Her mind continued to revert back to the scene at the house. Within minutes of her shooting Trevor, Fin and the rookie cop who was with him were at her door. Her thoughts were disturbed when she felt a hand on her shoulder. When she turned around to see who it was, a small smile coated her face.

"Hey there beautiful." The man smiled back at her and for a moment, it felt like old times.

She went to greet the man but nothing came out but tears. She allowed him to pull her into the warmth of his arms and without giving a damn who saw, she let herself cry.

Once she regained her composure, Olivia pulled back and wiped her face. She steadied herself and looked up at the man standing in front of her. With a small smile on her face, she spoke.

"Hey El."