I know! I really suck! Allow me to explain; I wanted to re-read The Age of Innocence before I edited this chapter, the pick out the parts that I wanted to focus on, but I had to work this around reading A Clockwork Orange an Do Androids Dream of Plastic Sheep for college, hence the delay. On a sidenote, this chapter references The Age of Innocence, The House of Mirth and Ethan Frome, so if you haven't read these books, but would like to and don't want to be spoiled, then you should skip this chapter. And I also kind of want to explain that Chuck does something in this chapter, something pretty weak and anti-climactic, but it is for a reason! It's building up to something, you're going to have to trust me on that. So, I present to you chapter 11 – halfway through the story now!


"There is another woman – but not the one she thinks." Dan read from the crumpled script in his hand. He stood on the stage, a temporary mise én scène surrounded him and Blair. She stood opposite him, also holding a script in her delicate hand. Dan delivered the words as emphatically as he could , the line had always been one of his favorites from the novel, but Blair rolled her eyes at his efforts.

She glanced down at her own script, that had been kept much neater than his, and replied; "Don't make love to me! Too many people have done that!"

Some of the other students giggled at Blair's declaration as she swiftly turned away from him, the back of her hand dramatically held to her forehead. Blair didn't break as Penelope and the others whispered amongst themselves, but Dan found it hard to focus.

"I have never made love to you." Dan swallowed nervously as he stepped towards her, feeling the heat rise in his cheeks. "And I never shall."

It was only the third day of rehearsals, but so far it had been torture. When he hadn't been reading romantic scenes with Blair, he'd been reading romantic scenes with Serena, and neither of them had made the whole process any less humiliating for him. Serena was cold, aside from when she was speaking as May, she wouldn't talk to him at all. Blair, on the other hand, was not cold, but solely focused on the play. She was bossy, critical and superior. Dan found it adorable.

Dan had come to the conclusion that Blair's commitment and single-mindedness when it came to the play was her way of dealing with what he assumed was an uncomfortable situation for her. It was certainly an uncomfortable situation for him.

"You are the woman I would have married had it been possible for either of us." He continued, as she turned to face him. He felt the heat in his cheeks intensify, but Blair betrayed no sign that she noticed his blushing.

"Possible for either of us?" She asked, her voice going up a pitch and to Dan's ear it almost sounded like she was trying to do a British accent.

"No, stop!" Julian cried from the front row, as he threw his folder of notes off his lap onto the seat next to him and quickly advanced towards the stage. "Don't you two understand what this scene is?"

Dan eyed Blair nervously as she dropped her characters and crossed her arms impatiently as Julian joined them on the stage.

"This is the moment where the façade drops," Julian urged, clenched his fists as he reached for something invisible as he tried to convey the emotion that he wanted. "There is no pretence, no formality, no dignity. All that's left is the devastating truth that these two characters are in love, but have realized it too late. Dan, your character is desperate here. He's finally admitted to himself how he really feels about Ellen, now that his actions have made it impossible for them to be together. He is desperate to hold onto any kind of chance that he has, can't you understand that?"

Dan shrugged non-committedly. He'd discovered that this was the best response to Julian's rants, who seemed to enjoy exerting his dominance over the teenagers, it probably helped to make him feel like real a director.

"And Blair," Julian continued, "for the last time, Ellen is not British."

"Ellen has been living in Europe, I was trying to be authentic." Blair responded, her tone threateningly courteous. Dan recognized her subdued irritation that she subverted into graciousness, but Julian remained oblivious.

"Ellen was married to a Polish count." Dan jumped in, before Blair could openly antagonize Julian and get herself in trouble for it. He didn't mind if it meant her being antagonistic towards him instead. And, as torturous as he found working opposite her, he'd hate for her to be replaced. She huffed, frustrated that he dared to even speak to her, let alone open a debate with her.

"Humphrey, who are you to criticize my attempts to bring legitimacy to my character? Newland Archer is supposed to be a refined and composed gentlemen, you habor all the grace of a drunk, brain damaged new-born deer." Blair chastised as the bell range, then she added; "On ice."

Julian checked his watch, then rubbed his hand over his face. "Okay guys, you can all go, but next time you really all need to bring it. We are way behind schedule here!"

"I mean really, Humphrey, how did you ever get the part?" Blair continued as the two headed backstage to retrieve their things. "The Age of Innocence is about society's crème de la crème, the elite. Sophistication, finesse, acting proper…it shapes every action that these characters take. It's the foundation on which the novel is built upon. If it were anyone else, I would assume that you're father had bought your leading role, but I doubt that Julian is into the 90's music memorabilia and apparently endless supply of flannel that your father would offer."

"This may come to a shock as you, Blair, but some people don't have to buy their way through their lives." Dan contended as the two fell into sync , stepping outside. "And the heart of the novel is not high society, it's unexpressed passion. It's about how the pressure to be a part of society, to live up to other people's expectations, can you push you down a path that can't possibly make you happy. That you do for everyone else and not for yourself."

"No, no, no." Blair shook her finger at Dan as they continued to walk towards the courtyard. "Don't you see that these characters internalize these so called 'expectations', they do what they believe is right. Newland stays with May in the end because he believes in duty, he'd already disregarded what society thought of him when he tried to convince Ellen to run away with him. He could have just left. In the end it wasn't the pressures of society that made him stay, it was his own desire to be decent."

"Okay, if what he wanted more than anything was to be decent, than why was he so unhappy?" Dan asked, their walking pace quickening as they got caught up the debate. "And, what about the comparisons you could draw between The Age of Innocence and Ethan Frome? Same plot, different setting. Ethan loves Mattie, but can't be with her because of his own sense of duty, much like Newland Archer. That's the conflict in the stories, the inner-struggle between doing what you think is morally acceptable and what will make you happy. That's the core, not society's elite."

"And which book won a Pulitzer Prize?" Blair continued, complete unfazed by Dan's breakdown of her argument. "The one about the sad farmer in Starkfield, or the one about New York's upper class? And if we're really drawing comparisons to Wharton's other work, than surely we should address The House of Mirth? Lily Bart, whether she's accepted into the society or not, is driven by the beliefs and morals that that society lives by. It's who she is, she admits that she wants the money, she wants the rich husband and the mansion with the lilies-of the-valley that cost twelve dollars a day. That's who she is, just like Newland Archer, they aren't just helpless spectators of the society, they're a part of it. They make it what it is."

"Okay, but…" Dan stuttered, he had been sure he was right and there was no way that she could refute that, and he still believed that he was right and her argument was flimsy at best. But she sure could make a good case for the dubious. "But Lily learns to live independent of the upper classes, she has this….epiphany. About Selden, she realizes where she can truly find happiness and moves past her innate beliefs about dinginess and propriety to get there."

"You mean when she kills herself?" Blair said triumphantly, turning to him as they stopped in the courtyard.

"That was an accident." Dan replied with an awkward smile. "Selden goes to her, because he came to the same conclusion. They realize that…they'd wasted so much time because they thought that they can't or shouldn't be together…and that it's based on… a set of rules and beliefs that…that don't really mean anything. It's a little too late, but he had decided that he wanted to marry her."

"Well, I suppose you could take her death as fate intervening and to ensure high society's values are uphold." Blair replied perkily, her eyes sparkling with the thrill of being challenged.

"But the realization is not reversed, it's not undermined. The word-"

"The word?" Blair interrupted. "And what do you think the unspoken, but mythical 'word' is?"

Dan paused. He already knew his answer, but stopped to access where this conversation was going and if he could somehow spin what he was about to say as evidence for the point he had originally been trying to make. Blair raised an eyebrow in expectation, trying to supress the smile that proved she already thought that she'd won somehow.

"Well, I've heard a few interesting theories, but I personally think that the word is…" Dan trailed off, as Blair's attention had seemed to. He followed her gaze over his shoulder, to see Chuck Bass lingering across the courtyard. He lingered there, to make a point no doubt as he stared at the two of them, stone-faced and belligerent.

He took a slow step backwards before he broke eye contact and walked away and Dan turned back towards Blair.

"How are things between you two?" He asked tentatively.

"There is nothing between us." Blair replied unconvincingly. "I have wasted far too much time on that Bass-hole and now I'm focusing on me. On my dreams, on Yale. That's what's most important to me right now."

Dan gave a slight nod. He didn't fully believe her and as she shifted uncomfortably, he guessed that she knew it. He wanted to jump back into the debate, but the moment had passed. They stood together awkwardly, neither had realized that they had got so caught up in conversation and had made their way there together without even realizing. Dan wanted to think of something else to say, something to diffuse the tension, but the simultaneous beeping of mobile phones preceded him.

"What new joy will this bring?" Dan said under his breath as he reached for his phone. He read the latest blast and then his eyes cast to Blair, who was already looking for his reaction. "Serena told you?"

"Yeah, but I didn't send it into Gossip Girl." Blair said quickly.

"I didn't think you had." Dan replied. The thought that she might have done hadn't even crossed his mind. "I'm going to go….find Jenny, or Serena. Make sure they're okay."

As Gossip Girl blasts went, this was a little anti-climactic. Dan, Jenny, Serena and Eric already knew about the sibling that they shared and it was slightly disturbing, but a little too surreal to truly affect any of them. Dan thought that maybe once Rufus and Lily could find him and they'd meet, it would make more of an impact, but until then Dan decided to enjoy the denial.

"Dan!" Jenny called as she rushed to him in the girl's hallway.

"Hey, you okay?" Dan asked as he stepped towards her.

"Yeah. A little embarrassed," she said sheepishly, "but…I'm really sorry. I know this was meant to be a secret."

"What do you mean? You couldn't have sent this into Gossip Girl." Dan shook his head in disbelief.

"No, not at all!" Jenny quickly defended herself. "It wasn't me, it was Chuck."

"How did Chuck find out?"

"I guess his dad had someone dig up dirt on Lily to use as leverage for the divorce. I ran into him earlier and he made a sly comment about it, I tried to act like it wasn't a big deal and not even Gossip Girl would be interested in it, so…" Jenny smiled nervously at Dan as she finished. "I didn't mean to provoke him."

"No, it's not your fault. Chuck's just trying to get to me…." Dan ran his hand through his hair, then stopped himself. He didn't want to dwell on this. The truth was out and he didn't expect anyone to really care anyway, it wasn't like he was still dating Serena. "You know what? It doesn't matter. Like you said, it's not really a big deal. No one's going to care."

Dan had got used to the whispers and furtive glances, especially after the Blair scandal, so not letting this get to him was not difficult. What got to him was the fact that Chuck was still trying to hurt him. But there were no more skeletons in the closet, so Chuck's vendetta had to come to an end now.

As school ended, Dan was in a rush to get home, he'd been replaying his conversations with Blair and the little moments of gold between the horrendous torment that was rehearsals. He marched towards the exit, but paused as he heard Nate calling after him.

"So, I saw the Gossip Girl blast." Nate stated as he caught up to Dan. "You alright?"

"Yeah, I…I was already over the shock of it all, so it didn't really do any damage." Dan explained, then reading Nate's expression, he added; "you don't seem particularly shocked yourself."

"Yeah, Serena had already told me." Nate admitted with a shy smile.

"Well, I guess we know who's not the secret keeper in the family." Dan stopped in his tracks. "It's so weird to think of her as family. But I guess that's what we'll be, even without the secret sibling drama. My dad's with her mom and….they seem pretty serious. If finding out that she gave up his kid all those years ago won't turn my dad away, then nothing will."

"Does it bug you?" Nate asked.

"It's weird, but…no. I realized last year that my mom and dad weren't going to get back together. So…as long as he's happy, that's all that…..wait, why are you interested in all of this?" Dan paused, finding Nate's questions kind of weird.

"Okay, I'll admit it. Serena sent me." He confessed reluctantly. "I still can't get her talk to you, but she wants to know how you feel about all of this. So, what do I tell her?"

"Tell her that I'm fine and I hope that she is too. And I kind of miss her." Dan said sincerely. "And…tell her I'm sorry that this got out. Chuck is the one who sent the tip into Gossip Girl, straight after he saw me talking to Blair."

"Are you sure?" Nate asked.

"Yeah, Bart had someone dig into Lily's past. I didn't expect Chuck to care, but…I suppose he's still trying to punish me for what happened with Blair." Dan said, cautious of how he spoke about Chuck in front of Nate now that they were friends again.

"I'm sorry, man. I'll talk to him."

"No, you don't…I think it's best we just ignore it." Dan replied. He had come to think of Chuck as a child, a child mid-tantrum, screaming and breaking things in a bid to get attention.

"Okay." Nate agreed, but still seemed unsure. "Speaking of Blair, you could be more subtle. Everyone can tell that you two were flirting all throughout rehearsals."

"Are you crazy? All we do is argue." Dan said in disbelief.

"Right." Nate muttered. "So, chapter four is coming out in a few days?"

"That's right." Dan confirmed casually.

"Not nervous, are you?" Nate asked teasingly.

"No, are you?" Dan retorted. "It is the one about you and Blair after all."

"Truthfully, I'm kind of excited." Nate said, a big grin displaying the extent of his excitement.

"Okay, that makes me nervous. Nate, maybe you and I need to go over this story and how and why it was written again." And so Dan spent the next half an hour once again describing to Nate what his editor had gone for, how heavily the work had been edited and, of course, how it had all been out of his control for a while now.

But Dan's mind was still on Blair. Her melodramatic acting was truly endearing and just so…Blair. And she continued to stun him with her intelligence. Aside from English teachers, Dan had never really had the chance to discuss literature with anyone, and with Blair they could actually engage in debate. Dan had never thought he was one for a debate, he usually got stuck on one idea or point and just wanted people to agree with him. Blair never did this, she constantly challenged him, dismantling his arguments and leaving him unsure of his own mental capabilities. But he gave as good as he got. It was rare to see her falter, but every now and then when they were caught up in a discussion, she'd freeze. It was only ever for a millisecond before she was back on form again, but Dan loved those small flickers where he'd see the real girl underneath the perfectly composed façade. The perfectly composed façade that he also adored.

Feeling inspired, Dan pulled up his latest Blair stories on the laptop and added the events of the day. Rufus was still away and Jenny having regained favor with Eleanor and had started working for her after school again, so Dan had the loft to himself most of the time. In the silence, he would often get lost in his writing and find that he had sat there for five hours. This time, however, he was disturbed by a knock on the door.

"It's unlocked." Dan called from his chair at the table, assuming that Jenny had forgotten her key again. But then he was caught off guard by a different blonde entering the loft.

Serena nervously poked her head around the door, before she self-consciously stepped inside and closed the door behind her. Dan couldn't help but be a little sad as he remembered how comfortable she used to be there.

"Hi." She smiled nervously.

"Serena." Dan said, still shocked by her appearance in his home. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah." Serena replied quickly, her hands nervously ringing the strap of her purse as she looked around nervously. "We haven't really talked lately, so I thought that….I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize to me." Dan stated. "I just want to put this all behind us….I mean we are pretty much family. I'm still not used to saying that at all."

"It's very strange." Serena agreed, her smile becoming a bit more genuine as she stepped a bit closer to him. "But I figured I can only be mad at you so long, now that we're….whatever we are. I don't really want to think about it too much."

"That's fair, considering we used to…." Dan smiled. "So are we okay?"

"I think so." Serena said nervously, her smile fading again. "I still don't really get it….what you did. But if Blair can….seemingly forgive you, and Nate can forgive you, then I suppose I can."

"I'm glad to hear it." Dan replied, struggling to find a way to just allow conversation to flow with Serena. It still seemed awkward to him, but he hoped that, with time, that would fade.

"And about Blair," Serena began, but she suddenly stopped. "Does that say Claire?"

Dan saw Serena's eyes on his laptop screen and slammed it shut quickly.

"Are you still writing about Blair?" Serena asked, all civility gone.

"No, no, no." Dan stuttered quickly as he rose to his feet. "It's not…I'm not writing for New York Magazine."

"You've got to be kidding me." Serena's face turned to stone, she saw right through Dan's attempts to cover his back, and knowing that he was lying about not writing about Blair made her think that the New York Magazine part was a lie too.

"Serena-" Dan attempted to try and explain himself again, but she turn and stormed out of the loft before he could say another word.

And so he was screwed. Again. It felt like déjà vu. Except this time, Blair really would never trust him again. And even Serena and Nate wouldn't be able to forgive him. But then it struck him, this wasn't history repeating itself at all. Last time he had been in the wrong and he knew it, but this time, what he was doing didn't seem wrong. So, he printed off a few random chapters that he had written over the last few weeks and headed to Blair's. He repeatedly called Serena on the way and on the sixth time she answered.

"Serena, don't hang up." Dan said instantly.

"It's me." Nate's voice replied.

"Nate? What are you…never mind." Dan regained focus. "Can I talk to Serena?"

"She doesn't want to talk to you right now." Nate said, sounding like he was trying to cover the fact that he was pissed off.

"Look, Nate, I guess she told you that I'm writing about Blair again, but it's not what you think. It's not a bad thing. I'm not showing this to anyone and I'm certainly not going to get published. I'm just writing. And I've decided that I'm going to be open about this with Blair. I'm on my way to hers right now to tell her the truth and give her some of the stories I've written. Can you tell Serena that? Please?"

"Dan, I don't think that this is a good idea." Nate replied hesitantly.

"Look, I get that you and Serena are probably pissed right now. But…this is between me and Blair. If she's not okay with it and wants me to stop, then fine, I will. But if she is okay with it, can you be okay with it too?"

"Okay. If Blair's fine with it then I am." Nate agreed.

"And Serena?" Dan added.

"I'll work on it." Nate replied after a brief pause.

Dan hung up as he entered Blair's building and made his way up to her. He stepped into her penthouse just as she was descending the staircase.

"Humphrey, what are you doing here?" She asked, sounding a lot less irritated than he thought she would.

"Uh, I'll explain, but first I need to know has Serena talked to you yet?"

"No." Blair said slowly as she stood opposite him. "Why?"

"Well…." Dan began nervously. He had been so determined to tell Blair as quickly as possible so she'd be more likely to allow him to explain that he hadn't really had the room to be nervous. Until now. "I have a confession to make. I've been writing about you."

Blair barely reacted. Her eyebrows raised slightly, but then returned to their original position, leaving her inscrutable to Dan. But it wasn't outrage, so he took this as a sign to continue.

"It's not for New York Magazine, or any magazine, or anyone…else. Just for me, and now….you." Dan explained as he pulled a couple folded pages out of his messenger bag, feeling the twinges of déjà vu again. "You see, you…inspire me and…I just considered it as practice, so I kept writing about you after Christmas. And then today, Serena saw and jumped to conclusions, so I realized that I need to be honest about this. So, I want you to have these."

Dan held the pages out and she reluctantly accepted, her eyes briefly casting over the first page and then she cast them back at Dan. "Although, I am flattered that you have chosen to use me as your muse, I have no interest reading these. I still haven't found the time to read your notebook."

"Yeah, I realized that you probably wouldn't read them." Dan replied, relieved by her response. "But, I still wanted you to have them. So, if it's okay with you, I'm going to keep writing about you, but I'm going to hand every word straight to you when I'm finished. You don't have to read them, but you need to have the option for if you change your mind. I need you to have that option."

"I suppose I can accept those terms." Blair said, folding the pages in her hand in half as she accepted them as hers now.

"So…you're okay with this?" Dan wanted to double check.

"Humphrey, when one is as charming and complex as I am, you have to get used to other people becoming fascinated by you." She replied coolly.

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow then." Dan smiled as he turned to leave.

"Dan!" Blair called after him as he was about to step into the elevator.

"Yeah?" He asked, looking back at her.

"Earlier…when we were talking about The House of Mirth, you didn't finish what you were saying." She explained, the slight suggestion of regret in her voice, but Dan didn't want to get ahead of himself. "What did you think the word was?"

"Faith." Dan replied confidently. "Not in the religious sense, but Lily had finally learned that she needed to have faith in herself. And Seldon had learnt that he needed to have faith in her too. That's why, even when he found that she had given money to Trenor and all his old doubts came back, he was able to push them away. He didn't understand, but he accepted that he couldn't understand and simply had faith in her. Even though he would never know for sure, he believed that she was still the woman he believed her to be and had loved."

Dan finished explaining and Blair smiled subtly at him. "What, no rebuttals?" He added.

"No." She replied in subdued playfulness. "That is a satisfactory answer."

Dan smiled at her. Faith. Right now he needed her to have faith in him. To trust him when he told her that he wasn't doing anything wrong and amazingly, she seemed to. The elevator dinged and Dan stepped back inside and took a deep breath as the doors closed. That hadn't turned out nearly as bad as he thought that it could. Giving her the new stories was terrifying, but he had known before he had even left the loft that she would probably accept the stories without reading them. But the fact that she now had the option, that Dan had allowed himself to be so exposed, left a lingering terror in the pit of his stomach.