10/2/849

Dear diary,

Today was terrible. As a soldier, the day was normal and there's nothing to complain about. After my day as a soldier ended, though, complaints started.

Hange summoned me. "There's a ball in Sina in two weeks."

"Wow! That's cool! Are we all invited?"

"Levi didn't tell you guys?"

"No…" That might have to do with his social awkwardness.

"Anyway, Erwin will force him." She paused. "Say, do you know how to dance?"

"Kinda."

"You'd probably be good enough." I shrugged. "Let's see."

Oddly, Hange could dance. She proved that I was good enough. "Why do you want me to dance?"

"You're going to teach Levi."

"What?!"

"You're the only person he'd agree to dance with…"

"He told you?" The HLM theorizing I did.

"You're the only person I could think of who he knows and is not shorter than." I had a clear 'oh' on my face. "And you're probably the person he'd mind the least."

"How do you know?"

"He told me."

"That he wouldn't mind dancing with me." HLM!

"We forced him to choose." Maybe not. This conversation had an odd trend of 'he loves me, he loves me not.'

Heicho walked in with Commander Erwin. "... not going to fucking dance!" Levi paused and turned to Hange. "Shitty glasses, you too!" Then his gaze panned further and found me. "What the actual…"

"Remember when you said the one person you'd dance with…"

"What the fuck?" Even around Commander Erwin, Heicho's vocabulary didn't change.

Soon, we got dancing. I felt great being held by Heicho. I'm pretty sure I turned a little red because of my nervousness. There were points where I could barely stop myself from kissing him. I just tried to dispassionately look ahead - luckily, I could see over his shoulder. I could feel the warmth of his face, but I tried not to turn to see how close we were.

"Practice again." Commander ordered after Heicho learned the basics.

"Why?"

"It'll help."

"Ral, don't you have something better to do?"

"Not really, Heicho."

Thus we danced again. Heicho looked at my face this time since he was surer about his footing. "So your eyes are yellow."

"Yes, Heicho." I'm pretty sure I saw Hange chuckle. Commander and Hange had a muttered conversation. All I could hear was "she…" and "he…" and then an eventual "love."

"Petra, are you in love with Levi?" Commander asked.

"Yes… I hope it won't affect…"

"Don't worry. Apparently it's been going on for three years, hasn't it?"

"Yes commander."

"Well, as long as Levi sees you fit, I will not remove you from his squad."

"Thanks commander."

After a while, a curiosity nagged me. Did I have any chance of being Heicho's girlfriend? "Heicho… pardon me for asking, but do I have any chance to be your girlfriend?"

"I thought you'd do nothing." Came the response.

"But after the titans…" Heicho looked unsure, I thought.

"No."

"Really?"

"I don't think so."

The song ended and he let go of me. I couldn't stop tears, so I excused myself. I heard a "Levi, go apologize!" from Hange. As I wandered back, trying to hide tears to avoid concerning Gunther or Erd, Commander Erwin caught up.

"He's a great liar, you know."

"I don't understand commander." I tried to keep my voice even.

"Levi didn't really mean it."

"Are you sure, sir?"

"100%"

"But then…"

"He's scared of getting attached, I think."

"But, surely I shouldn't except…"

"Keep doing what you do, Petra. He needs you more than you think." His friends kept insisting that I was great for him and probably thought that we'd make a great couple; yet, Heicho never showed this.

"Thanks commander."

With that my tears stopped. I spent the evening writing to dad, but my letters seemed too sad. In the end I just sat and imagined a future with Heicho.

At night, I felt like sipping tea and found a book I had packed - some novel about a conflicted aristocrat. As I read, I heard footsteps. I saw Heicho in the candlelight.

"Petra… I'm sorry." I might've glared.

"I shouldn't have said that." He paused and sat down. "After the titans, maybe we can try a relationship."

"Heicho, everybody thinks you love me."

"And everybody can be wrong."

"But, then how is it that I'm your closest friend, the 'person you wouldn't mind dancing with' and all?"

"Ral, you are a good friend. That's all."

"I hope you're lying."

"For your sake, keep imagining it."

Then I hit an idea. "So if I'm not special, then why did you come and apologize?"

"It's because I've never known anybody who was in love with me."

"So?"

"I don't know what to do. And I made you cry."

"You nearly knocked Auro out yesterday for saying that …"

"I was punishing him. I didn't intend to punish you."

"Fine. Apology accepted."

"You don't sound satisfied."

"What do you care?" He gave a stern look. "Sorry, heicho, it's just that I still haven't got a hope of a relationship, so I'm not going to be content."

"I can't give you that." He looked around. "But, I want to make it up to you." What?! HLM…?

"How do you…"

"I'll do one thing for you, anything." My imagination went wild… 'anything.' "But nothing physical or permanent." Smothered, again.

"Fine. Take me somewhere for dinner."

"Ok."

"And if you actually want to kiss me or… anything, feel free to." He sighed.

"Ok, I'll take you out. Don't make a fuss about it." He got up and walked a few steps. "Good night." He disappeared.

Maybe calling this day terrible was a bit harsh. Afterall, I did get a date with Heicho. Of course, I wanted to be just like his girlfriend, but we'd discuss that later. Maybe I could get him to like me. Who knows? In the end, I'd still be his friend.