"We're all set to go. You ready, love?" Stef asks.
I stand up from the bed and nod. Stef puts her arm gently around my shoulders and we walk out. There were no signs of early pregnancy and all the STD tests came back negative, and for that I was thankful.
I see Lena and Jude in the waiting room. Lena was filling out a last minute paper, with Jude close to her side. He looks up at me and I smile, and for the first time in a while, it wasn't forced. Lena finishes and gives the receptionist a smile as she hands her the clipboard and pen.
The ride home is quiet, but not awkward. We pull into the driveway and I start getting nervous. I hadn't spoken to Brandon, Jesus or Mariana in almost a month. Stef can sense my hesitation, but gives me a reassuring smile. I unbuckle my seat belt.
"We set up your stuff in Mariana's room. Jude is in Jesus'," Lena says as she unlocks the door.
I nod and breathe in. I half expected them to be in the living room, but knowing Stef and Lena, I'm sure they told them to give me space.
I go upstairs to Mariana's room, which I guess is now mine as well. I walk in to see Mariana on her bed. She turns her attention from her episode of One Tree Hill to me. She quickly pulls out her headphones and stands up.
She wraps her arms around me, and I stiffen initially at the contact, then hug her back.
"I'm so glad you guys are staying here. We all missed you guys a lot," She says as she pulls away.
"Yea, I missed you guy too," I reply as I brush hair out of my face.
"I cleared some dresser space for you. Your stuff is in the bottom two drawers and some is in the closet, " She tells me, pointing to each.
I nod and set my bag down on my bed.
"And uh Callie, I'm really glad you're okay," Mariana adds with a small smile.
I return an awkward smile and motion towards Brandon's room. I walk out and quietly knock on Brandon's door. I hear a quiet come in and slowly open his door.
Brandon is laying on his beat reading a book. He sits up when he see's me, though.
"Hey," Is all I can get out.
"Hi," He replies.
"I'm sorry for cutting you out of my life. He...Liam...was jealous and I was scared," I begin.
"You don't have to apologize. I'm not mad. I'm glad you're away from him. You and Jude."
"So, how's your piano been going? With your teacher, I mean," I ask.
"He's still satan, if that's what you're asking," He nods.
I laugh. I really did miss having a friend.
I make my return to school today. The morning is a rush. I had never experienced so many people moving around each other. While Mariana is in the shower, I slip on a pair of jeans and a sweater like usual.
My body still hurts.
I make my way downstairs to see Stef and Lena moving swiftly throughout the kitchen, placing plates on the table. Jude and Jesus are already sitting at the table.
"Good morning, love," Stef says, making her way towards me
"You sure you're ready to go back to school?" She asks.
I nod silently. I had to get over it, right?
"Okay. Also, I want you to at least eat an egg and a piece of fruit, sound good?" She questions, but I can tell it's more of an order.
I nod my head again. Stef and Lena were giving me a couple weeks, but if I didn't begin improving, they were going to set me up with a dietician.
Stef puts her hand on my shoulder and kisses my forehead before walking away to get Brandon and Mariana.
I sit down next to Jude, kissing his head. Lena hands me a plate with some scrambled egg on it and I reach to grab an orange.
I distract myself as I eat by talking to Jesus and Jude. If I thought too much about the food I would stop. In a matter of minutes, everyone is in the kitchen. Brandon and Mariana sit down across from me. Stef is dressed in her uniform, holding a cup of coffee and a piece of bacon. Lena is sipping a class of orange juice.
I continue to nibble on my food, but as I reach the last bites, I can't seem to do it anymore. I look at Stef and Lena with pleading eyes. They nod and I throw the last few bites of eggs into the garbage and put my plate into the sink.
Soon, everyone is piling into the car. I fidget with my hands in the back seat until we reach the school. We all jump out, and Lena comes to my side.
"If you need anything, you come find me, okay?" She says.
"Okay," I agree and walk towards my first class.
I go through my first few classes like normal. In English, they had started a documentary. I figured we were going to write something about it sooner or later, but I found my eyes continuing to drift from the screen. I hadn't slept much in the past few days. I put my face in my hands and closed my eyes.
I should have known that was a bad idea.
I see him when I close my eyes.
I feel my breath catch in my throat, then turn into short puffs. I felt hot and I thought my chest was going to explode.
I can feel people staring at me, but everything is blurry and muffled. I stand up and without asking, walk out of the room. I can hear someone follow me out, I'm assuming Timothy.
"Callie!" He calls, picking up his pace to catch up with me.
I keep walking until I feel his hand on my shoulder.
I flinch.
"Don't touch me!" I yell and continue walking.
I needed air. It was getting increasingly hot with every passing minute. I walk into the outdoor hallway and find a bench. I still can't breathe. I pull my legs up to my chest and bury my face in my knees.
I don't close my eyes though.
I try to take deep breaths, but I can't seem to do it.
Everything is out of my control. Every part of my body is going crazy. My hands were tingling, my eyes were filling with tears, my chest was heavy.
"Callie." I hear.
I pull my face up from my knees and see Lena in front of me. Timothy must have told her.
"Do you think we could go to my office?" Lena asks.
I stand up, still struggling to breathe. Her office is only a minute walk from where we are.
We walk in and Lena shuts the door behind us. I sit down and Lena pulls a chair directly in front of me.
"Sweetheart, what's wrong? What happened?" She asks.
I pull my hair off my neck and take a deep breath. Well, I attempt.
"I closed my eyes for a minute. A minute and-" I start, but shake my head.
It's dumb.
"And what?" Lena urges me to continue.
"Every time I close my eyes, I see him. I cant sleep. I'm so tired. God I'm so tired," I say.
"Oh, honey, you're going to be okay, you hear me? Me and Stef, the kids, we're all here for you. We're gonna help you through this. You're not doing this alone," Lena says, putting her hand carefully on my knee.
"I just want to sleep without feeling his hands on me again. I'm so exhausted." I continue.
"You will, sweetheart. In time you will," Lena assures.
She wipes tears off my cheek, and I swallow.
She puts her arms out, and I push myself into them. Her hair smells like lavender and I burrow my face deeper into it.
"I'm gonna call Stef to come get you. I don't feel right sending you back to class," Lena says, pulling out her phone.
I zone out as she talks to Stef. I pull my knees up to my chest and rest my chin on them.
It doesn't take long for Stef to get here. She kisses Lena, telling her she would see her later, then we leave.
We get to the house fairly quickly. Stef leads me upstairs to her and Lena's room. This was the first time I'd ever been in there.
She hands me a pair of her or Lena's pajamas. "Put these on, love."
Stef heads to the closet and begins putting her shirt and belt away, then heads into the bathroom to change herself. I finish changing and stand there.
I find comfort in the pajamas.
Stef comes out dressed in pajamas too.
"Don't you have to go back to work?" I ask.
"Don't be silly. Come here," She says, patting on the spot of the bed next to her.
I hesitate.
"I don't bite," Stef jokes.
I half smile and crawl under the covers.
Stef turns the light off.
"Go to sleep, love. I'll be right here the entire time," She says, putting her arm around me and pulling me closer.
I feel safe.
Maybe I will be able to sleep, for once.
xoxoxoxo
