Chapter 11: It's Too Late
I was so disgusted with myself. How is it that I can take down two Slytherin's armed with wands when I can't get away from one guy who wants to rape me? I felt so dirty and sick knowing how close I had come to losing my virginity to a sleaze like that. I don't know what I would have done if Sirius hadn't turned up. Yes I got out of the closet but Sirius stopped Sam from coming after me, if I ran out alone I would have easily been pulled back in. It didn't matter that I had hurt Sam; he was leaning against the doorframe glaring straight at me when I turned back. If it wasn't for Sirius I would be even more of a mess than I am now.
If Sirius wasn't here right now sitting next to me on the couch holding me tight I'm sure I would be up in the bathroom throwing my guts up. I'm actually surprised he hasn't left me alone and gone after that bastard although I thank him for staying. I just need someone's comfort right now, someone who won't take advantage of me and I have to admit Sirius is someone like that. I have never known him to take advantage of any girl. Why would he. I had really opened my eyes this year and really seen James and Sirius for who they actually are. They're nice guys and I tried so hard to prove that they weren't.
"Shh, Lily it's alright, he can't hurt you now. You're safe." Sirius said softly wrapping his arms around me.
I didn't even realise I had been shaking for most of the time since Sirius whisked me up here. I was trying so hard to get the image out of my head but all I could see was Sam pulling me into that tiny cramped broom cupboard and trying to force me. My desperate screams for help as I tried to keep him off me, I wouldn't have lasted long. I probably wouldn't have been able to make an escape for it if Sirius wasn't trying to wrench the door off the hinges trying to get to me. My desperate flee right into Sirius' arms where I just collapsed and burst into tears not wanting to look back. I only looked back when Sirius had led me up the stairs, his hadn't let go of me since I collapsed into him, and I didn't try to leave his grasp. I felt safe in his arms.
"Thank you," I whispered barely audible.
"Lily I barely did anything, you got out of there." Sirius responded.
"No, you've done heaps. You've made me feel safe. I wouldn't have thought I'd feel safe right after I managed to open the door but you have." I said finding my voice.
I don't know why I did it I guess it's what every damsel in distress does but I leant in and kissed him. Right on the lips too. Shocked by what I just did I threw myself out of his arms and ran up to my room. Actually I ran into the bathroom, I needed to throw up. I no longer felt safe. I felt very vulnerable and I couldn't stop myself shaking. Managing to hold myself up by the sink I got a good view of myself in the mirror. I looked a mess. My hair, something I took my time to style this morning was a mess it didn't resemble anything like this morning. My face was covered in black tear streaks and my eyes were red and puffy. Why didn't I listen to anyone's advice? Why didn't I owl mum sooner asking for advice with my dilemma. Her reply will arrive any day now and it'll be too late. Too late to say no to Sam.
I was shocked. That was the only thing I could think of when her lips touched mine. I didn't expect it at all. She basically told Sammie that she would go out with James and then she kissed me. It wasn't the greatest kiss I had ever had. Too be honest it was one of the worst. It was really short and sudden. No passion, no lust, no romance. Obviously she just wanted to thank me for rescuing her when I did no such thing.
I got up to go see if she was alright. I was scared she was going to pass out or something. She hadn't stopped shaking since we reached the couch.
"Oh shit." I said voicing my thoughts.
There standing in the doorway was James, he was in the shadow but that didn't hide the rage on his face. I was sure it was nothing. I'm sure Lily would think it's nothing. James doesn't look like he thinks it's nothing.
"Look Prongs, I can explain." I said quickly holding up my hands.
"You said you were the bad cop; trying to get her to like me, see me as good. How long have you been sneaking around with her. I thought it was nothing at first. I told myself it was nothing. All those secret meetings you spent with her in the library for extra help. I suppose Deran was just some kind of ruse. Publicise that she's in a relationship with him; someone we both know isn't good for her when it's you. You both used Deran so you could continue on with your merry relationship behind my back. What a great mate you are. I thought you were my brother how can I trust you?" James shouted jumping to conclusions. Really creative ones as well, although I had no idea where he got the ideas from.
"Would you just let me explain it's not like that at all it's actually a really simple explanation." I reasoned.
"Oh is it. Don't lie to me Sirius. Get out. Get out of my dorm." James shouted throwing his bag at me and just missing my head.
Whatever zonkos products he had just bought I doubt they're in one piece right now. Maybe I should wait for him to calm down.
"So how was your date Alice?" I asked.
I had only got back to find that Alice had been back for at least half an hour and then Mary walked in five minutes after I did.
"It wasn't too bad. I don't know if I want to get attached to him though." Alice replied.
"Why, is that a bad thing?" Mary asked.
"It's not. Alice quickly said realising what she had just said. "I just don't want a relationship right now."
"Alice you've said that for the past two years now. When do you think it will be the right time for a relationship?" I asked.
"When I think it is obviously." Alice replied in a tone that said don't push.
"Prongs, please just listen to me that kiss. It didn't mean anything. You can ask her she didn't mean it I know. There was nothing. I'm sure it was meant for you." Sirius said from my pocket.
Crap. I forgot I still had James' mirror but this was interesting.
"What kiss Sirius? Who kissed you?" I asked.
"Huh. Hey Sammie what are you still doing with James' mirror. You said you were going to give it back straight after you got back." Sirius replied.
"I only just got back, besides James doesn't need it right now. What kiss are you talking about? What happened to following Lily?" I asked but he had left.
"What was that about and why were you talking to Sirius through a mirror?" Mary asked.
Alice who refused to be part of anything that had Sirius in it was busy folding her clothes and packing them neatly in her draws.
"I have no idea what Sirius is on about but I stole James' two way mirror this morning so I could communicate with Sirius while he followed Lily and Sam around. We were both scared he would try something so Sirius pretended he had detention and instead was following Lily around." I confessed.
"Well come on Sammie put two and two together. Sirius was following Lily around all day. Something must have happened as soon as Sam left why else would Black be apologising about a kiss to James." Alice tutted.
"You don't think that Lily kissed Sirius do you. That's absurd, that's as absurd as saying Lily isn't a virgin." I remarked.
"I'm not saying that Lily would kiss Sirius I'm saying that Sirius kissed Lily and James caught them." Alice replied.
"That's ridiculous." I shrieked looking to Mary for confirmation but she was very interested in the thread on her quilt. "Sirius knows that Lily is and always will be James'. He wouldn't betray their friendship by doing something like that. Besides Lily's not his type."
"He doesn't have a type." Alice remarked.
"How would you know?" I asked threateningly. I guess I also held Sirius as more than a good friend maybe I should never have broken things off with him. Nothing was going wrong at the time.
"I know more than you think." Alice replied and walked out.
"Have I missed something?" I asked Mary but she just shrugged her shoulders in reply.
"Lily what did he do to you." Alice gasped standing in my doorway.
Yes I had given all my friends the password to our common room. In the end James and I agreed that they were coming in too much and it was such a hassle to constantly get up and open the door for them. I forgot that they could come and go whenever they pleased, it also meant that Sirius would be bounding in and out whenever he wanted to but after seeing how sweet he was this afternoon I didn't mind.
"He, he… he almost raped me." I choked fighting back the sobs.
I was still too upset about it. It did after all happen 4 hours ago. It was a real shock to me. Knowing that the nice boys could turn into assholes. It made me appreciate how nice Sirius and James really were. It also made me regret how much I hated them for the six years.
"He did what?" Sammie shrieked. Also barging into my room. Mary right behind her.
"He was apologising to James about a kiss that meant nothing to him and claimed that you initiated it. When this is what he did to you? Wait till James finds out about this." Alice stated.
"Wait what was he apologising to James for. James has seen us kiss a few times." I asked confused. "Who are you talking about?"
"Who are you talking about?" Alice replied.
"Who are you both talking about?" Mary asked.
"Sam." I stated right as Alice replied with Sirius.
We both looked at each other like we couldn't understand what the other had said.
"D… d… did you say Sam nearly raped you." Alice stammered. "But he was so nice."
"Apparently it was all some ruse. He's been buying off girls so they wouldn't tell. That's why no one would confirm the rumours." I spat so angry with myself for falling for him.
"Lily I'm so sorry, I had no idea that he would hurt you this bad." Sammie apologised.
"What do you have to apologise to me for, you didn't put him up to it. I'm the one who should be sorry. You warned me that something might happen and I chose not to listen to you." I said.
"Alice why did you think Sirius would do that to Lily?" Mary asked.
"Well I just thought it had something to do with what he was saying to James about how he didn't mean to kiss Lily. Alice said defending herself. "She never told me it was Sam and I just assumed it was Sirius who did this to Lily."
"Sirius didn't kiss me." I told her. They might as well know the truth if Alice was jumping to conclusions that Sirius was some rapist. Sammie gave Alice a knowing smirk. "I kissed him."
All three mouths dropped open. I swear Alice's hit the floor.
"What!" They all exclaimed.
"How could you. You swore that you would never be friends with James and Sirius and when you did I thought that maybe they had changed. Kissing Sirius that's an all-time low. You know what he does. He is as bad as Sam." Alice said once she closed her mouth.
"What is your problem with Sirius? Just because you don't like him doesn't mean other people can't. Can you please tell us what makes you think that Sirius is like that? You don't know anything about him. You won't even try. This is what I've been telling Lily about James for the past three years. What is it about Sirius that makes you see him as someone as bad as You Know Who." Sammie asked Alice shouting slightly.
Mary took a step back sensing a fight about to irrupt between the two of them. I knew Sammie was close friends with Sirius and I figured out that Alice didn't like him but they had never let that stop them from being friends. Actually Sammie and Alice were good friends with Sirius until she came back for sixth year and suddenly like me only talked to Remus. At first I thought she was being a good friend and standing by me as I pronounced my hatred for James and Sirius each day. But now, now that I'm friends with them it's something more.
It clicked. "You're the girl."
"What?" Sammie and Mary asked really confused but Alice knew what I was talking about.
"You remember when I told you about the duel that happened between Avery, Black and I when I was on rounds." I asked them. They all nodded and I continued. "Well Sirius found me and I made him promise not to tell James. Well he agreed as long as I did something for him." I paused and when they didn't talk I continued Alice looked like she didn't want to hear anymore. "Well he wanted me to find this girl who I've just realised is Alice. Apparently Sirius got so drunk at the end of year party that he couldn't remember who the amazing girl was that he kissed. All that he could remember was the kiss and her brown eyes." I finished.
"That was you." Sammie said.
Alice just nodded. "There was more than just kissing I was pretty drunk as well since I was still getting over Jason Ziller and we ended up in some room on the bed with half our clothes off." Alice concluded. "He didn't have a condom so we didn't go all the way which now I am so relieved we didn't. I thought the night was great but I left the next morning and it turns out he couldn't remember a thing. That's what hurts the most, is that he doesn't remember who he nearly had sex with when we spent more than two hours together."
"I'm sure Sirius will be overjoyed when he finds out. I'm sure that's why he's kissed so many girls. So he can find you." Mary suggested.
"No. He isn't going to find out. Don't you see? He only wants to end whatever we had so he can add me to the list of girls he's shagged." Alice snorted. "Besides I have a boyfriend."
"You told us just before that you didn't want to get attached to him." Sammie replied. It looked like they wanted Alice and Sirius to be a couple.
"No, not Brandon. I guess I have to tell you now. I'm in a relationship with someone else." Alice replied.
"Who, and isn't it cheating on him if you went on a date with someone else?" I asked.
"No it's not. I'm in an open relationship with someone outside of school." Alice replied. "Do you remember Frank Longbottom?"
"The Ravenclaw that graduated two years ago?" Mary asked.
"Yeah that's him. Well you remember that we went out for the last half of my fifth year." Alice said.
"Yeah I thought you broke up with him during the summer holidays before sixth year because of the numerous amounts of pranks you played on his mother and you didn't want a long distance relationship." I replied.
"Well that's what I thought at first but apparently he liked the fact that I had enough nerve to defy his mum. Apparently no one had ever dared try something like that. I was the one that suggested the open relationship idea as long as we promised that we wouldn't have sex with anyone." Alice finished.
"And you kept this from us all of last year." Sammie shrieked but this time she was smiling.
Seems like she had completely forgotten about the fight that was going to happen five minutes ago.
"Lily why exactly did you kiss Sirius?" Sammie asked remembering the whole reason that she came.
He claimed that there was nothing going on between the two of them that the kiss between them meant nothing yet he was walking her to every class even the ones he didn't have with her and acting all over protective of her. Also I heard Sammie yell about Lily keeping it from them for two years. That was the worst part realising he had been keeping it from me for two years. Did our friendship mean nothing to him that he was willing to betray me for two years? I spent the whole week shunning him and only talked to Remus and Peter. I refused to sit near him something that he picked up on quick and he was always sitting with Lily and her friends. Quiditch practises were dreadful. Sirius would ignore all my instructions and was only interested in hitting the bludgers extremely hard at Deran.
"You do realise that there is more to the story than when you saw Lily kissing Sirius right?" Sammie told me.
"Yes they've been sneaking around my back for the past year and Sirius betrayed me. He should have just told me last year when they starting seeing each other instead of lying to me and letting me catch them." I replied about to punch a wall.
Why did everyone want to bring this up? Even Deran who claimed he knew the real reason that Sirius was always with Lily. That stopped me from almost apologising to him for what I said to him before Lily went out on a date with him.
"Lily only kissed him because she wanted to thank him." Sammie said.
"Thank him. What for?" I asked trying to act like I already knew.
"Because he saved her when Deran was about to rape her." Sammie said bluntly.
I wasn't expecting that. If it was true it changed everything. I needed to know now.
"He's in his dorm." Sammie smirked.
"So" I replied already starting to walk that way.
"Right so you don't feel like a giant idiot for believing that Sirius would betray you and that Lily would chose Sirius when she likes you and has been so upset about why you haven't looked at her all week." Sammie smirked again.
"What?" I asked. Did she just say that Lily liked me?
"Oh come on you know it's true." She said.
"No what did you say about Lily liking me?" I asked again.
"What, no I didn't. Oh just go find Sirius and kiss and make up." Sammie stormed off.
She didn't mean to let that slip. I couldn't believe it. Lily Evans the girl I've been chasing for six years finally likes me.
"Is it true?" I asked not flinging open the door and marching straight over to his bed.
"Is what true Prongs." Sirius replied not looking at me and flipping through the pages of the Quiditch magazine he was reading.
"Is it true that Lily kissed you? And that Deran almost raped her." I asked.
"Yes. Congratulations for finding out the truth. That's what I've been trying to tell you all week." Sirius replied dryly.
"I am so sorry I jumped to conclusions it's just that you've been acting really weird around Lily. Meeting her in the library when you don't even study and following her around all week. Though I understand why now. Can you please forgive me?" I asked, trying to hide the plea in my voice.
"I told myself that I wouldn't forgive you if you didn't hear me out after two days but I guess maybe it has looked like I have been seeing her behind your back. I thought you knew I'd never do that to you but even brothers get jealous of nothing. So I forgive you." Sirius replied standing up and embracing me in a manly hug. "Now go find Lily and ask her out?"
I was running around all over the place. First the corridor by the kitchens where I met Sammie then up to the Gryffindor 7th year boy's dorms and now my common room where hopefully Lily was.
"Lily." I said softly in shock of seeing her sitting on the couch holding her knees and rocking back to forth. I had never see her so vulnerable. Deran must have hurt her bad.
"James." She choked.
"I'm so sorry. I wasn't there to catch you. I wasn't there when you needed me like I said. I'm sorry that I jumped to conclusions about you liking Sirius when I never heard the full story." I apologised moving over to comfort her.
For the first time in my life. Lily allowed me to put my arms around her and pull her into my chest tightly.
"I'm sorry to. For not listening to you about Sam. He just made me feel so weak and vulnerable that we Sirius showed up I felt like I was the damsel in distress that he had just saved." Lily sobbed.
"Shh it's ok." I soothed.
"No it's not. I didn't mean to kiss him. It didn't mean anything. It was just a kiss to say thank you for saving me. There was no spark nothing. It was a pretty horrible kiss." Lily continued to explain.
"I know. Don't worry I won't let you get hurt again. Besides you're not a damsel in distress. You're not weak. Sirius finally gave in and told me what happened between Avery and his brother. That would have taken strength and skill to win against them both and remain standing when they fight dirty." I told her. "You're the strongest person I know."
We stayed liked that for a while. She was laying against me and I was stroking her hair. I'm sure we could have stayed like that for forever if we weren't interrupted by an owl tapping on the window.
I jumped up to open the window and Lily followed since it was her owl. I stood near her silently as she untied the letter from her owl's leg and watched him fly away.
It must have been from her parents. Who else uses paper envelopes? It was addressed Freak though. I'm sure her parents don't call her that. I watched her carefully as she unfolded and read the letter slowly.
"They're dead." She finally said the tears that had stopped before were falling from her emerald green eyes again. "My parents. They're dead."
I held out my arms and she collapsed into them bursting into tears. Using my shoulder to cry on.
"I'm here for you Lily. I won't ever leave you." I whispered into her eye pulling her in tighter towards my chest.
A/N
so what do you think. Lily told her friends what happened. Alice is Sirius' mystery girl except she is already in a relationship with Frank. Anyone surprised that she's in an open relationship with someone two years older than her? Looks like James may have to wait a bit longer for Lily and Sirius is still the same rarely showing his sweet nice side unless someone needs comforting.
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SpringBabe xox
